I DO NOT OWN ANY OF IT ALL BELONGS TO STEPHENIE MEYER
FIRST TWILIGHT FIC!
I was a Tuesday… an incredibly long Tuesday in the middle of late March. The weather was really nice and I daresay warm - – though it was still cloudy… But, hey, that's Forks I live in after all so I guess I can't have everything…
I shuddered at that last thought and it had nothing to do with the weather or my other thoughts…
There were days that seemed way longer than others to me – but then again I guess that's' only normal…
This time I snorted. I don't remember when was the last time I – or anyone else for the matter implied the word 'normal' to me…
I felt a pair of eyes stuck to my face. Unwillingly I tore my gaze from my feet and lifted it – Jessica and Lauren were gawking at me as if I was anything else but 'normal'. But that didn't bother me – to be honest nearly anything didn't bother me…
My life for the past year and a half was everything but 'normal'… I flinched as the hole in my chest rippled at the memory of the best six months of my entire life and returned my gaze back to my feet, where it was safe from any kinds of prying eyes.
Darn Mr. Banner and his lets-have-a-lesson-outside/lets-go-hiking idea!
As walking – or more likely, trying to watch my feet as an attempt not to kill myself – I yawned. I had barely slept last night.
I had a nightmare – not that I had any other dreams than that ever since he… I flinched again as another shudder went through my body and stopped myself before things got out of hand – this time, however, the dream wasn't about me… I wasn't back in the forest.
~*~ flashback ~*~
I was standing in a dark room – too dark for me to see any of the interior in it – and as I was hearing nothing else but my own breathing I assumed I was alone. After a while, though, the room suddenly got brighter. I closed my eyes to protect them from the sudden light – though not very strong it seemed as if the sun shone in my eyes in the middle of the night. Oh, and I also had no idea what part of the day it was.
Then I saw it – a dark shape in the farthest corner of the room… I got a few steps closer and was able to figure out what the shape was – a person… This person, however, didn't move as I step closer. He acted as if he didn't notice me at all… It was a young man not more than 17 or 18 year-old. He had a ragged dark blue t-shirt on and was wearing dark blue-nearly black-pair of jeans… From the way he was seated – curled up into a ball – however, I couldn't see much of him… I couldn't see his face as well, for he had it buried in the gap between his knees and torso… He had brown hair with shades of orange – it looked bronze…
My heart skipped a beat – an idea was forming in my head –about who this man was… But that was simply impossible…
For some unknown reason it felt extremely painful to see him like that… From what I could tell the guy was in pain – immense pain if to be exact… He looked dead from the inside, hollow… Very much like me, when I thought about it.
The sun shone again and the room lightened up – so it was daytime.
The thing that happened next made me lose my speaking ability and I was just standing there, frozen, unable to move or utter a sound – I was paralyzed.
When the beams touched the man's skin his pale-white skin glowed… I held my breath – it was like suddenly the sun was shining in this very room – his skin was glowing as if it was made of diamonds… I would have thought that I was letting my imagination go overboard again if I hadn't witnessed such phenomenon in the past… It was like a déjà vu and it helped me realize who the person in front of me was.
"Edward," I barely whispered. His name burned my throat and the hole in my chest rippled.
There was no response at first. I was debating whether to call out for him again. I knew what saying his name out loud once more would do to me later, but I also couldn't watch him like that from the side, doing nothing. He was more important than I was. I could rip myself up apart and suffer because of him, but I would never let him do the same because of me – I'm not worth the pain…
It was then when he moved – his head straightened up and I could finally see his face. His eyes met mine and my breath formed a lump and stuck in my throat. This wasn't the Edward I remembered... He wasn't the bronze-haired angel with smoldering gold eyes and dazzling smile. He wasn't the breathtaking Adonis anymore… The Edward I was facing was a whole different person – on the outside at least. His hair was falling on the two sides of his face, not forced in his usual perfect-looking disarray. His face was expressionless, blank… His lips were pale and dry… His eyes – as always – I saved for last… What I saw there made want to scream in horror. His eyes' color was pitch-black – blacker than the room that was once more covered in darkness.Even from the distance I was standing at I could see the dark-purple bruises under his eyes. He was in pain – and that was no longer an assumption – it was a fact! I wonder how long had it been since he last hunted. Why was he torturing himself?
He looked even paler than before. It seemed to me as if he had lost some of his weight – if vampires could do that…
Unable to resist, I stared deeper into his onyx orbs. He was hollow, his soul was gone – though he always insisted he never had one, I knew better – I could see that much…
All of a sudden his numb features twisted – pain spread across his perfect face. Pain and immense agony, but the amount of them expressed on his face seemed as a speck comparing to the one in his eyes. I have never seen him like that – so desperate, numb, and dead… His eyes held impossible amount of remorse. I felt the sudden gush of tears falling down my cheeks – it hurt me immensely to see him like that. At that moment all I wished was to take the pain away from him; to make him forget whatever was troubling him; to rush to his side and comfort him…
He kept staring at me with the same martyred expression on his face.
