A/N: I am going to try to do as short author's notes as I can manage, because there are many ways I could possibly ruin the plot since this is a longer story. For instance, if you are confused (you probably will be ^_^'), tell me in a review. If it is about something that will soon be explained, I will not answer whatever questions you have, but I will thank you for the review. If it is about something I thought I already had explained, I'll try to reinforce it in the next chapter and I'll explain it to you anyway. I hope you enjoy this, see you at the end. Also, this is the last author's note that will be in the beginning of a chapter because I hate those.

Disclaimer: The only thing I own here are the fine details to Real Fai's personality.

Warnings: AU. Other warnings forthcoming. Language occasionally, especially when certain characters begin to become involved. Tragedy, though it might not always mean what you think. Quite a bit of confusion.


In my dreams, I can see everything- every existence that is 'mine' in some other world. It comes from being placed into this chaotically spun web of life and hitsuzen-connections made so haphazardly; I sit on top of the connecting threads instead of becoming entangled within, and I peek into those other lives as though through windows to a neighbor's house.

Life of Fai-1) {The sky is barren, and the world is far too far below me. The sky, the sky stretches out in those separate strips between the bars. The gap is wide enough for me to step through, just step through and have the ground fly up closer, closer to me until it greets me with its dark and silent arms, where there is no hunger or loneliness or even pain after one last burst of it…}

Life of Fai-2){My face is spotted, but when I look at his, it does not seem like mine could be different at all; diseased at all when his is so clear. And then I see it in his eyes, my same yet different face in those center black inky circles incrusted with pale blue; see all that dark disease interrupting the expanses of pale, and…}

I see everything and I see 'them,' the characters in these other stories of 'my' life. I see even my own life stretched out before me sometimes and what's coming scares the living shit out of me. Terrifies me, but not because of 'the fall,' not because of every or any fall…

Life of Fai-#1 and most other lives) {A choice, a choice. Me or him, and I don't even have to stop and think. I know, I know what the answer is, and I don't know if it's because I'm selfish or selfless that I choose to die in his place…}

The Fall is the title I have given to the finale of every life: It is how each fragment of my existence ends- playing through the play written out for my soul until the last act that will set so much in motion. Every single fall that I see again and again through those eyes that are mine and watch me back: that's not what makes me feel fear rise like bile in my throat. It's always after I've fallen that hell breaks loose.

Life of Fai-2) {His hands cling to mine, and they look strange and pale and pure when my diseased and swollen black-blue things clutch them back. He shakes for moments now when he looks at me, there is a growing terror when I awaken and for a moment my limbs don't work. For a moment I struggle and it feels like a thousand needles all shooting into my flesh at once, as though my foot has simply fallen asleep but it hurts… and I see him…}

It's always after the fall has come and I have already played my part that Hell starts, because that is when He breaks.

Life of Fai(The Fall)-3) {-thought process, worded by an older version, aka, this version is too young to speak or write-(For Him(me) it ended quickly, without warning. I had only just glimpsed the face of that other me peering in by this point, and I was so small I didn't realize what it meant. But He was still there, as He always will be, to clutch me to his chest when I fell. And the ones below took him away and my fall was complete and I left. On my way out, I saw Other Me(me?) watching them take him away, and I looked back too, but it was too late. I(the real me) was gone.)}

I, right now, am the oldest any one of me has ever gotten. I see more then any other version of myself has ever seen- the threads of this 'hitsuzen' I was never aloud to be a part of are clear. Set in stone; yet still able to be grasped, in a way. I see the lifetimes that have been played out in those other worlds by those other versions of myself. I see all of them(me), and a few of them see this me. I've seen so many of Me fall.

Life of Fai(The Fall)-4) {A gunshot, a gunshot and I fell as well; 12 years old and I hit the asphalt with my brother screaming at my side. As my back arches and as if through frigid water(pressing hard fingers at my ears) I seem to sink towards the ground, I am old enough to know it is familiar. I am old enough to remember the dreams of the other me in other worlds, and know they are familiar and real and that I have fallen before. I am old enough to know my brother's face, eyes wide and terror clawed across the perfect blue as I have seen so many times before.

