Title: My Velleity
Anime: Code Geass
Pairing: C.C./Lelouch Lamperouge
Summary: All these years I have yearned for someone who could save me from this agony; someone who could see the real me; someone who could hear it…my unheard wish…my velleity.
Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.
"Love is the emblem of eternity; it confounds all notion of time; effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end."
- Germaine De Stael
Humans are feeble creatures...very deficient and unsubstantial beings. They are the basic manifestations of imperfection. Spontaneously, they are manipulated by their own foolish desires and thirst for luxury.
They set such things in order to bring meaning to their existences. They usually yearn for these to be inevitably on their grasp…Sad to say, such hopes are futile when Fate dictates the opposite of what they want.
These are the primary causes of human decadence. These bring forth corrosive effects that can even cause the kindest hearts and the most pristine souls to be tainted and eventually be drowned into the dark depths of iniquity and turpitude. Humans inadvertently lead themselves to the perimeters of these sinful man-made needs, averting their paths from where the tiny streak of light exists to the dark and cold tunnel…leading themselves to an incessant pursuit and struggle for something that even they could not determine what.
The corruption of heart ignites the annihilation of human harmony. This sparked wars that destroyed thousands of homes, millions of lives, and billions of innocence.
And the denouement,
Every cycle has its end. And for the cycle called life, the conclusion is called death.
This is what humans fear most. Death cuts the thread that connects a human from the turbulent cycle of existence. Humans cannot bring all of their riches and wealth in their death…and even these things cannot save them from their fated end.
To die means to cease to exist...
To cease to breathe...to cease to dream...to cease to believe...
Things have drastically changed. The once humble cabins evolved to concrete buildings then to soaring skyscrapers. Abacuses developed to slide rules then to calculators. Carriages became engine vehicles then were turned to solar powered cars. Countless innovations continued to arise and discoveries popped up spontaneously from almost everywhere. The diversity of human needs brought forth the must to continuously unravel the mysteries of almost everything existent and even the imaginary.
The iridescent transition of civilizations and ages ubiquitously glimmered. The only thing that was left barren in its usual cruel pacing was time.
Midst this irrevocable amelioration and in unison with the passing of centuries I have always stood — watching passively how life epically lay out history's repetitions in varied unfoldings. I have long been residing in this ceaseless game called existence and have been ensnarled in this turbulent cycle.
'Witch' is how humans usually address me. Being perceived as one, I have been subjected to different kinds of human ferocity. I have always been left behind and deserted.
My existence has been much of a tedious routine all of these years…
…until I met him.
Strands of green were sprawled among the dancing verdant summer grasses. Stolid amber orbs glimmered with the radiant streaks of light. Warm summer breeze caressed pale fair face. White and black country dress purled lightly with the gentle wind.
"I should never have allowed this to happen…" a solemn voice whispered as heavy lashed eyes gradually closed.
Immortality is a curse.
I am certain that I have given him the necessary warnings.
It is a never-ending punishment…
I tried to push him away from this kind of living…
I never wanted him to suffer the same agony I have endured all these years…
"You…you are alive?!"
"Yes…but I am sure the sword that Suzaku had stabbed me with passed through my heart."
I have had a premonition that day. The day you stood before Charles. I swore there was something in my heart that screamed for a warning…a warning that something unanticipated was going to happen.
A voice called out from a cabin nearby. "C.C.! Your pizza's ready!"
The green haired witch wearily lifted her heavy eye lids and noticed that she had been sleeping on the grassy ground for hours. The orange firmament indicated that it was indeed late in the afternoon. She anchored her arm on the ground and raised herself. The gray witch rubbed her sleepy eyes with the base of her palm and yawned inelegantly.
"I have been absorbed by my thoughts." She mused and caught the smell of pepperoni and cheese. Her stomach instantly reacted with a growl. She dumbly scratched her head and got to her feet.
"I'm hungry…" she muttered to herself and entered the cabin.
I have met almost all kinds of people. Ranging from the purest to the vilest, I have encountered each of them. Some have made impressions that left dents in my reminiscence while others have been left waning with the passing of time.
I have treasured and trusted quite a handful of people that have passed by my existence. I have experienced sharing smiles and laughter with some folks who generously offered my meager soul a glimpse of what happiness truly means…and I was truly grateful to have met them.
But as time flew by, reality became my regular horrendous visitor—carrying a massive mace, ready to bash my makeshift heaven.
While these people gradually developed wrinkles and became weaker with each passing day, I changed not even the slightest. They eventually died and left me with nothing but a few excruciating memories that were too precious to be condemned.
