Howdy, there, folks! We know it's been awhile since we dun leftcha, and we hope y'ain't too sore at us. I'da continued the story m'self, but Jenny and 'er demon-spawn of a fam'ly had me tied up for awhile after the holidays. Huh? Jenny, sweetheart, I's only kiddi—OW! Guess I should keep my mouth shut. In any case, lemme refresh yer mem'ry.
When we dun left these kids, they's got themselves on the run from the po-lice 'n' headed west to N'awlins to visit li'l Alice's aunt Esme. (I tell ya, I ain't never had an aunt looked like that! Hoooo-weee, just the thought o' that tattoo gets my motor runnin'!) *ahem* Right, so Esme got 'em all signed up for some movie extra work down on Bourbon Street, an' work was about t'get a lot more like play ...
"I think we can help you out there, Danny," Bella hollered, arms snaking around Edward's waist possessively. Edward, meanwhile, stared at her in awe.
"You sure, Sugar?" he asked, hesitantly. "I's just teasin' Rosie; I hope you din't think I'd—"
"Edward," she darn near purred her interruption, "I might be shy sometimes, but ... just shut up." Without waiting for a response, she handled the demand for him by locking her lips to his. Edward wasted no time with surprise, but tightened his embrace and responding with fervor.
The crowd found the display worthy of a loud round of hoots and hollers, a large contingent of those being from Emmett and Alice.
"You got quite a set of lungs for such a small person, Darlin'," Jasper whispered in Alice's ear.
Pulling back to see his face, she smirked. "I'm well aware of how loud I can be," she replied with a wink. "You would be, too, if we weren't sharing walls with your cousins."
Twisting around in his arms, Alice silenced herself as the lot of them quieted to hear the director's decree.
"Well, I didn't need an audition," he joked, gesturing to Edward and Bella — still kissing, "but it would appear you'll be just fine with or without direction. Um, ... ahem."
Giggles and snorts peppered the crowd until Emmett elbowed Edward in the side, the painful jab bringing the couple out of a fog, and a bright pink glow to Bella's cheeks.
"I wouldn't have gone about it that way, but as it was effective, thank you, sir," Danny said, tipping an imaginary hat at Emmett, who winked and nodded.
"Alrighty then," he continued. "We have a couple of assistants here who will get all of you set up in your positions. Once you are all settled, feel free to act naturally, but don't wander far from your designated area. Any questions?"
No one spoke up so he shouted, "Break a leg everybody!" before turning to Edward, Bella, and crew, lowering the bullhorn to speak to them directly. Motioning to the olive-skinned woman to his left, he told them, "Leah here will take you, um ... horny couples and give you a bit of extra directions, make sure you know what to do. Uhh, that sounded wrong — never mind. Have fun!" With that, he disappeared into a throng of cameras and lights.
In no time at all, Leah had Bella and Edward situated near a lamppost telling them they could use it how they "saw fit," drawing a deeper blush from Bella and a growl from Edward, who pulled her closer to him. Alice and Jasper were next to them, she was going to be perched on Jasper shoulders for most of the scenes thanks to her short stature. Bella was convinced it was more that she just wanted to see and be seen. Smirking, Bella whispered to Edward that it was a good possibility that a lot more of Alice would be seen if she continued drinking at the same rate. Edward turned, making sure he was facing the other way when the shooting began.
Not wanting to be right in the thick of things, Rosalie and Emmett were close by, leaning against a building which Emmett was eyeing up as a perfect make-out spot.
"I know what you's thinkin', Mister, an' if you ever wanna kiss these lips again, you'll knock them thoughts right outta yer thick head. I ain't gonna make my debut on the big screen lookin' like a harlot. You kin save them dirty i-deers till we get us back t'the bedroom — later."
Her tone shot her words bouncing and rattling around in his head in between his ideas like a pinball machine. If you got close enough, you would most likely hear the bells and dings sounding off between his ears.
