Ok, so while writing the last part to 'A Simple Mistake' I was watching 'A Simple Explanation' again, as well as old season 4 episodes, and wondered, hey, what happened after Kutner died? Who helped him move on to the afterlife and stuff? And did he witness his own funeral as a ghost? So, this was written.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone!
He didn't feel any pain as he left the cruel world. There was a second of pain after the blast in his temple but it disappeared almost immediately. He felt free and happy once more.
Lawrence Kutner found himself in a bright, white light. He was momentarily stunned. What happened? Where was he? House would get mad at him if he was late for work. Was he in a mental hospital or something? Only then did the painful memory start coming to him. I'm dead, he realized suddenly. I'm not alive, I killed myself.
Once realizing that, Kutner sighed heavily as he looked around. He had no clue why he was here, or what he should be doing right now. Usually, there'd be a hint of where to go, or what to do. But it was as if Kutner was in some unknown place, waiting for something to happen, or someone (Death himself, perhaps) to take him to an afterlife, either Heaven, Hell, or somewhere else. Maybe somewhere worse or maybe somewhere a lot better.
He felt panic build up in his throat after at least twenty minutes of waiting. Were they trying to torture him, Kutner asked himself? Were they trying to keep him wondering why he was here? Or was that where he'd stay for the rest of eternity, punishment for killing himself?
Kutner sighed as he took another look around. His mind was jumbled; he couldn't think clearly. Why was he here?
Suddenly, the hairs in the back of his neck stiffened. Kutner felt another presence here with him. Another person, maybe, to lead him to the real afterlife, Kutner thought, panic gone from his throat as he looked around, spotting a figure walking toward him. She was white, so she blended into the scenery. Maybe it was a guy, Kutner thought, but something told him it was a female.
Death was female, Kutner wondered innocently. Well, no one really knew, but everyone always assumed Death was male, because, well, it just made sense.
Kutner watched the figure walk toward him, closer, closer, until Kutner could tell who it was, the figure becoming quite clear. His jaw dropped, in shock, as the woman (indeed, a woman) walked toward him, her blonde hair settling over her shoulders, a smile developing on her face, though disappointment was on it as well. She looked just as she did the last time Kutner saw her, except her face was perfectly clear.
Only one thing emitted from his lips: "Amber," he rasped out.
Amber Volakis, their old colleague, James Wilson's ex girlfriend, House's sort of enemy, the woman that died in that bus crash less than a year previous, stood in front of him.
"Yeah it's me Kutner," Amber said, her voice breaking his deep shock. Hearing her voice again made Kutner appreciate how much he actually did miss her. Granted, the two had their spats since the first week, when Kutner set their first patient on fire and also got fired for telling on Amber, but came back by tricking House, but he still didn't mind her. When she died, Kutner didn't know how to feel, so he did block it out, and eventually forgot about her death, but it still hurt a little bit to go back and realize how badly he treated her.
"What are you doing here? Are you the new Death or something, taking souls to the afterlife?" he asked. Amber shook her head.
"No, I'm here to help you figure out what an idiot you are, and how much people are hurting because of your suicide, before I help you to move on. Death, in fact, assigned me to help you. He thought that this would be best for you, instead of himself," Amber answered, rolling her eyes in the typical Amber fashion. Kutner smiled slightly.
"So, did Death keep me waiting here on purpose, or was he trying to convince you to do this?" Kutner asked. Amber laughed bitterly.
"Mostly he was trying to convince me, but kept me there a few minutes for suspense. Now, I'm taking you through what is happening now, after you decided to kill yourself idiotically," Amber answered. Kutner nodded, understanding this would be hard.
"Ok. Just one question. Where are my parents? Why couldn't they be the ones to help me through this? And why do I need help through this?" Kutner asked. Amber paused.
"Death wanted me to help you, because he thought you'd be too happy to see your parents to actually understand everything. And you'll need help because once I show you everyone's pain, you'll want to go back to them. I know I wanted to," Amber answered. Kutner sighed.
"You didn't kill yourself," he answered.
