Title: Letting The Cat Out Of The Bag
Series: Tenipuri
Character/Pairing: Tezuka/Fuji, Saeki/Yuuta.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Fuji started the mess with one little sentence: "When are you
going to introduce me to your family?" TezukaFuji crack
A/N: for sweet-charity! It's crackolicious and probably the most fun I've had with a fanfic for some time. It isn't quite 'how they got together', but that's for the other fic. I hope you don't mind the divergence, I was having too much fun to stop.

This is an idea I've had for a long time and requested whenever request chances came about, but this is the first time I got to it. Ayana really is like Fuji, according to one of the guidebooks – I don't remember which one.

Thanks to Saaski for the emergency quick betaing -- you're awesome! Any remaining mistakes are my own as I was fixing the format to post I remembered a few things I had forgotten to add and added them in post-betaing.


The whole mess started the whole mess with one little sentence: "When are you going to introduce me to your family?"

Tezuka's brow furrowed. "You talk to mother."

"Oh, but your mother – she figured out all on her own."

Tezuka's mother, like Fuji, never missed a thing. She had connected the
dots of a bruise (it could only have been made with lips for what else leaves that kind of mark) on her son's neck and an especially smug smirk of Fuji's. Every time she'd seen them and felt a twinge of unease, a hidden something... the pieces finally connected and to her, at least, the full picture revealed.

They had been dating since just after the nationals (Five years already?) and Fuji had spent quite a lot time over at Tezuka's house, though it by no meas close to the amount of time he'd spent at Fuji's. Fuji's parents didn't ask questions if he brought someone home for the night.

"You haven't introduced me to your family either," Tezuka said as a distraction.

Fuji's grin was wolfish. "You want to meet my family?"

"I was merely making a point."

"Yuuta is coming home this weekend, and Yumiko should be visiting, and Saeki..." Fuji trailed off, as if in thought, considering.

"It was rhetoric, Fuji," Tezuka said.

But Fuji just smiled. This wasn't the mere knowing-Cheshire-smile, this was the Inui-esque plotting smile. It was the type of smile that brought terror into the souls of lesser men.

"I'm sure they'll love you," Fuji said.


Yumiko, Yuuta and Saeki were already seated around the table. Fuji's father was noticeably absent, though Tezuka knew not to ask; Fuji grew uncharacteristically sullen and silent whenever that topic was mentioned. Beyond was the aroma of cooking rice along with the discernable smell of Western style food. There was most definitely a tinge of spiciness to the air.

If Tezuka hadn't had a reasonable tolerance of spicy food, he never would have survived Fuji and Inui's company.

Yuuta was petulant. "You wouldn't let me bring Mizuki-san to dinner!"

"You shouldn't bring evil things like that over the threshold, Yuuta," Fuji said. "They might haunt us."

"He would suck out your soul at night..." Yumiko added in her best spooky voice.

"Hey, I agree with this," Saeki said. "He might run into Fuji's room and steal his underwear."

Yuuta scrunched up his nose. "Saeki!"

"I wouldn't put it past him," Fuji said. While his voice was serene, there was something fierce and derisive about it.

"So your friend, Tezuka–" Yumiko began.

"Actually, he's my lover," Fuji said. Long years of being tennis captain to a very interesting bunch of players kept Tezuka from betraying any emotion at the sudden words.

"Oh? I always thought you were a bit on the fey side," Yumiko said. "Aunt Yukika always wanted you to marry that neighbor girl but deep down I said to myself 'one of these days, he's going to bring one of his classmates home'"

Fuji chuckled. "Your predictions are always right, Yumiko."

"I hope you're using protection, Fuji," Yumiko said in her best sisterly voice.

"Of course! At first we tried the ribbed, and then the lambskin and extra thin–"

"Oh, ribbed? I thought you'd go for the glow-in-the-dark types." Tezuka choked, though Fuji seemed to miss his lover's distress and continued blithely on.

"We've used those. They were very memorable."

"I'm going to the pharmacy tomorrow, I'll be sure to pick you up some Astroglide and flavored condoms. Any preference on tastes?"

"Thank you," Fuji replied cheerfully. "We're always running out. And apple, if you can."

"I'll make sure to get extras," she said.