"I love you," his velvet voice was barely over a whisper, but I managed to hear it. His voice sounded weak, but it was still the most beautiful melody in the world. - END DREAM
I started crying again as my vision blurted and I couldn't see him anymore – then I woke up screaming. I didn't fall asleep again that night. The tears just wouldn't stop, the pain would not ease and the memory of my dream would not fade away.
I saw him again – my Adonis, my guarding angel, my life, my reason – my everything.
~*~ end flashback ~*~
I was pacing at the back of the group, with my own slow, lifeless pace, not bothering to keep up with them. Angela and Ben were a few steps ahead of me. I was on my own – no one bothered to join with me – and I was just fine with that. I was all to drown in last night's dream to notice anyone, anyway. The memory was still fresh. The look on Edward's face still haunted me. The three words he whispered sounded serene, though I couldn't believe he actually meant them… Not after what he had told me in the forest that afternoon: "I'm tired to pretend something I'm not… You're no good for me…" the words threatened to rip me open as they rang in my head. My arms shot across my chest and hugged it tight as if to prevent it from being torn – as if that would help.
After some more minutes of walking I realized I have actually caught up with Angela and Ben and the rest of the class for the matter. We have stopped.
So far I hadn't paid any attention to my surroundings. Now when we weren't walking I looked around – the meadow was beautiful and subtly lit by the weak sun. Right in front of me was the river – fast and foaming as always. The meadow looked familiar, I couldn't figure out why, though. I wondered why we've stopped. Couldn't we just cross the river and continue?
Then it struck me – these guys couldn't cross the river. They couldn't leap gracefully over it like they could… These guys were just humans… But then I remembered of another way to cross the river – one that did not involve leaping but just jumping…
The middle of July gifted us with sunlight. It was sunny for two weeks in a row now – I don't think there has been such case in the whole history of the town of Forks, Washington.
Edward and I were walking at human pace toward the river behind his house. His hand tangled with mine. We were walking in silence – the moment was too perfect to be ruined with words – The only noises heard were the streaming water, the humming of various birds and my heartbeat.
"Where exactly are we going?" I asked after a while of walking. All he told me that he was going to take me to the river, but refused to give me any details.
He smiled at my impatience "Patience is a virtue, Bella…"
"And I lack it" I finished, cutting off whatever he was about to say next.
He snorted and stroked my cheek lovingly
"Please tell me" I asked again, knowing he can't refuse if I begged
"I'm going to teach you some balance lesson" he said, giving in.
I stared at him in shock "You should've told me to bring a helmet or something"
"Do you really think I'd let you get hurt?" he asked skeptically
I snorted, realizing he was right "No… But what's the river has to do with my 'balance lesson'?"
~*~ end flashback ~*~
"Is there any way we can cross the river without drowning?" I heard someone ask from the front rows. No one answered him
I smiled "Yes, actually there is" everyone turned back to gawk at me as if they have never heard me speak before.
"Well, if you intend swimming through it, it doesn't mean we would" Lauren Mallroy snapped at me.
I snorted, she was being absurd "It's just a matter of knowing where to put your feet" I explained. No one seemed to understand – couldn't say I blame them, they didn't know one bit of the things I did.
I step forward confidently and started looking where was the reminder he had left for me in case he wasn't here when I decided to use the underwater facility Emmet had made during one of his boring days. My eyes trailed down toward the grass – searching for it.
I passed Angela and continued forward. As I passed by Jessica and Lauren they looked at me as if I'd completely lost it.
I knew better, though, for the first time in six months I was fully aware of my actions.
It didn't take me long to reach Mr. Banner's side "Would you please move?" I asked politely. He didn't say a thing but just moved away letting me through, his expression was slightly anxious.
Five steps later I saw it! A middle-sized, off white-colored, flat stone, stuck deep into the ground. I knelt by it.
"Forever," I whispered and caressed the word engraved on it. A shudder unbalanced me and I stood back on my feet.
I took a few steps back from the stone, getting myself ready to jump… I wasn't afraid- I knew what I was doing… I was back at that hot summer day he first brought me here… I could mentally feel his arms wrapped around my waist.
"Bella, what are you doing?" the concerned voice of Angela asked from behind me.
"Crossing the river" I answered calmly
"You can't leap over the river!" I heard Jessica exclaim
"No, I really can't" I agreed and a small laugh escaped my lips at the irony of it.
"She's crazy" I heard someone else saying, but I knew better.