"I did, sort of, with the pills I took. I didn't do it intentionally, but still, I could have not taken them on the bus, for precautions, but I did," Amber answered. Kutner sighed as he moved toward Amber slightly.
"You didn't plan it, I did," Kutner spoke. Amber thought, nodding.
"True. So, let's not argue about this any longer. Let's get moving. The sooner I show you everyone's pain, the sooner you get to see your parents and I can go back to watching over my-" Amber said before breaking off, looking away. Kutner sensed a deep amount of pain, and for once, Kutner felt a deep sign of sympathy go out to her. She lost so much with no choice; Kutner chose to leave everyone, without even a note.
Kutner nodded as Amber turned to him again, a wall built around her, the feelings and emotions he previously saw, were gone. Amber grabbed onto Kutner's hand as the bright light disappeared.
Kutner found himself at his apartment again, looking over his dead body, bleeding on the ground. Kutner frowned. He didn't want to see his own body not alive. Why was he here? He took a look at the clock. It was just before 1pm, about one and a half hours after he pulled the trigger.
"Why are we here?" Kutner asked Amber. She nodded toward the front door.
"You'll see," she answered. Kutner suddenly heard a knock sounding on his door, followed by Foreman's voice calling his name. What was Foreman doing here? House sent him, Kutner realized immediately. He remembered leaving a message for Taub at 8am on his cellphone, telling him that he'd be late and to make an excuse for him, also adding he didn't want to talk about it. He wondered what Taub said to House. He didn't think that he'd get someone to come get him so quickly.
He walked out into his living room, spotting the door opening and Thirteen and Foreman walking in. Of course, the two lovebirds came together, Kutner said. Though he felt happy for them, he just didn't think that they would last very long. Amber scoffed beside him.
"Thirteen and Foreman? Are they together?" Amber asked, looking at the way they looked at each other. Kutner nodded.
"They've been together for two months now, maybe longer," Kutner said. Amber nodded, looking a little grossed out and the thought of Foreteen, looking at the two.
"Nothing on his calendar and his pager's still here," Foreman was saying. Kutner watched as Thirteen smiled, but it faded as she turned to his bedroom. Kutner spotted the shock on her face.
"Oh god," she whispered as she rushed toward the bedroom, Foreman at her heels. Kutner watched as she ducked down beside his body, trying desperately to revive him as Foreman called an ambulance. Kutner watched the pain cross Foreman's face as he took over for Thirteen, who desperately called Kutner's name painfully. Kutner flinched. He never heard her sound so broken.
Amber sighed. "See how they're hurting? They just found the happiest guy they know dead, with a gun beside him. They have no note, and they don't know why. They're confused, shocked and hurt, even tough, monotonic Eric Foreman," Amber pointed out.
"I didn't think they'd find me. I thought maybe one of the neighbors would have heard the gunshot and called an ambulance or something," Kutner trailed off. Amber nodded.
"Well, they didn't. Apparently, some of them were watching a show with guns and they had the TV on loud, so when they heard your gun shot, they didn't think much of it. And before you ask, Death was watching over you the last few minutes, because you were on his list," Amber answered quickly.
"Eric!" Thirteen cried at Foreman as she sat in front of the bed, leaning on it, sobbing. Foreman stopped, sitting beside her, not crying, but looking almost as broken as she did. Kutner looked away, not being able to watch this right now. Amber touched his arm.
"Now you see how much pain these two are in? Even Foreman!" Amber said, turning his head forcefully. Kutner sighed as he watched Thirteen cry into her hands, Foreman looking at Kutner's body with a remorseful look in his eyes.
"Why?!" Thirteen screamed into the air. Foreman looked down, biting his lip as tears actually formed in his eyes, but he did not let them loose.
"I don't know," he said softly. Suddenly, Kutner turned to see the door opening, the paramedics rushing in and taking his body and putting it onto the stretcher. Kutner watched as one of the paramedics asked the two what happened. Foreman recounted what happened, as Thirteen continued to cry. Kutner watched sadly as his body was rolled away, a white sheet being put onto him.