It was an agonizing sluggish torture. I was torn between pain and envy as I helplessly watch them struggle with their last breath. The thought of being left alone again in this cold and barren terrain was utterly tormenting…
…but I am immortal.
I cannot die.
I am an appendage of this vicious cycle…
…an eternal figure existing midst the turbulent zone of beings that are blessed to have a mortal life
This was the reason why I abandoned my feelings—the only proof of my very existence as a human being. Doing so was the only way I can bear this curse. Emotions are manifestations of a mortal living creature. Trust begets concern. Concern begets weakness. Weakness begets affliction.
Centuries have passed and it became easier for me to move forward. Humanity had shed from its sheep clothing and roamed around with fangs bared. Being a deviation from humanity, I have been criticized and accused countless times as a heretic. I have been burned at stake, stabbed by swords, exploded by bombs, shredded into pieces…and yet I lived. I will never die even if they burn the last piece of me. I will continue to exist and carry this punishment forever…
C.C. immediately sat on the dining chair and extended her arm to pull a slice of pizza. She brought it to her mouth and took a bite.
"Have you been sleeping outside?" a young man's voice inquired her.
The gray witch lazily lifted her golden orbs to the violet ones of the lad before her. "Hai…" she muttered and took another bite from her pizza.
The dark haired young man sighed wearily and leaned on his left palm which was resting on the dining table.
The gray witch gradually put down her half-eaten pizza and lifted her face to look at the young man before her.
"Lelouch…" she called out.
The prince jerked his gaze up to meet the witch's firm eyes. He couldn't help but to feel perturbed as he looked through the witch's composed gaze. The cause was uncertain but something beyond her secure countenance was making him feel this way.
"Huh?" Lelouch asked uncertainly.
C.C. heaved a sigh and leaned back. "You know…" she grabbed the half-eaten pizza on the plate and brought it to her mouth. "…you should not repress your feelings. It's bad for your health." She finished her statement and took another bite from the pepperoni pizza.
Lelouch's lips curled up to a cynical curve. "Look who's talking…" he scoffed.
C.C. finished her slice of pizza before throwing a composed look at the Black Prince. "Nani?" she asked deviously.
The dark haired prince turned into a serious façade. "We've been accomplices for years now C.C.. Don't expect me to be deceived by your pretense."
The green haired witch tried to let out a usual sarcastic laugh as a retort but failed dramatically when her voiced cracked.
Lelouch was startled when tears began to flow from the witch's golden eyes.
Her secure countenance had failed. Her lips that were previously held up on a confident curve dropped as she tried desperately to wipe away the tears that were welling helplessly from her eyes. Usually, she would just pull anything up smoothly and never let any emotion, especially vulnerability, escape her well-composed facade. But right now, her tears that just kept flowing and stubbornly wouldn't like to be suppressed irked her to no end.
She hates it when this happens. Most importantly, she hates it when she appears weak and helpless before anyone. It makes her feel oddly pathetic and very much frail. She had always believed that she was successful in sealing all of her emotions in a box and throwing it to where she can never retrieve it again…but every time she was with him, she doubts if she really succeeded.
Lelouch looked at his accomplice. It has been decades since he last saw her like this. She looked so fragile…like a lost helpless little girl. He had been used to seeing her in an independent and indifferent facade but at the moment, the C.C. in front of him was so frail…so full of melancholy and grief. Something inside him ached to see her like this.
"I…" she started while tears fell endlessly from her eyes. She could not help but to finally let go of all the suppressed tears that had been accumulated due to loneliness in the past centuries of her life. "…I just wanted you to be happy…I can't…I can't bear to see you like this anymore!"
Lelouch stood up and leaned on the table to capture her head on his warm arms. He pulled her tightly to his chest.
The witch felt another wave of tears threatening to fall from her already lachrymose eyes. She clung helplessly on her accomplice's slender physique as if her life depended on him. The irony stung.
And so she wept.
"I would be lying if I'd say I'm not feeling lonely sometimes. Of course, I do miss Nunnally and the others." Lelouch whispered softly and closed his eyes. "But you know," he re-opened his violet orbs and gently pulled away a bit for space, cupping C.C.'s crying face between his hands. "I'm happy that at least, I get to spend eternity with someone who never fails to surprise me." He grinned and gestured at the figures sticking on the walls of their dining room. "Who would have thought that glow in the dark Cheese-kuns would ever exist?" The raven haired lad snickered.
C.C. couldn't reply words but just cries. All of her suppressed emotions were finally being set free at the moment. Her whole body shook with her cries as her accomplice smiled softly at her and enveloped her in a tight embrace.
