I do not own these characters or places, just the twisty-turney plot. Holy crap, I'm updating. I didn't die and fall off the face of the earth (amazingly enough) but I did write myself into a corner that I couldn't get out of and I was in and out of the hospital.
So here's another chapter in case anyone is still reading (or interested) in this.
I watched, and kept my mouth shut, when Harry and Sirius went upstairs to talk about Severus. Yes, I could hear everything that they were talking about because of my affliction. Besides the "werewolf" attribute of enhanced hearing, they were my pack; every molecule of my being centered on Sirius, Harry and Hermione. Truthfully, I could tell what they were doing and talking about at almost anytime.
I resumed my game with James, not wanting to know what the resolution that to that particular conversation was going to be until it was decided on. James was beating me horribly, and if I didn't pull out a win, I was going to have to spend almost my whole "chocolate fund" on James for Christmas. Luckily, Lily was just coming up behind him.
"Lily-flower, how lovely of you to join us. I'm sure that James would appreciate your help." I gave James what I'm sure was a wolfy-grin as Lily sat on the arm of his chair, letting strands of her long, red hair brush his face and distract him. I would do anything to keep my "chocolate money" in my hands. I may be a prefect, but I'm still a Marauder and I've never said that I was above cheating.
I ended up being able to keep my money to myself and we called the game a draw. Hermione joined me on the couch and we sat up rather late doing homework so that we would be caught up. I like learning as much as the next guy, but Hermione is just a little over the top when it came to revising for NEWTS.
When I couldn't take it anymore, I pushed my books back into my bag and settled onto the couch with Hermione in my arms, my mouth right next to her ear. My mind kept flashing to Harry's "plan" in regards to Siri's impotence, but I agreed with Hermione that a few days wouldn't hurt any of us too much. Or so I thought.
"What would you like for Christmas Love?" She started at my voice and I felt momentarily bad, thinking that she had been dozing off and I'd woken her, but that wasn't the case.
"Oh…I hadn't thought about it really. I'm just looking forward to being with everyone at the Potters'. They're such wonderful people. Really, I know this sound silly but I just want Harry to have a good holiday. He's not had enough of them and he's never had one with family before." I nodded.
"Surely there's something that you want?" I'm certain that I wasn't trying to tease her, but that question, when it came out of my mouth, had so many naughty connotations that my voice dropped and I pulled her body closer to mine. I felt her shiver in my arms.
"No, well…I'd love a new book, or maybe some music, but I really can't think of anything." Her hips gave a sexy little wiggle in my lap and I bit my lip hard so that I could hold in a groan. I took a silent deep breath and forced my arousal down, but it was too late; she'd already felt my erection against her arse.
She spun in my arms and it was everything I had to not throw her over my shoulder and carry her upstairs so that I could have my way with her when I saw the look on her face. She was horny. I could smell her arousal and I knew that if I didn't do something right away I was going to ruin Harry's plans. Fate was on my side.
Peter joined our little group at that very moment, having come from the other side of the room where he's totally struck out with one of the girls that was still in the common room. There is nothing quite like a traitor showing up to dampen your arousal.
"Peter, how are you, we've not had a chance to talk lately? Did you ever find someone to play chess with?" His chubby face lit up when I spoke to him and I found that I had to force the growl out of my voice. He shook his head.
"No, n-n-no one wanted to play. It's n-n-not that l-l-late, would you f-f-fancy a game?" I told him that I would and held back a look of distaste as he scurried off to find his board and pieces so that we could play.
Hermione wasn't mad at me for the distraction, in fact it seemed like she wasn't paying any attention to me at all. She was staring after Peter with a look of mingled pity and revulsion. I poked her shoulder and asked her what she was thinking.
"His stutter wasn't that bad before. I just wonder if it isn't being repeatedly crucio-ed that causes it. I've always had a soft spot for defenseless creatures, even the gross ones, and I can't help but feel a little bad." As my disbelieving look, she hurried to elaborate.
