Tony would never admit it to anybody. But his time at NCIS had been hell. The last couple of years had been truly hell. He'd lost the relationship he had with the only woman he was truly in love with. Because of orders from Jenny the Director he left her to die in a hail of damn bullets. That really pissed off his Boss. That he could handle but then the team was split. Tony was sent to be an Agent Afloat. Gibbs fought like a rabid dog to get him back. That's when Tony thought things were looking up but as soon as he got back at NCIS the physical contact had ceased to exist. It was obvious to him that Gibbs was still punishing him by withdrawing his fatherly relationship. That was what hurt the most… McGee also had decided to start acting snobby He heard the small snide comments. You know what?! Tony had stopped caring.

He was even sent on a fucking bogus exercise and got a damn rifle butt to the face. Did he even get an apology? No! While he was hoping some things would go back to normal they never did and he didn't see the light or the silver lining. Tony wanted punishment for being the screw up that he was… Not this feeling of being disowned again. Again from a father. Hell, if Gibbs wasn't going to punish him for his mistakes then he sure as hell was going to get himself punished.


Tony had tried to end his misery with alcohol but that wasn't working. As the saying goes… I tried to drown my problems but the bastards learned how to swim. Tony laughed bitterly. He put his coat on and headed out to a nearby bar. It didn't matter to him which one. But preferably one he didn't frequent. Of course he was to be at work the following morning but of course he didn't care.

It didn't take long for him to drink enough of the 'Dutch courage' to get up the nerve to do what he really wanted to do. Tony really wanted punishment… He wanted his ass kicked. Unfortunately, that damn Fight Club movie was right. Most people tended to avoid confrontations most of the time. Tony even tried, unsuccessfully, to pay people to get into a fight but they just thought he was crazy.

What the hell? He asked himself. He thought to hell with it though. What was wrong with everybody? "I have no purpose. I have no place. We have no Great War, we have no Great Depression!" Tony called out. He was speaking to himself mainly. He didn't care that people were listening.

"Go home you drunk," A man told him.

"Our Great War is a personal War," Tony ignored him. "The Great depression is my life…I've been watching television, I was led to believe that one day I'd be a millionaire or a movie God. But now I know I won't. It's taken me all my life to realize that… And I'm really pissed off about it!" Saying the words out loud made them feel so real. It was true… He had always believed in a future that was now unattainable. Why hadn't I seen this sooner?

Tony looked at his clenched fist and punched himself in the mouth. If nobody was going to punish his screw ups then he'd have to rely on the only person he could trust… Himself. It felt good. Tony raised his arm up and punched his side a couple of times. It hurt… But it felt damn good. Tony smacked his head up against the outside wall. The tingling sensation of pain was his punishment. It was more than that it was his relief. Someone had cared enough to torture him for his fuck ups.

"Hey man," Someone said to him.

"Don't stop me," Tony said holding his hand up. He could taste blood in his mouth now from his lip and nose.

"No… I didn't think you were serious about wanting to be beaten up," he said.

Tony punched him self in the stomach again and stomped on his own toe. "You missed your opportunity," Tony laughed as he stopped for a second to catch his breath.

"I'll pay you," the man said seriously.

Tony stood up straight. How could he refuse such an offer? "How much?" He asked. He wondered how much someone would be willing to pay to beat him up.

"I got a hundred on me," The man answered.

"Perfect… But there's one rule," Tony pocketed the money. "No hitting in the ribcage or diaphragm. "Go," Tony said.

"What?" The man asked. "Now?"

"Time's wasting… I'm not going to let you hit me all night," Tony checked his watch. Two minutes," he said.

The man doubled him over and struck him in the back. Whoa… Tony hadn't factored being hit there. It was good that he knew the rule and stayed away from that area. Just before the time was up, Tony received a swift kick to the thigh. "That was good," Tony said as he was now rubbing his sore spots.


The next morning he strode into the NCIS building. When he smiled at the security guard, his lip opened up again. "Agent DiNozzo?" The security guard asked.

"Yes?" Tony answered.

"Are you alright?" He asked Tony.

"Yes I am," Tony picked up his ID and put it in his pocket. People knew he looked really beat up and they didn't hide their stares. Let them stare he thought. I got a lot of cash in my pocket… I've been punished physically for the shit I've done. Go ahead and stare. Tony thought bitterly at everyone. Nobody understood what he was feeling.

"Can I borrow a tissue?" He said to some woman in the elevator. Tony wiped the wet blood that was leaving a trail past his lips. He took out his wallet and counted the money. Last night actually felt great.

Tony limped into the bullpen as his leg played up again. He could feel Ziva's eyes on him, then McGee's and then Gibbs'. Tony sat down as if nothing was amiss. Let them wonder about it.

"What the hell happened?" Gibbs asked as he looked over at his bruised agent.

"Nothing Boss," Tony answered with a small smirk. Nothing you need to concern yourself with. I'm having things handled. "Do we have a case?" Tony asked.

"Did you get jumped?" Ziva's eyes narrowed.

"Nope," Tony answered. He looked at her for a second and thought about how much would Ziva be willing to pay to get in a fight with him. "Now if we don't have a case… I'm sure… You can stop staring now if you like," Tony said without looking up.

"Who assaulted you DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"I wasn't assaulted Boss," Tony answered flatly. He waved his hand across his face. Subject dropped. No complaint… No case. "Cold cases then Boss?" Tony asked. He looked over at the others. McGee would never understand. Ziva would never allow herself to be beaten up and Gibbs would go crazy over it. Or just shrug his shoulders and not care. Tony didn't care what they thought anymore. There was a new world he had gotten him self into.


A/N: This idea came from Fight Club of course. And who else thinks that they've been told about a future they'd never reach. The speech that DiNozzo gives is a variation to the one Tyler Durden gave in the movie.