Lost and Anger

Chapter One:


The heady scent of the Earth surrounded me and the soil loosened by the drenching rain of last night's sudden storm crunched beneath my pads. This is what I lived for: the feeling of freedom and the wind blowing through my hair and all around me… It was heaven on Earth. A scent came to my nose: telling me a rabbit was nearby. I gave chase, loving the thrill of the hunt and the absolute certainty the poor thing wouldn't be able to outrun me. Once I had it cornered, I let it go. I have never been one for completely raw meat…

I sat back on my haunches, letting the world revolve for a while. My head filled with whispers, whispers that were not my own, pain that ripped me apart…That would be Jake…Even still his thoughts were in my own: a constant reminder of what the pack had lost, what I had lost. He just couldn't let go and the whole pack suffered for it.

A strong wind swept through the trees, carrying the long dead whispers of our ancestors and the things that they have witnessed… I have always loved nature. Even back before I changed, back before the Turn…It's just like it was always programmed into my genes and just took me over completely. I guess becoming a werewolf would do that to you…

Yes, that's right. I'm a werewolf. I turn into a wolf that's abnormally large, which caused me to become abnormally large. Just like the rest of them, I'd inherited all the abilities and super strength of the wolf while still retaining my humanity… or what there was of it.

Hearing the padding of three paws off in the distance, I began running again, bounding up in one great leap and allowing myself to feel all of my muscles bunch up as they contracted and retracted. It felt good and I gave into the powerful instinct to run, as far as my muscles could take me. Which was pretty damn far, if I do say so myself.

Eventually, the scent of my pursuers strengthened and washed over me in tides of familiarity that both warmed me and pissed me off. They never could leave me alone, it seemed. They were always with me, body and soul, in my house, in my school, in my town, and in my head. It never stopped, never died away… Honestly, it was one of the reasons I hated what I was, one of the reasons I sort of understood Jacob's point…. You're never alone. For someone who used to hate being alone, the constant presence of others sometimes overwhelmed me and I wanted to get away from it all… It lasted only fifteen minutes this time.

With a deep, heaving mental sigh, I stopped in the middle of a clearing and waited, knowing that to try to outrun them would be fruitless and that they'd eventually catch up to me. Not long after I stopped, a majestic black wolf and a russet color wolf entered the clearing, closely followed by a light brown one. Sam, Jacob, and Embry.

I stared at them and then stalked over, keeping my tail carefully lowered between my legs and my head lower than usual, showing a deference to my alpha that I had never even shown my father. He waited a beat and then lowered his head in acknowledgment of my apology, which is sort of what it was. It was the only way I knew how to apologize, anyway. Then is started… the thing that just about destroys me every time…Thoughts that should have been private, bared for them to see. Everything I've ever done or said became theirs and I was hit one at a time by the thoughts and feelings that plagued them constantly.

Sam, who always appears to be so calm and in control, the mighty alpha… Constantly worrying about Emily, wondering what he could have done to have tried and stopped her from getting hurt. Torturing himself over hurting Leah, something none of us would wish upon anyone else… Accepting Leah's verbal bashings as fact and as his due. Worrying over Jacob and wondering what would become of the pack, which just kept getting bigger…

Jacob, the one who should have Sam's place as is his birthright, the one other person in the pack who would give anything to be normal again. His pain is fresher than Sam's… If I had to see Isabella Swan's face one more time, I might go berserk… not that I really needed any pushing on that account… His Bella… He still thinks he has some right to the girl when we keep telling him to just let her go….she's picked the bloodsucker, not him, which really just tickles him pink. Anger and raw pain bleeds from every pore it can reach, swallowing me whole.

Embry, Jake's best friend before everything changed for those two, something he relives everyday. He still feels the pain that comes from being abandoned; remembering what it was like when he thought everyone had left him…even Jake. He can still recall quiet well what it felt like to be on the outside looking in and it's not a very pleasant feeling. I almost feel sorry for the kid for going through all that with no one to turn to share his bleeding wounds with and not knowing what was going on, being cut off so abruptly with no explanation… Remembering a brief sharing of pain between Bella and him…

I heard a low growl emitted from the russet colored wolf as my thoughts were shared with him, as he watched me listen to everyone's thoughts and think my own at the same time. My thoughts strayed further, giving him the same thoughts that so often plagued him: the image of Bella Swan lying on the ground. I don't know why I did that. It's like, I always knew what would set someone off, what would upset the most, and I followed through.

Enough. Quit torturing Jacob. I need you to go get Jared from his place and patrol our lines. Can you do that for me without running off again?

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I can manage. See you later, guys.

I answered Sam's mentally issued command and bounded off, away from the place where they still stood, watching as I disappeared. There's always someone watching. Always.

Oh, almost forgot. My name is Paul and I live in LaPush, Washington. Nothing happens here, ever. It's the same day in and day out, raining like no get out. Unless, of course, you're in on the little secret.

Then, you may as well leave the continent 'cause they'll never let you alone.


Author's Note: Like a few of my other stories and ideas, this comes from a conversation I had with my mom one day, because we have random conversations about Twilight 24/7, basically. This story is going to be short (around six or seven chapters, probably) and the chapters themselves will be short, like this one. I really have nothing else to say except: What is Paul's last name?!? I couldn't find it like, at ALL….