Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I am merely having fun with her characters. I also do not own Brothers and Sisters.
A/N...Here is my newest story. I don't want to give too much away. This is a Bella/Edward story and characters will be OOC and there will be canon pairings eventually. Give it a chance. It will be dark at times though...you have been WARNED! It's RATED M FOR A REASON!! There will also be lemons!
November 2001 Age 14
Mom and Dad were at it again. I couldn't take all of the fighting all the time. They never got along. Why couldn't they just get along? They seemed like they used to. Lately though, they had been fighting a lot.
I was very close with both of my parents. A girl at school was going through a parental divorce. I couldn't handle that. How would I decide to live with either my mom or my dad? I loved them both dearly…equally.
But if I was being honest, I was probably just a teensy bit closer to my dad. I was a total Daddy's girl!
I plugged my headphones into the stereo by my bed and tried to let my mind drift away from their yelling at each other.
It didn't work that much, I could still hear them. I decided that maybe I should creep down the stairs and listen more to what was going on. This one sounded bad.
As I got closer to the top of the stairs I stopped. I was close enough to hear everything coming from the kitchen now.
"You have got to be kidding me Charlie! You have a family right here that you need to take care of!" my mom said to my dad.
"And you will all be cared for without a doubt Esme! You know I wouldn't leave you hanging."
"Isn't enough of an embarrassment that the whole damn town knows that Leah Clearwater is actually Leah Swan? Have you not put your other children and me through enough hell? Now you have to go rub it in and run to your whore!"
What? Leah Clearwater is actually Leah Swan? Is my mom on crack? Leah Clearwater is my freaking sister?
Dad cheated on mom? That can't be right! I knew that Harry Clearwater died about a month ago. He and Sue had been married like forever. They had Leah and Seth for children. Leah is two years older than me and Seth is two years younger.
But this was all news to me.
"Do not speak about Sue that way Esme! She is twice the woman you could ever be and she doesn't fucking nag at me all the damn time! She accepts me for who I am and what I am and she loves me unconditionally…something you know absolutely nothing about my dear."
My mom was crying uncontrollably and I had to admit, my dad was kind of being an ass. But he was my daddy so I knew he had to have a good reason…right?
"You are a bastard Charlie Swan! If you walk out that door don't you dare even think about ever coming back! I've stood by all these years, knowing you weren't faithful to me…knowing what you were doing behind my back…but I looked the other way because I loved you and because of our children…but no more! If you leave to go to that tart then don't you ever come back into this house again!"
What? No! She can't make Daddy go away! I heard someone sobbing and I didn't realize it was me until I was down the stairs and standing in the kitchen staring at my parents.
"Don't make him leave!" I shouted to her.
She was still crying but she was just making me mad. She was making my dad leave. He was right. She is a nag, a harpy…she's always on everyone. I can see why he was sick of her crap.
My mom and I were always close but I would never forgive her if she makes my dad leave.
"Bells, honey…you need to go on up to bed sweetie. I will just be at the Clearwater house if you need me."
I threw myself at my dad and fell down to his legs, wrapping myself around him. "No Daddy! Don't leave! We'll be better. Please don't leave us!"
"Isabella! This is no way for a young lady to act. You will get up this instant and go on to bed do you understand me?"
He pulled me off of him and set me down on the kitchen floor. I nodded my tear streaked face and said, "Yes sir, Daddy."
"Charlie! You don't have to talk to her like that! This is your fault! Of course she's upset! Look at what she just discovered and you expect her to be calm and just go to bed! You are a horrible man! Just get out!"
"Gladly Esme, gladly. You know where I'll be. I trust you can tell the rest of the children what has happened."
"There won't be any need. I think we fucking know enough Dad."
I rose up my head and saw my brother Brady standing in the doorway of our kitchen. He was the oldest boy and he was second oldest, right under Rosalie. He is 20 right now. He has been distant from Dad for awhile. Did he know what was going on?
"Don't take that tone with me boy!" Dad spat at Brady.
"You heard Mom, just get the fuck out of the house! Don't worry about us. We will be just fine without your pathetic ass!"
"I don't have to put up with this! I will just go to where I am wanted. Sue, Leah, and Seth want me around."
