I Take Thee to be my Other Wife

Author: Ladelle

Rating: G

Summary: Sakura offers to marry Sasuke to ensure his citizenship, but not without feelings for him. When Naruto Uzumaki comes into the picture, her matrimonial bliss may be put on hiatus.

Comments: A gift fic (3 or 4-shot) for Reyn because a friend at her school is actually marrying a Japanese guy to get dual citizenship, LOL. Priceless.

Part 1:

"It's not that I'm trying to be picky or forceful, it's just that…" Sakura's lips puckered as the cogs in her mind worked to find a decent explanation. "It's just that for now, it has to be as real as we can manage." Her eyes glimmered as she caught site of a gorgeous princess-cut diamond glowing beneath the glass case of the jewelry store exhibit. It was so vibrant that it made Sasuke squint a little, wondering how much money this 'citizenship' thing was going to cost him.

Sakura caught his look of skepticism and so she meandered to another case, looking just as animated as before at a few smaller versions of her dream wedding band. "Oh, and look at how good gold looks with that cut…" she gasped, and a determined lady behind the counter nodded eagerly.

"All of our diamonds are handcrafted and our gold is nothing but the highest quality," the woman crooned, and not even her makeup could hide the wrinkles that creased her aging skin. She smiled out of sheer delight as Sakura pointed to a shimmering little number in the corner, anxious to see how it would look on her hand. Sasuke inwardly groaned.

"I'll be waiting outside," he said morosely. "Just…find one that you like. One that won't break my wallet."

Sakura nodded and waved him off, and Sasuke found himself feeling more or less like the Grinch who stole matrimony. He had never imagined himself getting married at the tender age of 24, even though he had dated his fair share of potential candidates. But the truth of the matter was that he was living in the United States, and if he ever decided to marry anyone, it would most certainly not be a woman. He was perfectly and intangibly gay. And seeing how the trip to the altar as a homosexual male was more of a legal obstacle course than anything else, he had simply decided to enjoy a life of quiet and calming bachelorhood.

At least, until he discovered that he wasn't a lawful citizen in the least. His brother had made sure to get him a student visa, and without much thought to the fact during his time in college, the card had nearly become expired. It was now a race against time to get his paperwork completed, lest he be sent back to the one place he could barely stand to call home: Osaka, Japan.

Not that he didn't love his home country and cherish its traditional beauty and strength as a nation; it was simply that he found a certain pleasure in the fact that in the United States he was considered incredibly smart. In Japan he'd be stuck competing for time-consuming jobs against people just as determined or perhaps even more intelligent than himself, and he felt confident that he would never meet anyone in the US with as many stripes and honor chords that he had attained.

He wasn't a coward, he was just smart. And now, he had to beat the system, the man, or so they called it, in order to continue his comfortable little lifestyle. And somehow that led to marrying a friend of his, Sakura Haruno, all for the opportunity to officially call this place he lived home.

"Please don't tell me you're buying jewelry for a girl."

Sasuke turned around, surprised to realize that he was staring off into space in the general direction of the high-price jewelry store he had exited. The person who had spoken to him looked about the same age, an athlete maybe, judging by the jersey that hung loosely over his frame.

Sasuke simply stared. He didn't talk to strangers, especially ones that saw straight through his heterosexual guise.

The other man grinned and laughed. "I take it you are?"

Sasuke hated persistence. "Why, do you sell it cheaper?"

Dark eyelashes fanned tan cheeks as the other man laughed again. He shook his head. "No. Say, you don't recognize me, do you?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. The less mature part of himself wondered how he wouldn't remember the man in front of him. His cerulean eyes were as piercing as his lopsided smile was distracting, and it was rare to find younger people wearing sports jerseys these days.

"Naruto," the man filled in, not looking offended at all. "We went to school together. Although, you probably would remember me as the guy who thought you were a cheerleader…heh." A dazed look crossed the stranger's eyes as he seemed to be remembering the small moment they had shared a few years previous.

Sasuke stiffened.

Of course this was the same blockhead who has mistaken him for a woman when he had first come to the university. It was normal for men in Japan to have sleek and stylish hair, long against their shoulders. Apparently Naruto hadn't thought twice about that fact though, and it had only been Sasuke's rotten luck that he had gotten lost while searching for the sport's medicine director on the athletic side of the campus. Within seconds of attempting to ask for direction he had been dragged to the tryout session and could now clearly remember Naruto saying, "Don't worry, you'll get in," against his ear.

A fierce shade of red assaulted his face.

"I don't' know you. I don't know what you're talking about. I am now walking away." Sasuke turned to make good on his statement, but Naruto was beside him in an instant.

"Awe, don't' be that way!"

Sasuke choked out a cough when Naruto slugged him on the back. When that same hand came to rest on his shoulder he fizzled, ducking quickly to the side in order to dislodge it from its position. "Can you not touch me?"

