Edward was gazing into my eyes and I was gazing back into his eyes. His eyes were a radienter amber. Not like a dark amber it was like really bring amber. I was reminded of the colour of my own urine after eating asparagus for dinner. His eyebrows were arched sexily like he was seeing right throguh my clothes and thinking "yeah...I'd hit it, but maybe I'll have a rum and coke first". Close to the corner of his eye there was a speckle of black. I think it may have been an eyelash that had gotten stuck onto his eyeball juice like a little caterpiller water-skiing over the moon. Still, I continued to stare longingly into his illuminous and deepful soul windows till I could see my own reflection. My hair was really scruffy (not like a homeless person of course but like the style some supermodels wear in photoshoots) and I major chagrined.

"Bellapoo, my speshul snowflake, we shall be parted for an undetermined period and my soul is writing in austere anguish! Oh! The adversity! The discomfort! The misery!"

"I comprehend, my adonis-like sparklepants. I too am matyring over our impending seperation!"

I turned to the side dramatically and placed my hand on my cheek in a woefull pose. Flicking my hair seductively so that Edward would get a look at how stylishly messy it is and admire it. I chagrinated greatly before fretting again. How fould I find lethargy now without snuggling up to my stone cold discoball of a husband! Oh,how beautiful he looks when he is escorted by the sandman into the land of dreams! He wears silken pyjama bottoms. Beige, reminicent to the shade of Irish coffee and the vomit which spewed out of my gaping mouth as I stuck my finger down my throat on a bad hangover, except without the traces of blood. His alabaster skin is frosty, imagine if you will cuddling a giant popsicle. I lick him too while he slumbers, he tastes like mango, cherry and human flesh. My Edward elongated while I began to drool.

"Will you watch over our microscopic sex fruit Rennesmoo while I am gone my brunette insufficient lamb?"

Edward bellowed lovingly while stroking my brunette tresses.

"Explicitly! I will, Glitter Butt!"

I thew my limbs encompassing him and wept. He grabbed my head and yanked it up affectionately and spoke to me. My sobbing made me chagrin a little more. His voice was unearthly beatiful, similar to listening to a Mariah Carey album on loop while crashing two dustbin lids together."

"Oh, my SnowyTits, before I set off on my travels, may I please jizz onto your toast and have awareness of you devouring it?"

Without a word I presented to him the porclain plate on which my toast lay. Edward's peepers widened so you could see the little red veins typing his pupils to the back of his eyeball sockets and preventing them from popping out with a slick "pop!" and rolling accross the floor.

Edward's ding dong monster peeped it's head chagrinly from his exposed zipper. It took a look at me and crept shyly back in again. My beloved's pants-eel was frequantly an undeveloped shy. I believe this is why Edward had remained a virgin all these years up untill our marriage.

"Now come on my little friend", I coo'd to my husband's romance maggot "I won't bite! Teehee!"

It shot out again, firm and hard as hard piece of wood that was painted white. Edward began to wrestle with his affection-worm. Jerking it back and forth, his cool white hands caressing it vehemently. They were as white as virgin snow settling on our garden early on a winter's morning, and like a large chunk of dandruff I'd encountered on Edward's coat...so flakey it was, I licked it and a piece crumbled off onto my tongue which I gleefully swallowed. I wanted to save the rest of it, so I wear it in a locket around my neck.

I could tell that Edward was advancing towards orgasm because his eyes had upper lip had begun twitching. Small drops of precious pre-vampire juice were trickling out of him as he milked his sex larvee. A small line of drool journeyed from interier of his upper lip and dripped nonchalently onto my flippantly buttered toast. His palms rubbed faster and faster, my Edward's statuesque torso began to twitch to the left like a frignteed trout thrashing in the water with only his left fin. His anus relaxed to let out an obstreperous burst of gas. It was time.


Edward squeeled in measureless gratification. His eyes firmly sealed, teeth clenched into a strange smile as if he were pushing out a rather ample turd that was plugging his butthole. Edward Cullen's passion leech spurted out a thick, slithering, glittering stream of goo that plopped down onto the toast like a dazzling margarine spread.


My beloved grunted like a pig as the lst remains of his dazzling vampire juice slithered out of him. His little friend had shrivled up again and reminded me of a little snow covered prune. I picked up the toast and savoured every last mouthful of my husband's seamen.

"Teehee I'm consuming undeveloped Renessmoos!"

I giggled, my eyes boring up into his. He slapped me in the face with his man rod and I sighed with chagrin and concluded my extraordinary clenched me by the hair and yanked me up to an upright position so tenderly.

"I guess it's time now my FruityPussy. Oh, my heart is lamenting! Bella! I shall never misrecollect you, and I promise that I shall reoccur in your arms again!"

Tears brindled, down my face. My Eddy was leaving and I was to be individual! For one aftermost instant I had him before me, I was chagrinning, yet I spoke to him in my most tender voice.

"Don't obliterate to purchase milk, and make doubtless you're returned by five for dinner".

Those voyages to the local store are heartbreaking!