Here is it, FINALLY :P


Adjusting to life as a girl for a Time lord who'd been male for over 900 years was tricky, especially when the Doctor kept thinking of himself as a 'him'.

That had earned him a few strange glances when he'd wandered casually into the men's loos.

He'd had one moment of panic when he'd approached the urinal, and realised with horror he was missing his manhood.

To the point where he'd even began frantically searching the floor around him.

He'd quickly remembered that he was no longer male however, and been instantly relieved... until he noticed three blokes staring at him like he was mentally challenged.

This was probably true, come to think of it.

He made a note to avoid those locations in futureā€¦

Dressing had been a challenge too.

His favourite suit just didn't... well, suit him anymore, was one way to put it, not to mention the jacket was so long it tripped him up and the sleeves were a nightmare rolling up.

He'd even tries on a few of his older outfits, even going so far as to pick up a celery stick he'd once used as an accessory, but nothing went.

Not even the leather jacket; the red hair only brought back images of Donna laughing at the very idea of the Doctor in leather.

He'd then rummaged in Rose's old room, and found some nice things, including make-up, which the Doctor examined with interest.

He'd never really understood the concept...

Why did females need war paint?

He'd asked Rose once, but she'd told him to bugger off.

Quite right too.

He then dressed up, trying to copy what Rose had worn on occasions but to his horror received a lot of unwanted attention when chasing alien signals down the street.

Wolf whistles and bad chat up lines were one thing when aimed at your beloved companion, but when aimed at you, it was just disturbing.

Increasingly so when the Doctor realised he did not share his companion's taste in men.

'Good god I'm a lesbian', she'd realised with horror, before being distracted by rampaging aliens.

It's not that it really mattered, he'd made a point never to get involved with anyone, not even with Rose, the Doctor thought sadly, so why should it matter what his sexuality was?

Didn't matter at all! ....

Running was also a problem. She wasn't quite used to running with extra weight, not to mention the fear that she'd go crashing into walls with the momentum of her 'basoomas', as she amusingly referred to them, a word he'd picked up from some Georgia Nicolson books.

Since trekking through the chaos of Rose's old room looking for clothes, she'd picked up a few of her old books, which were an interesting read and insight into the female mind.

(For some bizarre reason he favoured the Twilight books, but continued to scoff at Bella; she was nothing on his Rose.)

He'd managed to find some bras that helped with the running, but found them more interesting to use firing as slingshots then actually wearing, although knickers proved a better shot.

He'd even amusingly loaded his bigger-on-the-inside pockets with various underwear he'd nicked from Rose's drawers and gone to meet Robin Hood.

He didn't think he'd ever seen as funny a sight as the look on Robin and his Merry Mens' faces when he'd challenged them to a shooting contest, armed with the contents of every La Senza in Britain.

He hated to think of all the painful ways Rose would kill him if she ever found out he'd used her delicates as weapons, but as he reassured himself, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

The worse thing (or maybe the second worse thing the Doctor reconsidered) was meeting up with Jack, and explaining what had happened. If he'd thought Jack was bad enough flirting when he was in his previous incarnation, he'd been terribly mistaken.

He'd never regretting helping out Torchwood more, when one of his best friends had been constantly staring at his chest, making worse chap up lines then ever before, and winking constantly.

At one point when she asked Gwen how she coped with the backbreaking basoomas, Jack had smugly offered to carry them around for her.

Trying not to ruin their once great friendship, she attempted to put up with the ridiculous behaviour, but eventually drew the line when Jack pointed his two loaded guns at the Doctor's 'melons' and continuously made shooting noises.

It made the Doctor become more and more unnerved by the second.

He was beginning to think his older incarnation had been slightly unhinged to take on Captain Jack Harkness, and took to throwing apologetic glances at Gwen and the others whenever Jack did anything else stupid.

This was a regular occurrence.

Well, it was his fault they were stuck with him after all!!!

If there was one thing the Doctor learnt out of that particular visit, it was that genetically, the Tyler and Noble slap were compatible, and if anything, when both genes joined together they created a 'super slap' of sorts.

She would have been ecstatic if it weren't for the fact Jack instantly keeled to the floor like he'd been shot.

Fortunately Owen had assured her he'd wake up in no time.

For a few horrifying minutes, she thought she'd made enemies of Torchwood again by accidentally killing their Captain!

She stuck around to make sure he did eventually wake up before leaving pretty sharpish.

"Wait! You forgot to give me a goodbye kiss!" Jack yelled as she dashed outside.

"Forget it Jack!" She yelled before leaping into her wonderful TARDIS and immediately setting course for the vortex.

It would be a while before she visited Torchwood again.

Preferably after her next regeneration.

She cringed when she suddenly remembered Jack was immortal.

Would she ever be shot of the pervert?

No, probably not, if the next mission was anything to go by.

Being hit on by the Universe's oldest resident, the Face of Boe, was a nauseating experience.

The next day passed normally however, until she suddenly got a horrible stomach ache.

It carried on throughout the morning.

At first she tried to ignore it, but eventually, groaning, she pulled her knees up to the chest.

It felt like someone was grinding her insides around in a blender.

It wasn't until she heard nature calling that she realised what was happening.

There were some real down sides to being female, but this was definitely the worst.


Review or I will set Captain Jack on you.

Actually, you'd like that

In fact, I'll set the Face of Boe on you!!!! :P