I've watched this movie 3 times this week and I love it so much, so I had an urge to write a little something about it. I know there's not much of a fandom for it, but I wanted to put it out there anyway. Also, there's some language and sex talk, but I didn't think it was enough to rate it mature. Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: I do not profit from this, the concept belongs to the brain of our dark lord Kevin Smith.
It was a good night, Zack thought. His new friends were having a good time, the water and the electricity were back on, he was enjoying a cold beer, and best of all, every couple of minutes he could steal a long, interesting look at Miri.
Ah, Miri. He'd known her so long, and knew so many things about her. He knew that when her parents died 5 years earlier, she locked herself in her room and played her mom's Neil Diamond CD over and over again until finally she was able to come out of the room and talk to him about it. He knew her favorite movie was Sleepless in Seattle, although she told everyone it was Resevoir Dogs for some reason. He knew that when she thought nobody was looking, she'd pick her nose and flick the booger on the carpet. What he didn't know, until just recently that is, was how it felt to kiss her.
He thought about that as he played quarters and drank beer with his new friends. In fact, he pretty much couldn't stop thinking about it. He was never one to be a cheesy romantic, but the way Miri made him feel the second he kissed her, well, people could change. Making this movie; stepping up and doing something with his life--that felt good. But kissing Miriam Linky? That felt fucking amazing, and he wanted it to happen again as soon as possible. Zack wasn't totally sure, but he thought maybe she felt the same. That is until Stacy, who had been chatting with Miri, came over and changed everything yet again.
"Hey, Zack," Stacey said, smiling at him. It was a dangerous smile. She definitely had a mischevious look in her eye, which oddly was strange for her. Zack obviously didn't know her that well, but he did sense that even though she was a stripper, and even if she was willing to do whatever he asked her to do with both her tits and her ass during the movie, he thought she had an interesting innocence about her. She was a sweet girl. He liked her, but he wasn't prepared for what she was about to whisper in his ear.
"Hi, Stacey," he said, wondering what she was up to. He didn't have to wonder very long, as Stacey got right to the point.
"I think we should fuck tonight," she whispered in his ear. "You know, to get ready for tomorrow's scene. And also because I want to fuck you tonight!" She let out a drunken giggle that most people would probably consider adorable.
"Oh...okay, interesting," he said. "Um, were you just talking to Miri about this? What did she say?"
"She said it was cool to ask you about it," she said. "I thought it might be weird for her because you guys looked so amazing in your scene, but she said something about you guys being better actors than you thought."
Zack looked sideways at Miri. She tipped her beer in his direction, an unreadable expression on her face. Obviously she knew what Stacey was telling him, which confused the fuck out of him. What was Miri thinking? Didn't something happen with them during their scene? Wasn't there now this unspoken...something between them now? He understood that just because they had sex, that didn't mean they were in a relationship. But the mere thought of her fucking Lester after what happened between the two of them, well, it made him crazy. But if she was going to be like this, if she was going to tell Stacey it was okay to do something he was pretty sure he didn't want anyway, then he was going to do it. Was he trying to teach her a lesson? Maybe. He was hurt that she wanted this to happen, and he wasn't going to be the sucker in this situation. Now that was Stacey's job.
"Okay," Zack told Stacey. "Let's do it. Lead the way."
She giggled and jumped up. Grabbing his hand, she led him to his bedroom. He made eye contact with Miri as he followed Stacey. Zack knew Miri's face better than he knew his own. He knew all her facial expressions. And when she watched him go into the bedroom with Stacey, the look she had on her face could only be interpreted as heartbreak. But she didn't stop them. It was too late. The damage had already been done in her eyes. There was nothing he could do about it now.
Stacey didn't waste any time. As soon as he closed the door behind them, she threw him on his bed and mounted him to claim her territory. They rolled around on the bed for a few minutes, kissing and groping and stripping. If this were a week ago, maybe, he would have been ecstatic. Here was this hot, dirty girl in his bed ready to fuck him silly. Things were different now, though. Now, he couldn't help but notice that her lips were wetter than Miri's; thinner, too. Her breath smelled minty instead of cinnamon-y, like Miri's. Her breasts were bigger and harder than Miri's, which was obvious since they weren't created by nature. Even the way she moaned and sighed were different from Miri's moans. The way Miri moaned, the way she made him feel like a superhero, was something he'd never experienced before.
Something wasn't right about this. In fact, nothing was right about this.
When Stacey gave him an evil grin and moved south with her mouth, so to speak, he realized this would have to stop. He liked Stacey. He was attracted to her and was sure sex with her would be pleasurable. But it would just be to spite Miri for telling Stacey it was okay. And that was not okay with him.
"Stacey, Stacey, stop," he said. "I just can't do it. You're a nice girl and everything, but--"
"Miri," she sighed. "I knew you were going to say that. I just wanted to fuck you before you realized it."
He chuckled. "Sorry about this. Look, Stace...can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Zack," she said happily. He appreciated how perky she was even after being denied sex. Even if he did put a stop to it, he still had a massive case of blue balls.
"Do you really think Miri was okay with us fucking?"
"Hmm. She said she was, but maybe not. Maybe she's just trying to be brave. Maybe she's really confused about her feelings and doesn't know what to do about it, so instead she's pretending that nothing meaningful happened."
"Wow. That was really wise," Zack said, impressed.
