A/N- Please excuse my sick idea of humor. And also, this is my first fanfiction for "Fullmetal Alchemist," and I don't really think I'll be writing any more for this series. This idea seriously just came to me one day last week, and since Kimbley & Envy are basically my two favorite characters OF the series, it had to be written. ALSO: keep in mind that this is manga!verse, seeing as how I only KNOW the manga and not the original anime adaption of the series. So please, enjoy. AND SEE IF YOU CAN CATCH MY THREE POP-CULTURE REFERENCES!!! To anyone who catches all three of them...I'LL WRITE SOMETHING FOR YOU! Or not, it's all up to you whether or not you get a prize. And HINT HINT: One of them is the title itself! X3
Disclaimer: No, I do not own the rights to Fullmetal Alchemist. They are the rights to their respective owners, i.e: Arakawa Hiromu & much much more. ENJOY!
Super Best Friends!
A day in the life of the greatest of psychopathic friends
Yes, it is a perfect day; bright shining sun, clear blue sky, light brisk breeze. Not a single thing about this day could possibly bring poor tidings, absolutely nothing.
I only jest, of course. To be quite frank, two things have the potential and capability to bring said "poor tidings" to the day, but discovering the identity of these two certain things would bring you, the audience, into the confines of a small, yet homey, underground apartment. Our two omens of the day are waiting inside.
"Ah, good morning, Envy."
"It's a gorgeous day outside, if I do say so myself."
"Why yes, it is!"
"Let's go blow shit up."
"My thoughts exactly."
After a friendly exchange of early morning salutations, our psychotic alchemist and merciless homunculus set out for a day of good old fashioned fun and games. In laymen's terms, bad things are going to happen.
Through the eyes of a mentally stable human being, there is nothing fun in massive bloodshed and destruction, but as the audience, we should momentarily step into the psyche of our featured pair of "super best friends"; our image of the day's future events seems quite entertaining, soothing, actually, from the perspective of the former state alchemist, Zolf J. Kimbley. Yes, this outing is nothing more than a bonding experience for our lovely pair of freaks.
Today's unsuspecting town lies miles away from the best friends' humble abode, a small, close-knit community of merchants and consumers, a place where everybody knows your name.
"Today's screams will be very harmonious," our alchemist says, rolling the small orb of philosopher's stone between his grinning teeth.
His stringy haired comrade sniggers in response. "You really are a sick fuck, Kimbley," Envy says, glaring hungrily at the town ahead.
To the cue of two deranged laugh tracks, the day's plans roll into motion.
The two are quite welcome in the town, as shop keeps and villagers gather around, offering food and lodging to potential customers. Unfortunately, the only product worth any investment on the minds of our striking pair is random chaos.
Envy immediately disappears into the crowd and, as per usual, dons the guise of a well beloved local. Just one hostile sentence from the homunculus' mouth and a small frenzy begins, later growing into a street side brawl. Smart enough to evade any personal damage, Envy retreats to the rooftops, grinning maliciously at the breaking fellowships and accumulating violence in the streets below.
Not as concerned with "getting his hands dirty", Kimbley jumps in action, proclaiming his love and desire for chaos and destruction. After a few odd ganders from the crowd, his alchemy is put to work, causing countless explosions. Buildings collapse into one another, dust and sand billow up into the sky, limbs fly aimlessly through the air, and our man of the hour is nothing more than aroused.
Kimbley sees that he has little left to do; a few more explosions from him and the rest of the damage would occur by itself. He merely stands on the border of the town, sighing softly with satisfaction. "Beautiful," he says to himself, taking in a deep breath of the blood stained air.
Within minutes, the entire town is destroyed and all life has been annihilated. Such an event, to our dashing duo, is just as engaging as a game of baseball in the park. It surely is a perfect day.
The ruins of the village lie beneath the plumes of smoke, our admirable pair emerging from the debris in joyous celebration.
"What a day!" Kimbley exclaims, laughing haughtily, his clothing just as sparkling clean as they were before the bloody raid.
Envy simply nods, his toothy cackle marking an affirmative response.
Glancing over at his dear friend, Kimbley raises a suggestive eyebrow, his mind filling with a spontaneous confusion. "Envy, why must you insist on dressing like a slut?"
"Why do you always have to look like a shithead?!" Envy spits back at the alchemist, the two of them exchanging hostile glares of disgust and repulsion.
But before the silence between the sadists could climb to an awkward climax, a burst of laughter echoes, booming gaily within the crater of the indistinguishable town.
We leave our starring duo here, as they walk home against the orange sunset. As nothing but the simple members of the audience, we can only gape horridly at the irreversible damage of a psychopaths' daily outing. Some people really do have a twisted idea of "fun".
Thank you very much reading. Please review, I'd appreciate that very much. AND: did you catch all the references? ;]