Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Twilight and all its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note 6/27/2015- Due to an influx of nondescript non-constructive reviews over the past few days I have been receiving from a guest user(s?) I thought it necessary to add another disclaimer. As an author, I seek to learn from my readers, however there is a fine line between constructive criticism and people complaining just to complain. Therefore, I will not respond to reviews that contain the following:
1) People who confuse a fictional world and fictional characters with who I am as a person or what my personal beliefs are. I know very little about my readers. You all know very little about me. For all you all know I could be a purple bisexual unicorn named Clyde who lives in a pineapple under the sea with my friends Spongebob and Patrick. That being said, I have befriended readers in the past. I always like making new friends. And I know that this site is filled with wonderful people. I am also intelligent enough to realize that just because someone on this site writes an X-rated Harry Potter fanfiction about Dobby boinking Malfoy, that doesn't mean the author wants to get schtupped by a loving house elf with a sock fettish. What I write is not an "all about me novel". It's fiction. My life is much crazier. ;-P
2) People who get offended that a story with an M-rating contains NSFW content. That's like going to an R-rated movie and being shocked that there is naughty language and naughty bits. This is a story about Leah "I hate the world" Clearwater. It has fucking cussing. If you got offended at that comment, then this story...and the interwebs in general...is no place for you, my friend.
3) People who do nothing but complain about what they hate and how much they hate it, yet keep coming back. If I stick my finger in an electrical socket and get electrocuted, I'm not going to do it again...because I didn't like what happened. That's the same premise with reading. Don't like something? Hit the road, Jack.
If you fit the above category, Bye Felicia!
I will respond to you if you review with:
1) A question.
2) Grammar notifications or things I have not spelled correctly.
3) A pleasant comment about rainbows and kittens and puppy dogs.
4) A thought-provoking and constructive piece of criticism that I could use to further mold my future writings.
5) Something that made you giggle.
6) Literally any Supernatural, Dr. Who, or Sherlock fandom reference. This has nothing to do with my story, but if you're Superwholock, we're going to be best friends.
Thanks for being awesome readers! Enjoy the ride!
Prelude: It only took death for him to realize how much he loved her
Life Hates Me
I looked out over the cliff, dangling my feet in the air as I watched the waves crash against the rocks hundreds of yards below me. As I stared out at the gray sky I contemplated how my life had gotten to this point.
Anyone who thinks that they have been dealt the worst possible hand in life obviously hasn't met me. My life is so difficult that I long for the days where my biggest concern was whether or not my favorite outfit was clean for school the next day. Compared to what happened after I graduated, high school was a piece of cake.
The first blow to my ego happened when my boyfriend of four years left me to go knock boots with my cousin. Sam had just stared at me blankly when I curled up on the sofa and buried my face into the cushion. Of course, he wasn't expecting me to throw that glass at his head two seconds later. Somehow, seeing the gash in his head satisfied me.
"Ow, Leah, what the hell?" he stuttered out.
"You get to break my heart, so I get to break your head," I snarled.
He rubbed the cut firmly. I expected him to get angry, but instead, he just closed his eyes and took in a relaxing breath. "I'm not doing this to hurt you…"
"You are such an ass," I snapped. Anger always worked better to my advantage. It was better than the alternative. I hated tears with a passion. Crying never made me feel any better. It just made me puffy, red, and dehydrated.
I picked up the TV remote to hurl at Sam. I figured maybe throwing things would make me feel better.
Emily had intervened at that point. My cousin had always been a perfect little busybody. I never would have invited her down to meet Sam had I known she was going to sleep with him.
"It's not his fault…" Emily said. She calmly handed Sam a dishrag to cover the cut on his head. I guess that wasn't a bad idea. I didn't need him bleeding all over my carpet. Because when his body turned up a month from now I didn't need anything linking me to the scene of the crime.
"Well then, tell me whose fault it is so I can tear their ass up, too."
"He's…different. He can't control…" Emily started to say something, but Sam stopped her. Emily huffed angrily, "I wish I was able to explain this in a way that you'd understand it."
I don't think that's possible, I thought harshly.
"Get out." I wouldn't even look at my cousin.
"Leah…" Sam stepped forward.
"I want you out of my house!" I screamed. It's a good thing that my parents and my brother Seth weren't home to hear me losing my temper with my two best friends. I'm sure my mother would try to sit me down and tell me talk about this rationally. But I wasn't a very rational person when I was angry. Sometimes I scared myself when I lost my temper. Getting out of control is fun for a while...until you have your hands around someone's throat cutting off their oxygen supply and telling them to hold still while you kill them.
