by pari106
Disclaimer: Not mine; Rating: PG-13 (so far); Code: M/Z, if you look at it that way; Post-"Some Assembly
Required", with an allusion to "Blah blah, Woof woof."

Summary: Max's thoughts.

Author's note: This uses a line from the movie of the same name starring Gwenyth Paltrow and Ben

by pari106

When Zack was in that helicopter crash…seems so long ago…I kept calm. I told myself that he was
alright…it was just one of his tricks. He'd be back.

He won't be back this time.

I don't think Logan realizes what that means to me. No one does. I don't think Logan even thinks about Zack anymore. I
understand. I mean…Zack did try to kill him. I only wish someone could understand what I'm going
through. I know I made the decision to send Zack away…but that doesn't mean it was an easy decision for
me to make. Everyone just seems to assume it was. They expect me to just move on. But it's not that

It's like that line from that old movie, "Bounce". The main character loses her husband in a plane crash,
and her mother tells her: "It was just a plane crash…you've gotta bounce." That time I'd watched Zack's
helicopter go down…knowing he was only in it because of me… I bounced. Somehow, I pulled myself up from the place guilt and loss had drug me. I moved on. And now that a make believe car wreck's taken him away once more, I'm bouncing again. Only this time there's a
problem, because it's just like the lady said. "Bouncing is like crashing…except you get to do it again and

It's true. I'm bouncing, but never high enough that I can stay on my feel for good. I can never quite move past losing Zack again. And so I crash. Every morning that I wake up, and Zack *isn't* the first thing on my mind…that's me bouncing. But every night I go to sleep and he's waiting in my dreams… I crash.

Again and again.

The only way it will stop is if I can catch myself, but I don't know how to do that. Zack was always the
one there to catch me when I fell. I was always the one letting him down. Like that time he turned himself
into Lydecker for me, and ended up in that crash. Only this time, when I let him down, I let myself down,
too. And the real wreck this time…is me.

Another author's note: As much as I hate to hear Max whining…yet again…I wrote this. And I have an
idea of how to continue it. Should I? Let me know.