Title: I cry for you [version 2.0]
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Summary: Haru cries and she wonders if it's a curse or a blessing that she is the only one strong enough to comfort them and weak enough to cry for them.
Note: Couldn't find the original, so I rewrote it instead. Sigh. I still don't think that it's like the first one, but oh well.
Haru lies awake at night, listening to the muffled sobs and pretending to be asleep. She knows that if she tried to comfort Kyoko, it would all be in vain. She knows that there is nothing she could do to help the girl adjust to the world that they were now living in. She knows that there is nothing she could say to make it easier, to tell her that everything would be alright.
All she could do was crush a pillow tightly to her chest and pretend to be asleep while her best friend's heart was breaking. She ignores the wetness on her pillow and her eyes don't close until long after Kyoko's sobs stop and the silence was broken only by soft, ragged breathing that came from the girl's tired sleep.
When Kyoko wakes up the next morning, looking more drained than ever, it's all Haru can do not to hold her close and promise her that she won't be alone next time, that everything will be okay and she doesn't need to cry anymore.
Instead, she covers the blotchy skin with makeup and tells Kyoko how much cuter she looks, and promises that Tsuna-san will definitely notice this time. When Kyoko's lips turn up in a slight smile, Haru grins and drags Kyoko to the kitchen to make breakfast for the boys, pleased in her attempt to cheer Kyoko up at least a little bit.
When the boys come into the kitchen, Haru notices that they're hurt again. Tsuna-san is bandaged and limping, Gokudera-san is hiding burn marks and smells of gunpowder (she has become familiar with that smell because of him, but there is more of it this time. She wonders how long it will take for the smell to come out of his clothes.) and Yamamoto is a bit bruised and banged, but grinning and asking what they were making for breakfast.
Kyoko smiles and shoos them out of the kitchen while Haru bites her lip and looks into the bowl of eggs she had been mixing as if it will give her all the answers.
Haru promises not to cry, but she doesn't notice the wetness of her face until Kyoko's looking up at her with the kindest look she can offer and wiping the tear from her cheek.
"We'll just have to work extra hard, right Haru-chan?"
The look in Kyoko's eyes is so worried and scared and just so utterly sad that Haru can't bring herself to say no.
That night, Haru's wrapped in Kyoko's arms and her entire body is shaking. Her fingers are digging into Kyoko's shoulder blades and her lips are bloody from being bitten.
Her body feels so small and weak compared to Kyoko's. She's so vulnerable and Kyoko can't do anything but hold her even closer and wish she could be as strong as Haru.
When Haru runs out of tears, her body is still shaking and she's trying so hard to breathe that Kyoko has to let go. She watches Haru as she sits up and leans over the side of the bed and starts coughing.
When Haru turns back to her, her eyes are nothing if not apologetic and her voice breaks when she tries to tell Kyoko, "I'm sorry."
Kyoko's eyes are moist when she kisses Haru and she whispers that she'll do her best to be strong, that Haru can always turn to her. She promises that Haru won't cry again that night, and soon the only sounds coming from them are soft, breathy moans and sighs.
Haru wakes up and feels warm, comfortable. She sighs and closes her eyes again, snuggling into Kyoko's warm body and twining their legs together.
Day isn't here yet. No need to think of anything but this.
Let the pain come later. Right now, this is all you need.
Kyoko smiles sleepily at Haru when she closes her eyes and drifts back into sleep.
It's all Haru can do not to cry, to be strong, but sometimes she can't take it anymore. The pressure in her chest is too much, she feels like she's going to burst and then her throat is closing up and her eyes are burning and the tears come cascading down.
It happens at such inopportune moments, like when she went into the food storage to find potatoes and all of a sudden, she was sitting with her back against the cold stone wall and sobbing into her knees.
There is no Kyoko-chan to comfort her, no Lambo-chan to distract her, and no Tsuna-san to impress. There is nothing to stop her from breaking down when she'd been trying so hard to stay strong. And so, she cries.
She wonders how long it will be until everyone can stop hurting and just be happy again.
Haru cries and she wonders if it's a curse or a blessing that she is the only one strong enough to comfort them and weak enough to cry for them.
Somewhere deep in her heart, she wonders: if I cry for everyone else, who cries for me?
Her questions go unanswered and she doesn't move.
Tsuna-san is the one who finds her and he apologizes for snapping at her earlier. He thinks that's why she's crying and she does not bother to tell him the truth. She just eyes his wounded cheek and offers him a bandage.
All her efforts to make them happy would be in vain if they knew just how much it hurt her to see them in pain. She has to be strong, she tells herself, and she smiles happily for Tsuna-san.
When Haru's tears are all dried up and she's feeling completely dry and empty inside, she listens to Kyoko crying by her side. She buries her face in her pillow and tries in vain to pretend that she doesn't hear. Kyoko's louder this night; she's louder just as Haru feels emptier and everyone else is feeling twice as much because something is happening the next day and everyone's afraid.
"You're always crying, Kyoko-chan," she whispers, mostly to herself even though she half-hopes that Kyoko can hear her.
There's a catch in Kyoko's sobs that almost sounds like a hiccup, like she's trying to stifle her tears even more, and Haru reaches a hand out to her. It brushes against the soft pink of Kyoko's pajama top and Kyoko doesn't look at her.
"Kyoko-chan… is Haru… is Haru making you sad?" Haru bites her lip and mumbles, "Is Haru not good enough to make Kyoko-chan happy? Is that why Kyoko-chan always cries?"
Kyoko turns suddenly and the look in her eyes is near furious, underneath the tears and frustration. "I cry for you!" Her voice is trembling but there is an overwhelming emotion behind it. The fury in her eyes softens and the trembling is worse when she continues, "Haru-chan cries for e-everyone else! She c-cries for Ts-Tsuna-kun and for L-Lambo-chan and I-pin-chan a-and for me a-and everyone e-else!"
Haru's eyes are wide and she's not sure she wants to know the reason Kyoko cries, but she knows that she won't be able to make it better until she knows what is hurting her the most, so she stays silent. She bites her lip and listens quietly to the confessions of her best friend.
"H-Haru-chan gives and g-gives until she has n-nothing left, and even then a-all she can do is g-give. I cry for H-Haru-chan b-because she can't c-cry for herself! I cry b-because… because Haru-chan doesn't have any tears left for herself after she g-gives them all away…"
Kyoko's eyes are overflowing with tears and she's biting her lips and Haru can't look away from her pleading face.
Haru doesn't stop crying for everyone else and Kyoko doesn't stop crying for Haru. But sometimes, Haru will cry just for Haru and Kyoko will offer her the strength that she needs.
Because if Haru doesn't cry for Haru, who will cry for Kyoko?
(She's decided that it's both a curse and a blessing, to be strong enough to help and still be weak enough to cry - the boys don't have the chance to be weak. They need to be strong - for everyone.)