So, just kinda my thoughts on what Dean had been thinking since Cas got called away….. Not meant to be any sort of slash but I guess if you want, it can be seen that way.

I know it's probably not very good but all well. I kinda like it. Hope you do too.

It hurt. Dean could not deny that simple fact. This night had been full of pain and sorrow and now two families were once again separated. Part of Dean wanted to yell. He wanted to scream his head off until things went back to normal.

How could Sam actually drink demon blood? Why was Cas acting like a heartless bastard again? What had happened over the past few months and how could they return to the way things were before he went to Hell.

So now Dean was in his car, parked in front of Bobby's house. If he listened hard enough, he could probably hear the protests of Sam from somewhere under the house in the panic room. Dean didn't want to listen. He turned up his music louder and Metallica blasted through the speakers.

The events of the night played over and over in his head. Heck, the events of the past two days were rolling by like a movie in fast-forward. Continuously playing in a loop. Starting from the dream in which Castiel told Dean they needed to talk in person. Dean got the distinct feeling that Cas wanted to discuss Urials betrayal and that of other possible enemies among the angels.

Then they found Cas's body, his vessel. Jimmy. When Dean had seen Cas lying unconscious, he was gripped with fear. The place was torn apart. What if Cas had been killed by one of the other angels for helping Dean to much? He was, of course, filled with relief when he saw the body breathing and shook Cas awake only for that fear to return when Jimmy spoke and said that Castiel was gone.

Part of Dean wanted to send Jimmy home on the next bus but part of him knew the demons would never stop hunting him. The vessel of an angel might still hold secrets the vessel doesn't even remember. They had to keep him with them to protect him and his family. It was for the best.

In another instant they were at the place where Jimmy's family was being held. Being captured by Lilith's goons. He wanted so badly to protect Jimmy's family and reunite them, but he had failed. Then Lilith shot Jimmy and all Dean could think about was Cas still being in there. Feeling that pain and slowly dying.

There was very little time for thinking after that. Cas revealed himself in Jimmy's daughter and everything became a blur of fists flying and pain. The only thing Dean knew for sure was that a demon was strangling him and that Cas, possessing the girl, had saved him. He then looked at his brother and the world seemed to slow. Sam had demon blood surrounding his mouth and chin. It disgusted Dean to look at Sam and he felt Cas beside him, almost matching his disgust. Dean felt something inside Cas cringe when he looked at Sam and knew that part of the angel wanted to smite his brother. Truthfully, Dean couldn't find a reason for a moment to stop Cas if he tried.

Finally Cas was back in his normal vessel and Jimmy was no longer a target for the demons as long as he was still inhabited by an angel. Jimmy's family would be safe as well for angels can never go back on their promises. Dean was almost happy to have Cas back in the form he was most accustom to seeing the angel in but then Castiel spoke. His voice the cold, disembodied, and devoid of emotion. Castiel's words cut so much worse and so much deeper then any knife of Alistair's.

"I serve Heaven, not man and especially not you." Then he turned to leave. It took everything in Dean to not just curl up on the ground right there and then. But there were more pressing matters that needed to be dealt with. He called Bobby the first chance he got and told him everything. Bobby decided that the panic room would be the best place for Sam to be.

So now Dean sat in his trusted Impala, the only thing left in his life that made sense. The only constant and Dean's stability. Sam was no longer his brother and Castiel was no longer his friend, or anything that even resembled an acquaintance. Dean had lost the rest of his life in one night all because Heaven couldn't stand Castiel having emotions, for that is what Dean knew this had to be about.

And he had to admit, it hurt to not have his brother or his angel. He felt utterly alone and just wanted things to go back to before Hell, before Sam died. When hunting the bad and evil was the only thing he had to worry about and when his brother was still his brother and not a servant to a demon bitch. And especially when he still thought that angels were fairytales that his mother used to tell him about. Back to when the only pain Dean ever felt was physical and easy to overcome. The pain that could heal with a small amount of time. Now he had two holes in him and he didn't know if they would ever heal.

Good? Bad? So totally out of character? Review and tell me what I can fix. I'll do my best to comply. Please review!!!! It will make Castiel love you even more