A/N: I wrote this some time ago, but I never had the heart to put it up. I know it's not that hilarious, but I want to know what you think about it. ^^

Inui's Problem

Summary: For once, Inui is faced with a problem that he cannot solve. Oh, poor Taka-san...


It was a bright, sunny day at Seigaku. The regulars were having their usual morning practice, and Ryoma came in late as usual.

All seemed fine except for a certain data man who was mumbling things under his breath as he watched the others play. It was uncertain whether he was collecting their data or simply just talking to himself.

And so, morning practice just ended like that. The regulars changed back into their uniforms and headed to their respective classrooms.

The first period for all the seniors was elective class. Inui, Fuji, and Eiji spent the first period together, and that was the only class they ever had together.

"Alright, class, we'll be discussing the joys of geometric sequences today," the threesome's math teacher announced with glee. He scanned the looks of his students. He was expecting for his favorite pupil to be paying close attention to his class.

Instead, he saw Inui scribbling many things on his notebook with a serious face.

"Okay. Inui Sadaharu-kun, could you please recite to us the formula for geometric sequences?" the teacher called on him in a fruitless attempt to get his attention back to his awesome and intriguing not-yet-started lecture. Inui showed no signs of hearing. He repeated, "Inui Sadaharu-kun. Eto...INUI SADAHARU-KUN!"

At the announcement of his name out lout, the said person's head jerked up. He looked around slowly. Taking note of the unusual silence, he returned to his notebook.

"Oi, oi, Inui!" Eiji whispered from the sides. Inui didn't notice him until Eiji began throwing paper balls at Inui.

His first try? Failure. The second try? Hit the other classmate. The third try? It fell on the floor and hit the first paper ball he tossed. The fourth try? It hit the teacher in front.

"Who threw that?" the teacher asked, turning away from the greenboard and facing his unusually silent class. The cicadas chirped. Yes, cicadas and not crickets because crickets are just gross.

The teacher turned back to the blackboard and began writing equations that were not related to the current topic on geometric sequences.

Okay, Eiji shrank back a bit when the teacher turned at them, but he quickly recovered once the teacher was no longer looking at them. He began scrunching up pages of his notebook to turn into paper balls.

Luckily, his fifth try was successful. It landed right unto Inui's notebook.

Inui flattened the paper ball and read what was inside. The words marked mysteriously in Eiji's favorite blue felt tip pen clearly read 'PAY ATTENTION' in blue, bold capital letters. Inui nodded.

"Ah, sensei," Inui called while standing up with his hand raised. The teacher looked at him. "I'd be glad to recite the Converse of the Pythagorean Theorem and explain the Fibonacci Sequence."

Eiji had a wincing look to control himself from laughing. The teacher had a look that screamed out 'seriously?'. Most of the students were stifling, and a few were giggling, but a small threat of Inui juice coming from Inui silenced them mildly. Only Inui looked clueless with the opacity of his glasses. Oh, and Fuji's eyes were open.


After the classes were dismissed, the classmate trio - which is unfortunately not the one made up of Kachiro, Katsuo, and Horio, - headed to the courts. Practice formally began with Tezuka's 'Yudan sezu ni ikou!'.

Everyone had stretching exercises followed by swinging exercises and jogging/running. After that, the regulars had practice matches while the non-regulars watched or practiced even more swinging. Afterwards, the regulars had their special training menu, but they were completely surprised when Inui seemed quite hesitant in announcing the penalty.

"Those that fail to pick up at least five drop shots out of eight will have to choose from any of these," Inui said with less vigor and slightly slower tempo. He pointed at a row of nine opaque water bottles sitting innocently on the bench.

He took one bottle and poured its pure orange contents in a glass.

"Wow. It's just juice, nya," Eiji stated.

"Mada mada dane," Echizen sounded cheekily.

"Oh, it's not just any ordinary juice," Inui replied and held up the glass. "This is Inui Super Ultra Great Max Rare Orange Juice."

"You just don't know what it's made of," Fuji stated with his usual smile. Oh, he's so innocent if he didn't have any sadistic tendencies. "Who knows if there's rafflesia extract in there."

"Fuji's right," Oishi agreed. "We should never underestimate Inui's juices."

"Fssh..." Kaidoh hissed from the sides.

"We can't underestimate it. We just can't," Momo said.

"Why are you all just chatting there? Hurry and start the training," Tezuka told them with crossed arms and a commanding look. Inui felt relieved. He always hated it when they'd question his drinks.

And that's how training continued. Actually, since Tezuka didn't specify which training, they just did practice matches, being the disobedient and stubborn lot they are. Anyways, they were terrified of Inui's drink and felt like leveling up a bit before doing the special training, and Tezuka didn't even scold them for insubordination.

"You know, Momo-senpai," Echizen began while playing a practice match with Momo. "There's something wrong with Inui-senpai today."

"Yeah," Momo nodded and returned Echizen's shot. "I heard from Eiji-senpai that he screwed up all his class lectures."

"That's unexpected for someone as collected as him," Echizen commented.

"Yeah. He said that he would talk about the Pythagorean Theorem when they were discussing geometric sequence, he said that he would discuss the harmful effect of drugs during biology, blowing up his experiment in chemistry..." Momo relayed.

"Why are you two chatting?!" Ryuuzaki-sensei asked them angrily. The two noticed that the ball was already in Momo's side of the court on the ground. They didn't notice it since they were too busy talking about Inui's mishaps.

The two bowed down in apology very quickly and started another set.

"Ah, Fuji, do you have time?" Inui asked Fuji from the sides after Fuji's practice match ended.

"What's this about, Inui?" Fuji asked in turn.

"I was thinking...no, would you like to taste test the Inui Super Ultra Great Max Rare Orange Juice?" Inui questioned.

