Author's Note:

Dis is my first story plz no bad reviews! Thanx I'm rewriting Twilight cuz I think I can do it MUCH BETTER!

Twilight ReWrite Chapter 1

Oh mah gawd muh name is Bella Swanuh it means bootiful Swan becuz is gud name. I gess I am pretty but I think ahm ugleh becuz I never gotz a tan in mah old city.

For no reason I decided to move to Ferks Warshingten to live with my father Charlee, I call him Charlei cuz I haet him for no reason and I call him by his first name, ANEWAYH I'm moving to live with Charhleh in Ferks.

I wuz in a plane wif mah fave top on and I haet the way I luk cuz I am part Albinoh LOL!

I'm so pail and plain! I haet my bodee I weesh I wuz mor bootiful and I am CLUMSY! BECUZ BEING CLUMSY IS A FLAWW~!!!

I am a danger to muhself cuz I thinks I wuz born wif the braen damag. It muts have been all der crystal meth my lady of the night mother did back when she traveling and werking the streets.

Datz why she left my dad - errr- CHARLEE cuz she didn't want to be held down and have a familee. She took me wif her cuz I wuz a girl, she thought she culd sell me into prostitution when I came of age. BUT I AM SO UGLEH AND PLAIN I'd nevar meak a gud streetwalker. I wuz the ugleh ducking that grew into a plain ugleh swern!

So I spent muh lyfe being a plain ugleh pail girl in PHEENUX ARIZONUH I should have a tan like all der pruty blonde girls, but I never tan. Maybe it wuz becuz of my agoraphobia, or maybe it wuz my nonexistent social lyfe. Everyonhe that treated me nice was STOOPIT!

I treated all the friendlies like the dog poo on the bottom of my shoe. They weren't pretty so I didn't care about them!

Wheen I maed it to der house in Ferks CHARLEE had a surprize for me. I hopes it wuz a ticket back to PHEENUX cuz it was SO MUCH BETTAR than Ferks even though I haven't even been in FORHKZ for two hours. I HAET CLOUDS AND RAIN AND GREEN!1

Even though PHENUCKS ARIZONUH is a polluted collectshun of concrete, trash, crime, and Mormunz, and is surrounded by the flat boring as crack of Amercuh's deserts… ITS STILL BETTER THAN FERKS. And I can make dis assumption cuz I has only been here for 30 minutez.

The green, and the refreshing rain is terrible muh lungz can't take the fresh air! Imma die BLARGH. The low crime rate and the friendly towns folk can fukc off! I prefer the gang bangerz in PHEENUX!

Anyhoot muh dad, err CHARLEH pulls me outside and has an old clunker truck outside and despite the fact that I HATE EVERYTHING, I LOVE DIS TRUCK. I CAN RELATE TO IT CUZ IS OLD AND UGLEH LIKE ME!!!

Charleh really carez for me enuf to provide me with a room and food, and a vehicle, but I STILL HATE HIM FOR NO REASON AND CALL HIM CHARLEH CUZ HES STUPID!!

Jacobz Black shows up but hes not important. Wuts moar impootant is how much bettar PHEENUX AROZONUH is! I wuld write about how much better it is but I don't has dat much memories on mai hard drive to fit all of the awsumness dat is PHEENUCKS. LOLOL!

I stert muh new day of skool tomorrow so I get unpaked and eventually go to sleepies.

The next day at the skool I park my loud truck, OH MY GOD IS SO LOUD AND LOUD I HAVE TO EMPHASISE HOW LOUD IT IS ITS SO LOUD I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING YOU ABOUT HOW LOUD IT IS. I go get my skedule. Some boyz are extra frednly toward me and they help me find my new clazzes BUT THEY ARE STUPID UGLY AND GROSS YUCKY.

Everyone knows who I am for some reason and despite my horrible ugleeness 99.9% of the males in the skool are OH MY GOD in LURVE wif me. Duh onlee man dat duzent suck my invisible dickzors is der one I met is Biology. When I walkz in he lookz at meh, muh nappy hairz blow around me cuz of the fan set up on the desk, even though is 30 degrees outside. He shudderz and covers his nose.

And OH MY GOD dis boy is the most perfect, dazzling, and prefect boy evar! He look likeone of dem perfect nekkid statues I see in the moosiums!

HE WAS PERFECT AND I WAS DAZZLED BY HIM!!

But for some reason HE HATED MEH! How could someone haet me? Everyone wuz suppose to luv meh becuz I was the new, and suddenly attractive girl!

We do unimportant lab together, but I already know how to do it cuz I am super super smrt and I already know how to do everything and everyone else was STUPID!!

At lunch I was stalk-watching him. He becumz my new obssesion for lyfe.

I wuld let dis guy do anything to meh becuz he was purty. He could even kill meh because I was so totes down for that. Because he was SOO BOOTIFUL.

I never rememberd the names of the people that I sat wif even thought I am super smart and good at remembering everything. They were nice enough to become frends wif me and offer me a little niche so I wasn't a lonely outcast. THEY WERENT IMPOIRTANT.

The most important thing in mai lyfe was sitting at a table wif moar purty peoplez. He wuz so perfect. His face wuz perfect, everything about him wuz perfect!

And yet he wuz the 1% of the menz dat wasn't in love wif me. Wo is my lyfe, I chagrined! I haet the other boys I want this perfect one in my lyfe!1