Fuji chuckled again. "How is your husband?"

"Oh, he's a bit tired out these days. He keeps saying that I'm riding him too hard– not everyone can live up to the legendary Fuji drive!"

Yuuta started turning colors--an interesting mixture of first green, the purple, then red. Tezuka merely blanked out. A little of that conversation was enough for him; he went to his happy place of tennis balls and courts and tea, staring down at his plate with unfocused, far-away eyes.

Fuji's mother stood in the doorway, her wooden stirring stick in hand. Like Yuuta, she was
entirely straitlaced and her wild, changeling children resembled only aunts and uncles and their mischievous grandparents.

"Well, at least he didn't bring home a pierced, leather-wearing rebel like his sister did at his age," she sighed.

"Tezuka is studious and serious. He's the type of boyfriend any parent would be glad for their child to bring home," Fuji said.

"Poor thing, he won't fit in with the Fuji family at all," Saeki laughed.

"If it wasn't for your hair, people would assume that you were a Fuji family member and not Yuuta." Yumiko said.

"You're practically part of the family anyways," Fuji put in. "Remember, just last year you introduced yourself to the new neighbors as 'the illegitimate son.'"

"And now I can say I'm their youngest son's gay lover," Saeki said. "I'm sure the neighbors love me already."

Saeki grinned at Yuuuta, who rolled his eyes at the whole lot of them.

Not content with just this, Saeki poked at Yuuta. When Yuuta still ignored him, Saeki leaned down and nipped at his neck, vampire style.

"Now, now, Saeki, you know the rules. No making out at or on the table," Yumiko said.

"Indeed, Saeki, you shouldn't do such things..." Fuji said low and deadly.

Saeki looked up from his attempts at Yuuta and grinned wolfishly. "Jealous, Fuji?"

"Hardly," Fuji replied darkly.

Saeki laughed it off, but this had started a whole new train of thought for the conversation. Yumiko turned thoughtfully as she remembered, and then she started as if she had plucked up just the right card to read.

"I always thought it'd be Fuji who brought Saeki to dinner, not Yuuta," Yumiko said casually. "Back when they were younger..."

Both Yuuta and Tezuka tensed.

Before she could continue, a bell chimed and dinner's ready cut through whatever embarrassing and incriminating anecdote Yumiko might have brought up.

Fuji's mother may not have been as wild as her children, but she knew how and when to distract them.


Tezuka's house was far more conservative and traditional, but Fuji could wear one mask as well as any, and at Tezuka's house he wore the mask of the polite friend from school. His seiza was perfect and he held the chopsticks just right. He never forgot to remove his shoes before stepping onto the wood or tatami floors.

He bowed the correct amount and listened to his elders. He was perfectly charming and all those pointed charms worked.

As the food came, they chatted idly about reasonable things. Tennis, school, how he and Tezuka met. It all went fine until his grandfather brought up the subject of o-miais – or more specifically, Tezuka's future o-miai, that things began to grow stormy.

Fuji's face darkened from its cheerful mask. "Tezuka won't marry," Fuji said.

"Oh? How would you know?" Kunikazu sniffed. "Does he discuss such things with you?"

Tezuka hissed a protest, a whisper only for Fuji's ears but Fuji went on.

"Because he's mine," he said.

Silence spread in the wake of the bombshell Fuji had dropped.

"Fuji–" Tezuka said through clenched teeth.

It was one thing to reveal Tezuka to Fuji's unorthodox family, but to his traditional family who
wouldn't even think of discussing sexual positions in private, let alone at the table with guests. Fuji's sudden forwardness had no place in their polite company.

Kunikazu was impassive and blank as he took in the news. He sipped at his tea and closed his eyes before he finally answered.

"You're just like your father."

Tezuka furrowed his brow in thought.

"But mother met father at an o-miai," he began.

"No, your father was slated for a o-miai with a nice girl when he met Ayana. He was going to go through with the girl I chose, but she refused to give him up. She even came up to me and said they'd elope if I didn't bless their marriage and I'd never see either of them again."

He took another sip of tea. "That woman all but blackmailed me."

Fuji looked up at Ayana who stood at the doorway, her arms crossed across her chest. He smiled, and she smiled in return, but it was not pure mirth. It was an understanding, with the underlying words well played hidden just under the surface.