A loud voice fell over the crowd, silencing them quickly. "Okay, here's the deal, when I say 'ACTION,' all o' y'all get started with the merriment. Go with the flow, have fun, but listen for the buzzer." A loud, alarm-clock-on-steroids sounded experimentally. Most of the crowd jumped in surprise, laughing at themselves for their own reactions. "That lovely noise signals the end for the scene."
"Thought you's supposed t'say 'CUT'?" Emmett bellowed, tearing his eyes away from Rosalie's exposed neck for a moment.
Danny laughed. "I'm saving my delicate pipes for my opera gig next month," he joked, chuckling and patting gingerly at his throat. "The buzzer says it for me. So when you hear it, go back to your original positions, and we'll take it from there. Okay, everybody got it? Anyone need a refill?"
Laughter broke out among the crowd followed up by a few versions of "hell, yeah!" Danny nodded, smiling. "Folks will be coming around to fill your cups, then! Okay, people, we are hot in five minutes! Take your places!"
Music and laughter filled the air after Danny hollered, "Action!" Alice was already on Jasper's shoulders hoisting her yard o' Hurricane in the air and swinging a fistful of beads, people all around them revelling their hearts out. Amidst them, Edward's lips ran fiery trails up and across Bella's neck and jawline.
He paused as he neared her ear, whispering, "Sugar, you think Esme's got a stereo at that house o' hers?"
Bella's barely coherent "Why?" was mostly a moan as his husky voice sung through her girly parts like a tuning fork.
"Cuz we gon' need sumthin' ta cover up the hollerin' yer gon' be doin' later," he promised. "This here's even hotter than nailin' down a tin roof at noon-time in July."
Bella whimpered, a shuddering breath vibrated through her. His hands slowly working southward as their lips met again, he pulled slightly back to meet her eyes in silent question.
"What?" Her voice was barely loud enough for him to hear over the ruckus. He took a firm grasp of her ass, suddenly hoisting her up to use that lamp post as he "saw fit." Bella just giggled and kissed him again, wrapping her legs around his waist.
All told, they shot the scene a total of five times. Bella was sure that it was the best makeout session she'd ever had with her clothes on, hardly able to stand up firmly when her feet found the ground again. Jasper was confident they'd all be seeing Alice's beads on the big screen, though he hoped that they covered more than her shirt did. Emmett positively knew that his ideas — each take spent whispering one of them in Rosie's ear — were going to be the death of him, judging from just the gleam in her eyes. But he was more than prepared to die a happy, happy man.
The street cars had stopped running at midnight, so Esme called them a couple of cabs, and they made their way home well after one am. There was a half-assed repeat of the inaugural feast in the kitchen as they'd all realized how starved they were by the time they set foot in the door.
"So how did you guys enjoy your first taste of movie stardom?" Esme's smirk and innocent tone told them she already knew the answer, but felt the need to ask.
Alice quickly jumped in, tittering like a chipmunk about all the details, the "dranks," the music ... and how much fun they had. Jasper sat behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder, happily letting her steal the show.
Esme watched Bella gnawing on her lips and the inside of her cheek as she squirmed in Edward's lap. "Bella?" she questioned, shifting the audience focus.
"It was the most delicious experience," she said cagily, turning to look at Edward and plant a soft kiss on his lips.
"Mmmmm," he agreed, his chest vibrating under her hand.
Emmett garbled through a mouthful of hashbrowns, "Mmmph, ffpenn mmmph dmmm dmmmmg Rrrmm dmmm mmphff!"
The lot stopped and stared at him, gawking in amazement that he could think anyone would understand a word.
Rosalie, however, didn't bat a lash, translating immediately. "He said he spent most o' the time tellin' me dirty stories."
"You two are truly destined," Jasper marveled, his mouth gaping in awe. "You're like the Cooter Whisperer."
Alice coughed wetly, choking on her water as it misted across the spread of food. Recovering slightly, she sputtered, "What did you say? Did you call her a Cooter Whisperer? What the hell—"
"Darlin'," he said with a wicked smile, "Cooter Whisperer. She understands Cooter like no other.'"
