Weaknesses

Disclaimer: Ha! I wish!

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My knees turn to jelly, my breathing becomes irrational and my hands shake like crazy. My pupils are dilated and I can't swallow. My throat is closed up; hitching with every breath I take.

It's funny how the tiniest of things can turn you into a nervous wreck.

Of course, he finds it hilarious. That stupid smirk plastered across his face. Except I can't criticise it really because that's another tiny thing that makes me go insane.

You know, there's only one way to describe it, really. It's like the jitters you get when you're in desperate need of a caffeine fix. Colours begin to look different and all you can think about is getting some warm liquid into your mouth to calm the aching rasp that's threatening to rip your throat apart.

It's times like these when you begin to understand the camera techniques in all the old movies that you watched as a kid. When the two main characters realise they love each other, there's always that hazy fuzz around them, making it feel like they're the only two people in the world. You always think it's stupid before it happens to you.

It happens to me whenever I walk out of our room and he's there, in the kitchen, making pancakes and coffee 'cause he knows that I can't function without food and caffeine.

It happens to me whenever we're walking down the street and he links our hands together, as if we were made to fit together. Pieces in a perfect puzzle.

It happens to me whenever he pulls at the lapels on my jacket, drawing me closer. I loop my fingers through his belt.

It happens to me whenever it's a cold day and he pulls my hand into his pocket, just to keep me warm.

It happens to me whenever it's raining and he's stood at the door, dripping wet, waiting to hold the umbrella open for me.

It happens to me whenever I catch him sneakily reading Hemingway.

It happens to me whenever I watch him sleep. He's like a little kid, clutching the blankets around him, cocooned in the cotton. Hugging himself.

It's the silliest things that become your weaknesses. Like the way his hands stroke the pages of his treasured books.

The way he says your name.

The noises he makes when you kiss him in all the right places.

The way he holds onto you, like you belong to him.

The way he makes you feel nervous and totally comfortable at the same time.

The way he tells you he loves you. And you know he means it.

Weakness is an odd word when you think about it. It can mean fault, flaw or limitation. But that's not a true representation. True weakness makes you feel complete in a way that you never knew you could feel.

True weakness is Jess.