Author's Notes:It was once written in a fanfiction 'All the girls love Severus Snape! They're just too stupid to realise it'. As I read these words, I could feel the gears in my mind dusting themselves off and beginning to turn. To my horror, a bunny began to form within the steam of the machinery. This bunny carried with it a plot, grasped tight within it's teeth. It hopped to the front of my mind, filling my thoughts with strange love potions and hooked nose professors. Well, I had to give in eventually.
(I apologize if it's a bit...out there. It's funny, though. I hope.)
Disclaimer: Anything recognizable from the Potterverse isn't mine, and I'm not making money from it. So, J. and Warner Brothers, Don't sue me, okay?
When Professor Snape glided, late, through the double doors of the Great Hall just after the morning toast, he received a reaction he was not used to getting.
The majority of the female population heaved a collective smitten sigh in his general direction. It was almost in unison, hundreds of eyes on him as their lipstick-coated mouths turned upward in delight and formed the soft 'ahhh'.
The only girl who did not seem to suddenly stop what she was doing and become totally ga-ga was Ginny Weasley, who had her hand over her mouth. While the rest of the female population was giving a love-filled sigh, Ginny only mumbled two words.
Let's backtrack, shall we?
Ginny Weasley was more flirt than smarts. That was not to say that she wasn't a smart girl, it's just that she was no Percy. She was an average student, with sometimes below average grades. She tried, she really did, but her only interest lay in Harry Potter, not in silly school books. She was already a sixth year with still no idea what she wanted to become. She was brave, true, but an Auror wasn't for her. She certainly wasn't going to stay at home like her mum. There was a point where she considered replacing McGonagall, but suspected the old bat would live forever.
Of course, when her Mother found out that Ginny was not doing well in the majority of her classes, she insisted Ginny take a job over the summer so that she would learn proper focus and stop spending her free time with boys when she should be preparing for a future.
No grades, and no general idea for a career were not a good combination when it came to job searching.
She wasn't completely stupid, though.
It had only a few days of thinking before the perfect idea hit. She would work at Fred and George's Joke Shop. She could tell her mother that she had a job, and only have to do half the work. Family loyalty would let her off easy, she was sure.
The beginning of the problem was when she had tried to ask for a job. Instead of her brothers welcoming their darling sister with open arms, something she was convinced they would do (though not as endearingly), both boys turned her down flat.
"We'd love to have you, Ginny." They had said. "But you're not fit for our shop. You're not really a prankster."
She had tried to tell them about the fair share of pranks she had pulled, but they weren't good twins promised, however, that if she did ever prove herself, she would be welcomed into the shop with open arms.
There were many other opportunities for employment, Ginny knew. Even with her poor grades and her boy-addled brain, she was sure she could find something elsewhere.
Yet Ginny Weasley had no intentions of looking elsewhere. Her brother's refusal had struck some deranged chord within her. They had practically challenged her, after all.
Yes, that's really how you think when you're a Weasley.
So, that's where this whole shebang started. Ginny had to prove herself, and the only way to do that was to play the mother-of-all pranks.
She was going to mess up everyone's love life. Oh, how amusing it would be when girls suddenly switched their affections to someone they may have previously hated. To a boyfriend's best friend. A Gryffindor to a Slytherin. A 7th year Ravenclaw girl suddenly falling for the annoying first year who keeps asking her homework questions.
Life would spin out of control, and mayhem would ensue.
Oh, how proud her brothers would be.
The main problem lay in making the love potion itself. While many thought that all Love Potions were illegal, that was not the case. There is always one exception to the rule. For the Love Potion rule, the exception was Number 13.
It was not incredibly strong and wore off quickly. It was hard to make, but easy to get a hold of, and somehow had flown under the Ministry's radar. It would only take a couple of winks in the right direction before Ginny had herself a bottle of the potion.
She wouldn't be able to charm the House Elves with her flirts, though. She could distract them long enough to slip it into the Pumpkin Juice, and the next morning the potion would work on the girls of the school, causing them to become infatuated for a few minutes with the first person they saw.
Admittedly, it would have been funnier if the potion affected men as well, but Ginny figured her plan was good enough.
She set her idea in motion, promising Lee a date and distracting the Elves with booze. Really, these things were easier to pull off than they seemed.
Everything took a turn for the worse during breakfast, right after Dumbledore gave his usual speech and called for everyone to raise their glass.
Just as everyone took a long drink from their Pumpkin Juice, Severus Snape glided through the doors. Naturally, when someone walks in late, the majority of people turn to look to see whose entered.
As Severus Snape entered the Great Hall, the students turned their heads and looked at him to see just who had walked in late. The first man the majority of the female population had seen was Severus Snape.
(This is where we left off.)
"Oh Shit." Ginny mumbled, the words jumbled from behind her hand.
Before Ron, Harry, Hermione, or any of friends could ask what was wrong with her, Hermione spoke up.
"Is it just me, or does Professor Snape have a glow about him?" Her breath still smelled of the Pumpkin juice she had sipped just a moment ago. Ginny groaned.
Of course, it didn't stop there. Why would it?
"Oh yes, definitely a glow." Lavender Brown commented, her goblet still grasped in her perfectly manicured hand.
"Has he washed his hair? It looks so soft!" Ginny heard someone squeel.
"And his robes look so clean!"
"I wonder if he's using some new soap, look at how bright his skin looks!"
Though her brothers would have loved this one, Ginny would have stopped it if she could have. A line had to be drawn somewhere, after all.
Severus was, of course, confused out of his mind. He wasn't less than ten steps into the Great Hall when a Slytherin girl rushed up to his side, her wide brown eyes gazing at him. Was she..blushing?
"Professor Snape! As my Head of House, you know how poor I'm doing in school. Perhaps some private lessons might..?"
Before the poor thing could finish, she was pulled out of the way by a Gryffindor who looked to be in third year. "Professor Snape, I don't think you've sufficiently punished me enough for spilling potion yesterday. Maybe after dinner we could..."
Her voice was drowned out by the many girls standing and trying to speak to him. It was miracle he could get to the Head Table. Minerva kept casting odd glances at him, and was Pomona offering him an icing covered finger?
Severus was convinced he was hallucinating, as he looked out from his seat he saw girls looking back at him. Each had her cheek resting in her palm and was looking at him with half-lidded eyes.
"Tall and mysterious."
"Merlin, I bet his 'little snake' is huge, just look at the size of his nose!"
Severus felt his face turn crimson. He turned to Dumbledore, intent on getting to the bottom of this insanity. Of course, just as he was getting Dumbledore's attention, the potion began to wear off.
"...Does he have egg on his face? Ew."
"Must have just been the light, his hair still looks greasy."
"I hope that red stain on his robes is potion! Gross!"
"Albus!" Severus seethed, not realising that everyone had gone back to resenting him and back to their breakfast.
"Yes, Severus?" Dumbledore turned to face him.
"Have you noticed...?" Severus spun to gesture to the girls, but none of them were paying him any attention.
"Noticed what, Severus?" There was that damned twinkle back in his eyes.
"The...The girls! They were....!" Severus sputtered, not able to finish his sentence.
"Let it go, Severus." Albus said, gathering up a forkful of sausage. "It was probably just something in the water."
The next day, after word got around, Fred and George welcomed Ginny to Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes with open arms.
If you want the antidote to the Love Potion, hit that review button.