Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Summary: While in wolf-form, Leah overhears Jacob's thoughts. "Apparently," I growled out, "You think I have a nice, round, onion butt." JacobLeah, oneshot

Alright, I just got this idea and I could NOT get it out of my head, lol. I hope you enjoy the randomness and OOC-ness of it! Let's just say this happens pre-Nessie, because I can't figure out how to make it..."work", I guess is the appropriate word, if the imprint is in the picture. Lol. And about Bella? Well...guys have hormones and sometimes they aren't directed solely at the people they love. Lol.

This story is in Leah's POV, btw.


Junk in the Trunk

"Where are you - ?"

"Running." I said, cutting Jacob Black off before he could say anymore. I was sick and tired of all this shit brought on by that damn imprint between my ex-boyfriend and my ex-best friend. I didn't even pay attention to where Jacob was before I stripped, leaving my clothes in a messy pile at my feet before tying them to my ankle. I then gathered my anger and used it to phase.

I could hear Seth's thoughts in my head immediately.

Leah...! Leah, are you okay?

Yeah, I was about as okay as if someone had run me over with a steamroller.

I heard that, Leah! Calm down, please! You know Sam and Emily didn't -

Seth, I ground out, please stop trying to help. It's not working!

Then, just like that, I was alone with my thoughts.

I felt the wind rushing past me, my padded feet thudding against the soil at full speed. I was focused, though I had no clue where I was going. For no good reason, my teeth were bared, and I was snarling. But, I figured, it couldn't hurt. Better to let the anger out somehow.

I pushed myself forward. Harder, faster, never stopping, never looking back. Not wanting to. I hated it. I hated them. Everything about them and their stupid hoity toity love story that was just made for the damn Harlequin romance novels. The way he looked at her, the way he had kissed her. All in front of me. With no consideration whatsoever. It had never happened like that before. He had always been careful not to do that in front of me, to make me feel worse, but...yeah. That didn't work out so well.

I let out a rough bark as I trotted forward, through some random little pond, feeling the moss and algae between my toes.

Running always helped. Though it never permanently erased things, it provided an escape. Which was why, in a way, I was glad to become...what I am.

Then, suddenly, I heard it.


That's all it started as. Just that one syllable. I didn't know if it was in reaction to my current state of emotion or if it had anything to do with me at all, but I still pressed forward, trying to ignore it.

Then it all came in a flood of thoughts. All in Jacob's voice.

Damn! I never knew Leah looked like that!

What? ...I look bad?

Sure, I heard people talk about the first time she phased and all, but damn!

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

I officially question Sam's judgement.

That one made me wince at the pain in brought on, but I kept running.

She looks damn good!

I hate to admit it, but if I was human at that moment, I would've blushed.

Too bad she phased so quickly. I was hoping she'd turn around.

Wow. Men are pigs.

But that ass! Damn, damn, damn!


That was like Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez combined! Except better!

I nearly stumbled over my own feet at that comment.

Like a big, nice, round onion.

What the hell? My ass looks like a vegetable!?

Smack that, all on the floor! Smack that, give me some more! Smack that, till you get sore! Smack that -

I'm going to murder Jacob Black.

I kept my thoughts to myself, trying to make him think that I hadn't heard any of that, and I announced to Jacob in my head, Alright, I'm going to stop. Meet up with me at that hill up there.

I knew he had been chasing me for a while, but I had been so distracted by the...disturbing thoughts that I hadn't addressed him. I turned abruptly, hiding myself behind several large bushes before I phased back. I retrieved the bundle of clothes from around my ankle and put them on hastily. Ugh, I really wasn't looking forward to smashing Jacob's face in, but it was something that had to be done.

I stepped out from behind to bushes, glaring like a madwoman, and connected my eyes with his. He was standing there, looking incredibly innocent despite his older appearance.

"Hey, Leah," He began, his tone light and playful.

I growled at him.

Jacob's eyes widened at me, and he held his hands out in front of him, "Hey, hey, what's the matter?"

"You should know damn well what's wrong, Jacob Black!" I snarled, feeling that by the intensity of my gaze, he should've burst into flames by now.

"If it's about Sam and Emily, well...they suck, man," Jacob said, looking at the ground as he said their names. "I know they should've avoided the P.D.A. in front of you, but...I dunno. They can't help it sometimes..."

"Quit rambling, dumbass," I said, sounding harsher than I intended. Jacob looked up with a shocked expression, probably from the fact that I dismissed the Sam and Emily thing rather easily. I've called him a dumbass more times than I can count, so I doubt it was from that. "It's not about Sam or Emily."

"Then what..."


Jacob looked genuinely confused, scratching his mop of ink black hair as he met my eyes. "Uh...what do you mean?"

"Apparently," I growled out, my hands on my hips, "You think I have a nice, round, onion butt."

Jacob turned three different shades - pale, red, then green. I smirked at that. He then started to stutter uncontrollably like some robot that had malfunctioned, "I-I-I...uh...I...you...y-you..."

He shook his head, his hair - which had grown a bit longer since he had originally joined the pack - shaking in his eyes and around his face like a dark curtain. Jake finally gathered himself before saying, "Well, some girls would take that as a compliment!"

I quirked a brow at that, "Some girls? I bet if you told Bella that she had a big, round, onion for a butt she would be just as mad - "

"No..." Jacob corrected. He did know almost everything about Bella Swan, that's for sure. "She'd probably turn as red as a strawberry, but...well, she might try to slap me. Yeah..."

"See?" I pointed out. "Because you're a perv."

"Yeah...I guess so..." Jacob then stopped, and said, "I am not a pervert!"

"Really now? What about all those times you thought about..." I air-quoted the next part, "...'making love to my sweet Bella.'"

Jacob sent me a glare that would rival my own from just a few minutes ago. "You're a bitch, Leah."

"Yeah, and you're a perv, what's new?" I shrugged it off; I was rather used to that word being used in the same sentence as my name.

Suddenly, Jacob sighed and turned to walk away.

Ah, damn. When did I grow a conscience?

I sighed roughly, mimicking his earlier gesture, and said, "Jake, wait..."

"What?" He stopped, turning around to face me. I suddenly felt very small, for he towered over me.

It was quiet for a minute, while I tried to word what I was going to say.


"Jake, if my butt is an onion, then yours is a big, juicy, ripe tomato."

A blush streaked the face underneath his russet skin.

"What can I say? You got a donk, Jake."

It was quiet.

And then, laughter.

"Ya know, you're all right, Leah."

He wrapped his impossibly long, muscular arm around my shoulders and walked forward, tugging me with him. Jacob was still laughing as we walked slowly, but gracefully through the trees and brush of the forest. I was somewhat reluctant to have him touching me, but it did feel nice. And I hardly got this kind of contact with a guy anymore.

I eventually lost the tense feeling in my shoulders and relaxed as he practically pulled us both along the brambles and undergrowth of the woods. And, somehow, my head found his shoulder and I was leaning on him. Then, his head came to rest on top of mine.

"Friends?" He asked, "Unless you don't wanna be friends with a overly-ripe tomato like me."

I chuckled, "Don't you know? Onions and tomatoes go great together."

He laughed at that, and we continued walking.


But, in my gut, I knew that somewhere in the future, we would be more than friends.

And that was definitely enough.


My first attempt at a JacobLeah! I hope you liked it! I know I enjoyed writing it, so I hope you will review! It would mean a lot to me and...yeah. Lol. It's not really meant to be taken seriously, just to put a smile on your face (I hope it did!).

I can't wait to hear your opinions!

Thanks for reading!