"You have to believe that it was never my intent to hurt you," Sam said with a frown.
"Well, it was never my intent to kill you but I'm going to if you don't get away from me," I snarled.
"What can I do to make this right?" Sam pleaded.
"Kick yourself in the nuts repeatedly." I shrugged.
"I hate seeing you like this, Leah. I love you. I don't want to see you hurting."
"Well, I am," I hissed. "Now, leave before I kill you with my mother's wedding china."
Sam pulled the dishrag away from his head just as I turned to look at Emily.
"You were like a sister to me." My lip was trembling. But I wasn't going to cry. Not for these two.
"Leah, I'm sorry…" Emily whimpered out.
"Emily, we should go." I heard Sam from behind me.
Emily sighed as she walked past me, "Please don't hate me, Leah."
She was asking me to do the impossible. How could I forgive her for loving the same man as me? As I watched them walking towards the door I noticed that Sam's head was no longer bleeding. I cocked my head in confusion as I looked at the dishrag. It barely had any blood on it. But the gash that the glass had created was probably deep enough to warrant stitches. I glanced at his head as he was walking out the door. I noticed that there was no gash.
Sam turned to face me and verified that there was now no injury on his head. My mouth fell open in shock. How had he managed to bounce back so quickly? I shook my head. I didn't care. The freak was breaking up with me anyway.
"I hope you'll understand some day." He looked at the ground sadly. I shook my head. I wasn't a very understanding girl. And I didn't want to try to pretend to understand how two people I loved so dearly could hurt me this much. This is why I hated love. Because it brought you nothing but pain.
"Please forgive me…" Emily begged.
I was so worked up that all I could do was snarl back, "I never want to see either of you again. Karma is going to bite you two in the ass and I hope she leaves a mark!"
I really regretted saying that. Two weeks later I got a phone call that Emily had been mauled by a bear. She was going to be okay but she'd suffered massive injuries to her face. That's the day that I forgave her for stealing my boyfriend. Hell, I would have forgiven her for murder at that point. I felt so bad that she had been hurt.
Seeing her in the hospital broke my heart. I hadn't meant the harsh words I'd said to her. I loved her. She was part of my family. But even her injuries weren't enough for me to forgive Sam. I didn't care if a bear ripped his head off and shit in his empty skull...I would probably still never forgive him.
At the hospital he was acting so weird. Even weird for Sam. He kept looking around nervously, spazzing out, and apologizing profusely to Emily. His erratic and uncharacteristic behavior really bothered me. What the hell had he turned in to?
Unfortunately, I got my answer to that question when I lost my temper one day when I was fighting with my brother. I think we were arguing over something stupid like whose turn it was to do the dishes. I called him a dick and he called me a bitch. The next thing I knew, my head was pounding and I was writhing on the ground in pain.
Seth immediately took back his harsh words. "Crap. I'm sorry. Leah, what's wrong?"
I managed to stumble to my feet and crawl out the front door. I was burning up and I thought that maybe the fresh air would help me. It wasn't until I fell off of the porch and tried to stand back up that I realized I had four feet.
Sam's voice was the first one I heard…which didn't help the situation.
Calm down. It's alright, Leah. You're fine.
How could I possibly be fine? I'm hearing a Satanic voice in my head, I muttered sarcastically.
Sam, I think it might be best if someone else helped her through this. Was that Jacob?
Sam sighed, I think you might be right.
I got it. I turned around and saw a sandy colored wolf standing just outside my front door.
Seth? I gawked.
Leah, you aren't going to believe this. There was a hint of excitement in his voice.
Please tell me that I hit my head and I'm unconscious and this is all part of my brain damage, I begged.
Seth took a step towards me. Nope. This is all very real.
Someone shoot me…with a silver bullet. I shook my head.
That was the day that I'd learned that I was literally a bitch. A female dog. A werewolf to be exact.
I laughed myself to sleep a week later thinking "well, at least it can't get any worse."
If there was an award to receive for being so massively completely wrong...I would have acquired it. Just when you think you've hit rock bottom you find out that there's a basement. And below that basement is a bomb shelter. I was buried about a mile beneath the dirt under that bomb shelter.
My bad luck continued when my father died, shaking up my entire family. Mom was devastated and Seth and I were heartbroken. Seth and I buried our pain in running as wolves. We existed to preserve human life…and to rip apart vampires.
So imagine my surprise when I found out that just across our border there was a family of leeches that had apparently been living in harmony with our ancestors for centuries. How stupid were our relatives? Seriously? I could just see how it must have played out.
