A/n- These chapters aren't gonna be interesting until he leaves. I hope you like this chapter though. Please tell me what you think about this. Try not to be too harsh. This is what I thought would be going through his mind. Besides I'm really not getting a lot of reviews for this like I thought I would. I am going to delete it soon because nobody but the two people that I am thanking reviewed the last chapter. Hope you enjoy it while it lasts. He doesn't leave her yet but he thinks a lot about it.
And as promised: A special thank you to my wonderful reviewers.
A is for Angel
Kkatie (I love her twilight ff) so good)
Just as Carlisle said he would take her home, I arrived home.
I said quickly, "I'll do that." I tried not to show the sadness in my eyes. This was going to be the last time I talked to her before I left forever. The truth was that as I was running home I was thinking of how to keep her safe. To leave was all I came up with. It killed every part of me and broke the non-beating heart sitting in the middle of my chest. The knot is building in my stomach was almost unbearable. Hopefully she couldn't see it on my face.
"Carlisle can take me." She saw something there if she was saying that. I had to tell her soon, maybe tonight if possible. I could feel the knot getting worst, as I thought about it more and more. This was going to kill her too. I knew how she had come to love me even though I was a monster. I was in love with before she even knew me for what I was.
The scent was all over the clothes. It burned up my nose and through the pitiful body of mine. She looked down at her clothes. Is that why she wanted Carlisle to take her home? I spoke, "I'm fine." That was understandable. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." I left to go find Alice.
As I went up to her room, I said' "Alice, would you bring down something for Bella to wear home?"
"DUH! Oh my gosh, what should I make her wear home?"
"Just give her a t-shirt of some sort that looks like the one she's wearing."
"Oh, alright be that way."
I heard the conversation down stairs. She could tell that I was upset and now she was talking to Carlisle about it. I was followed by Alice who had decided to go ask Bella what she wanted to wear. As we entered Alice hurried to her side and told her, "C'mon I'll get you something less macabre to wear." She all but dragged Bella up the stairs. Bella was whispering as if we couldn't hear her that way.
When she finally came down I was waiting in the front door for her. Oh God how I wished she couldn't see the pain in these eyes or feel the tension in the air.
Alice quickly said, "Take your things." She got the two presents from near the table. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."
I walked with her to the truck. I wasn't sure that I could keep a straight face and give no detail on how I felt. I couldn't make the choice to leave without Alice knowing and telling everyone.
We got in the truck and I saw the ribbon that Emmett had suck on the window shield. That made me smirk leave it up to him to pick the biggest bow he could find in Alice's stash. Bella ripped it off and kicked it under her seat.
I couldn't look at her right now. I felt the horrible tearing of my inside get worse as I thought more and more of the unfortunate thing I must do to our relationship. I couldn't talk to her in fear she would her the sadness in my voice.
She looked uneasy as she spoke, "say something."
I looked at her and said, "what do you want me to say?" dammit, she probably heard the tone. She has to be on to me by now. She knows the guilt I carry inside.
She gave me a look and said, "tell me you forgive me."
God Damn, she thought I was mad at her. Was I really that cold looking? How the hell does she think this is her fault? It's truly amazing how she thinks sometimes. Lord how I wish I could hear what she thought.
"Forgive you? For what?" I can't wait to hear this.
"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."
What? "Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut – that hardly deserves the death penalty."
"It's still my fault." Here comes my big speech and she completely asked for it.
"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that would happen would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone throwing you into them—even then what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this upon yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted at myself." She asked for the Mike Newton thing.
"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" she demanded. Ha! She deserved better than me. She deserved a human.
"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier fr you to be with." I didn't mean to sound so cold but I did want my point across."
"I'd rather die than be Mike Newton," she started, "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."
"Don't be melodramatic, please."
"Well then, don't you be ridiculous." Well she had a comment for everything and I never see it coming. I am not gonna say anymore about Mike Newton, but I think he would be better than me as a boy friend still. I glared out the windshield and tried to keep my facial expression blank and secretive. I don't want her to get any ideas.
Finally we were at her house. I turned off the truck and clenched tighter on the wheel. I still don't know how to tell her what is to come of her and I.
"Will you stay tonight?" that sounded like a last plea for salvation, the way she asked.
"I should go home." I didn't need to read her mind to know that she was gonna when this argument.
"For my birthday." Yes she was definitely going to when.
"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. one or the other." Sometimes she confused me to the point of no returning. I hope I didn't sound to angry this time, but what did her sigh mean?
"Okay I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." Of course she wanted this way. She always wants it the way that makes me stay the night.