"What are you talking about over there?" Tezuka interrupted because he knew that they should be doing something productive rather than wasting their time on useless babble. He did not interrupt them because he was afraid that they were conspiring against him and were planning on attacking him when his guard was down. That was not the reason. "Inui, we should start the special training menu now."

"Uh, yes," Inui nodded with a 'sweat drop'. "Everyone, please gather here. Let's begin the special training."

Everyone was too frightened by the Orange Inui Juice that they ended up exerting extra effort and clearing their training without mistakes. Inui sighed, but they wondered if he sighed because he was relieved or if he was disappointed.

"Inui, about earlier..." Fuji stated as he approached Inui. The other people had already left to change.

"About that, Fuji," Inui also said. He then had an unusual nervous look. Fuji opened his eyes. "Can you lend me 500 yen?"

"Uh...sure," Fuji answered slowly. "But what would you do with that money, Inui?"

"It's a secret for now," Inui replied and followed Fuji to the changing room to get the money.

After getting the money and changing, Fuji left, leaving Inui in the clubroom with Tezuka and the Golden Pair.

"Oishi, a moment please," Inui called to Oishi who was talking with Eiji.

Oishi nodded and excused himself politely before going to Inui.

"What's this about, Inui?" Oishi asked. "Do you have a problem?"

"None at all," Inui replied. "Could you lend me 500 yen?"

"Sure, but why?" Oishi responded. Dozens of weird answers flooded into his mind. "Did you murder Atobe and now you need to bribe the police to keep you out of jail? Were you punked by that Akutsu, and he threatened you for money? Are you collecting money to give as ransom to free Renji? Did you lose a bet, and the money you had was not enough? Are you planning on running away, far away? Did someone sue you for copying a juice recipe? Perhaps you stole and you need money? Why do you need it, INUI?!"

"Uh..." Inui sounded. "It's a secret."

"Oh. Okay," Oishi said and smiled, but the answers continued swirling in his head, round and round and round and round. He then headed to Eiji.

"What's wrong, Oishi?" Eiji asked.

"Can you lend me 500 yen? I don't have that much on me," Oishi asked nervously.

"Sure," Eiji replied. "I'll be back in a minute."

Eiji dashed out. He headed to his classroom to check his wallet. Only flies flew out when he opened it. He forgot that he spent his money on buying new shoes. He got an idea. He went to Kawamura.

"Taka-san, can you lend me 500 yen?" Eiji asked desperately accompanied by pants.

"Sure," Taka replied and took out his wallet. He handed Eiji the bill.

"Thank you, Taka-san!" Eiji thanked and ran back to the clubroom.

He handed Oishi the bill, and Oishi handed the bill to Inui.

"Sorry for the wait," Oishi apologized.

"It's okay. Thank you," Inui thanked. Oishi nodded, and Inui went to Tezuka.

"Tezuka, how much will you pay me if I run a hundred laps today?" Inui asked the ever stoic captain.

"I pay a yen per lap. In total, that would be 100 yen," Tezuka replied in all his stoic-ness.

"So if I run a thousand laps, you'll pay me a thousand yen?" Inui clarified.

"Yes," was Tezuka's monotone and monosyllabic reply. "But if you have special reasons for requesting money from money, I may pay 500 yen for 250 laps. 1000 yen for 500 laps. 200 yen for 100 laps. In short, two yen per lap."

"In fact, I do have a special reason," Inui sounded.

"I hope it's pertaining to that poison you were threatening to have us drink," Tezuka stated.

"It does," Inui answered. There was a reluctant pause.

"Then what is it?" Tezuka asked.

"Uh...I...well..." Inui began nervously, which is so unlike him. But he did show the panicking side during episode 7 of the OVA, didn't he? Anyways, anyone would be nervous if they would say that they were pregnant, which is totally not the case here. "I broke my mother's blender by forgetting to crush that beetle, and mixing in a rock instead of a poisonous mushroom. Also, the nori I forgot to shred earlier stuck up in the rotating blades. Anyways, I still broke it, and she told me to pay it back in full. She took my allowance, so I couldn't go to Renji's place and make the juice there. Since I had no money to spend, I couldn't buy ingredients. Then I cooked up a plan of serving orange juice to you guys since you're all too stupid to suspect it's just ordinary orange juice...although I admit there was a bit of melamine that came from those Made in China water bottles. Now, it's all gone to waste since you guys didn't want to drink it."

"Hmm..." Tezuka sounded. "Inui, 500 laps for calling us stupid."

"But I still get a thousand yen, right?" Inui asked.

"Of course."


It was already nightfall when Inui diligently finished his 500 laps. How he did it and survived? Well, we can say that the one who knows the most tricks can surpass anyone, and that's just what he did. He skipped a lot of laps.

Anyways, he went to Tezuka's home because the captain didn't have the heart to wait for him, and he trusted Inui too much. Way to betray a man's trust, Inui!

"Thank you, Tezuka," Inui thanked with a wide smile, the kind that he shows in the anime when threatening people with Inui juice. He was now holding two 500 yen bills. "How did you get this much money though?"

"I never let my guard down."



"What do you mean 'you're broke', Takashi?" the older Kawamura demanded. "We just gave you your weekly allowance of 2000 yen!"

"Uh...I just hope they pay back soon..." Taka muttered to himself before thinking, 'Moochers.'



A/N: Inui seemed a bit OOC, don't you think? And yes, I know that I suck at humor, and I should stop writing lame humor fics that don't even make people laugh. -_- My laptop is retarded and does not have a Spell Checker. Please feel free to point out any mistakes I've made such as inverted letters and misspelled words.

Lastly, please review to tell me what you think. ^^

Oh! And really, I was bending reality a little. 2000 yen is usually the allowance for two weeks for students. xP I hope you all enjoyed!