"Hi, I'm a vampire. I eat people."
"Hi, I'm a werewolf. I transform into a giant dog and lick my ass. Let's be friends."
Jacob and Seth had befriended the vampires. It drove me crazy that the two of them were buddy-buddy with the enemy. But they were friends with Bella Swan, who was very close to the Cullen family. So, by proxy, they hung out with the vampires, too.
Jacob and Bella had been best friends for years. When they were younger I used to see them chasing each other around the playground. Actually, it was usually Jacob doing the chasing. Bella didn't really have much interest in him. She spent a lot of her time hanging upside down from the monkey bars like some creepy little bat. No wonder the girl was brain damaged. All that blood rushing to her empty head couldn't have been good for her.
When Bella moved away from Forks after her folks got a divorce it nearly killed Jacob. He moped around for years whining about how he was never going to see the girl who basically had no interest in him again. But she moved back about two years ago, and Jacob hadn't left her side ever since. Even after she fell in love with a vampire.
Jake didn't like the fact Bella was drooling over Edward Cullen. But I think he was more upset that Bella didn't see him in the light that she saw Edward in. I remembered the way the conversation had gone when we found out that Bella loved Edward.
"She loves a vampire?" I had questioned.
"Who cares that he's a vampire? The bigger issue here is that she doesn't love me." Jacob had whined and complained about how Bella preferred Edward's cold glittery skin over his warm smooth flesh.
I don't know why Bella wanted a vampire when she could have a hot-blooded mammal. Jacob was kind of sexy…but he was also an incredible jackass. Still, I wouldn't deny that there was an attraction between us. Unfortunately, he was never going to see me that way. He hated me. Everyone hated me. I guess I had brought it upon myself. I wasn't exactly a nice person. Sometimes, I wondered if the day that I was born if I sat in my little bassinet gurgling to myself, "Hmm, how can I completely ruin my entire life?" I must have spent the first few hours of my life mapping out a plan to make myself miserable. Then I'd probably spit-up on my onesie and fallen asleep.
Jacob sighed, "She's in love with him." He glanced at the ground.
"Yeah, until she finds out that every time she tries to give him a blowjob her tongue sticks to his frozen junk." My vulgar side slipped out. The image in my head was that of an idiot who stuck their tongue on a frozen pole in the winter time. I couldn't stop laughing.
Jacob's mouth hung open in shock.
I just rolled my eyes. "Close your mouth, Jacob before I shove a popsicle in it to demonstrate what Edward Cullen's dick tastes like."
Jacob didn't complain to me about Bella and Edward after that. He bitched about it when we were wolves, but after a while he stopped pursuing Bella. It was after an unlikely alliance with the Cullens that he realized that Bella was never going to stray from Edward.
We had banded together with the vegetarian bloodsuckers when there was an army of vampires running wild. Together we destroyed the army. Jacob had been badly injured. And it was my fault. Had I not decided to get all suicidal and take on two vampires at once he never would have been hurt in the first place. I don't know if anyone in my pack sensed that I was trying to get myself killed, but Jacob saved me. Which was kind of nice, but it pissed me off. Death is a lot harder to wish for when you know that someone cares about you.
At least, I thought that Jacob cared about me. But now I was having my doubts. He and Sam were at odds. We found out four days ago that Bella wasn't human anymore. I still couldn't understand who would choose to be a monster. But she told Edward that's all she wanted for her birthday. Most teenagers ask for a car. Bella Swan wanted her boyfriend to turn her into a vampire. And what's even worse, he gave her the present she so desired on her nineteenth birthday.
As werewolves, we were supposed to hate her. And we were also supposed to be allowed to attack the Cullens because the treaty said that the vampires could not bite a human. But Jacob was her best friend, so he and Sam had been fighting about the treaty we had with the Cullens. Sam was livid when he found out the rest of the gory details.
A baby? Sam gawked. How in the hell can vampires have kids?
I laughed. Freeze dried sperm. Sounded like a recipe that you might find in the deep south or something.
Somehow, Edward had gotten Bella pregnant. Even more astonishing was the fact that she actually lived through the ridiculously sped-up pregnancy. The only reason we didn't know about this was because Jacob had been refraining from phasing for a few weeks. He and Edward had been working together to keep Bella alive for the little mutant spawn's sake.
I didn't like to think about how the birth transpired. I could just see a scene out of a terrible science fiction movie of some little alien popping its head in and out like it was a little whack-a-mole from a carnival game. The first time Jacob had phased back after the baby had been born I thought I was watching a porno flick he'd seen at some point in his life. He quickly explained more cheery than I would have expected.