"Oh, thanks. I took psychology in community college," she said. "Look, Zack, I have to say, I really wanted to have sex with you tonight because your scene with Miri was so hot. But it was more than that, it was sweet. It was intimate. And, well, I don't know much about a lot of things. But even I could see something change between the two of you once you kissed her. My question to you is, how come you didn't see it before? You've known her for how long, 20 years? That's a long time not to know what you really feel about her."
Wow. Not only could the girl have anal sex with Lester like a prize-winning champion, but she was also apparently an expert on relationships. He knew he needed her to call him out like this, but it still made him uncomfortable. Mostly because it was the question he'd been asking himself since the second he kissed Miri and changed his world.
"I didn't want to ruin a good thing," he said slowly. "Like I told Delaney, she wakes me up, she helps with the bills, she does the dishes...we have a comfortable friendship and I didn't want to change that. And, well, I didn't even KNOW that I had those feelings."
"Really? Now, Zack, I refused to believe that you never knew you had romantic feelings for her," Stacey said. "Have you ever hated any of her boyfriends?"
"All of them, but that's because most of them were fucking douchebags."
"Even though you live together and see each other more than you see anyone else, do you ever just call her in the middle of the day to see what she was doing?"
"Yeah, of course," he said, remembering all the times he'd use his 15 minute break at work to call her and complain about an asshole customer.
"Have you ever canceled plans with other people just so you could hang out with her more?"
He didn't say anything, mostly because he had done that more times than he could count. Just last week, one of his buddies wanted him to come play some pick-up hockey. He lied and said something about the dentist, but really he didn't want to leave the house. He and Miri were watching a Golden Girls marathon, why would he want to leave? Stacey smiled and nodded when he didn't say anything.
"The most important question--have you ever covered her up when she fell asleep?"
"Yeah," he said, thinking about when Miri fell asleep in the storage room of the coffee shop and he covered her with his coat. "But whatever, that's just common fucking courtesy."
"Sure, for someone in love," she said, grinning.
"Wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?"
Stacey punched his arm. "Yes, I'm saying what you think I'm saying. You should admit it to yourself so we can all move on with our lives. You want more than friendship. You crave more. You love her, Zack. You love Miri. And you've been too much of a pussy to admit that."
And instantly, Zack knew she was right. He was a pussy! And he was also in love with Miri. More, he wanted more. He wanted more than just hanging out with her, going through life and all its experiences without her by his side. More.
He thought back over their relationship, to when he was 7 years old and saw her on the playground, wearing a red dress and a yellow ribbon in her hair. He remembered when they were 14 years old and Miri described to him, in great length, what her first kiss with Paul Fish was like. The next day, he punched Paul Fish in the face when Paul asked him to borrow a pencil. He remembered when she did finally come to him after her parents died, he held her for hours while she cried in his arms, how he was heartbroken for her and her grief. And he remembered what it was like to kiss her, to listen to her soft moans, what it felt like to be inside of her, and especially the way she looked at him when the sex was over. He wanted that look for the rest of his life.
"I want more." He finally said.
"And?" Stacey asked impatiently.
"And I love Miri." It felt strange to say out loud. Good strange.
"Yes, you do," she said. "I'm glad you can finally admit that to yourself. Now, let's talk about what you're going to do about it."
Zack and Stacey talked for another 2 hours. They talked about what his next step should be, about what it would be like in a relationship with her, what his favorite memories of the two of them together were (Homecoming 1997, when they got drunk on Miri's mom's red wine and then went to the football game wearing feather boas and lipstick and then attacked the school mascot, a badly dressed eagle, was one of the highlights), and other assorted things that had to do with Miri and Miri only.
When they finally ran out of things to talk about, Stacey kissed Zack on the cheek and said, "Well, I'm exhausted. It's so tiring to make people realize they're in love!"
"You can crash here if you want," Zack offered.
"That's sweet of you, but I can't wait to get into my own bed. And plus, you don't want Miri to think we spent the night together, do you?"
"Oh, God," he said, remembering that Miri was just down the hall. He wanted to run into her room and tell her immediately, but it was so late and she'd been so tired. He'd tell her after shooting tomorrow. No way she was going to do her scene with Lester now, right? "You're right. Good night, and thank you so much for everything you did for me tonight."
"No problem," she said. "You're a good friend, Zack, and I want you and Miri to be happy."
"Do you think she's going to want to be with me?" He asked her. He'd been avoiding asking the question all night, afraid of what Stacey would say.
"I think so," she said. "She might need some convincing, but not much. She loves you, Zack. I saw it in her eyes."
She smiled one last time and left. Zack went to sleep with a smile on his face for the first time in God knows how long. He was in love with Miri, and there was nothing wrong with that.
Of course, Miri was convinced that Zack slept with Stacey, and they had a blowout that resulted in 3 months of heartbreak, isolation and desperation. When Delaney found him and had a much needed intervention, Zack hauled ass to Miri's house, where he confessed his feelings to her. While she was in the bathroom of all places. And after his confession, and after he confirmed that she wasn't, in fact, fucking Lester, she dragged him into the bedroom where they made love again, this time without a crowd of people to watch them. When it was over, and it was not over quickly, they fell asleep together, whispering promises for the future to make up for the wrongs of the past. There was still a lot of struggle left for them to endure, but eventually they got the film company up and running and make a little nest egg for themselves.
But no matter how hard their financial troubles would get, and no matter how much every other aspect of his life started to suck, at least he had Miri by his side. His own sweet, beautiful, Stinky Linky. And on a particularly shitty day, he could always count on her to Dutch Rudder him into oblivion.
The effin' end.