WARNING: AU (Alternative Universe); Note format; Blatant disregard for the English language; Swearing; Crude/Bad Humor. That's all . . . I think.
Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize? Yeah, not mine.
Dedication: Everyone who is waiting so patiently and understandingly for my brain juices to actually start working for HSNE.
Author's Note: Ohh . . . umm, everything is "Americanized" because it makes more sense and is easier for me to write. Sorry. Also, if you couldn't tell, this will be a TAIORA AND MIMATO story. Fair warning!
Poll – Please take the poll located above my bio!
Can you believe this?! It is so ridiculous! I mean, seriously, WTF? All school assignments are dumb, but this has got to be the freakiest, stupidest thing I've ever heard of. I can't believe that stupid Lincoln teacher got Mr. Stolkes on board. Again. It's not like the first time was perfect either; it was a disaster! What are they doing to us?!?! This is an outrage. I'm going to write the principal. No, the superintendent! No . . . not important enough. The governor! . . . Wait, I got it; THE PRESIDENT!
My idiot friend (A.K.A. Taichi Yagami),
As you know, normally I ignore your notes (every heard of texting, Tai?), but Izzy is ignoring me (the jerk) and Mr. Sumters is going off about theorems. You know my dislike for theorems . . . thus, I am writing you this note. Or, actually, responding to yours. Oh, never mind.
Yeah, I agree. The school assignment is pretty stupid. "Pen-pal" program? Freeing the world of the evil that is email? . . . Our teachers are on crack, I swear. And then, okay, I kind of understand the letter thing. But with Lincoln? Our school rival? COME ON!
On another note, we really have to have a couple drinks with Izzy and Joe. They've been stressing out about finals lately and they deserve one night to relax. And we obviously can't make them relax while they're sober. I mean, come on. They're Izzy and Joe. They need an alcohol intervention. And soon.
I have the feeling we're getting talked about. Who do you think it is? Possibly that girl you like. More likely though---------
STOP TRYING TO WRITE NOTES TO ME IN CLASS! I HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION! DO YOU WANT ME TO FAIL SCHOOL THUS ENDANGERING MY CHANCES AT BECOMING A DOCTOR? WHY DO YOU WANT TO RUIN MY FUTURE, IZZY? WHY?
You know, it's not very considerate to pull a note out of a person's hands. Of course, Joe. That's my goal in life. Ruining your future.
STOP WRITING NOTES IN ---
. . . When did you come sarcastic?!
You know that one week you were in the Bahamas with your family? Yeah, then.
. . . What happened to you? More sarcasm? TAI AND MATT ARE RUBBING OFF ON YOU! NO! NO! NO! NO!!
NOW LET ME PAY ATTENTION! LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN WRITE MY SCHOOL RELATED NOTES!!
You won't believe it. I'm sitting here (completely innocently, I might add) in Language Arts and BAM! Mr. Stolkes hits me where it hurts. By that, of course, I mean he handed out our pen-pal partners.
Sounds like a born-again virgin, doesn't she? She's probably like Jackie is this year: "Oh, I've slept with a ton of guys . . . but that's in the past! I'm innocent, pure, and sweet. Chastity is the way to go!" GOD! You already slept with someone, Jackie!
YOU. AREN'T. A. VIRGIN.
Stupid people . . .
Taichi (the Magnificent)
P.S. I got the drinks! Izzy and Joe shall loosen up . . . TONIGHT!
Taichi (the Retard),
Ahh. Jackie. Such a good little slut.
Yeah, we got our partners this period. Yours sounds better than mine on any account.
Yours may be a born-again virgin, but mine sounds like a bitch. I can just see it already. "Hi, I'm Mimi, but you can call me some sickeningly sweet variation of my name! I'm rich and my Daddy and Mommy spoil me rotten! Aren't I adorable?! Like a kitten, right? Aww . . . "
Matt (the REAL Magnificent)
P.S. I'll tell Iz and Joe. Well, I won't tell them what we're going to do, but I'll tell them we're hanging out. Izzy's no problem, but Joe . . . I'll work on it.
Matt~~~!! I'm bored... School is so boring. D:
Now you text?
Yes, now I do. I forget my phone, FYI.
Okay, Taichi. Whatever you say.
Stop using such big words. Ur phone has a full kybrd.
. . . What the heck? I didn't use ANY big words. Are you sure you're okay? Do I need to take you to the mental hospital? TAICHI, BREATHE SLOWLY! IT'LL BE OKAY, I PROMISE!
I'd rather not.
I can just see ur smirk.
Good. Can you see anything else?
Ur glaring at me, aren't u?
Nah. Can I ask something?
U just did.
You know what I mean, idiot.
Sure, y not?
Why do you hate the pen-pal program so much? I mean, really? You hate a lot of school assignments, but you seem vehement about this one.