Bella had a baby girl.
That's great. And I give a shit why? I questioned.
Sam was upset at the other thing that Jacob had phased to tell us. Edward changed her?
He did it in order to save her. Jacob was defending Edward Cullen? Why?
I could feel Sam's concern about the child. I don't like the idea of a vampire child running around this close to our border.
Relax, Sam. The kid's cool. She's really intelligent. You should come meet her. Seth had met the baby, too?
I made a mental note to myself to rip Seth a new one for going on to the vampire's land. It was hard enough that Jacob was buddies with them. Now I had to watch my brother get all attached to the leeches?
Sam went on about how he thought the baby was a threat to us. I rolled my eyes. What was she going to do? Cry us to death? Take a massive baby crap and hurl it at us like she was a little monkey or something? Even I had reservations about destroying a baby. That just sounded terribly wrong, even if it was a kid from a vampire seed.
Hurting Renesmee would hurt Bella. And I won't let you do that, Sam, Jacob growled. She's finally happy.
And what about you, Jacob? I questioned. What about his happiness? Was he really okay with watching someone he loved kissing on a vampire for the rest of her life? Was he really willing to stay best friends with Bella now that she was a pale freakshow bloodsucker?
What about me?
I thought you loved Bella.
I snorted, Then how can you watch her live happily ever after with some douchebag?
It's because I love her that I'm able to let her be happy.
Don't kid yourself, pup. When you love someone you fight for them. I sure as hell would have fought for Sam if I'd had the strength. But so much had happened that I got swallowed by life. Sometimes I regretted not fighting for his love a little more. It's like I had practically gift-wrapped him for my cousin. But I think in my heart I always knew that he and I would never last.
I DID fight for her, Leah, he snarled. I don't think this is about me. You just can't stand to see anyone else happy. Just because your life isn't working out doesn't mean the rest of us have to be miserable.
His comment stung, but I was able to fight back my pain. I hadn't meant anything I'd said in a negative way. I just wasn't always good with words. Sometimes people misconstrued what I was trying to say. Yet just another reason I was a failure in life.
Jacob, you will not be cruel to her, Sam snapped.
Shut up, Sam. I don't need your help. The last thing I wanted was my ex-boyfriend protecting me.
Let's all just calm down. Embry was usually the quietest wolf. But he didn't like us fighting so he tried to break it apart.
I'm apparently the problem, so I'll just go, I huffed. I got the feeling that my pack would be better off without me around anyway.
Come on, Leah, don't be like that, Seth begged.
You and I both know that I was born to be a failure, kid. You're the future of this family, not me, I sighed. Seth and I were polar opposites. He excelled in everything he did. I sucked at everything besides snappy, witty comebacks. He was happy. I was miserable. He loved everything. And I hated everyone. In a way, we balanced each other out.
That isn't true.
Name one thing I'm good at. I rolled my eyes.
Seth thought for a moment. I could tell he was struggling with coming up with something. I wasn't surprised.
Well, uh…you've got one hell of a left hook.
I gasped sarcastically, I know how to punch? Oh, my life is complete!
You're so pessimistic. Quil shook his head.
Anyone else want to tell me what's wrong with me?
Don't tempt me, Jacob muttered quietly.
Jacob, Sam snapped at him again.
No. It's fine, Sam. I don't need any of you. Later. I decided to phase back and hide out as human.
That was the last time I'd talked to my pack, including my brother. I had been hiding from them for almost three days. I don't know what finally happened with the Cullens and their new bouncing baby parasite. And I didn't really care.
I stood up and let out a sigh. Hiding from nine wolves wasn't an easy thing to do. But a few miles down the road I'd set up a nice little camp where I had been fishing and sleeping. My dad had taught me about the outdoors. I never thought that I'd need to know how to fish. But then again I never thought I would be a werewolf on the lam.
I looked out at the angry water. It was getting ready to storm. I closed my eyes and inhaled the smell of the salty water. It burned my nose. I saw the tide picking up and the waves increased in size. It wouldn't take long for someone to drown in that water. I leaned forward curiously.
I froze as my eyes watched the dark murky water below. For a split second, I thought about just closing my eyes and falling. Everyone would be better off without me around. Then I smacked myself for even thinking about doing something that stupid. When had I gotten all emo?
The wind burned my nose again. It didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't saltwater that was causing me to tear up. That horrible stench was unmistakable. I had been around vampires long enough to know that icy scent.
I heard a noise from behind me. I spun around and glanced through the trees. I saw a pair of glowing red eyes gazing out at me.
I wasn't alone out here.