Bubbles of laughter followed his comment and Sasuke felt like ripping his hair out. Leave it to the one memory that threatened to completely decimate his pride to be brought up on today of all days. He weaved into a small bookstore in hopes to evade his newly acquired stalker, and wasn't entirely surprised when his tactic didn't work. He brushed past a few people and felt that strong body behind him, trailing his every step. He pulled into an aisle and whipped around, about to growl out a string of indecencies when Naruto actually leaned over to pluck a book from the shelf beside them.

"This one's not actually half-bad," he commented, and he held up the cover for Sasuke to see, his expression curious. "I never knew you read these types of books."

Sasuke's jaw almost took a dive to the floor as he examined the cover in front of him, one featuring two men wrapped in each other's limbs. His brain went dead long enough that he didn't even read the raunchy title, and instead he ripped the book from Naruto's fingers and attempted to jam it back into the small space in the bookshelf it had emerged from.

He hissed as he finally stuffed it back in. "I do not read these types of books!" he lied. It was enough that the man next to him had mistaken him for a woman at one point; this hardly seemed like the time or place to come out of the closet.

He was about to blow a gasket at the sheer audacity of Naruto following him around like a lost puppy when Sakura's voice cut him silent.

"Oh, here you are. Didn't you just get some new books last week?"

He wanted to cry. He had never been so happy to hear her voice.

"Hey Sakura, how's it going?"

Sasuke flinched. Naruto had turned to Sakura and flashed a brilliant smile at her, one that implied they knew each other far too well. When had this friendship blossomed without him knowing?

"Same old, same old," Sakura said, and she appeared completely oblivious to the quivering in Sasuke's lip that hinted he was completely uncomfortable with the entire verbal exchange. "I just bought myself a wedding ring with Sasuke here's money," she grinned, looking completely pleased with herself. She was pulling open the small box to show Naruto when Sasuke finally remembered how to speak.

"That's not--"

"Wow, way to pick 'em. This one's beautiful, Sakura," Naruto's eyes glimmered almost as much as the diamond sparkling below. "How'd you make him support this expense again?"

Sakura's laugher had always been soft, but this time there was a dash of manipulation. "Because he's marrying me."

Sasuke felt content when the stranger (because for all intensive purposes he most certainly was) stare at him, looking baffled. "Really now," he said and Sasuke nodded a bit too eagerly.

"Don't tell anyone but it's for his citizenship," Sakura whispered, and Sasuke deflated almost immediately. Why she had to go ruin a good thing like that, he'd never know.

Naruto burst out laughing. "You're illegal?" His laugher continued, almost to the point that Sasuke wanted to knock the entire bookshelf on top of him. This citizenship thing was serious!

Sakura laughed a little too. "Well, not yet he isn't. We have a few months to get everything together."

Naruto almost looked relieved to hear that. "Well, it's good you have more time. I hear that the application process is a bitch," he stated, his laughter finally dwindling. He stared at Sasuke. "You have the worst luck, don't you?"

Sasuke was about to make a snide comment about Naruto being his metaphorical black cat when a sharp beep distracted him. Naruto whipped out a telecom receiver from his jean pocket and brought it to his lips.


We need you for midshift. Can you make it in thirty?


The device went dead. Naruto pocketed it and smiled again. "Well, that's me, over and out. When dispatch calls, what can you do?"

Sakura was still smiling. "You're still working at the station?"

Naruto nodded. "And I've got EMT training next month. Life's on a roll, I tell you what."

Sasuke decided that he didn't like the way Sakura was looking at him with admiration. Naruto waved goodbye and Sasuke made an effort to pay him no mind as he disappeared from the store.

"Awe, I'm glad he's doing well," Sakura said and she thumbed the books in front of her. She pulled one out. "Hmm."

Sasuke glanced at it.

This one's not half-bad…

Suddenly his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. Naruto, the picture of gleaming heterosexuality, had read a gay novel? Why hadn't he caught that before? "He uh…said that one wasn't bad…"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure," Sakura said, giggling to herself. "And here I thought he was going to steal you away from me."

Sasuke as quiet. For a moment. "He's gay?"

Soft fingers wrapped around his own and Sakura pulled him out of the bookstore, leaving the book behind. "Most definitely."

Sasuke wallowed. Somehow Sasuke wished he had known this fact from the beginning.

As much as Sasuke had hoped his encounters with old classmates had come to an untimely yet much appreciated end, he was completely hoodwinked to discover that his luck could indeed get comparatively worse. Through the plethora of students that sprawled the campus before early classes came a voice that made Sasuke's insides turn cold.

"Sasuke Uchiha."

He didn't even want to turn. As if it wasn't enough that he had to get visions of Naruto Uzu—Uzuu—hell if he could remember the last name out of his head, it had obviously been too much to hope that he could frolic happily to class and enjoy some good old fashioned advanced physiology. This was not to be the case.

