Genre: AU, angst, hurt/comfort, romance
Summary: He'd only wanted to save her.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
Author's Notes: to JennyLD for the beta.
Note: This was written for Rynne for the Support Stacie Auction. Prompts were: iTen/Rose, smut, Ten really possessive/protective but still manages to be gentle.
Eyeing the small band of people in front of him one last time, the Doctor lifted Rose's limp body higher in his arms, turned around and headed down the empty street, stepping over rubble and moving around burning vehicles. He heard arguing, knew Jelp'Non would get his way in the end, but at this point, he didn't even care anymore.
With Rose's hair brushing his arms as it swung back and forth, he walked away from the sunset, leaving behind the orange and red tinted buildings for the shadows of the inner city.
Time was counting down. He knew what was coming, which was why he kept walking, past faces peering fearfully out of windows, past the distant sounds of gunfire, moving toward the northern edge of the city.
They'd be safe there.
Two and a quarter milongs from the rebels, he shouldered open the door of an old, abandoned building. Crossing the dust-laden floor, he headed to the north corner, away from windows and doorways.
Settling Rose on the floor, he stood up and quickly took off his coat, bundling it up and slipping it under her head. After a moment, he removed his suit jacket as well, laying it over her. A chill was sweeping through the city as night continued to fall. The last rays of sunlight slipped over the sill of a far window, lighting on Rose's face for a few moments before fading away.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he breathed out a sigh.
A sigh of relief that she was alive. Of mourning for the city, because most of it would perish. Of despair for the rebels they'd spent the past three days with.
Fisting his hands by his sides, he knelt down by Rose. They were children, he thought, gritting his teeth. Children playing at war. For all their schemes and plans and plotting, they'd done nothing but get people hurt.
Reaching out a shaking hand, he clenched his fingers tight before touching her. She was so still.
He knew, had known, in that second, that fraction of a second, that split moment of time, from the instantaneous heartbreak and the gutted feeling in his chest, he'd known then. Devastation had torn through him, and, if he hadn't seen, known, felt it with every fiber in him in that next moment, that she was alive, then the rebels wouldn't be out there any longer.
Not alive anyway. Not plotting their doomed attack on the Chancellor's office. They would've received the full brunt of his wrath, the darkness he held inside, close to his hearts.
Uncurling his fingers, forcing himself to calm down, he smoothed her hair back from her forehead, relieved to feel her stir beneath his touch.
She moaned irritably, swatting weakly at his hand. "Mum?"
Grinning, the sound of her voice music to his ears, he shifted, dropping into a sitting position beside her. "No, but I could ring her if you'd like."
Her eyes fluttered open under lowered brows. She tried to move, but went still with a wince. "That bloody Jelp'Non," she spat, and he silently agreed. "Little bastard shot me!"
Pushing her back, he held her down lightly, carefully. It was a little too easy to do. "Lie still. You were--"
"Stunned," she bit out, pushing his hands away and sitting up. "With my own gun! That bastard."
He was torn between grinning and seething, but finally settled on being proud of her. The only reason she was alive at all wasn't because Jelp'Non had any mercy in him, but because he'd grabbed Rose's gun, stubbornly set to stun. Grinning won out in the end, and he scooped her up into a fierce hug. "Thank--"
An explosion went off to the south, and the building shook, sending dust and bits of wood and plaster down on them. He held her tightly to him, laying her back onto the ground, covering her body with his own as a flash of light shot through the building, then disappeared.
Her hands clenched on his arms, and she stared up at him, eyes wide, realization hitting her as pieces of debris rained down around them.
She tried to get up, and he knew she was prepared to run the distance to check on the rebels, but he held her down, shaking his head. The ground settled a moment later, but he didn't move. He wasn't sure he could. If he did, would she shove him away? Run still? Blame him for not saving them?
"You--" she began, but there was another explosion, quickly followed by two more. Flashes lit the room for moments at a time, coming in waves as shocks rocketed through the building, each pulse of light reflecting off the dust fluttering around them.
Holding her tighter, he sheltered her as best he could from the debris still raining down. On him. A fairly good-sized chunk of wood hit his back, making him wince, but he closed his eyes, barely feeling it against the pain in Rose's eyes.
Silence settled a few seconds later.
Though he knew it wasn't over, he did know that they were fairly safe here. It was a sturdy building, and most of the bombing was further off. Until later. Loosening his grip on her, he rested his weight on his arms, hovering above her. "I'm sorry." Brushing his thumb under her eye, he caught a tear before it could make tracks in the dirt covering her face. "I had to save you. There was no more time."