"Omigod, that's even worse!" Her throat tightened as she dissolved into hysterics, coughing and clutching her sides. "Rosie," she forced the words in between gulps of breath, "I didn't know you were a lesbian!"
Bella would have fallen off Edward's lap, had he not had a firm grip on her as she joined Alice in her extreme amusement. Esme leaned back against the sink, howling, as the southern contingent looked at each other in confusion. When Esme noticed their puzzled looks, she formed a "V" with her hands and held them pointed down in front of her … well, her cooter.
"Y'all know what else the word 'cooter' is slang for, don't ya?" she teased, still holding her hands in place.
"Aww, hell," Jasper muttered, turning scarlet. "I knew that, I just …"
Edward coughed and cleared his throat. His cheeks matched Jasper's, inviting Bella to kiss all over his face, chasing the endearing embarrassment away.
"Sure you did, baby," Alice told Jasper, nodding.
"I did!" he contested, a bit defensively.
"Thang is," Emmett broke in, slinging an arm around Rosalie, "I dun got this nickname 'fore I could walk. When I started crawlin', I's so durn slow at first, they called me 'Cooter.'"
Wide eyes stared back at him with an unmistakeable look of "I have no idea what the hell that means."
"You know," he expanded, "'Nuther name fer a turtle."
"See?" Jasper hissed to a still-giggling Alice. "A turtle. Right?" He turned to Edward for backup, but Bella had him occupied as the silly face-kissing had escalated to full-on making out.
"Damn, Cuz," Rosalie said with a whistle. "Y'all din't git enough yet?"
"Christ, Cullen," Emmett groaned, jutting his left arm out; he was sitting right next to them. "I'm still eatin' and yer takin' up my elbow space."
"Ohhh, I'm so horny," Alice muttered casually, her eyes glazing over as she watched her friend with Edward. Absently, her hands began slowly up and down Jasper's thighs.
"Goddamn, woman," Jasper breathed as he stood, lifting her over his shoulder as he did so. "We outta here; I gots someone to do."
Rosalie watched them leave before straddling Emmett's lap and tracing around the shell of his ear with her tongue. Blowing lightly across the trail, she asked coquettishly, "You shor yer not done eatin'?"
Esme shook her head in amusement as Emmett bolted upright, dragging Rosalie behind him by the hand. "As I appear to be without a lover of my own, I daresay it's a sleeping pill and earplugs kind of night for me," she said, throwing back the last of her chardonnay.
"Huh?" Bella emerged suddenly from her Edward-induced fog, looking disoriented and elatedly confused. Edward was not, however, discouraged; he stood easily, Bella still wrapped around him.
"She's jus' sayin' it's bedtime," he whispered in her ear, heading for the stairs.
Esme surveyed the kitchen wreckage and refilled her goblet as noises began to filter down from above. Lots of creaks. Muffled groans and a few not-so-muffled curses. A squeal. A streak of trilling laughter. A thud followed by a light crash. A low, lingering moan ...
"Maybe two sleeping pills."
When morning arrived (okay, noon), Esme groggily dragged herself out of bed. She luckily hadn't needed the second sleeping pill, the wine having sufficiently aided the first. Wrapping herself in her silk kimono, she headed downstairs to find a big bowl of sliced fruit and a selection of delectable croissants and pastries from Sucré down Magazine Street.
She smiled, sidling up to the counter to see a note tucked beneath an empty juice glass. Before reading, she pulled the container of orange juice out of the refrigerator, poured it into the glass, and parked herself at the breakfast bar. The first thing she noticed was that though one person wrote the note, every one of them signed it. Esme figured maybe they were still drunk.
We all got up around ten, so we're heading into the Quarter for a bit. Thinking of a swamp tour this afternoon? We'll swing back to pick you up around four, if you'd like to join us. Call my cell & let us know.