"Yeah, I'll bet they do Dad, you're their fucking meal ticket."
My dad huffed and took off out of the house. I was seeing red. I was pissed. Pissed at my mom…at Esme, I wasn't going to call her mom just right now…and pissed at Brady. They both sent my dad away.
Mom was a sobbing mess on the floor. It was pathetic. I don't know what the hell she was crying over. This was her own damn fault.
I was never going to forgive them for this…either of them. I have always been close with all of my siblings. Rose is the oldest, she's 22, then Brady is 20, James is 18, and Jasper is 16. We are all two years apart. My parents had good timing.
I'm in eighth grade at the junior high while Jasper is in 11th over at the high school, he should be in 10th but he skipped a grade. Then, James is a senior. And Rose and Brady, well they are out of the house.
Rose has her business degree. She just graduated this past May. Dad was very proud. She is his second in command over at Swan's. Swan's is the family business. It's a restaurant and it's my dad's baby.
Brady refuses to work there. He doesn't get along with Dad. But James and Jasper both work there as waiters. I can't wait until I am old enough to work there. I will make my Daddy so proud.
I broke myself from my thoughts as I watched Brady come over and pick our mom up off the ground. "Come on Mom. You should go lie down. He's gone now. He can't hurt us anymore."
She was sobbing into his arms.
"Oh leave her be Brady. She's fine." I told him.
"How can you say that Bells? You saw how he was! He's been fucking cheating on her for Christ's sake! For 17 fucking years!! He is loser! We are better off without him."
I stood up and shoved him as hard as I could. He still had mom in his arms. I caught him off guard so they both went down to the ground. "Jesus Bella! What the fuck is your problem? I know you are Daddy's little princess but guess what? Daddy is a douche bag!"
"Charles Brady Swan! Don't talk to your sister like that! She's had a rough evening."
"Don't use my first name! I want nothing that has anything to do with that asshole! You coddle her too much Mom. You shouldn't let her talk to you like that no matter what! I can see this is a waste of my time. I'm out of here. I'll be back when things have calmed down around here. I need to be alone."
He ran his hands through his hair, helped mom up off the floor and left. I just stood there staring at mom.
She reached out to me but I shuddered away. "You drove him away! You and your coldness! Why did he feel the need to turn to someone else Mom? Why? Maybe if you spent more time worrying about your husband instead of worrying about us and your gardening club…maybe then Daddy wouldn't have gotten bored and decided to fuck someone else!"
I saw her hand come across my cheek and saw her gasp and clasp her hand over her mouth before I felt the sting of her slap.
"Bella, I am so sorry baby! But you shouldn't say those things. You don't know what's going on."
"No Mom. All I know is…YOU drove my dad away…YOU forced him into the arms of someone else…YOU forced him to create another daughter with her and now he is off playing house with them and she gets to have MY dad! Thanks Mom. You are an excellent mother. I fucking hate you!"
I rubbed my cheek and let my tears consume me as I ran upstairs and threw myself on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
Brady had called me while I was working at the restaurant. He said everything had come to a head with Dad's affair at the house and Dad had finally walked out for good.
It was no secret around town that Leah Clearwater was Dad's kid with Sue. Seth was created by Harry and Sue. Harry just died last month so we were all kind of wondering if Dad would go running to her.
Guess he is.
Bella has been the only one left out of the loop. I am surprised she hasn't heard it around town. It's not like Forks is very big.
I was sure the shit was hitting the fan. Brady explained to me everything he had witnessed and said he had to leave because he was thoroughly pissed at Bella and was about to give her a good ass kicking but he didn't want to upset mom.
I went to the back and told Rose what was going on. I put Brady on speaker phone and let him repeat everything he had just told me. "I will kick that spoiled little brat's ass! She has no idea what is going on and she has no right to speak to her mother like that."
"Rose calm down. She's upset and hurting and she doesn't understand everything that's going on. She's only 14 for fuck's sake."
"No Rose is right Jazz. Everyone spoils her too much. She needs to grow the hell up and realize the world does not revolve around Bella and what Bella wants."
Rose pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, "Fine, we should all meet over at the house. We need to calm Mom and I guess…I don't know what the hell we need to do with Bella…but something. I'll call Royce and tell him not to wait up."