He began to sit up reluctantly, when another explosion rocked the city. Not as close as the others, but still too close for comfort. Rose clung to him, eyes darting around as the light swept through and he saw the tears making their way down her temples.
"Stee was younger than me," she whispered, and he heard accusation in her voice. "You could've..."
"There was nothing I could do," he lied. "We were out of options." Voice hardening, face going blank, he drew back, pulling her up with him. "Jelp'Non didn't leave me any choice."
Still grasping him tightly, she closed her eyes for a few seconds and he heard a sob, felt her body shaking. "They were so y-- young."
"They were stupid." His voice was hard and he saw her glare at him just before another bomb hit. She jumped, startled, and he sighed, wrapping his arms around her, knowing it wasn't going to get any better. They'd be here for a few more hours yet, and the bombing wouldn't stop. This building though... it was safe. It survived.
She fought him for a second, struggling in his grip, but then sank on him, boneless, tears streaming down her cheeks, mingling with the dirt and thick mascara already marring her skin. He'd intended only to hold her, to hug her and keep her safe, but her arms went around him too and she drew herself into his embrace, crawling onto his lap.
And he didn't mind.
Cradling her to him, he let her cry, let her blame him for it all. Knew she'd pull herself together in a minute and just wanted to enjoy this moment of holding her while he could. They were always so close, so very tactile with one another. Had even slept in the same bed once before. But, this...
Inhaling slowly, he rested his chin on her shoulder, relaxing his body into hers.
This was too familiar, and it just wouldn't do. Pulling back reluctantly, he released his arms from around her, hearts clenching at the hurt he saw in her eyes. Cupping her face with both hands, he wiped at her tears with his thumbs, wishing he could rid her of the pain as easily as he did the mascara and dirt.
She stared back at him, a last shuddering breath leaving her for calmer breathing. Her wet eyes darted to the right, breath drawing in suddenly from a distant explosion. Fingers tightening on his shirtsleeves, she closed the gap between them and did something he'd always wanted her to do.
Always wanted, but never dared dream of.
She kissed him.
But they couldn't do this. He grabbed her arms, drawing her away. "Rose--"
She struggled free of his grip and kissed him again, settling tighter against him, sitting more firmly on his lap. Raising up, she pressed her chest against his, and he wanted nothing more than to lose himself in her, to let her lose herself in him.
Tearing his mouth from hers, he held her still, inches from him, staring up into her eyes, glimmering in the darkness. "This is neither the time, nor the place for--"
"Shut it," she bit out, shoving his arms off of her. Reaching down, she drew her blouse up, and he was suddenly faced with more of Rose than he'd ever seen before. But it wasn't enough. She tossed her shirt aside and kissed him again, hands cradling his face as she moved on him, over him, arousing him despite his objections.
Seemed his body didn't care about his worries or his rules.
His hands either, since they wrapped around her back and plastered her to him, despite his objections. His mouth moved desperately under hers, fighting for control, but she didn't want to give it up. Pulling away time and again, she kissed him, mouth hungry, breasts brushing his chest.
Reaching down, he fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, needing to feel her skin against his, needing her warmth touching him. Needing every inch of her on him.
It was taking too long, so he ripped the shirt open, sending buttons flying in every direction. They pinged on the cement floor as another explosion rocked the city. Closer again, but they didn't stop. She shoved his t-shirt up, nails scraping his stomach and chest, and he arched closer, liking the stinging pain.
"Want you," she moaned, pulling his shirt over his head, getting it stuck on his chin for a moment, before yanking it free and tossing it aside, riding the bulge still caged within his trousers, creating a special sort of friction on his cock, sending little shockwaves of pleasure throughout his body that rivaled the ones shaking the city.
He shoved her bra out of his way and took her nipple into his mouth, sucking, flicking, and biting at it, feeling her squirm over him. "No more than me," he mumbled, hands on her waist, pressing her down on him. "You feel so good." Flicking his tongue out, he grazed her nipple again, and she shuddered, dropping her head back on her neck. "Taste so good."
Tearing at the buttons on her jeans, he ripped them open.
She stood up, leaving him shirtless and with a raging hard-on as she stepped free of her jeans, kicking her shoes and toeing her socks off. He rubbed hard at his cock, trying to relieve some of the pressure, but it didn't work. Undoing the button and zip, he pulled himself free, stroking quickly, watching her slide her knickers off her hips and let them fall to the dusty floor, a puddle of bright white amidst the dull gray of the room.