With their families now reeling from the information, it was only a matter of time before the team – and the entire tennis teams of Japan came knocking. Oishi and Ayana were on good terms, so he was the one who unwittingly mentioned it to Eiji. He swore him to secrecy afterward, but that was obviously a waste of breath as everyone knew Eiji could never keep a secret.

It wasn't long before Eiji cornered Fuji near campus and said, bursting with energy, Whoa, a guy? What's it like, Fuji?

"I certainly like it," Fuji said.

"But is it really different from girls?" Eiji said.

"Do you even know what girls are like?" Fuji asked.

"Fuuu—jiii," Eiji whined "That's not the point at all."

"Hmm. Well, I certainly prefer it. It's quite different," Fuji said calmly.

Eiji looked furtively back and forth before whispering. "Could you give any tips?"

"My personal favorite way is the reverse cowboy," Fuji said.

He proceeded to give examples using two amorous stickfigures on how this was done.

"So you— and you— and–"

"Yes," Fuji said.

"And it's put there?."

"Uh-huh," Fuji said.

Fuji drew another diagram and Eiji's mouth formed a perfect 'o' as he stared wide-eyed at the crude guidebook. Fuji's talent at photography didn't extend to art as well.

Somewhere nearby Inui scribbled away at his notebook. Now along with preferred grip and shoes, was a note that mentioned they were lovers, and the ways Fuji preferred to be taken.

It would only be a matter of time before it spread and Rikkaidai, Hyoutei and all the others would be coming to visit. But for now, it was just Inui writing, Eiji blushing and taking notes on everything Fuji said.


Things were changing about his house. Tezuka noticed that his mother whistled more in the mornings and that his father seemed in a better mood lately. He spent a lot of time in his happy place these days. It didn't help that he'd seen his mother and Fuji's mother along with Yumiko for a 'girl's night out.' He'd overheard the topics at hand and gone as far out of earshot as was physically possible without crossing prefectures or islands themselves. It was worse than the time he'd accidentally come across his Aunt Ruina watching that popular program Sex and the City.

Later, when the group had gone Tezuka came back out from the street tennis courts. Sweat made his shirt cling to his shirt. He closed the door behind him and heard the sweet silence that alerted him that there was no one but his mother on the premises.

After showering, he came back to where his mother was cooking rice in the kitchen. She smiled at him, he didn't smile back, but nodded an acknowledgment. It was his way. They both understood that.

"Where is father and grandfather?" Tezuka said.

"Out. Your father's working late and I thiiink your grandfather had a Shougi and Go day with his arch rival," she replied.

And for once, Tezuka was not the solid stone wall that he was on the tennis court and in school, but the son.

"Mother...Do you think grandfather is disappointed?"

"Oh, it'd do him good to lighten up a bit. He's much too traditional. If he says anything, he'llregret it."

She smiled so bright it looked sharp and fierce, a very similar smile to one expression he knew so very well. He really had gone for someone who was just like his mother.


"So what do you think of my family?" Fuji said

"They're a family only you could have," Tezuka replied.

Fuji tittered. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"I think it will be fun....meshing our families together in holidays. It might do them both some good, Fuji said.

It would either be a balancing event, where the wild strain of one part was tempered and the traditionally held views of another were softened. Or it could be a bloody war waged every time holidays came about

"Perhaps," was all that Tezuka said on that matter, however.

"Aren't you glad to be rid of all those secrets? Though it was fun to run about hiding in the moonlight some forbidden lovers..."

Tezuka sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. Things like this were commonplace with someone like Fuji. His life would never be boring with a person like Fuij around. Fuji would make sure of it.

"Oh, I'll make it all better," Fuji said. He whispered something in Tezuka's ears, a suggestion involving tangled hotel sheets and many other things that only a Fuji family member could conceive.

"There's a Love Hotel down the way...we haven't tried the last room yet."

And even Tezuka had to relax, had to unwind as he felt Fuji's lips at his neck and the suggestion lingering in the air. A nibble at his earlobe, fingers slipping beneath his shirt....

There were two things that made Tezuka unwind: Fuji and Tennis. Coincidentally, those things were also what caused him the most amount of stress as well.