"I mean, I still can't stand the sight of him and he's done it all to himself but…I dunno. Please don't tell Harry that I said that?" I kissed her nose and nodded my head just in time for the Rat to come back and set up his chess board. I held in a sigh and prepared myself for a long night of holding in my thoughts.
Eventually I was put out of my misery; Peter beat me at three games to one and then he ever-so-graciously allowed me to slip away and go to bed. I rolled my eyes as I roused an adorably sleepy Hermione from her spot curled up in my lap and we made our way up to our room.
Harry and Sirius were understandably asleep when we got there, so we undressed silently and got into the magically-enlarged bed with them. I curled myself around Sirius' back so that I could be in slight contact with all of them as Hermione settled in behind Harry. Nuzzling my face into the hair in front of my face I mumbled an exhausted "good night" and was out before I finished the words.
The next day dawned bright and cold. I was shivering when I awake due to the fact that Hermione was a blanket hog; my backside was exposed to the frigid air of the castle. I grumbled on my trip to the shower, frustrated that I couldn't stay in bed like my lazy mates.
I turned the shower as hot as it would go and nearly burned my skin when I got in, but at least it woke me up and gave me feeling back in my cold skin. I'm ashamed to admit that when the shower-curtain was pulled aside and a pair of dainty hands slid along my midsection, I jumped. I looked down to see Hermione getting ready to kneel at my feet. Her big, brown eyes looking up at me and the hot water cascading off her flushed skin was usually my undoing, but I held my ground and allowed nothing to happen. I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist even as she started yelling at me.
"What the Hell? For the love of Morgana…what is your problem? You're turning me down? Without even a word? What about last night when we got interrupted downstairs? Oh, no, that's right you ALLOWED us to be interrupted but Peter the walking, talking traitor. What is going on?" Faced with the wrath of a naked and angry Hermione I was speechless. We were back in the bedroom at that point and though I was reluctant to turn her wrath to the two sleeping members of our pack, I felt that I wanted to warn her about the volume of her voice.
"Mio…can you keep it down, they're still sleeping." I made a vague gesture with my hand to our sleeping mates on the bed and it was as though a light bulb went off in her head. I didn't need to come up with some reason that I wasn't going to allow anything to happen with her; she already knew.
"They got to you didn't they? They asked you to cut me off so that I would remove the charm from Sirius? Well….it won't work. Besides, you were laughing about it when you found out what it was, why are you doing this now? Don't you think he needs to be punished? Don't you think that it would do him some good to think without using his cock?" Her hands were balled into fists and resting on her hips. She was still totally naked and slightly wet from her short time in the shower and her eyes were blazing as she looked at me. My mouth went dry and I knew that one glance at my towel would tell anyone that I wanted this vision in front of me. She looked like every heterosexual man's wet dream.
"Well…I…you've figured it out, what else would you like me to say Hermione? Yes, I do think that it would do Paddy a world of good to think without using his dick. Yes, I did find what you did to him funny and slightly appropriate. However…no, I don't think that it should stay that long. It's just too harsh Mio…too harsh." She huffed in impatience furthering the blush that was spreading down her heaving chest and I nearly fell to my knees in supplication before her. I wanted to worship her.
A sound coming from the direction of the bed drew both of our attentions. We turned and saw Harry curl further into Sirius' loose embrace nuzzling his head into the strong chest and taking a loud, deep breath through his nose. The startling green eyes popped open and zeroed in on Hermione and myself standing on the other side of the room.
Harry squinted trying to bring us into focus and I could see his eyes darting back and for the between the two of us. Slowly, as though an abrupt movement would break the spell that we were under, he extricated himself from Sirius' arms and slid smoothly off the bed. My ardor was raised even further when I saw his sleep-soft skin and rumpled hair.
It was at that moment that I knew having three mates was going to drive me insane; especially since they couldn't seem to agree or get along consistently.