She had only been married to Royce King for two months. Poor girl. She's a newlywed and instead of being home with her husband doing things I don't care to know about…she's got to deal with family bullshit.
You deserve the fucking father of the year award for sure!
"I'm not going back over there so don't even ask. Bella was being a spoiled bitch and Mom was letting her. I've got enough crap to deal with in my own life. If you guys get Bella to the point where I can be in the same room with her and not want to strangle her then I will come over. Until then, leave me out of it." And that was the last we heard that night from Brady as he hung up the phone after his words.
"You call Royce…I'll call James."
Rose nodded and we made our phone calls. It was going to be a long night.
I woke up to Jasper lying in bed with me, holding me while rubbing soothing circles on my back. I started crying again. "Shhh…its ok Belly bean." That was his nickname for me.
When he was 2 and I was born, he called me Jella instead of Bella and then that turned into Jelly Bean around Easter time. As he got older he changed it and started calling me Belly Bean. I got to call him Jazzy.
"I didn't want Daddy to go away. Mom made him leave. I hate her."
"Don't say that girl. You know you don't mean it darlin'."
"Yes I do! I wish it was her that left!"
"You stop that shit right now Isabella! Jasper get OUT of that bed and stop fucking babying her! She will not speak about our mother like that!"
Oh the wicked witch of the west is here.
My older sister Rose. She is the oldest so she thinks that she's God's gift and she thinks that she can boss us around.
But Jasper did as he was told. Thanks traitor!
He went to stand by Rose at the door. "Rose, calm down."
"No, she needs to learn. The world doesn't revolve around you Isabella Swan! Guess what? Daddy is an asshole! He stuck his dick where it didn't belong. He broke the family! He broke Mom! He's been doing it for years…sorry you're just now getting the memo. But Daddy isn't fucking perfect! Deal with it!"
I reached over to my nightstand and threw my stereo at them and then I started throwing anything else I could find.
"Get out of my room! Both of you!! Get the fuck out!!! NOW!!! Get out! Get out!! Get out!!!"
I screamed and screamed and threw what I could find until they both vacated my room.
Yes, I was having a tantrum. It would be the first of many. And it was also the night that my downward spiral began.
February 2002 Age 14 Still
It's been three months since my dad left us…thanks to mom. Do you know how many times he's called me in those three months? Zero.
Do you know how many times he's tried to see me? Zero.
But I am sure it's my mom's fault. She probably won't let him. My relationship with my siblings has gotten worse.
James, Jasper, and I are the only three still living at home…where things have been more than tense. I don't talk to anyone really. Jasper tries but I don't want to talk to him. I'm still pissed at Mom, Brady, and Rose. Brady and Rose are equally just as pissed at me.
Mom isn't mad at me but she's hurt. I can tell. And I'm glad. I'm hurting too so she should be also.
James is too consumed with his new boyfriend to be worried about me. I know my dear gay brother loves me…but he is pretty self-absorbed.
James is a freshman at UW, Jasper is a junior at Forks High, and I'm a lowly freshman at FH. I should be in eighth grade but my parents had the bright idea to let me skip a grade when I was in second grade.
So now I am freak.
They all look down on me because I don't belong here.
I am currently walking through the halls of this god forsaken school…keeping to myself like I always do.
And before I know it, I am headed into Biology. It's an advanced class. And when I walk in I see him. The junior that I lust after…Edward Cullen.
He's so beautiful and amazingly hot. But he's an asshole. He is the school bad boy and he goes through girls like toilet paper. So I know I will never be with him…nor do I really want to.
But I do like to look at him because he's so pretty.
But that's it.
No way would I let him use me and add me as a notch on his bedpost…not that he would notice me enough to want to sleep with me anyway.
Leah is also in this class…my…well I guess…my sister. I don't talk to her either. She just gives me dirty, smug looks anyway.
She probably wants to rub it in my face that she has my dad now.
I hate her too.
I have a lot of anger inside of me. And since that night…back in November…when Mom drove Dad away…I have been drinking…a lot.
I get into the liquor cabinet as much as I can and take the Vodka…I replace it with water. It's not like my mom would fucking notice anyway. She's got her new boyfriend to play with…she's definitely moving on from my father.
