Author Devylish
Title I've Got A Little Problem
Fandom BTVS
Pair Spike/Buffy
Rating PG
Words 1098
Warning/Spoiler/Summary None. None. created for the Nekid Spike Nekid Numbers prompt: Buffy, Bunny, in a bar
Disclaimer All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are the property of the creators of the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Any original characters, settings and plots are the property of devylish. devylish is in no way associated with the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer and no copyright infringement is intended. This work is an amateur fan effort and no profit is being made.
AN NOT BETA'd at allllll. Cringes.

She'd known from the start that it was a mistake to let Spike buy the bar. But he'd begged. He'd wheedled. He'd manipulated. He'd withheld sex for one whole day!

So she'd given in. She'd given in and let him open the bar. A bar that echoed Caritas and catered to both humans and demons. He called it Humanoid. Humanoid!


She'd felt somewhat better about the whole idea of barkeeper Spike when Willow agreed to put a ward on the bar, preventing violence from being committed within the walls of the building… again, shades of Caritas. Yeah, she'd felt better, but, really, only minimally better. It was Spike's bar after all; she was almost positive he'd find some way to break that damn ward.

To her surprise, the bar had been doing better and better every passing month, and now, seven months into its existence, it was one of the most popular underground bars in London. And that was saying something.

Unfortunately, the popularity of the bar reallllly meant little when it came to Spike staying out of trouble.

Buffy sighed and pushed her way through the front door. The high tech, old fashioned looking jukebox sat in the far corner of the main room, pumping a soft jazz standard through the hidden speakers located throughout the bar.

Other than the tables, with their chairs flipped over on them, and the gleaming ebony bar, the place was empty.


"Buffy? Luv is that you?"

"It's not the Buffybot." She responded lightly and settled on a stool in the front of the bar, prepping herself for whatever bit of bad news Spike had called her at 4 am to share.

"Damn!" He offered with mock dejection.

"Come again?" She glared at him as he headed out of the office and rounded the bar.

"Just kidding, luv." He came up to her, parting her legs with his thigh and nestling his body against hers. "You know a piece of metal and plastic will never cut it for me again. Not now that I've had the real thing."

"You better believe a stupid robot won't cut it for you again!" She leaned forward and kissed him, reinforcing the fact that flesh and blood was leaps and bounds better than a stupid robot would ever be.

Pulling his lips away from hers so that she could breathe, he rested his forehead against hers, "I love it when my girl has something to prove." His voice was low and Spikeductive; that half rumble, half purr, teasing tone she'd come to crave.

Hands on his biceps, she nipped at his lower lip before forcing herself to focus on the reason she wasn't in her warm soft bed. "Spike?"


"What's the emergency?"

"Emergency?" He dropped his lips to her neck, tracing his cool tongue along a vein.

"Mmm, yes. Stop…. No, really, stop." She stiffened her frame. "Spike. Stop or stakeage will occur."

"You'll never stake me love."

"Not in the heart," she muttered softly.

"Okay, okay!" Spike backed away, looking at the ground sheepishly.

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Spike. "You're not making with the talking Spike."

He drew in a breath then burst out with: "So I was playing cards with Villie… and I won. I didn't even get a chance to cheat. I simply out played her."

He glanced up and saw the trademark Summers' head tilt… he pushed on.

"So anyway, kittens is what most demons play for, yeah? But not Velesh demons." He paused, "Actually Velesh, Anistep, T'laotch, and Er'habo demons aren't particularly fond of kittens, so they use bunnies."

Buffy held up her hand and stopped Spike midstream. "Bunnies?"



"Um, yeah."

"Spike… I've just gotten use to the stupidity that is 'poker for kittens', and now, now you want to tell me that demons play poker for bunnies too? "

"It's not so much that I 'want' to tell you as, uh, I kinda have to tell you."

Buffy peered at the man she loved, a growing sense of 'ut oh' seeping through her body. "You said you won, didn't you?"

"Erh, yeah."

"How many bunnies did you win, Spike?"

"Erh, four?"

She sighed with relief. "Four?"

"Yeah… a Lionhead and a Satin, and two Flemish Giants!"

"You know what kind of bunnies you have?"

"Luv, each type is worth –"

Buffy held up her hand again. "Never mind." She shook her head to try and clear it. "Spike… four bunnies is sooooo NOT a reason to wake the woman you love from her soft comfy bed."

"Yeah, well," he scratched the back of his neck, "It, erh, was four bunnies."

"Was? Was four…" her eyes widened. "How many bunnies is it NOW?"

"Last I looked, around 30."

"30?!!!!" She screeched. She didn't screech often. But yeah 30 bunnies was worth a screech.

"Now Buffy, luv…"

"How do you go from 4 bunnies to 30 bunnies?!" She stood up and began to pace.

"Well –"

"No, never mind… I 'know' how you go from 4 to 30 bunnies." She took a breath. "Spike… how long have you had these rabbits?"

"'Bout a week?"

"A-a week? You can't go from 4 to 30 bunnies in a week," she furrowed her brow. "Can you?"

"Normally, no."


"See that's the thing, I, um, think we're dealing with Magical Bunnies."

Buffy plopped back down on her stool. She sighed and pulled out her cell phone. Pushing a few buttons she listened to the ring ring of the phone.


"Wills, it's me, Buffy. I… rather, Spike needs your help."

"What did he do now?"

"You don't wanna know. Um, can you orb/shimmy/appear at Humanoid? And umm, bring whatever you think you'll need to deal with… magical bunnies."

"Magical bunnies? Buffy…"

"Don't ask."

"'kay… but I will be expecting major explainage after I've addressed the magic bunny thing. Give me five minutes….. I have five minutes, right?"

"I'll even give you ten minutes. Thanks Will." Buffy flipped the phone shut and looked up at Spike. She wiggled her finger at him, motioning for him to come closer.

Spike moved in front of his girl, placing one hand on each side of her on the bar. "You beckoned, Slayer?"

"You're so damn lucky I love you."

Dipping in for a kiss, he whispered, "I am. I am. And I'm going to use all of the next ten minutes showing you just how grateful I am to be loved by you."

Buffy grinned into their kiss. Spike could do amazing things in just ten minutes.