Title : Why I Love You
Summary : I love you. I really do. And I don't care about this anymore. Whatever happens, all I need is you. And that's all that matters.
Notes : A kinda ironic Gazette fic I made up when I was listening to alicenine's Kousai. Guess who the pairing is! There's a possible chance for confusion, though, so feel free to ask me when it does occur. As always, comments are love. ^^
I heard you call my name earlier. It sounded anxious, cheerful, expectant, hopeful. Maybe even hopeful than me myself. But mainly, that was exactly the same way I was feeling also.
I felt your warm, soft hand grasp mine, our fingers tangled together, silently whispering to me that everything's going to be okay, that everything's going to be different this time, even though I know that you're probably more doubtful about it than I was.
You were always more sensitive than me. You knew things I didn't know, your predictions always came true, and you could always read me through the slightest change, without words or a single gesture. And you always shared -- no, took all of my pain and worries.
I felt the bed creak and slightly move, knowing that you were now sitting beside me on the doctor's bed, giving me a sweet kiss on my cheek. You leaned your head anxiously on my shoulder, slightly nuzzling my neck, giving me the ability to inhale your sweet, soothing scent.
I knew you felt guilty for this; I knew that you've always blamed yourself for that accident, saying that it was all because of your clumsiness. But you should know that I've never minded; I had to protect you and I don't care what'll happen to me because of my actions, just as long as you're happy, safe and well.
I heard the door open and a few firm steps entering the room, knowing that it must be the doctor. The way she walked was very confident and her manner of talking was very cautious, her words always being chosen carefully, her tone professional. I knew her too well. How could I not when it had always been her that was responsible for me?
A few last polite chitchats here and there before the awaiting moment finally came. Your weight was lifted from me as your only presence was hinted by the feel of your hand on mine.
I could feel the doctor's soft fingertips capturing a few strands of my hair behind my ear before she finally fumbled with the bandages, peeling the soft fabric off from my face and around my head, revealing my closed eyes to the world.
"Me o mitte," I could hear you whisper into the air hopefully, and I did so as I smiled expectantly; I've been through this before. The same doctor; the same room; the same operation; the same sensation; the same results. The latter was the last thing on Earth I wanted to happen to me once again, though.
I slowly opened my eyes, the doctor's soft and gentle voice telling me, guiding me on what I should be seeing at the moment.
But there was nothing but darkness.
I shook my head and she obviously got the hint as she instructed me to try again, and I knew that she felt as anxious as I was by the tone of her voice. She sounded hopeful, seeing as she had been through this with me ever since I got inside this hospital. Her hopefulness was, though, less than how I was feeling, obviously, but the disappointment didn't really come to me until I heard you.
Your disbelieving gasp that quietly, almost inaudibly, resounded through the room, but I heard it. And I knew that I had to disappoint you again as I tried over and over to shut them tight and open them wide; but only darkness remained in my line of sight.
"Nothing," I mumbled with a smile that I knew was sad adorning my features and I tightened my hold on your delicate hand as I felt yours loosen on mine. You were devastated. It wasn't you who had to go through it; it wasn't you who had to endure the loss; but it was you whose hopes were shattered, it was you whose heart has been disappointed once more.
We knew that it should've succeeded this time. Everything was supposed to be dark, until a light came and the vision will start to blur. Then all will happen in time, gradually. But what was this I'm seeing? Nothing. Not even one speck of light. And we knew that we've failed again.
That I've failed you again.
"Ah, I see. Well then, I'm sorry," the doctor's female voice resounded, her tone sad, but I merely smiled reassuringly. There was nothing that she could do, but I didn't mind. If it had to be this way, then fine. Maybe it just wasn't my luck. As her footsteps distanced to leave, I slightly turned my head towards you, reaching out into the dark, hoping to touch you.
I actually wanted to see your smile quite badly, hoping to see your shining eyes, but I guess it didn't matter. As long as you're there for me, with me, I wouldn't mind.
I felt my fingers caress your beautiful face, and I was just about to tell you that you needn't to worry, that it wasn't your fault, that everything was going to be alright; when I suddenly felt you shy away.
"No," I heard you speak out quietly in disbelief, "Try again! Close your eyes again!!" you insisted, your voice sounding clipped and hopeless, even to my ears. You wanted me to be happy so badly. But can't you see that I'm already happy with only you here by my side?
"Uruha! Try again!! Please," you half-begged, your small sobs now resounding faintly through the room. I knew that you felt the sorrow more than I who endured it, you felt sorry for all of the former failed attempts, you felt guilty.
But you should know that I didn't mind. How could I when you still forever had loved me, stood by me and never left me, especially at times when I felt that I was all alone? You are everything to me and as long as I have you, nothing matters anymore.
I slightly held out my arms into the dark and found them filled by your presence at once, your arms circled around my waist as you silently cried out in my embrace; I could feel your warm tears on my shoulder.
I felt awful, awful for having to disappoint you like this. I could only hold you and try to soothe you when you cry, tangling my fingers in your soft dark locks as I vainly tried to make it all better. And again, calming words and a shoulder to cry on was all I could give you for now.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I really tried to find you the right donor, I really tried, but --!" you apologized, and I could faintly imagine what's going through your mind right now. I could only hold you tighter and give you reassuring words, though I wished I could do so much more.
"Shh, it's okay, I'm alright," I tried to comfort you, still combing through your hair as you laid here in my arms, "This isn't your fault, love, it's alright," I told you reassuringly, kissing your forehead gently.
You see? This is why I love you. You never leave me, you always try to keep me happy, you didn't abandon me when I lost my sight. Through it all, you forever stayed with me and shared the pain, taking most of it yourself as if trying to relieve me from it.
"I love you, Uruha. I'm truly sorry."
It's okay. You know I love you too. You know that I don't care about this anymore. Whatever happens, all I need is you. And that's all that matters. Because I know you'll always be there for me.
"It's okay. I love you too, Aoi."