I fixed my eyes on the other coast, trying to concentrate. I saw something flying on the other coast – more likely running real fast. I shook my head, I really needed to concentrate on the jump it wasn't the best time for delusions now! But then all of a sudden the object came to an abrupt stop… Then I saw him…
"Edward!" I gasped my voice barely heard from the amount of shock it was containing. But I knew he would hear me…
I was running along the river, trying to forget, to distract myself with the speed, but I couldn't. She was always in my thoughts no matter what I did, each time I closed my eyes I saw her face… Each scent I breathed in I compared to hers…
"She's going to get herself killed!" I heard someone thinking
"She's lost it! No one can leap over rivers!" another one said and a mental picture shot across my mind
A young girl with dark brown blouse and blue jeans was standing in front of a tree, looking at the river… She seemed tense; her eyes were closed as if she was trying to concentrate… Her wavy brown hair was moving around in the light wind… Then she opened her eyes and I gasped – this wasn't possible, was it?
I was lost in my memories again… We couldn't meet again! Fate couldn't bring us back together after everything I did to her…
I turned on my heel and ran back to the place the whole group of humans was… I stopped.
She was really there, just across the river…
"Edward!" she whispered my name and froze as well… Shock covered her face and the melody of her voice washed through me.
"Bella," I said quietly, still not able to believe she was really there.
"Bella," I could hear him whisper my name.
'Oh, boy! Not now!' I groaned internally. My mind was playing tricks on my again…
It didn't make any sense for me to be seeing him right now. I wasn't doing anything dangerous, rush or stupid – a first, if you ask me!
I shouldn't be seeing him!
He was standing there in his dark blue shirt and dark jeans… He looked somewhat familiar dressed like that. Then it struck me! The very moment he lifted his eyes to meet mine.
I gasped, instantly recognizing that face… He looked less human than he ever did to me – and that's considering all the times he was doing supernatural stuff, like pulling trees out of the ground, growling or running through the forest.
His eyes were pitch-black and he still had deep purple bruises underneath them. He looked – it made me want to snort because it was so absurd – he looked weak…
I felt something thumping fast inside of me – right where my hole was up till no. It took me a good long minute to realize the thumping sound belonged to my heart.
But it still didn't make any sense! Without fully realizing my actions I took a step forward toward the first stone of that kind of underwater bridge.
He copied my movements exactly...
.GOD! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE??
I thought they were gone… When did they come back??
Is that Edward Cullen? - All these thoughts attacked me as soon as the others figured out what was happening, but I tuned them out… My attention was only for Bella.
The expression on her face was confused… I couldn't figure out why… I expected her to get furious and start shouting at me for showing myself in front of her again… I had promised her life with no reminders after all "As if I never existed" It was only after I left that I fully realized the absurdness of my promise…
Her face was suddenly expressionless… I wanted to know what's going on, but then again her thoughts were a mystery to me. I'd much rather her throw a fit than not doing a single thing. At least then, I'd know what she was thinking.
All of a sudden Bella stepped forward – it seemed as if she intended to cross the river. As if being pulled by a supernatural force I moved forward as well…
I stopped and so did he. Our eyes never tearing from the other…
"That's not dangerous," I said quietly – he heard me. His eyes were looking questioningly at me "Why are you here?" As I said that I crouched slightly and leaped over toward the first stone, hearing a gasp of shock from behind me as I did. "I never got to see you so clearly before…" his eyes were still questioning "I only heard your voice" the question in his eyes turned into shock.
I couldn't make sense of her questions. This and the fact I couldn't read her thoughts was really frustrating!
I only heard your voice…" she said quietly. My eyes popped open to the sound of that. What did she mean? How can she be hearing my voice when I wasn't around?
Did I really mess her up so much?
"Then again, I know what I'm doing" I leaped toward the second stone "Why are you here?" I made the third leap. I lifted my gaze to meet his and his face was all I could see.
I prepared myself to jump onto the last stone and then toward the coast, but just as I was about to move he swiftly – yet in human speed, apparently aware of the audience – leaped over to where I was standing…
I couldn't take her hints and mystified questions anymore! The feeling of being so close to her but still so far drove me crazy… I saw what she was going to do; she was going to come to my side. Knowing her though, it would probably involve some kind of an accident. That's why I decided to spare her the experience as well as myself the anxiety attack and leaped toward her.
In two minutes I was standing right in front of her. We were closer than we ever had been ever since I left… I looked into her deep brown eyes and felt how life was slowly returning to me…
We were standing closer than we ever had been ever since he left… Without my premises
Ion I felt my heartbeat accelerate.
Silently he reached his fingers toward my cheek. I didn't cringe at his cold touch – on the contrary it felt magically normal! I copied his movement just as silently. He closed his eyes in contentment as my fingers touched the hard marble of his skin.