I am old enough to see the bars of that window as I willingly let go, old enough to feel my legs crumble from disease below me; old enough to slip easily from the banister I had foolishly climbed up, to remember falling as though it was the only natural thing I had ever done.}

When I fall, the act shatters everything else while I pass on unscathed and dead, my part in the play complete. But he has to finish each act, tread through to madness or pain or suffering or imprisonment, to always loneliness. He is the one that shatters when I fall.

Life of Fai&Yuui(The Fall; Shattering; Death of Yuui)-5) {A car accident. We both fall this time, but he has time to shatter before he follows; my brother has time to try to shake my broken body awake even as he bleeds. And He(I) am watching this, too.}

Souls get into habits so easily. Especially hesitant, half existing things like mine. Falling is what I was created to do, the goal set in the first forming of my life and each existence after the first crumbled obediently to the ground at the base of a tower, fell to a pit dug for dead sinners.

Life of Fai(The Fall)-6) {Again and again and again I fall. I am old enough to see it, and I am old enough to see the fall approaching in my own life. Kakei smiles sadly at me when I ask him, and when he nods his chin falls but doesn't rise, as though he can't expect me to rise anyway so why bother. Everything seems sarcastic and morbid lately though. Eyes flash, and that small almost sadistic grin twists his face, but I know it's not happiness- Kakei merely watches as all this plays out. And he can't expect me to stop it even though I try, because I do fall, exactly the way I saw it, though I can't stop it even as I pedal onto the ice slickened bridge. I've seen it happen. It already has happened, in a way. I can't change what's already happened.}

My soul has gotten into the habit of falling.

Life of Fai-2) {Disease claims my legs, and I crumble. I am bed ridden for the next few days as The Fall continues to drag closer, this one more drawn out then ever before.}

And in response, his, the original soul, not some poor created thing like me, has gotten into the habit of shattering. As intended.

Life of Fai(The Fall)-1) {I fall from the tower, and I have never been so calm. It will end soon, and though I cannot be by his side, he will have his life. It doesn't matter if it was selfishness or selflessness, there is no way I could have made any other choice then to die when the other option was letting his precious heart stop beating. And I see his eyes widen and I see the ground coming and I know it's familiar; I know it's so familiar despite the fact that I am the original created bit of life intended to fall and break the face identical to mine drawing swiftly closer below me and I am so sorry so sorry sorrysorrysorry…}

There is though someone who seems to have gotten into the habit of putting those shattered pieces back together.

The car skids against a street shimmering with wavering heat, and I fall, fall, fall away again. Life of Fai. The Fall. Fast approaching. Exact date unknown.

And I am old enough now to see it. I am older then I've ever been before, and I see more then ever before. So this time, even if I know I cannot stop my fall, I can at least make sure all that follows does not go by that sick original plan. That instead of bringing pain, my death can at the very least mean nothing. I know now how it will happen.

Which gives me time to prepare this time, for The Fall.

A/N: I don't know if you could tell from this, but this is a story about Fai. And I don't mean Fai as in Yuui-who-calls-himself-Fai, I mean Fai who leapt from that tower. And let me just say- later chapters will not be like this. This is a story-story, there will be dialogue and normal writing patterns and everything (and not as many things inside parentheses). What was in this prologue will eventually be explained, but if you are desperately confused you can still tell me because it will help me know how to explain it.

Sorry for the clear confusion of this first chapter, it will (hopefully) begin making more sense once more is explained. Oh, and Kakei is a CLAMP character from Legal Drug. You don't need to read it to understand, it will be mentioned once later though.

Reviews are greatly(as in really really) appreciated, and I apologize in advance for the very, very long wait between updates.