I told Kavi she was totally kicking my ass on the prompts so I needed to step up my game! I've actually had this in my head for about a week but I kept getting distracted by my new story so I didn't get it typed up.
This is my first foray into JJ/Rossi. It's a friendship piece though. She's pregnant here, and I'm considering this an offshoot piece from my Girl story. It's set a few months into the AU, but you don't need to know anything about that to read this. In canon terms, Hotch blew up in May and this takes place sometime in August.
Prompt Set #2
Title Challenge: Unauthorized Cinnamon
Three Men & A Pissed Off JJ
What the hell was that noise?
Dave tilted his head as he slowly walked down the hall, trying to figure out where the racket was coming from. It was like . . . his brow wrinkled . . . a crashing sound. And . . . oh wait, now there was yelling. And the yelling helped him zero in on the location.
He jogged the rest of the way down the hall. Stopping completely when he reached her closed door. Because now he could hear it quite clearly. JJ was yelling at someone.
And she was yelling very, VERY loudly.
Dave turned his head to look back over his shoulder, making sure Hotch wasn't coming down the hall. Because if Dave had heard the commotion from his office, there was no way that Hotch wouldn't have heard it from his too. But fortunately Emily had collected him for lunch about a half hour ago so he should be gone for at least another ten minutes. Though Dave knew that Hotch had a soft spot for JJ, he still wasn't likely to tolerate whatever the hell fit she was throwing behind this closed door.
He winced as he heard something else hit the wall. He had a flashback to ex-wife number two destroying his study. He'd heard similar thwumps as he'd walked in the door the night she left him. He smirked to himself . . . she was a pistol. Then he redirected his attention to the matter at hand.
JJ's apparent destruction of her office.
Not wishing to inadvertently take something to the face, he figured knocking would be the best way to go. He made two quick raps on the door.
And . . . of course . . . no answer.
Though really how could anyone hear knocking over the din going on in there? But he did just hear sweet little pregnant JJ use the F word three times in one sentence, so he figured that it was about time he stepped in regardless of the risk of personal injury.
Because those were two MORE F words than were in her last sentence, and that was . . . in their vernacular . . . an escalation.
So he slowly twisted the knob and pushed the door open, pausing for a split second before he poked his head around the corner. And the figures in the tableau in front of him froze.
JJ holding a case file like a quarterback about to go long, and then in the opposite corner, Derek with his hand up, clearly trying to block her next throw. They both had the looks of deer caught in headlights as a semi comes around a turn in the road.
Dave cleared his throat.
"Everything okay in here?"
JJ stared at him for a moment before dropping her eyes to the ground, and when she looked back up Dave could see she'd only briefly pressed pause on the anger button. She was clearly still royally pissed off.
She snapped her eyes over to Derek, but she directed her voice to Dave.
"Actually no. Things are very much NOT okay in here."
Dave slipped into her office, shutting the door behind him as he mentally calculated how long he had to resolve this before Hotch returned.
He was interrupted as an exasperated Derek piped up from the corner.
"JJ I still don't know why you're so pissed off."
Dave had seen that look on many women's faces before, and he immediately reached out and pulled her back against his chest, catching her hand just before she picked up the paperweight on her desk. Unfortunately he could only restrain her throwing arm . . . not her tongue.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DEREK? YOU DON'T KNOW WHY I'M PISSED OFF!"
Dave winced . . . wow. It was even louder on this side of the door. He hadn't thought that was possible. Well, at least now he knew what the problem was. Morgan had clearly fucked up somehow and he hadn't apologized for it yet. And he was assuming that JJ's hormones were fueling whatever fury she had going at him. Because this level of vitriol was fairly uncharacteristic for her. She was generally quite even tempered.
So he tried to appeal to her more rational nature, with a gentle squeeze of her hand.
"JJ," he said quietly, "why don't you tell me why you're upset with Morgan."
He felt her huff two angry breaths before she answered him in something resembling her normal tone.
"Last weekend he picked up Will for a quote unquote 'boy's night out.' Fine whatever. I want Will to make friends up here. But Dave," and her voice started to increase in pitch, "do you know what Morgan did? Do you!"
Understanding that to be a rhetorical question, Dave wisely chose not to respond. Which turned out to be a good call on his part because she went right on rolling.