I dunno. It's just stupid, I guess.
It's gonna suck, but it won't be awful. I mean, we won't have to meet them or anything.
Yeah . . . I know. Still. I just know what will happen.
She'll be this school obsessed loser and constantly I'll want to scream "LIGHTEN UP!"
Like you do at Izzy and Joe?
You never know. I mean, I know I pretty much stereotyped my person too (but how could you NOT? MIMI? Really?), but we have to keep an open mind. That's what this whole thing is about, isn't it?
Yeah, I guess. But y would they think I would just bear my soul to some1 I don't even kno?!
Yeah, Tai, I know.
Hey, if need be you can just scream - or technically write - "LIGHTEN UP" at the girl.
Maybe you're right . . .
Dear Girl At Lincoln,
Look, I'll be straight with you. I think this assignment is stupid, worthless, idiotic, etc. etc.
I'm sorry, but I just don't see the POINT. I mean, WHAT are we going to gain from this?
Someone getting shot?
. . . Probably.
So, you're probably wondering (or not . . . I don't care) "If you complain it about so much, why are you even doing it?!"
The answer is simple, Lincoln Girl. I have to. Because it's for a stupid effin' GRADE. Except NO! They don't read it (something about infringement of our rights or some stupid thing like that), but we still have to write. AND I can't even swear properly; they have people censoring it.
You see what I'm talking about?! It's barbaric, I tell you!!!
FREEDOM OF - FRIGGEN' - SPEECH, DUDE!
'Kay. As you can (obviously) see, I am not really into this whole thing. But they put up some stupid question that I can answer fairly easily, so . . .
Name: Taichi Kamiya (Don't worry, you can't call me Tai).
Gender: Male (Though I'd hope you'd have enough brains to realize that).
Grade: Senior (No duh).
Family: I have a younger sister. Aside from that . . . well, frankly it isn't any of your business.
Friends: More than you, I'd bet. Izzy, Matt, and Joe mostly, though.
Color: Orange (for the sun), Red (school color along with white . . . but white isn't technically a color, so . . . ), and Pink (for my little sister, I guess).
Movie: Any Horror movie. Give me a little gore and/or nudity and I'm good.
TV Show: Fear Factor, Survivor . . . any crappy reality shows, really. But, hey, what else would you expect from a redneck Ashfielder, right?
Food: Anything and everything. Matt's cooking is always good (I mean free food and for some weird reason . . . he's actually great at cooking and crap).
Sport: Soccer A.K.A. the reason I don't need to worry about idiotic things like grades (I'm totally getting a scholarship!).
Music: Various Alternative and Grunge bands. And Matt's band, I guess (even though it's pretty pop-py and happy).
Day: Umm . . . what the (censored)? Friday . . . ?
Person: Kari . . . I guess . . .
Drink: Alcohol . . . nah, just kidding. Lemonade and Coffee, I suppose.
School Subject: NONE!
Yeah, well . . . there's a bunch more. But I, in fact, am too lazy to go through all of it. You should have at LEAST a pretty good idea of who I am from the information above.
That is, if you read it at all. Which you probably didn't. Because you (being a Lincoln Girl) will be too scared that this letter will affect you with one of the following:
DRUGS (Le gasp!).
ALCOHOL (Don't slam it unless you've tried it!).
POORNESS (Since it's obviously contagious.).
I can just see the shudders rippling through you. It is a quite amusing sight, to be honest. Oh! The horrors of going to Ashfield!!
But . . . since there is a length requirement (For the first letter, at least. They'll drop it eventually. Mr. Stolkes may be crazy, but he's not that crazy. I mean who wants to go through a hundred letters making sure they're a certain length? No one. Well, except maybe Lincoln teachers) I'll take up a suggestion made by my best friend:
LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!! LIGHTEN UP!!
P.S. Seriously though; don't slam it unless you tried it!
No offense, but I really don't see the point to this project. How are we "broadening our horizons" by talking to people like you? Not that there's anything wrong with people like you . . . well not much, anyway.
I usually have manners. They must have just gone to get something to eat (Hardi Harr Harr). Anyway . . . well hi. How are you? I'm fine.
Going back to ranting . . .
I just don't get it. Have these teachers NEVER heard of computers? E-mails? Text messages? Facebook? I mean SERIOUSLY. Who actually mails stuff to people, nowadays?! Sorry for complaining; I Know YOU didn't come up with this assignment. It's just so . . . ARGH . . . you know?
I know I must sound like I have a humongous stick up in my (censored).
. . . Oops.
I probably shouldn't swear in front (well . . . write in front . . . I dunno!) of people like you. I mean, I'm sure you've heard swears and stuff, but . . . probably only in movies or something. I would cross it out, but, according to Mr. Stolkes, we're supposed to leave in "everything that flows from your pen to the paper". Whatever THAT means.