Amber took his hand again and Kutner blinked to find himself in the hospital. It was apparently a few minutes later. Thirteen and Foreman were walking into the hospital, his body being rolled in, as Cuddy walked out of her office, spotting the two.
"What's going on? Why are you two bloody?" she asked, concerned, spotting the white sheet on Kutner's body. All Thirteen could do was cry, trying to wipe the tears away. Foreman looked gravely at Cuddy.
"Kutner's dead. A bullet wound to his right temple," he answered. Cuddy looked absolutely shocked, and almost like she was ready to cry.
"What? No!" she said forcefully as she stopped the paramedics and pulled the white sheet away. Kutner took another look at his body, the wound still visible, the bleeding stopped. Cuddy's hands flew to her mouth as she stumbled back from the body as the paramedics moved. Amber looked at Cuddy, then at Kutner beside her.
"You see, even Cuddy is confused. She'll never know why her employee killed himself. She won't know how to deal with all of this either," Amber said.
"It's understandable. After all, the cops will be all over here, wondering what she knew and stuff," Kutner answered. Amber rolled her eyes.
"Relax Kutner, she cares about you just as much as Foreman does," Amber said. Kutner sighed deeply. She was right, he just couldn't believe all of this was happening to him.
"Wait, you can skip time?" Kutner asked suddenly. Amber laughed.
"Of course I can. I can speed it up for your benefit only, well, I can bring you into the future," Amber answered. Kutner groaned.
"Ok, this is too complicated. I don't want to know anything about time travel," Kutner said. Amber smiled.
"You'll get used to it. Just know that I can show you the future, until you see how everyone reacts," Amber said. Kutner frowned.
"And I couldn't just see all of this from the afterlife, why?" he asked.
"Death wanted you to see it upfront, you idiot," she said. Kutner nodded slowly. He deserved that. Kutner turned back to the scene. Cuddy was shaking as she watched Kutner's body being rolled away. She looked at Thirteen and Foreman.
"You guys have to tell House," she said gravely. Foreman nodded as he hesitantly took Thirteen's hand and the three walked up to House's office. Kutner followed with Amber close behind him as they entered the elevator. He felt an uncomfortable silence within the elevator. All he could do was watch Thirteen quietly sob, as Foreman just looked straight ahead, stunned. Cuddy was trying to keep it together, for the hospital's sake, but it looked like she was going to break down as well.
"It isn't fair for them, Kutner, you realize that, right?" Amber asked softly. Kutner nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I know. I guess I forgot how much it would impact them," he answered. Amber sighed as she pushed back her hair. The elevator doors opened and Kutner and Amber followed the three out, Thirteen and Foreman earning stares and whispers. They didn't care, because they kept walking, keeping their heads down as Cuddy followed silently, ignoring any nurses voices.
Kutner watched as Thirteen paused down the hall from House's office, spotting him and Taub inside, apparently arguing about something. Foreman squeezed her hand.
"We have to tell them," Foreman told her quietly. Thirteen nodded, wiping the tears away. Kutner sighed.
"It's hard for her, because she doesn't like confronting House about any bad news, in fear of what he'll say or do," Kutner said. Amber nodded.
"Yeah, but also because she doesn't want to realize it herself. House is an ass, and Thirteen won't care what he says. She only cares about what he'll do, like hire another colleague or something, or worse, not react at all," Amber said.
"House is a lot of things, but an uncaring bastard, no way. He'll care," Kutner argued as the five entered the office, Cuddy leading.
House and Taub looked up, House looking annoyed but paused as he looked at Thirteen.
"What happened? Did Kutner spill ketchup on you or something?" House asked, smirking. Thirteen, at that, burst into another round of sobs, Foreman squeezing her hand as he looked down. Cuddy shook her head.
"Not now House, just please, don't do that," Cuddy told him softly. Taub stood up, concerned.
"What happened? Where's Kutner? Is he alright?" Taub asked slowly. Kutner wanted to tell his friend something, anything. But he couldn't. Kutner saw Amber freeze, looking at House. The last time she saw him was in the bus crash, so it was understandable she felt weird. She took a breath in.