Harry accio-ed his glasses from the side table and placed them on his face as he silently made his way over to us. For her part, I could tell that Mione was just as horny as I was and we could both see the evidence of Harry's dreams in his boxers. With nothing more than a bleary nod in Hermione's direction, Harry sauntered up to me and pulled my face down for a long good morning kiss.
His tongue traced the outline of my bottom lip and my mouth opened with a groan. Even though he was standing on his toes, I could feel that my erection was pressing into his toned stomach with just my still-damp towel between us. He wriggled against me for just a moment, just long enough that I had forgotten about my argument from just a moment ago before he pulled away, licking his sinfully pouty lips and winking at me as he made his way to the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
"…Of all the low-down, dirty, mean-spirited…SLYTHERIN things to do! Harry James Potter, I will get you for that!" Hermione screeched before she stomped over to the wardrobe and began pulling out her robes for the day ahead. Her volume ensured that Sirius woke up and looked around the room, adorably puzzled.
I headed over to the bed and gave him a good morning kiss, whispering into his ear, "better not to ask; time to get up now Paddy" before heading over to my own clothes and getting dressed.
I'm afraid to say that the day didn't really get any better from there; at least where Hermione was concerned. Harry was giving her the silent treatment along with Sirius and I was stuck in the middle. The whole situation was immensely childish and it was starting to get on my nerves quite a bit.
I had no one to turn to so that I could vent. James was trying to be on Harry's side (wanting to be a father and a friend to him at all times), plus if he was on Harry's side then he could have Sirius back as his best mate. Lily was on Hermione's side, thinking that Sirius' punishment from Harry was far too light-handed. I needed someone that I could vent my frustrations to, and I couldn't think of a person in the world (or at Hogwarts more to the point) that I could talk to.
However, just as I was beginning to despair, I bumped into someone in the hallways that I thought could help. It was something that is commonly referred to as a "long-shot" but it was worth a try. We, as a group, were trying to cultivate a friendly relationship with him in any case. I thought that it couldn't hurt to show him that I was willing to confide some troubles in him.
I never stopped to think about what a selfish ass I was being at the time.
"Severus! Hold up, I'd like to talk to you." He was moving rather slowly down the hallway, regardless of my asking him to wait for me. This was only the first day that he'd been allowed out of the Hospital Wing to go to all of his classes. I began to talk at him and never noticed how angry he was becoming until the very end of my little rant. His shoulders were tight with tension and he stopped mid-stride when I finished speaking.
"What goes on in that head of yours Lupin that makes you think I would help you? Or for that matter, why would I care? I have my own troubles right now, in case you hadn't noticed. I've just been beaten very badly by some of my own so-called friends and I have other worries that I can not…" His eyes went wide as he noticed his slip.
Thus far, Severus hadn't told anyone that he knew who'd beaten him. I had my suspicions as to why they'd hurt him, and who'd done it at that point, but never did I think that I'd hear about it from his lips. I'm certain that he thought he'd be able to take the knowledge with him to his grave. The cat was out of the bag now, however.
"Severus…come with me." He wanted to argue, wanted to run away and pretend like that had never happened, it was clearly written all over his face. I didn't give him a chance to do other than what I wanted. I grabbed his uninjured arm and dragged him through the castle hallways until I found a suitably dusty, disused old room and threw him in without warning. I shut and warded the door to the best of my abilities before turning to face him.
"I do want to be your friend. Cold-hearted Slytherin or not, I'm guessing that you could use someone to talk to right now. I'm here to be that person. I'll even vow to you right now that no one will hear about any of this from me." He stayed stubbornly silent, but I could see those gears turning in his head, trying to get out of the conversation. I studied his silence face for long enough that I even saw when he thought, and discarded, the notion of overpowering me and my wards. Finally, after 20 minutes of waiting, I saw resignation.