He opened his eyes and I read apology, sorrow, remorse, and agony in them. Edward didn't look at me; his eyes were bent to the water, as if he was too ashamed…
I didn't need words or his skill to understand what he was trying to tell me – I had learnt to read his body and face well enough.
My fingers moved along his jaw line toward his chin. I tried to lift his head up so I could look into his eyes. Of course knowing his strength and my own, this attempt was doomed to fail from the beginning.
But Edward, always being a gentleman, cooperated and I was now looking into his eyes, letting him read the message in them…
I looked at Bella for a moment, unable to speak… I knew I must apologize but I didn't know where to start from – there were so many things… For all I said, for my departure, for having her suffer…
I bent my look down unable to look her in the eyes, feeling deeply ashamed of my actions.
All of a sudden her hand caressed my face and reached up to my chin… She was signing me to lift my head up so I obliged.
I looked into her eyes…
I was surprised from what I saw there – I saw forgiveness and love – totally different from what I expected, which was hate; fury; hurt and disappointment…
My eyes widened, I couldn't believe that… Yet she always managed to surprise me… It was too good to be true… At this point I realized how stupid my decision to leave had been! As if we could ever exist without needing the other…
I smiled as the shock spread across his features… Clearly forgiveness was the complete opposite of what he expected to see. He blinked in disbelief.
"Holding grudges never were a strong side of mine" I teased. For the first time in six months it came out naturally and effortlessly. This thought made my smile widen.
He also couldn't help but chuckle and I guessed this also was not a thing he had done in a long time…
In this moment he took me in his arms and picked me up bridal style.
I giggled and pressed myself against his chest, my hands wrapped around his neck. He turned around and made the two leaps back to his side of the coast.
Now I was completely oblivious to anything but him. My Biology class and the audience were beyond forgotten.
Edward didn't put me down on my feet, but held me tight in his arms "Bella," my heartbeat accelerated as his velvet-soft voice whispered my name "I'm so sorry… You have o idea how much I despise myself for lying to you that day in the forest… I'm a fool Bella, no scratch that- I'm the king of fool… I should've never done this… I've hurt you…" his voice broke, and I was sure he'd be crying if that were possible. "I hate myself for that… There's nothing I could ever do to make up to you for the damage I've done… I'd do anything to win your heart again…" That last one passed the line of all he had just said!
I silenced him with my palm "Shut up!" I said with a hint of annoyance in my voice "The way I feel for you has not change one bit, in fact it would stay just the same for all eternity… And you know what you can't win my heart again…" I saw his face fall ever so slightly "… because you have never lost it… And yes, you are a fool indeed!" I smiled "But I still love you" At this point his lips crushed on mine fiercely. This kiss was way different from all others I remembered – and I remembered every single one – it wasn't guarded and calculated, which suited me just fine. Our hands cupped the other's face caressing it greedily.
My lungs, however, had to ruin the moment by reminding my I needed oxygen. My heart was about to explode in my chest. He pulled away from my lips. Edward's forehead was touching mine. He was also widely smiling and short of breath just as I was
"I love you Bella, more than my own life" He said and this time I believed him
"Just as I love you" was my answer "Forever" At this point he spun me around in the air making me laugh.
God, I missed that! I missed him!
"I'm not going to say 'I told you so', because I already did that" I heard a happy squeal belonging to a female.
Edward rolled his eyes and put me back on my feet reluctantly. I smiled recognizing the voice. Soon enough she came into sight. With her dancing pace, caramel-gold eyes, black short spiky hair falling messily around her pixie face
"Alice!" I shouted happily and ran to her throwing my arms around her neck. "I missed you so badly!" I said into the crook of her neck
"I missed you two, Bella" she said as we parted "Hadn't missed that much though…" she frowned as she saw my outfit
"Just name the date and we're going shopping!" I couldn't believe I was saying that, but I missed her so much…
She embraced me again.
"Alice, do you mind?" Edward asked. I looked at him to see he was stretching his arms toward me
"Greedy, aren't we?" Alice teased him. I laughed and Edward faked a glare.
I fell into his arms… It was heaven! My angel was back! My life had meaning and point again!
"Never leave me again" I whispered into his chest as his arms tightened around me.
"Oh, don't worry he's much too selfish to do that stupid mistake again!" Alice mused.
"Either way I'm not letting you go so easily this time! You're mine and that's not likely to change. Ever!" I warned him
"Indeed!" he whispered after kissing my hair.
Sooo, did you like it???? Hate it??? Drop a review and let me know! Your reviews might encourage me to continue writing fics for Twilight!!
While writing this I was listening to "My Immortal" by Evanescense...
I hope you like it! :) Revies make my day so please drop one!!!