As you all know, I do not own Yu-gi-oh or any of its characters. Anzu/Tea bashers—just pretend this doesn't exist.

Late Bloomer

Seto Kaiba was a late bloomer. He didn't masturbate until he was seventeen.

An anthropologist might joke that the ruthless, uberkind CEO believed, like an ancient warrior or a modern athlete, that his power was in his semen, and he must not waste it. It would probably be more correct to say that he distanced himself from his body as a coping mechanism, using his 150- point IQ as a defense against insecurity, shame, and loss of control. He certainly carried his own share of shame. Perhaps this would have worked forever, if we believe astrology, if Kaiba had been an Aquarius, the intellectual ruler of the ankles, or a workaholic Capricorn, and just had problems with his knees.

But Kaiba was a Scorpio. Scorpio rules life, death, and rebirth. Scorpio rules the genitals.

Sometimes, Kaiba's genitals rose up against him. Sometimes, he would wake up with his pajama pants sticky from his thighs to his belly button, his penis pointing toward his chin. Sometimes, his crotch would throb and burn--but he always was able to squelch the urge, the itch, back down. It was like putting off taking a piss until his two -hour meeting was over, or not pulling his underwear out of the crack of his ass during a press conference. If it wouldn't go away in ten minutes or so, then he would go for a swim or a run, followed by a frigid shower. It was under control.

One night, shortly before Gozaburo had been disgraced, Kaiba had gone into the supply room for more printer ink. He hadn't wanted to waste time by sending an assistant, he wasn't used to barking orders just yet, and simply asking people to do things made him uncomfortable, so, he did as much as he could by himself. On the table were two magazines left by an employee—maybe the janitor, maybe the accountant, Crump. One of the magazines was open to a two-page spread of a blonde woman wearing nothing but a pair of high heels. Her nipples were pink and hard, and her hands were between her legs, and she was holding herself open, so Kaiba could look inside her.

With hitching heaves, Kaiba came in his pants so hard he almost blacked out.

After he got his breath and vision back, Kaiba pinched a corner of the magazine between his thumb and forefinger and carried it to the shredder, his stomach churning. He felt the wetness in his pants, and felt his skin prickle and burn. He felt like he was dissolving. Tears were threatening.

After he shredded the magazine, he ran up to the bathroom, turned on the water as cold as it could get, and scrubbed himself with a pumice stone and a boar hair brush, including on his scrotum. He expected to see his pores dotted with blood, but his skin just turned bright pink, as pink as the girl's….


He turned the knob until the water went from freezing to almost scalding, and stood under it, his eyes streaming.