"He's not alright. He's dead!" Thirteen managed to say as she got her sobbing under control. House and Taub froze.
"What?" House asked, his voice going immediately into concern, something Kutner wasn't sure could happen. Cuddy nodded.
"They have his body in the morgue and are inspecting it. From what it looks like, he was shot once in the front temple . The police are investigating if it was suicide," Cuddy said softly. Kutner looked at the confusion and hurt cross upon Taub's face before it went emotionless. House looked shocked, and thoughtful, as if trying to figure out something.
"See? House is caring," Kutner pointed out. Amber sighed.
"But he doesn't know why you did this. It will bug him for a very long time, because he's the guy that notices everything, and knows everything. Not knowing why you killed yourself isn't going to do him good," Amber pointed out. Kutner sighed heavily as he watched Cuddy leave, Thirteen and Foreman sitting down quietly, as House tried to figure this out.
They were all hurting, even House. Maybe Kutner shouldn't have killed himself. He could have dealt with his depression somehow.
He watched as House asked the team questions, about if they knew this would happen. Kutner watched as House blamed the team, and Thirteen defending them all. Kutner bit his lip, stumbling back into the wall. He may be invisible, but he was still solid. Amber watched this sadly. The team was so miserable. None of them could keep their mind on the case, even as they tried to talk about it.
Kutner half listened to everything that was happening, but really, his mind was questioning himself. It was too late to come back to life, but he was starting to wish he didn't call Taub to ask him to make an excuse. Maybe House would have sent someone over earlier.
Kutner was only vaguely aware when everyone got up and started moving, the conversation clearly over. Amber gave him a look of sympathy.
"You see Kutner? None of them could focus on the case, not even House. Their minds weren't in it because you died. They clearly miss you and want to find out why you'd do this. None of them knew, not one of them, and that's what bugs them most of all," Amber told him. Kutner sighed deeply, sliding down to the floor.
"I know," he murmured. Amber sighed as she touched his arm. There was another flash and Kutner found himself outside his parents' home, Foreman, Thirteen, and House there, waiting hesitantly.
"We should knock," Thirteen said softly. Foreman nodded, but made no move to. House sighed before he knocked. The door opened to find Mr. Kutner there, upset.'
"Come on in," he said, gesturing them in. Thirteen smiled softly.
"Hi Mr. Kutner, I'm Remy Hadley, a colleague of Lawrence. This is Eric Foreman and Gregory House, his boss," Thirteen introduced. Mr. Kutner closed the door as the group walked in farther. Kutner bit his lip as he saw his mother crying on the couch.
"Thanks for coming," Julia Kutner said. Richard Kutner nodded slowly.
"We're so sorry for your loss. Lawrence was a great guy," Thirteen said gravely. Kutner stood in the corner, looking down. His parents looked so helpless, so alone. They may have not been his biological parents, but they have been taking care of him since he was ten. Twenty three years was a long time. He loved them just as much as his real parents.
"I can't do this," Kutner said aloud. Amber sighed, shaking her head.
"You have to. You have to see how much they're hurting," Amber told him gravely. Kutner watched as his parents got out some of his old pictures. He was so happy in them. Kutner moved toward his parents slowly. He hesitantly sat beside his mother, wishing he could tell her that everything was ok. Amber gave him a look.
"Don't touch them Kutner. They will feel your touch," Amber warned. Kutner nodded slowly as he listened to his parents talk about how happy he was. He looked at the reactions of his friends. Thirteen was listening contently, Foreman looked like he wasn't really there, and House just looked miserable, but also deep in thought.
Kutner turned to Amber, who looked lost in thought as well.
"I would have given everything to live again, and you're choosing to die. Why?" Amber asked softly. Kutner shrugged.
"I don't know. I thought this would have been the only way to be happy," Kutner admitted. Amber shook her head, letting her blonde hair swish gracefully.
