Author's note: Sooo...this is intended to be funny. I'm trying to make fun of as many cliches as I can for a contest regarding cliches. As such, this is a rather mean spirited story. Yes, there will be OOC, because a lot of writers (not all, of course) go OOC. Eventually I'll make fun of Bwen as well as Bevin and Gwevin cliches, but I actually run into a lot less with them, so it may take a while. I'm even kind of poking fun at some of the really good fanfics, so I won't really be surprised if this story gets flamed. Please note that this is only a satire. I do not really mean any of it seriously. Okay?
"You can't be pregnant," Ben insisted, staring at his cousin's stomach.
"Yes, I can be."
"But who's the father?" Ben demanded. Gwen rolled her eyes.
"....he didn't!" Ben groaned, pounding a fist on the table. "I can't believe that jerk...wait...how have you even had time to ..uh...'be' with him, anyways? He went back to being evil a few years ago..."
"He was stalking me."
"...so...you slept with him. Even though he was stalking you."
"Yep, that pretty much explains it."
"Well, that's going to make this harder to hear," Ben said, putting a hand on his own stomach. "Kevin's the father of my baby, too."
Gwen spat out her orange juice. "...that's not physically possible."
"Doctors can do amazing things these days," Ben said, crossing his arms over his stomach.
"Yeah, but how could Kevin be the father unless he was willing?"
"He's been stalking me, too," Ben said. "It just sort of lead somewhere. So, now we're going to have a baby together."
"...so yours was completely on purpose, even though Kevin's still on the bad guy side?"
Gwen sighed. "Great. Well, I guess that means Kevin knows about you being pregnant?"
"He knows I was trying. He doesn't know it took. Does he know you're pregnant?"
"Nope. I figured I wouldn't tell him, I'd let him show up to stalk me again...he usually turns up at least once a year, so he'd see for himself soon enough. When are you going to see him?"
"I don't know...sometimes I kind of stalk him. Sometimes he stalks me. Sooner or later we'll run into each other, probably during some tech deal."
"Wait...wait..." Gwen held up her hands, "What happened to Julie? You were dating her...did you cheat on her with Kevin, or?"
"Oh, her? She got ran over by a bus."
"...you seem very calm about this..."
"Oh, yeah, I got over it pretty quick," Ben admitted. "I guess I just secretly found her annoying. Plus I had Kevin to fall back on. But why aren't you mad at me? You know, for stealing Kevin?"
"Because I've got a photo collection of you two together. You're actually very cute. I started a fan club."
"Besides, I'm carrying his baby too."
"I wonder how Kevin feels about all of this," Ben pondered, rubbing his chin.
"We'll find out soon enough," Gwen insisted. "He'll steal something soon, you and I will have to stop him...."
"Isn't it usually just one of us? and last time you were too angry with him to go.."
"Yeah, we do kind of trade off, don't we?" Gwen mused. "Every other time, you go and you're angry at him while I stay home because I don't want to fight him, or I go and ...you stay home and you're angry at him, but I'm trying to protect him from you..."
"What was that last part?"
Another Note: I did not kill Julie off because I don't like her. I did this as a reference to all the people who kill Julie off/make her move away/have her break it off with Ben just so they can pair Ben with whomever.