Written in honor of those banned from max-dan-wiz.

Dissin' the Mods, But not Claiming Them: I do not own Maximum Ride, or their site. If I did, this wouldn't be necessary.

New and Improved Disclaimer, Circa 2022: Hey there, readers! After recently figuring out how to log back into this old account, I've decided to do some housekeeping. Mainly apologizing for, editing, and adding necessary trigger warnings to some of my old work. I debated taking this "fic" down, but decided to leave it up as a lesson for future fans to learn from. Yeah, don't do this. Don't write about the deaths of actual people. It ain't cute. And you're gonna feel really dumb about having done it when you're a grown adult. This is, like, next-level cringe. I can honestly say this is the only fanfic I'm 100% embarrassed about. Sorry mods of the old max-dan-wiz site. You were just trying to do a job and dealing with a really weird fandom. Hope your careers took you better places.

We are gathered here today, to mourn the deaths of the Max-Dan-Wiz Moderators.

The Moderators were people who lived by the rules, even if no one else knew what those rules were. They were highly talented in the arts of Warning and Banning, credited with the banning of such guideline-breaking criminals as Nathan p and Shay.

Their deaths were both untimely and completely unpredicted. They seemed to have been picked off one by one by some assassins' of sorts. Though no one has yet been charged, authorities are still searching for some suspects who were spotted at the scenes of the crimes:

The Hobbit Named Spiffy

Seen dragging a Jello Catapult of Doom away from the scene.

Pooky the Penguin

Seen with a Laser Gun after a murder.

St. Fang of Boredom

Seen casting unknown rhyming spells toward the homes of Mods.


Spotted wielding a herring, supposedly borrowed from St. Fang of Boredom (see above) near the scene of a crime.

Anyone with information on the whereabouts of said suspects may contact Max-Dan-Wiz.

In lieu of flowers, Max-Dan-Wiz is asking that anyone wanting to send something to the funeral should instead consider applying to be a Moderator. They're having trouble hiring new ones...

It is doubtful that the funerals will be well-attended, as there are so many parties being thrown by overjoyed Max-Dan-Wiz members on those days, the biggest being thrown by a group called 'Nathan's Army'.

The best part: They can't ban me for writing it on here...

Fang: How come I had to use the herring?

Me: 'Cause I don't trust you with a gun, it's that simple.

Fang: So...Posting?

Me: Posting.

R&R? I'm sure there will be opinions...