"You're the biggest idiot, you know. You didn't have to resort to this. I wouldn't have to be here, watching all of this pain again," Amber said, glaring at Kutner. He nodded, burying his face in his hands.
"I know, alright? I made the worst mistake in the world and I can't take it back!" Kutner said loudly. He looked up to see House blaming his parents for killing him. Kutner groaned. "House, shut up," Kutner muttered as Foreman said "House, go back to the hospital," a second later. House closed his mouth, looking down. Kutner watched as House stood up and left for the hospital. Amber sighed as she stood up.
"You see what's happening? House is blaming everyone because he doesn't want to blame himself. He thinks it's his fault for not noticing the signs or clues earlier," Amber pointed out. Kutner thought about it. It did make sense. It sounded like House, to blame everyone but himself, when in reality, it wasn't his fault to begin with.
"We know you're really upset over Lawrence's death. Is there any way we can help? Maybe help with the funeral?" Thirteen was saying. Mrs. Kutner shook her head.
"No thank you. It's ok. But it would be nice if you helped carry Lawrence's coffin after the funeral. We know he'd like that," she said. Thirteen nodded as the two stood up.
"We should go. We'll see you at the funeral," Thirteen told them. Kutner's parents nodded gravely as Amber and Kutner watched them leave. Once gone, Mrs. Kutner broke down completely, as did her husband. The two grabbed onto each other for dear life.
"Why our little boy? Why our Lawrence?" Mrs. Kutner asked as she sobbed. Kutner felt himself inwardly reach out to his parents. He was hurting them so much. They didn't want this. They expected their son to grow up healthy, and happy, with a good career and a family one day.
Amber grabbed his hand again and they reappeared in the hospital. They appeared in House's office, where Taub and House were talking about their patient. Kutner watched both of their reactions, and was surprised to see that Taub was uncaring toward his death. It was as if he didn't care. How was this possible? For Amber's death, he was upset for a couple of weeks, and now it seemed like he didn't care. Of course, he ate cereal the day Amber died, trying not to care. Maybe he was hiding his feelings or something.
"Why is he acting like House? Why is he acting like he doesn't care?" Kutner asked softly. Amber shrugged.
"He doesn't want to deal with the fact that you were the last person he called, the last person that talked to him before you died. He probably blames himself," Amber whispered. It sounded like Taub, to block out all feelings so he didn't have to deal with them. He just couldn't believe Taub was handling this so coldly, though, while House was the one caring.
"We should move things along," Amber said as she touched Kutner again. The two flashed to Wilson's office. Amber's breath caught as she saw her ex lover sitting at his desk. It was understandable though. The last time Amber talked or even saw Wilson up close was when they were saying their goodbyes while she was dying. Kutner saw the greatest amount of love in her eyes and knew she'd do anything to be with him again, alive and well.
Amber sighed as she moved closer to Wilson, her hand just barely out of reach. Kutner grabbed her shoulder.
"Don't, he can feel it," Kutner said to her, grinning. Amber nodded as she stepped back, watching as Cuddy entered the office. Without a word, she walked up to his desk and looked at him, biting her lip, trying to find the words to say.
"He needs a friend," she finally said, deciding on those words. She sounded broken, like she truly missed Kutner and was worried about House. Wilson sighed.
"I can't deal with this, and House," he said. Amber looked down, as if ready to cry. Kutner looked at her.
"You ok?" he asked. Amber shook her head.
"I haven't been able to watch over Wilson since I died. In fact, I wasn't allowed to. They knew it would hurt me, and until I got it together, I couldn't see him ever. But now I am, and it hurts so much to see him in pain. It's as if your death reminded him of mine. How has he been, truly?" Amber asked as she saw Cuddy speak to Wilson. Kutner shrugged.
"At first, he wasn't so good, he was broken and left the hospital and everything. But he's better now. He misses you, though. He hasn't been the same since you died. He still loves you," Kutner said. Amber smiled.
"I want him to move on, I want him to be happy, but it's nice to see that my death still affects him," Amber said. Kutner nodded slowly, understanding her. It is everyone's wish that when they die, they're still remembered, and Amber is remembered now.
