Title: The Nightmare Before Christmas, RoyEd Style
Fandom: Full Metal Alchemist
Pairings: RoyEd
Warnings: Ridiculousness
Author's Note: This was a Christmas gift for sky_dark over on LJ. She received it on time, I'm just late posting it over here.


Someone was calling for him. Really? He had never been called by that name before, so maybe they weren't really calling for him


High pitched and sweet, the voice sounded just like a fairy. But what would a fairy want with him?

"Wake up!" the voice said again, and something heavy landed on Roy's stomach, effectively waking him from sleep. He sat straight up, and his eyes scanned the room for a something shiny to be flying about the room.

"Daddy, Santa came!"

Roy looked down in his lap to find a child, no older than four, with his eyes and the cutest nose he had ever seen on a person. The tiny girl was beaming up at him, her hands bunched up in his shirt.

"Who are you?" Roy asked.

"Daddy, not that game again! Come on, I want you to see my presents!" She jumped off the bed and reached for him, tugging him out of bed.

Roy pulled on his robe as the child ran ahead of him down the hall. Had he really fathered a child and forgotten about it? His mind was slowly waking up and he decided that yes, he did have a daughter, because there she was, bouncing down the stairs, and it was automatic for him to call out, "Don't run!"

The sitting room was a mess, with wrapping paper and ribbon strewn all over the place. In the center of the mess sat a Christmas tree that Roy couldn't remember decorating, and seated on the couch enjoying a cup of coffee was Edward.

Roy sat next to Ed and watched the girl strike up a conversation with a doll. "Merry Christmas," Roy muttered, taking the mug from Edward and downing the whole thing in one gulp. If only he could wake up, maybe he'd remember his own family!

"Merry Christmas yourself!" Ed replied. "Thought you'd never join us."

"Was I drinking heavily last night?" Roy asked.

"You did have a lot of Eggnog," Ed told him.

Ah, well, that explained it.

"I haven't given you your present yet," Ed said softly, running a finger up Roy's leg.

Roy offered Ed a smile and looked at him expectantly.

"I'm pregnant."

This time, Roy sat up so fast that he fell out of bed.

"Ah!" Ed cried, sitting up in bed. "What the hell? Roy? What are you doing down there?"

Roy blinked at the ceiling. "I just… had an interesting dream," Roy answered, folding his arms over his chest.

"What kind of dream?" Ed asked, crawling over to look down at his lover.

Roy pierced his lips together as he sought the right words, before giving up and saying, "I have the sudden urge to impregnate you."

Edward blinked down at him, and said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"You wouldn't like that?" Roy asked.

"Don't talk to me until you're sane again," Ed said, lying back down to sleep.

"Merry Christmas," Roy said as a peace offering.

"Fuck off, nut job," Ed grumbled. "It's not Christmas for a few more hours. Now, go back to sleep."

Roy sulked, but crawled back into bed, snuggling up against Ed's back.

Ed muttered under his breath, "You get to carry the kids."