Oh crap. I'm looking over my best friend's shoulders (I'm positioned in the perfect position to cheat off of him. Not that I ever would 'cause no offense to him . . . but he kind of sucks in school. Or at least I'm better. And we're doing this is Sup. Study. So I guess I wouldn't really need to copy him anyway . . . ) and he's kind of being a . . . well being a (censored). He's not being a HUGE one or anything. Just a little one.
But I still feel guilty. (Censored) guilt complex! How I loathe thee!
Anyway, can you tell Sora Takenouchi that I'm sorry. Well, I'm sorry on his behalf (if he ever finds out I'm SO dead . . .). Just makes sure she knows the following:
1. He's always a little bit like that. It's just who he is.
2. He (like I) thinks this assignment is fairly ridiculous (which it is).
3. Idiocy is his gift.
4. He likes ranting. Especially to people who can't make him shut up (like me).
Yeah . . . well that's basically it. I mean, unless you hate her or something. Then, by all means, let her get word-abused by my friend.
Sorry for that. I'll now take the time to answer the questions I can see from Tai's paper (Totally perfect for cheating! Am I right or am I right?!).
Name: Yamato Ishida. You can call me Matt though; everyone does. My parent's only call me Yamato when their piss -- MAD at me (Ha! Caught myself!).
Gender: Male (If you already couldn't tell).
Grade: Senior at Ashfield.
Family: Parents and younger brother. I live with my dad and see the other two occasionally. Such as holidays. I actually think my brother (Takeru - TK - Takashi) goes to Lincoln. Think you could check?
Friends: Well I have a lot of "friends". But my real friends (meaning I could trust with them with ANYTHING) would be: Izzy, Joe, and Tai. Oh . . . and my band members.
Color: Blue and Black. Mostly cool shades.
Movie: Dramas, comedies, horrors, musicals (Oh GOD, don't tell anyone!!), etc. I like basically anything but chick-flicks. Sorry if that offends you at all.
TV Show: To be honest, I don't really have time to watch TV. Sometimes though, when I'm studying (or attempting to) with Tai we end up watching his crappy reality TV. I mind Fear Factor the least. Don't ask me why; it kills brain cells, I know.
Food: I'll spare you the pain of my LONG list. Just note that it's not things like hamburgers, hotdogs, etc. Not that I mind that stuff . . . it's just not my favorite.
Sport: Euch. None.
Music: So many bands have inspired me that going into detail would just be cruel. I have a band made up of three other people. Ever heard of us? The Teenage Wolves?
Day: Uhh . . . Friday or Saturday? Dumb question . . .
Person: Too many to choose. Who has a favorite person, anyway?!
Drink: Water. And Coca Cola (I am sadly addicted. I'm getting help, though. Don't worry).
School Subject: English, Biology, etc.
Well I'm basically done with the current requirements. No offense to you or anything, but I really don't want to write more than necessary. It's not personal! It's just . . . my hand kind of hurts and stuff.
Reply back soon,
Hey! Anyone there?! You haven't responded to my last three letters. I know you're still a little mad at me, but too far, dude. Too far.
I mean, Kar', you're only two hours away. Not so far, if you think about it. If you don't respond to this letter, I'm going to have to skip school and come find you. And I know you hate when I do so called "reckless" things. You don't want me to hurt my school career because of you, do you?! Why yes, I can guilt trip you. MWUAHAHA.
And you know that if I'm going to skip school, I'm going to make Izzy, Joe, and Matt to skip, too! That's FOUR school careers on the line, Kari!
You also know that Joe is going to whine the WHOLE TIME. He's the only one of us who actually has a car (lucky bastard) so he's going to have to drive us. Which means we'll get there in about . . . oh . . . six hours (He drives slower than Grandma, I swear).
Do you really want to put me through that? Your DEAR, BELOVED, KICK ASS, brother?
. . . I didn't think so.
Look Kar' . . . I AM sorry. I know this "separation" (as they call it) has been hard on you. I needed to stay with Dad . . . you know that, right? We couldn't have left him all alone. They're not even divorced yet, anyway! There's still a chance!
Yeah, I know. Slim chance.
But whatever! I'll be out of school at the end of this year and I SWEAR I'll move close by.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DON'T BE MAD. I LOVE YOU. DON'T HATE ME!! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!!
(A.K.A. Your most AWESOME big brother EVERR.)
This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but it developed a life of it's own and . . . well, here we are.
Updates for this should be faster because,
a) I have most of it written already;
b) It's going to be much shorter (in chapter length and number of chapters) than HSNE
Speaking of HSNE, I rewrote all the chapters. Check it out sometime, if you want.
Oh . . . and review, please. :D