This list. Will change. My life!

"RO-OSE!" I screamed, bounding up the stairs. "Rose!" I found her painting her nails. "Hey Baby!" I yelled tipping over the bottle of nail polish, just to irritate her.

"What the hell, Emmett?" she smacked my head. Hard. "I bought that yesterday! You stupid oaf!"

How could she? I started to sob, but remembered I didn't have tears. "One moment, Rose." I ran down the stairs and got a glass of water before rejoining my angry wife.

"R-r-rose!" I sobbed, tipping water over my eyes. "You have hurt me deeply! I feel so-"


I stopped 'sobbing'.

"The point?" she growled. "Or did you just come up here to ruin my make-up?"

"Rosalie!" I gasped. "How could you even THINK about nail-polish at a time like this? This is a matter of life or death!"


I smiled blissfully. "Look at this!" I shoved a piece of paper infront of her eyes.

She read each heavenly word aloud.

"16 fun things to do in an elevator!
1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
5. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
6. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
7. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
8. Ask, "Did you feel that?".
9. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally"

"This is so-"

"Keep going!" I screamed, dancing around like a leprechaun.

"10. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
11. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
12. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
13. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
14. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
15. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
16. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button."

Rose's eyes narrowed. "Where did you get this?"

I swayed happily on the spot. "Internet."

"I thought I said you couldn't go on the internet after you ate that little girls rabbit..."

"I know, I know! But it called to me, Rose! It called 'Emmy! Come play! We love you Emmy!' It really truly did!"

Silly Rose sighed. "Emmett. Go bother someone else."

I pouted. "You don't want to help me complete my list?"


I pouted harder but soon realised that my silly wife was not going to help me in my quest. So I decided to set off to find Alice...


"You don't even know what I was going to ask yo-...oh, right."

I asked Jasper. But before the words were out of my mouth, I suddenly didn't feel like doing my list anymore.

That soon passed and I decided to find Edward.






My last and only hope was Bella. Dear, sweet, Bella. Kind, loving.....

"No." Stupid cow.

I decided to pay her back. "Hey, Bells. Guess what?"

"Look, Emmett, I already said no."

"Oh, I know. I just wanted to let you know how AWESOME it is being a vampire! You'd love it. Seriously. Its great! You're all fast and strong and spending forever with the one you love. Its the best. Too bad you can't be one of us. Oh well."

And then i skipped off to plan my first task for tomorrow.

'When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.'

That would be easy. After all. I'm a very tappy person.