Swallowing thickly, he stroked himself impatiently. "Rose," he moaned, begged, pleaded.
Tossing her bra aside, she knelt before him and licked her lips, and he wanted so badly for her to take him in her mouth, but he didn't think he'd last either way, and better to lose control inside her clenching folds than in her mouth. Urging her forward, he gripped her hip with one hand, finding it hard to relinquish his cock even to slide into Rose, everything he needed right now.
Another moan escaped him at the thought of her warm, moist flesh surrounding him.
"I need--" hand taking over for him, she leaned forward, kissing him, then drew back, eyes studying his face, "you."
Digging his fingers into her skin, he nodded, and she knelt over him. He lifted her up as she positioned him beneath her, warm hand stroking him once and then again. Then, without any urging from him, she pressed down, sinking onto his length with a whimper.
He saw pain flash across her face, but she didn't stop. He tried holding her still, but she wouldn't allow it. She began to move, sliding wetly on him, slickly rising and falling, clenching him tight.
It was impossible to hold onto his control when finally--finally--seated inside Rose. He brushed aside his concerns that he was hurting her, and began to thrust up, stroking long and slow, watching her face as she moved against him. Her muscles clenched tight, fingers dropping to rub her clit, and he knew she was just as far gone as he was.
Bracing his hands behind him on the floor for better leverage, he thrust harder, using shorter strokes. "You feel so good, Rose. So good." A sigh escaped him, guilt burrowing deep in his gut. "I'm sorry."
Biting her lip, tears filling her eyes, she ducked her head down and rested her forehead against his, rising and falling more quickly now. "They're all dead."
"I know." Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close, rocking into her more slowly, filling her completely before sliding back out to rock back in again. Her skin was warm, breath ghosting over his. A bead of sweat slipped down her temple racing a tear as she sucked in a shuddering breath.
"It's my fault." Her eyes closed, as if she couldn't bear to look at him any longer, and he felt a dagger of pain slice his hearts.
Cupping her cheeks, he brushed his thumbs over her tear tracks. "No. They were stupid," he bit out, rocking faster, feeling the rich friction of her squeezing muscles clenching around him, holding him inside her. She was barely moving anymore. "It's not your fault, Rose." Pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, he whispered, "Never."
Sighing heavily, she breathed out and seemed to let go of her guilt. Her eyes opened and focused on his, brown to brown, body beginning to move again, hand resuming her rubbing. Her fingers brushed his cock, then slipped lower, grasping his thigh, squeezing as she lowered over him, drawing his pleasure out with each tight stroke.
Her own as well, he knew. He could see it in her face.
She panted, straining, moving more quickly while he continued to rock into her. Her hands left him to brace on his thighs, nails digging in. She lifted and lowered over him, groaning with each pass, each stroke, each slide of his cock into her. "My fault, my fault," she whispered over and over again, pressing her lips to his, whispering the words and clenching his thighs. "God, it's all my fault."
Unable to stand the pain and hurt in her voice, to see it in her face, he closed his eyes and lowered his hand to her clit, rubbing it quickly, wanting to replace the guilt with pleasure. It wasn't her fault. She hadn't left them there to die. She hadn't walked away, knowing that nearly everyone left in the city would perish.
She hadn't known. But he had.
Lips taking his, she clenched on him suddenly, body jerking as she moved quickly, then stilled, tight around him, so tight. Nearly sending him over the edge as she kissed him, words still spilling from her lips.
When her hand dropped to his cock again, he lost it, plunging into her recklessly, wildly, hips bucking into hers. Pleasure shot through him, straight to his cock, surrounded by her silky warmth, still fluttering around him. Pulling away from her, he rested his head on her shoulder, feeling his balls drawing up. "It was me."
Her other hand, smoothing down his back, stilled on him.
"I could've saved them," he admitted, shoving harder into her, grunting as he poured his guilt into her. "I didn't want to. Only wanted to save you."
She went absolutely still, even her breathing stopped for a moment, and then she pulled back, cupping his face in her hands. There wasn't a word on her lips, but there was forgiveness in her kiss.
The moment her mouth touched his, his body tautened. Her hand slid from his thigh to his hip, caressing it gently as he drove deeper into her, burying himself in her forgiveness, seed spurting into her, guilt pouring free.
As bombs rained down on the city, they held each other tight.