"He told Kutner's parents it was their fault," Cuddy said. Wilson looked shocked as Cuddy left the room.
"We're taking a quick detour to Taub," Amber said, grabbing his hand hesitantly, taking one last look at Wilson, as they flashed beside Taub, looking down on Charlotte's surgery. Chase was operating below.
"I'll do it, go home," Chase was saying to Taub as he operated. Kutner looked at Taub. He was holding his emotions in so much as he said, "She's not your patient." Kutner looked down on Chase. He looked ok, but still a little bit upset. Who knew that Chase, the person that Kutner didn't know as well, actually did care about his death.
"Kutner wasn't my friend," Chase pointed out as he kept working. Kutner looked back on Taub, who looked lost. He was trying so hard not to show emotion. He looked at Amber, who kept her gaze on Chase, clearly still upset over seeing Wilson.
"Kutner…wanted to die, Charlotte doesn't so the contest for my concern of interest, she wins," Taub said coolly. Kutner looked down. Maybe he really didn't care. Maybe he just was a selfish bastard. Amber shook her head slowly.
"Well either you're a coldhearted bastard or you're too miserable to face it. Go home and cry," Chase told him. Taub actually looked thoughtful, but didn't move. Kutner saw that he took the words to heart. He did care, he had to care. Only a close friend would act this way because they were in denial.
Suddenly, Amber touched him again and they flashed to Kutner's apartment. Kutner looked around, spotting House in his living room, looking around. Suddenly footsteps sounded, as Kutner and Amber turned to see Wilson. Amber forced herself to look at a point on the wall away from Wilson. Kutner kept his gaze on House, who looked thoughtful and miserable (even more miserable than ever, if it was even possible).
"For the record, I'm uncomfortable violating a dead colleague's dignity," Wilson spoke from behind House. He turned, as Kutner shook his head. He truly didn't care. He wanted people to come, to look and take his stuff. He didn't need it anymore, and if House wanted to come here to figure out some mystery, then let him. He had no secrets, well besides the fact he killed himself, but House would never know why. He left no clues, no traces, just like he planned to.
"It's only violating if you find something. Good to see you," House spoke softly, his voice husky. Kutner looked at his face. It truly was miserable. He couldn't figure out why he would do it, and that was why he was here. If only he left a sign, a note or something to end House's curiosity. Kutner watched the two interact, while House looked around for answers.
"…because he was murdered," House finished as Kutner caught the last part of his sentence. Kutner couldn't help but scoff. Only House would come to that conclusion, even though all the evidence points to suicide. Wilson looked absolutely fed up, as he left.
"Wow, House is so in denial," Amber commented. Kutner nodded in agreement as Amber grabbed his shoulder and they appeared in the church, a coffin at the front, with Kutner's picture at the front too.
"We're skipping time. You notice that neither House nor Taub are here?" Amber questioned him. Kutner nodded, his eyes trailing over the people.
"Yeah. Where are they?" Kutner asked confused. He saw all his relatives, his adoptive relatives anyways, and a bunch of people from the hospital, including Cuddy, Cameron, Chase, Thirteen, Wilson and Foreman. But no House or Taub. He understood why House wasn't there, but Taub? Amber sighed.
"You'll find out after the funeral," Amber said as the priest started speaking remorsefully. He listened to the priest, but mostly, Kutner kept his eyes on everyone in the room. He leaned up against his coffin, trying not to think about his dead, cold body in there, as he listened to the priest speak. When he called up people to talk about Kutner, he saw his mother stand up, sniffling. She walked past Kutner to the front, and faced them.
"Lawrence…was a wonderful son. He wasn't biologically our own, but he was still our son. I remember the first day we saw him. He was terrified, he was scared. I took him into my arms and whispered soothing things to him, which he calmed down to. Lawrence was ours on that same day. I fell in love with him. He… was great, always so happy and excited to learn about stuff. He loved…blowing stuff up. Our Lawrence, the mastermind," Mrs. Kutner said, laughing a little bit through her tears. Everyone laughed at that too, even Amber and Kutner.