"I was, in fact despite everything that I keep telling myself still am, in love with the blonde bastard that did this to me. I thought that I could get away with anything. I should have known that I couldn't. I should have known that he would and could never feel anything for me. This latest catastrophe merely confirms this. I had a lonely childhood, only one true friend and I've lost her to the Gryffs. No, I shouldn't say that. I lost her when I decided that I wanted to be a bastard more than I wanted to be her friend. She is trying now to forgive me all that I've done, but I'm not sure that I even deserve to be forgiven." I took half of a step forward, meaning to place my hand on his shoulder and give a little support, but he turned away from me before I could move more than that and I moved my foot back and leaned up against the table behind me.
Severus talked for a long time, I lost track of the time passing as I let him pour out all of his sorrows on my sympathetic ear. Suddenly, being a werewolf didn't seem so bad. Compared to his life, I'd had a golden one.
When he was done speaking I allowed the silence to consume us. We both needed a moment of reflection. Despite everything that he'd just told me, I had one question and it centered around Sirius and Harry. Of course, I wasn't sure how many questions I'd be allowed to ask him about the rest of his sad story, so I thought I'd ask about the people that concerned me the most.
"What I don't fully understand Severus is what do Harry and Sirius have to do with all of this? Why did you offer…yourself to them? For one night? What was the motivation behind that?"
I was (and still am) an unfeeling, insensitive prat. An arsehole of the highest order. When Harry told me that we had to talk about the situation with Severus, those were the thoughts that we running through my head. We headed up, not to the shared dorm, but one floor higher so that we could have total privacy. We both knew that this conversation had the potential to become ugly and fast.
I went into the room first and settled myself onto the bed while Harry shut the door behind him. When he turned and saw me seated on the bed, he pursed his kissable lips and transfigured a towel from the floor into a chair which he pulled up next to me. Silence permeated the room; I knew that I was waiting for him to start talking and I think that he was waiting for me to start. I had no idea what to say.
"I refuse to get into the "why" of the situation. It hurts too much and I've already decided to forgive you. I do wonder if you know his reasons…but that is rather beside the point. Also beside the point is the fact that I know you want to sleep with him. SO the question becomes, why should I give you what you want when you hurt me? Why should I reward your bad behavior?"
"I-" Harry cut me off with a wave of his hand.
"I don't think that I want you to talk yet." He leaned back in his chair and tipped his head towards the ceiling as he closed his eyes. I was terrified that I was going to lose him again and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to fix this, so I did what he told me he wanted and stayed silent, waiting.
"I love you. I love you so much that I am in physical pain sometimes. I can't let myself think about the complications of that, or what is going to happen in May when Mione and I have to go back to a future where I'm just your Godson. I can't think about that. What I can think about is the fact that I don't like you very much right now. You make me think things about myself that I don't want to think. You make me feel things that I don't want to feel." I hung my head at his harsh words; I knew that he was 100 percent right with everything that he said. And I know that because I don't like myself sometimes, yet I can't stop myself. I know that I'm being stupid and doing something that is going to get myself in trouble but I can't stop it.
"No matter how much you mess up; how much I don't like you at any time; no matter what you do I won't leave you. I can't leave you. I can't say no to you and I can't keep anything from you. Even if I wasn't intrigued by Sev and had no desire to be with him, I would do it for you. Everything is for you. I need to make you understand that. You need to understand the power that you have over me. So, do you? Can you try to be better?"
I fell off the bed and onto my knees in front of him and took his hands into mine. I will never be able to forget the way that he flinched when I touched him. I had no idea how I was going to get him to believe what I had to say, so I just looked into his eyes and began to meander my way through it.
"I love you too; I never meant to hurt you. I never want to hurt you. I'm sorry but I don't know what I can do to make this right again. I'll wear your mark, wear a leash, I would do anything that you can think of, if only we can try to go back to what we were." Harry was looking right in my eyes as I spoke, looking for the truth in what I was saying. I was so devastated by the whole situation that I was completely caught off guard byt the sudden, devious smirk that took over his handsome face.
"I think I may have a temporary solution."
Review? Let me know if I'm finally heading back in the right direction.