I don't own Vampire Knight or Why by secondhand Serenade, or said awesome band. Enjoy the angst.
The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.

I sit on the edge of the chair, head in hands, looking away, afraid to make eye contact with you. I thought I knew what I was getting into when I made myself the person you could run too. When I not only listened, but actually comforted you, and made myself the keeper of your secrets. I never said it aloud, but I swore to you mentally that I wouldn't let it confuse me. I swore that nothing would make me think I had a chance. I made a promise. But I broke it.


Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

Why do you look at me that way? As though I have all the answers. You think of me as an older brother. I slam my fist into the wall, cracking the plaster, sending dust and shards of material flying. Why do you do this? You're hurting me. It's so hard to pretend, to smile, because I can hardly even breathe. Stop asking me to help you!


A phrasing that's a single tear,
Is harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.

A single tear slips down your cheek when you meet my eyes. Wordless, you're so eloquent. I can see on your face that you're sorry. Regret, it says. But smaller, half-suppressed, I see fear, and loneliness. You're going to leave and try to do this alone, because you've seen the pain you're causing me. There was a time when things were so much easier, when I could read you like a book, and you never even glanced at me. Now that you've noticed me, you won't let me help you anymore.


Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.

Why is this so hard? It doesn't make sense. I love you, you love him, he loves her. That's all there is to it. Why can't I make myself see that? Why can't you make yourself see that? You're trying so hard now not to hurt me, but it's impossible. And you can't accept that. You think there must be a way to keep all the pain to yourself, but you don't even consider that I'm searching for a way to spare your pain, and that I'd take it all if I could too. I try to reassure you, but I can't pretend anymore, can't smile because I can hardly breathe. I feel like I'm submerged in deep water, slowly suffocated for lack of air, and slowly crushed by pressure.

I should have known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.

I'll do better, you'll see. I just have to remember, however much of a struggle it is, that you are what's most important. And I will. I promise. I'll be careful this time, I'll go slowly, pretend to get over you, so you won't hurt for me anymore, so you won't blame yourself for my pain. I'll never let you see that I love you again. You can return to our childhood, when we were best friends and happy, with no baggage and no regrets.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

The pain I feel at this resolution to bury my feelings forever is sharp and intense, stifling and burning, and only worsens my difficulty breathing. It shocks me and makes me feel proud and ashamed, joyful and desolate at the same time. Proud- I will do this even though it's the hardest thing I could ask- no, require of myself; ashamed because I somehow feel I'm deceiving myself, that maybe this is some kind of easy way out, that it might not be as difficult as something else (Living with the truth and seeing your pain) and I'm making a mistake. I feel joy because I know, despite my strange doubts, that this will spare you pain. And Desolation is my fault. I'm still deluded enough to feel this with take away some slim (nonexistent) chance of persuading you to love me.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.

As I picture your face when I tell you it was just a passing crush (infatuation), I can't help but wonder, Why me?