Love, Alice 'n' Jasper and Bella & Edward and EmRosmettalie (they wrote over/under each other)
Alice sneezed, powdered sugar flying everywhere — most specifically coating Jasper's face and hair.
"Café du Monde specialty," he announced flatly. "A heavy dusting of powdered sugar. Shouldn't I have been deep-fried first?"
"Depends how ya describe last night, 'Powder,'" Emmett offered with a snort before Rosalie slapped his face lightly. "What'er you hittin' me fer? You didn't spank me eno—"
"Seriously, Coot," Rosalie hissed, warning like flashing red lights in her tone, "you best put a sock in 'at mouth o' yers."
Edward laughed at the lot of them. "Y'all are the best entertainment," he declared.
"Whoa!" Alice turned towards him, pausing in her apologetic cleanup of Jasper (which may have involved a lick to the neck and several kisses (with tongue). "This from the conductor of the 'OH, GOD, EDWARD!' chorus we were treated to last night," she teased, continuing the ribbing with, "Congrats on winning the 'Who'll be the loudest?' competition, by the way!"
"Didn't stop us, though," mumbled Jasper before leaning over the ground to shake out his hair.
"Background noise is background noise," Alice joked before turning her attentions back to helping clean him up, ignoring the fact that Bella was purple-faced.
"Don't be embarrassed, Sugar," Edward cooed in her ear. "Ain't nothing to be —"
Bella stopped him with her fingertips. "No, it's fine. Really," she assured weakly. "I just … I'm wondering what Esme thinks, that's all."
Edward had the good sense to look slightly ashamed, sharing a mirroring look with Jasper. Before either could respond, Alice piped up. "OH, please, Bellz-a-bub," she said, snickering. "Aunt Es sleeps like the dead most of the time — she's practically had to learn to do so, with her traveling and odd schedules. Plus, I wouldn't put it past her to wash down a sleeping aid with some vino just to make sure she didn't have to listen to all of our—."
"Got it," Bella interjected quickly, holding up a hand. "Glad to hear it."
"So," Emmett began quizzically, tho a trembling dimple gave it away. "S'okay for us t'hear ya praisin' the Lord through orgasm, but not Esme? That ain' right. I bet that woman kin 'preciate a good, loud fu—"
A family seated next to the group all gasped in shock, covering their children's ears. Rosalie looked over and offered an empathetic apology while pinching Emmett's nipple. Hard. "I do 'pologize, y'all. His Tourette's acts up with too much sugar."
"Stop," Emmett ground out through his teeth, his nostrils flaring. "Seriously, baby. Yer turning me on a lil bit."
"Ahh, Jesus fuckin' Christ!" Rosalie, herself, nearly-shouted in exasperation, releasing Emmett upon realizing the words flying out of her mouth. Her eyes went wide, and as she turned to apologize (again), she saw that the family had already cleared out, leaving half-eaten beignets in their wake. She looked back to Emmett, her big baby blues kind of sad. He grinned, pulling her into his strong embrace, and kissed her up the neck while whispering undoubtedly naughty things in her ear along with the comfort of his love.
"You are so filthy," she giggled wildly, tugging a train of chuckles out of him as she wiggled free. Contradicting her hollow words, she kissed his lips before sitting back in her own seat.
"Might take more'n a blessing an' a dunk in the Mississippi to clean up this lot," Edward declared with a devilish grin and twinkling eyes. "Bet we need to git us some voodoo!"
Ahem. Well, folks, this lot, here, seems ta have one track minds, don't they? Cain't say I blame 'em, HEH! (An' don't tell Jenny, but she's a right naughty minx, 'erself! If'n I wasn't a married man, tho, I'da happily stepped in t'keep Aunt Es from feelin' lonely!)
Anyhoot, friends, our Suthern boys 'n' Northern girls got lots more sightseein' (and general mischief) ta get up ta, so hopefully, our authors don't take too long to fill us in! In th'meantime, drop us a line! Lemme know whatchathankin'?