"Derek gave out our HOME number to a stripper! A stripper named CINNAMON! And she keeps calling my house!" JJ switched to a sex kitten voice, "oh is Will there? Big D said I should call him if I wanted to party." Then she looked over at Morgan in disgust.
"Seriously Derek? 'Big D'?!"
Dave's mouth started to twitch, and he thanked God in his heaven that JJ was not facing him at that moment because he was quite sure that she would have hauled off and punched him for it. Still though, she could turn around at any second, so he quickly schooled his features. He'd learned a long time ago that woman had eyes in the back of their heads. It was also important to immediately show allegiance on the proper side of the argument.
And to that end he asked in his most stern voice.
"Morgan, why would you do something like that?"
As if he didn't know.
Derek rolled his eyes.
"Uh, why do you think Dave? I was DRUNK! We were at this strip club, Cinnamon comes over does a little ooh la la. Will wouldn't even give her the time of day, so when he went to the bathroom I thought I'd fuck with him a little so I gave her his number." He shrugged, "God JJ, it was a joke. I seriously don't know why you're so pissed off at me. This chick will stop calling you in a couple days and it'll be over."
Dave ran through all of the words that had just come out of Derek's mouth . . . nope, even on the second run through there was no apology to be found.
How was it that this guy got as much tail as he did, and he STILL didn't know that sometimes you just apologize to a woman even when you didn't do anything wrong?! And for God's sake the girl's pregnant! Which meant that she was going to be ten times less tolerant of his bullshit NOW than she would have been six and a half months ago!
While Dave had gotten himself slightly distracted thinking about what an idiot Derek was, he'd loosened his hold on JJ's arm. And it turned out that he wasn't the only one who had just reviewed Derek's speech and not found an apology in it. Because JJ's got her hand free . . . and then SHOT that file folder across the room!
It exploded against the wall. Genuinely EXPLODED! Papers and crime scene photos flew everywhere.
Dave was impressed . . . the girl had an arm! Maybe after the baby was born she could help out the Jets.
Unfortunately, at that very moment, Hotch . . . returning from lunch in search of his media liaison . . . made his usual perfunctory knock, and opened her office door. And once again, the room froze.
Hotch stared, taking it all in. Rossi clearly trying to restrain an irate JJ, papers and files everywhere, Morgan cowering in the corner. Conclusion.
Morgan fucked up.
He swiveled his head over to Dave and JJ . . . Dave was shooting him a pleading look.
Hotch knew that JJ's hormones had started to catch up with her, which he figured was what had precipitated this, whatever the hell it was. And as a veteran of living with a hormonal pregnant woman, Hotch could clearly deduce that JJ was about to involuntarily roll from angry yelling, to angry crying.
Though her gaze had fallen to the floor, he could see, her eyes were welling up.
His expression softened . . . well, he couldn't have that. Next to Emily, JJ was his favorite girl. And he'd be damned if whatever the hell stupid thing Derek had done to get her so upset was going to make her cry in the office. She'd be mortified.
"Dave," he said softly as he watched JJ wiping the corner of her eye, "would you please take JJ down to the cafeteria to get a cup of tea."
Dave flashed him a look of gratitude as he started to usher out, Hotch stepping aside so they could get through the door. JJ's belly really was starting to become an imposing presence.
Once they were out in the hall, Hotch snapped his eyes over to Derek as he said in an icy tone.
"Now Agent Morgan if you'd be kind enough to clean up this mess please."
Indignant, Derek opened his mouth to protest but Hotch cut him off.
"I'm sorry did you wish to have your pregnant co-worker down on her hands and knees doing it."
Even if Morgan hadn't been the one to actually toss the files, Hotch still knew that HE was the reason that they were on the damn floor.
Derek's jaw snapped shut and he groaned before stooping down to start gathering up the files. Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Hotch stepped back into the hall just in time to catch the tail end of Dave's last sentence.
". . . next time Cinnamon calls ask her if she knows Bubbles McGee. She used to work the Viper Room. And if she does tell her Davey D. said to say hi."
He really needed to start leaving a bottle of whiskey in his desk.
A/N 2: Is it weird that I immediately thought stripper when I read the Cinnamon prompt?
I have an idea for another JJ/Rossi in the prompt set. What do you think? Should I take another dip in the pool?