"Registration needs to see you, and you'd better go. I didn't just chase you halfway across campus for you to avoid showing up…again."

Neji was a pretty boy with a flare for being obstinate, and the intricate little student award pins that decorated his white button-up had always been a warning that if Sasuke was going to find one person in America to challenge him and his brainy roots, it'd be him. They'd had enough classes together to know how to push each others buttons and by this time were pretty good at it.

"I'm surprised you ran at all. You look exhausted." Sasuke glared at the other student with an intensity that made him feel a bit like the Xmen character that could explode people with his eyes. Neji didn't explode, however, and thus Sasuke was slightly disappointed.

"Yeah. Because I ran." Neji bit out with agitation and Sasuke tilted his head up, eyes narrowing.

"You shouldn't do that you know," he said simply. "You're little pieces of flare will fall off—oh, it looks like you already lost one." Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the pocket clustered in student-of-the-month décor for effect. Neji went pale as a ghost.

"Wha—where—" He glanced down late enough to realize that he hadn't lost one at all and that Sasuke had successfully gained a point in their epic battle of patience and wit. "Why you—"

"Heeeeeeeey Nejers!"

If it weren't for the fact Neji's eyebrows almost fell off his face, Sasuke may have screamed like a girl and took off towards registration with conviction (even though he had been avoiding them due to certain immigration issues). But instead he was content to smirk like an idiot, only to be slapped on the back with the force of a thousand suns by the person whose voice he had been willing to cower from only moments before.

"Uzumaki." Neji's eyebrow twitched.

Oh yeah, Uzumaki. Sasuke silently concluded that he preferred 'Uzu-something' more.

"What are you doing outside?" Naruto laughed as Sasuke tried to find his breath, hardly failing to notice how cool Naruto's hand was even through his shirt. Naruto was talking to Neji who looked unenthused.

"Why wouldn't I be outside?"

Naruto laughed and it was a delicious sound that drowned out the hustle and bustle of people that passed by. "Look at you. You're like a sheet with a hairpiece," he chuckled. "A very attractive sheet, but, well—"

"I'm not playing these games with you Naruto—"

"—I mean, everyone knows that you can't even tan but well, maybe you could spray tan a little—"

"—I'm losing my patience, Uzumaki—"

"—I guess if you wore a Speedo, but you're totally not the beach bunny type and I—"

Neji was suddenly silent and simply stared at Naruto like he had proposed the most outrageous idea in the world. Naruto's voice faded during some phrase comparing Neji to cool whip and the long-haired honor student turned his attention to Sasuke, looking a bit like he had been hit by a car.

"Registration." He repeated, obviously deciding to not further a conversation with the blond. Instead he glowered in Sasuke's general direction before stalking away in what appeared to be defeat.

Before Sasuke knew it Naruto was laughing again and crossing his arms over his chest, looking satisfied with his work. His eyes turned playfully to meet Sasuke's and he inhaled deeply.

"I don't know how you've survived here this long. How are you going to marry Sakura if you can't even defeat Neji at his poorest function—communication?"

Sasuke snorted and straightened himself out. "I'm walking away again."

He barely got a few steps forward before Naruto was beside him, stretching his arms high to the sky. "Are you going to the registrar's office? Because Neji did look kind of anxious—"

"Stop following me."

"I just happen to be going the same way."

"It's creepy. You're weird. I don't know you." Sasuke turned a sharp corner towards a clump of buildings and Naruto was hot on his tail. Why did Sasuke always feel like he was being chased?

"You do too know me!" Naruto whined. "We met when I thought you were a woman, remem—" Sasuke clapped a hand over Naruto's mouth, his eyes bulging. His lips quivered a bit again, a sign of pure discomfort.

"Why," he hissed, his voice turning grainy. "Why would you say that?"

"Umahaoo." Naruto answered against his hand. Sasuke whipped it back and stared in horror at his condensated palm. "What?" he said with anger, shaking away the invisible germs.

His tone must have caught Naruto off guard because he answered in the form of a question. "Because it's the truth?"

Truth? What truth?

"I am not a woman!" Sasuke made this proclamation so loudly that more than a dozen passerbys gave him a skeptical eye. Even Naruto seemed surprised before he settled a hand on Sasuke's shoulder and squeezed gently. "There, there."

Throwing his hands up in irritation, Sasuke bolted forward, making a b-line for the swinging doors of his destination.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled from behind, but Sasuke didn't turn. "Hey! You can't be this way when we've just become friends!"

Sasuke swung around at the sound of this, gripping the swinging door in his hand while his eyes went wild with fury, surprise and fear.

"HA!" He yelled, as it was the only intelligible thing he could think of. He'd rather play leapfrog with a porcupine! The door closed behind him as he slipped inside and the cooling air of the building made his mind settle a bit.

It was then he realized that he wasn't in the right building.


a/n: Oh, the crack! Betcha didn't think I could pull it off, did you?? But this idea was too funny to pass up.