"He went off to medical school, without any problems. We always encouraged him and helped him follow his dreams. Once Lawrence found a job at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, competing for a spot on Dr. Gregory House's team, we couldn't be more happier. Lawrence would be working for one of the greatest doctors in the country, and we helped him as much as we could. We loved Lawrence so much, and we will always love him. Rest in peace Lawrence," Mrs. Kutner said before going to sit back down. Kutner looked down, his own tears pooling as Amber even looked sad. Suddenly, Kutner spotted Thirteen standing up, looking lost and sad.
"Lawrence Kutner was a wonderful co-worker and friend. He was so happy and perky, we thought he was crazy when we saw him happy, it was so unreal. He was a wonderful doctor. We all liked him, even the most grumpiest of people liked him. There wasn't much not to like about him. He was a little insane of course, when he set one of the patients on fire to save her, and when he shocked a wet man to life, but he did it for all the right reasons," Thirteen started, smiling as she wiped her tears away. The crowd laughed a little bit, even Foreman. Kutner smiled.
"I will never forget him. He was getting to become a better doctor. He solved his last case before he died, before Dr. House could even figure it out. I don't know why he attempted suicide, I think that's what we're all be wondering for a long time. Why Lawrence, why him? He was so happy and everything, and we'll truly never know why. We'll miss you Lawrence. I hope you're happy where you are, in Heaven. I wish we knew why you did this, if it could have been prevented," Thirteen finished, sobbing as she stumbled off. Kutner watched her trail off to her seat. Kutner sighed as he saw Cuddy stand up, walking to the front slowly to speak. She stood beside him, as she faced everyone.
"I wasn't particularly close to Lawrence, like most people here were, but I did know him. He was a great guy, probably one of the most cheerful and helpful person in the building. He wasn't afraid to take risks, somewhat like his boss. Lawrence…well, he helped baby-sit my daughter, Rachel. He was the only one that offered to help, and actually babysat her. Rachel adored Lawrence. She and him were so close. I wish I was closer to him, I wish I had gotten to know him. You'll be missed by all Lawrence," Cuddy spoke before walking back to her seat. Kutner smiled at Cuddy. He did wish he got to know her better. He did love Rachel, she was adorable.
Kutner watched as a few more people walked up to speak. His aunt, his uncle, someone else from the hospital as well as his little cousin, Taylor. Finally, the priest began talking again, as Kutner looked at Amber, who stared at Wilson with a sorrowful look in her eyes.
"We don't have to go now, if you want. We can stay until everyone goes home," he suggested. To be honest, he didn't want to go yet. He wanted to stay here a bit longer, see more. He knew there wasn't much time before she took him to heaven, and he didn't want to go anymore. Killing himself was idiotic. He nodded at Amber.
"I'd like to stay until after the funeral, please," Kutner said. Amber nodded.
"Ok," she said as she turned to watch the scene again. The funeral ended quicker than Kutner expected and Amber grabbed him, but not to transport him anywhere. She just pulled him aside as Thirteen and Foreman walked up with a few others to carry the coffin. He watched the broken looks on both people. Amber sighed as she grabbed his arm hesitantly, but before she sent them somewhere else, she let go.
"I have to do something. I don't care if I'm breaking the rules," Amber said. Before Kutner could stop her, Amber waltzed up to Wilson, who stood with Cuddy, and she stroked his cheek. Wilson suddenly looked startled, stiffening as he glanced around the room. Amber placed one last kiss on his lips before walking back to Kutner.
"What's wrong?" Cuddy asked Wilson. He shrugged, looking confused.
"I don't-know. I swear I felt Amber's presence here. I swear she stroked my cheek and kissed me," Wilson said in awe. Kutner mock glared at Amber.
"Bad Amber. God will be hearing about this, obviously," Kutner teased lightly. Amber gave Kutner her most deadliest glare, but Kutner seemed immune.
"Wilson, Amber's dead. Kutner's funeral must have reminded you of your relationship with Amber, but she's not here. I know you miss her," Cuddy said gently. Wilson sighed deeply.
