The Courtship of Moldering Mel © errihu

"Mind if I join you here?"

"No skin off my ass, Shattrath's a free city and this is a free bar. Do whatever you like. Bartender –."

"—Err, one for the lady please, and one for myself."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Yes but I wanted to. I've seen you here most evenings. So tell me, what's a fair maiden like you doing eating alone every night?"

"Fair maiden? Ahahaha, funny one there. I don't know whether I was a maiden in life or not – I can't remember a damn thing, but I'm certainly no maiden now!"

"Indeed? Well, I don't remember much before the plague myself. Who gives a shit about life before, anyway. It's now that matters. And you still haven't told me what you're doing alone. It seems an attractive lady like yourself should have no end of suitors."

"Is this supposed to be some kind of come-on? Because really…"

"Well… yeah…"

"Uhm. You're serious?"

"I am! I've watched you here for the last week, nearly every night. Your armorer is clearly talented to fit you so well in that plate, and I couldn't help but admire the size of your sword."

"It's not every day a woman gets that kind of compliment. You know what? You're kind of cute, rot spots and all. What's your name?"

"I think it was Reginald once, but now they just call me Ruggie."

"Ruggie huh? I'm Mel. Moldering Mel, sometime warrior for hire. Pleased to meet you."

"Your drinks, sir, madam."

"To you, fair lady!"

"If you insist!"


"Mind if I join you?"

"Oh, it's you, Ruggie. Sure thing, um… Bartender, two please!"

"It's no problem, I can – ."

"Oh no, turnabout's fair play I always say. This one's on me. You can get the next one."


"Your drinks, sir, madam…"



"So what do you do, Ruggie? Besides flirt with dead girls at the bar?"

"Well actually, I'd prefer not to discuss the details in public, if you don't mind. To put it shortly, I specialize in the acquisition of rare and valuable items."

"Hah! I think I understand. Are the previous owners of these items always aware that they were, shall we say, selling them?"

"I try not to announce the fact. Of course, sometimes business doesn't go exactly as planned, and then, well… I have some skill with my dagger."

"Indeed, Ruggie, you seem a man of many talents. Ever do any exploring – ancient crypts, dungeons and the like?"

"I have done some… delving… in my time…"

"That sounds fascinating. I think you should tell me all about it."


"Good evening, dear Mel."

"Ruggie! I was hoping – I mean, how are you?"

"Quite well, my dear. I brought you these."

"Dead roses! Oh how sweet."

"I saw them and I thought of you."

"Why thank you, good sir."

"It is my pleasure, dear Mel."

"I don't suppose…?"

"Yes, my dear?"

"Would you kiss me?"

"Of course…"

"Pardon me, but if you two are really THAT hungry, you could order something. We have food here too, you know. Besides, some of the other patrons are starting to become … disturbed…"




"Good evening my dear— Is that a dress?"

"Is there something wrong with it?"

"Anything but, dearest Mel. In fact, purple and black becomes you, and the spider web pattern is exquisite. It looks simply magnificent on you. I just didn't expect to see you without armor."

"Well, I had the day off. No dungeons today. I thought I might… *giggle* dress up a little. There's a tailor down in Lower City, does fine work."


"It's raining, Ruggie. Would you like to walk with me?"

"I'd love nothing better."



"I've wanted to say this to you. Your eyes are like marsh lights in the night, your lips like clotted blood, your hair like the wings of a week-dead raven. Nothing could compare to the perfect symmetry of your rotting dimples. I can't get you out of my mind. Undeath never looked so good on anyone."

"Oh Ruggie…"


"There you are. I've missed you, the last few days."

"My apologies, dearest Mel. I have had some business to attend to, elsewhere. However, I have returned, and I have brought these back for you. One shouldn't go on an extended trip without bringing back presents for one's friends, after all."

"*gasp* I've never seen a necklace of such fine workmanship!"

"Here, let me put it on… There we go. Goes well with your dress."

"Why thank you, Ruggie dearest. I shall cherish it always."


"Yes, my carrion princess?"

"I think I love you."

"Sweet Moldering Mel, words cannot express my happiness at hearing you say this. For I have found myself falling head over heel bones for you, my dearest. I love you too."


"Good evening, dearest one."

"Ruggie! How good to see you. Why, aren't you dashingly dressed tonight."

"Indeed, and I see you a wearing that lovely dress. How fortunate. I was wondering—."


"Would you be willing to come with me tonight to Wayfarer's Rest in Silvermoon for a meal?"

"I would love nothing better!"

"Excellent. I have already made the reservations. Please, accompany me to the portal."


"The blood elves are fine cooks, I must say."

"So you enjoyed yourself then, my dear?"

"Immensely. And it was very kind of you to hire a mage for a portal back. I hate to admit it, but I've never been a fan of flying."

"Flying doesn't bother me much, but a portal is certainly faster. This way, we still have part of the night left."

"Heh, we do at that. I confess I'm not ready to take my leave of you just yet."

"Nor I, my lady."

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you…"

"Oh? Please, feel free to ask me anything, dear heart."

"Ruggie… How are you with locks?"

"I am adept at opening boxes of all kinds, naturally."

"Do tell. Well as it happens, I have a box I think I'd like to show you."


"It's said by some to contain untold treasure for those who open it."

"There's something I should tell you, dear Mel…"

"What's that?"

"My name isn't a shortening of Reginald, actually. It's short for Rug Burn."


"Rigor mortis has its uses."

"*chuckle* I take it you are not displeased?"

"Not by any means. Indeed, I quite enjoyed myself. Um. And yourself."

"You are exquisite. The plague did us a favour when it made us undead."

"I quite agree."

"I could spend eternity in your arms, sweet Mel."



"Again, please…?"

"Nothing like the insatiable dead."



"How long has it been now, Mel?"

"You know, I kind of lost track of the time after the first few months, darling. Time loses all meaning when I'm with you."

"Then I suppose now is a good time…"

"For what, dear Ruggie? What is that you have in your hands— *gasp*"

"Moldering Mel, you've captured my shriveled heart. Will you accept this ring and be my eternal companion through unlife?"

"Ruggie… Oh how sweet, still on a little blue finger… of course, my dear. I would be honored! I know an Aldor priest who would be willing…"


"—And do you, uh, Ruggie, promise to take Mel to be your wife under the Light, to love and honor her, to defend and cherish her, so long as you both shall, uh… So long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"And do you, Mel, promise to take Ruggie to be your husband under the Light, to love and honor him, to defend and cherish him, so long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"And there being no objections to this union, I pronounce you bound under the Light in the ties of holy matrimony. You may kiss—oh Light, I think I'm going to be sick!