"I'm sorry…" the warlock whispered and caressed the witch's green locks in a soothing manner. "You need not to suppress your feelings. I'll always be here to listen to you. We're accomplices after all, right?"
My immortal existence was quite boring. I have to go on the same routine everyday: traveling all by myself, eating with nobody, and having little chats with my deceased friend—Marianne.
Marianne vi Britannia. She was one of those few people who have left an impression on my reminiscence. Aside from being a contractor, she had been a good friend of mine. At first, I have conspired with her and Charles for their view of peaceful world though I gradually felt that it was not really right. There was something wrong with their interpretation of peaceful.
Aside from Marianne, I've met other members of the Royal family of Britannia. There I met Charles and V.V.. Charles was the same as Marianne. They were both corrupted by their desires. V.V., on the other hand, held the same curse I bear…although eventually, he was able to escape the wrath of immortality.
Marianne has two children: Lelouch vi Britannia and Nunnally vi Britannia. I met Lelouch when he was young. He was a different child, I should know. Not like his half-siblings, he seemed to have his own-will. He definitely was special.
I met him again after 7 years. I was captured by Britannia because my powers got their interest. He had been a normal Britannian citizen by that time and tried to save me bare-handed. I granted him the power of the Kings to help him attain his desire for revenge and peace for her beloved little sister.
And that started our pact.
The sky was majestic. Stars were scattered on the blue-black firmament. The moon was full, emitting wonderful glow on the creatures beneath it.
Golden eyes glinted with the ethereal rays of moonlight. Mild cold night breeze carried green silky locks. The green haired witch sat calmly at the porch of their cabin. Her lips were curved into a light smile. Chill wind blew through her shoulders that were exposed due to the style of her country dress. She could not help but shiver as the cold wind passed upon her.
She was startled when she felt something being dropped on her bare shoulders.
"You should wear a jacket if you're planning to hang out here. It is cold you know…"
C.C. turned her head to see her accomplice casually dropping a jacket on her shoulders.
"Chivalry is still alive, neh?" the witch teased.
He gave her a poised smile before taking a seat beside her. "Of course. I am a Prince after all." He responded with a smile.
C.C. smirked at this. "Oh, and before I completely forget," the Gray Witch's lips were up on a lopsided smile. "You totally suck at comforting. How was 'you never fail to surprise me' supposed to make me feel any better?"
Lelouch gaped at her accomplice. Did that line really suck? He was actually hoping that somehow it sounded kind of sweet…or at least to him it did. "Witch, that was supposed to be a compliment." He deadpanned as he noticed the amused grin on his accomplice's face at his surprised expression.
"And you were gaping. Seriously, you thought it was brilliant? Oh my, Lelouch. You're emotionally challenged."
"What was that supposed to mean?"
"You can interpret it in any way you like."
"Why you witch…"
And so their usual banter went on - C.C. with her usual sardonic, sly remarks and Lelouch with his irritated, juvenile retorts. After a couple of witty rebuttals, the two fell silent, taking the time to cherish the serene environment.
It was C.C. who decided to break the silence.
The Black Prince turned his head to the Gray Witch. "Hmm?"
C.C.'s cold, pale hand fell atop Lelouch's warm ones.
"Promise me that you'll never leave me…"
Her soft golden eyes met his earnest violet ones.
"Promise me…you'll always be here with me…"
His warm hand enclosed her cold ones. She could feel his warmth overpowering the coldness that she felt. He was an intense fire melting the barrier of nonchalance and indifference that she had built over these past centuries in order to protect herself from being hurt again. She was afraid at first; but before she knew it, he had already melted the barrier and had enclosed her to his warmth.
He was her greatest weakness…her only sanctuary.
The Prince lifted their linked hands and leaned in to place a chaste kiss on the witch's pale hand. This earned a blush from the green haired witch.
He couldn't help but to grin at his accomplice's reaction.
She smiled at the sound of her name being said by her warlock.
It is true that immortality is a curse…
It is true that it is very lonely…
But I sure missed the only thing that could make my eternal life blissful…
The only thing that life gives wonderful meaning to…
The thing that could turn a curse to a blessing…
…and only my warlock had been able to hear and successfully grant it…
My unheard wish…
…to be loved.
Notes: This would be the last repost, promise. A friend of mine wanted to read a CG fic that I made so I decided to edit this one. I was only supposed to check for grammatical errors but as I went on, I actually started adding new scenes which I felt were lacking on the earlier versions. I was also drawn to addressing the concern of a reader who asked for Lelouch's side. I hope I did quite the justice for Lelouch here. =)