Asshole. I don't like him. He gives me the creeps. He looks at me like I'm a piece of meat. Does my mom notice this? Nope, of course not.
I just want to hurry up and get out of this class. It's the last one of the day so then I can go home and have a fucking drink.
I was sitting in last period. It was advanced Biology. I saw that Bella Swan chick walk in. She glanced my way and her eyes lingered.
Yeah take it in sweetheart. I'm hot as fuck and sorry I wouldn't touch your prissy ass.
I saw a note slide in front of me from the direction of my buddy Tucker.
Hey what do you think of that Swan chick?
I don't think anything about her. Why?
Because I'm thinking about trying to tap that.
I wouldn't bother. She's one of those prissy ass bitches with a cunt so tight you can't get in it at all. And she's little miss perfect with her perfect little life with her perfect little mommy and daddy.
She was hot, I would give her that. And if she wasn't such a total stuck up bitch I would totally try and hit that.
Didn't you hear? Daddy left. He's been fucking around on Mommy with Sue Clearwater. Leah Clearwater is his daughter. Seth isn't his though.
Shit. No I hadn't heard that.
Guess her life wasn't as perfect as I thought it was. Oh well. I've got my own shit to deal with. Don't need to worry about rich bitch's problems.
Yeah so you think she would fuck me or what?
I doubt it. I wouldn't waste my time.
Yeah you're probably right.
No more notes came across. And thankfully the bell finally rang.
Thank the lord. I can get out of here, go hook up with Lauren, fuck her brains out and then go home and get loaded.
Not like Daddy dearest gives a fuck what I do.
He's too busy living with the guilt that he killed my fucking mother.
I had to clear my head of those thoughts. I didn't want to think about that right now. I just wanted to think about getting fucked and getting high.
It was going to be a good day.
I caught a ride home with Jasper. It was spent with him trying to make small talk and me not giving a shit.
He dropped me off so he could go to work.
Mom's car wasn't there so I knew she was out…probably with Felix. And James's car was gone too.
I've got the house to myself…I can veg out, listen to music, and enjoy my Vodka induced coma. I grabbed the bottle of vodka from the liquor cabinet and took it into the kitchen to fill it up with water and pour myself a very large cup of it.
I saw a note taped to the refrigerator when I walked in.
I'll be working late and I will probably stay at Steve's.
Didn't want you waiting up.
Even better. I don't have to worry about him coming home.
I sipped my cup and let the cool liquid slide down my throat. So fucking smooth. I started gulping it down. It was empty now. Bartender, hit me again.
I chuckled at my own joke.
I refilled my cup.
I was just putting the lid on the Vodka after filling it up with water when I heard the voice I had come to hate.
"Well, well, well…what have we here Isabella?"
What the fuck was he doing here? Mom's not here. He has no business here.
"What are you doing here Felix? And how did you get in?"
He brushed his hand across my cheek at which I cringed away and said, "Waiting for Esme of course, and she gave me a key. I can come in whenever I want."
I didn't like the way he said that.
"Well, I'll just be going up to my room. I've got homework."
I grabbed my cup and tried to get past him. He wasn't budging. He grabbed my shoulders and the drink fell from my hand. "You know, I don't think your mom would like to find out about your little drinking habit you seem to have picked up?"
How the hell did he notice that when my own mother hadn't?
"I notice lots of things Bella."
What is this fucker? A mind reader?
"So…I could be persuaded to keep your little…secret…if you were really, really nice to me."
"And if I say no?"
"Then I will fucking take what I want."
I tried to pull myself away from him again but he backhanded me this time.
"I've been watching you flaunt yourself in front of me you little slut. You know you fucking want this and I'm going to enjoy it."
I couldn't fight him.
He started grabbing me and pulling at my clothes…ripping what he could and pushing aside what wouldn't move. Before I could even think about and realize what was happening…he had thrown me face down onto the kitchen table, unzipped his pants…and just like that…he ripped my innocence from me.
Thanks Mom. Thanks for letting my life get that much more fucked up.
A/N...SO to my 1st, 50th, and 100th reviewer (if I have them) you will get a story recommendation in your honor in the next chapter! ALSO, if you hit that little review button and let me know what you think of the new story...I will give you a sneak peek at the next chapter.