"I don't just miss her; I still love her. Stupid, right? Still in love with my dead girlfriend who's been gone for almost ten months," Wilson said, offering a bitter laugh. Cuddy shook her head, grabbing his hand as she led him to where everyone was going: outside.
"It's not stupid. Amber died so quickly, you didn't have time to really react. It's still likely you're in love with her. You had an hour to say goodbye to Amber, when that wasn't even enough time. If you still didn't have feelings for her, then I'd be worried," Cuddy said. Kutner glanced at Amber, who smiled at the thought of Wilson still loving her. Kutner never really saw the deep love in her for Wilson until now. Kutner guessed that he didn't know Amber as well as he should have.
"Amber, I know you want to stay longer, but you broke the rules. We should go now, before God gets angry and kidnaps me," Kutner joked lightly. Amber turned his way.
"How can you be dead, and still be making stupid jokes?" Amber asked. Kutner shrugged.
"I can't turn back time; I'm truly dead. I'm going to continue being me, how I acted around everyone else," Kutner answered. Amber sighed as she grabbed his shoulder tightly as they appeared back in the hospital, where Taub was on a bench, staring distantly down the hall. He looked different from the last time Kutner saw him. He looked more open, more emotional. Kutner could see Taub trying so hard to hold it together.
Taub finally gave in a few seconds later and Kutner watched as Taub started crying, quite hard in fact, in the middle of the hospital. Kutner didn't think Taub would be this open, but he had been holding it in for quite a while now. Taub shook with tears for several minutes, as Kutner watched sadly.
"You see now what you're doing? You're making everyone upset. You're an idiot Kutner. You always have been and you always will be. You should have told someone you were depressed god damnit! Now look where you are now: dead! It's your fault Kutner, for whatever will happen to the team in the future because of your stupid suicide," Amber told him sternly. Kutner nodded, as he continued staring at the rare sight. He had most certainly never seen Christopher Taub cry. He was supposed to be like House; strong, stubborn, willing to work and push his problems aside until they disappeared. But Taub wasn't like House; he was more sensitive, in a way, clearly shown now.
Amber sighed as she reached for his arm again, but he pulled away.
"No, I want to stay," he said quickly. He didn't want to leave; he wanted to comfort his friend somehow, tell him that everything would be ok. There was so much he wanted to say; so much he wanted to do. It didn't seem fair that he couldn't do those things. If he realized how greatly it would impact everyone, he probably would have left a note. Amber scoffed, grabbing his shoulder.
"Sorry, idiot, you killed yourself, so you don't get to choose to stay anymore. You already chose to go," she said before they flashed out. Kutner found himself surrounded by darkness now, a white light just in the distance. She smiled as kindly as she could as she led him toward the light.
"I know I'm an idiot Amber, you don't have to tell me twice. I just wish I left a note, that's all," Kutner admitted. Amber sighed, stopping him.
"Well, I'm pretty sure, in your case, you can go into someone's dreams, just one dream thought for one person, and talk to them; tell them why you did this. But unfortunately for you, you cannot do this for another three weeks, just until everything's settled. So, there you go. A closure for you, in a few weeks time. Now can we go? I'd rather not stay here any longer," Amber asked. Kutner nodded, smiling as he grabbed Amber's hand and walked again. It felt familiar, and safe. Kutner breathed in relief as they walked through the white light, toward Heaven. Maybe, in three weeks time, he'll visit Taub, or House, maybe. Just to get some kind of closure.
I really hope you guys liked it! If you did, please review!
Also, I'm thinking of writing another oneshot with Chase/Cameron, because there isn't enough fics for them out there. Or maybe I'll write a crackfic for once. Tell me which one you'd like (unless you want both). Also, if you want, you can review and tell me your pairing choice and I'll try to write a oneshot for them. I'm open to all couples (well, maybe except Taub/Kutner, unless friendship wise) but I am open to all pairings, so if you want me to try to write a oneshot for a pairing of your choice, I might just do that. So, yeah, thanks guys for reading this far!