She went to take her gifts and I couldn't help but frown and say, "you don't have to take those."
She returned that with, "I want them."
"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."
"I'll live." She wanted me to stay and she was willing to say anything. Well, I can live staying the night with her. I loved her and would always.
"Let me carry them at least," I began, "I'll be in your room."
"Happy birthday," I sighed she had won at last.
As I watched her go in the house, I walked to the side of the house where her bedroom window was. I entered her bedroom and sat on her bed with one of the presents in my hands. I knew she wouldn't find it funny if I opened them for her, but I didn't want another smell of what almost made me kill her.
I heard Charlie making small talk with her about her night. She answered his questions and told him she was going to bed. I heard her open her bathroom door and knew soon she would be in here and I was correct. She entered moments later and closed the door.
I said, "Hi."
I knew she heard the sadness in the tone, but I was eventually going to have to tell her that I was… God I can't even say it. It put my most inner self at pure agony to let my mind escape and go there to the dark end of what was to come of the future. The worst part is my family already knew due to Alice's gift.
"She came to sit on my lap and snuggle into me, "Hi, can I open my presents now?"
"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" this was different. She normally didn't seem this cheerful.
"You made me curious." Of course I did. All I had to say was they spent money on her and she would at least wanna see what it was. She lifted up the long on from Carlisle and Esme.
"Allow me," I said and took it from her hands. With one stroke of a hand motion I had unwrapped the gift. I handed her back the white box.
"Are you sure I can handle lifting the box?" she asked but I knew better to keep my mouth shut instead of the sarcasm that would come from my attitude towards the uneventful night. It pained me that she understood every little thing I did in our relationship to keep her safe and soon I would do what I must to make sure she's safe at all times.
She opened the box and read the information on the paper. She looked happy once she understood it all.
"We're going to Jacksonville?" Yes this is why I didn't want her to take the presents. It would only make it more difficult in the end to do the unthinkable thing I must do to save the one I love the most.
"That's the idea."
"I can't believe it. Renee is gonna flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."
"I think I can handle it," I said and couldn't help but frown, "if I had any idea that you could respond this way to a gift I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."
"Well of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!" of course she would be happy to take me everywhere she went.
I chuckled and said, "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize you were capable of being reasonable." She set the tickets next to her and reached for the gift from me. I took it from her and opened it just as I had done the first time.
"What is it?" She simply asked. Well I didn't wanna be rude so I took the CD and put it in her CD player for her to listen to it. She listened to it as I watched her closely. She was getting all teary. I wanted to wipe them for her and just hold her for all eternity, but she wiped them before they spilled.
I asked, "Does your arm hurt?" I'm sure it did hurt her but I would get her some medicine if she needed it.
"No it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." I knew she would love it. The song I composed for her was the first song on there.
"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here."
"You're right." Ha, of course I was right that would have cost money.
"How does your arm feel?" I just couldn't bare knowing that I had hurt her physically trying to save her, and then turned around and wanted to kill her myself. The irony was that no matter how much hunting I did, when I came back to her scent I still wanted to… I couldn't finish the very thought of a hundred ways I could do it.
"Just fine." She lies but not well. I could see the pain in her eyes that made me become overwhelmed by misery.
"I'll get you some Tylenol." I wouldn't let her win this battle I would get the medicine.
"I don't need anything." I slid her off me and went to the door.
"Charlie," she hissed at me. The whole vampire thing must have slipped her mind. I didn't have to worry about him. He would never see me.
"He won't catch me," I assured her. Slipped out the door and went to the bathroom found the pills and got some water from the sink, then I went back.
I handed her the pills and the water. She swallowed them without a fuss. I knew her arm was bothering her. I wanted to help as best I could without acting like she was a little child.
"It's late." I picked her up with one hand and with the other I tugged on her blanket. I lay her down and tucked the blanket around her so that she wouldn't freeze to death with me next to her. I proceeded to lye next to her with my arm around her.
She leaned against me and said in a soft whisper, "thanks again."
"You're welcome." I began to think of the right way to handle this situation.
I would go to Florida with her but once we got back I would… oh it would be wrong to… I couldn't bare to let my mind go to that place again, but I had to come up with a plan and soon. My family would do what they must to stay together and if that meant… dammit I had to think about it. If that meant leaving Forks was the right thing to do then that's what we would do. The wrong thing would be to stay because it only put Bella in more danger.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked.
How would I tell her? I couldn't do it right now. "I was thinking about right from wrong, actually."
"Remember how I decided that I wanted you not to ignore my birthday?" where was she going with this?
"Yes," I agreed.
"Well, I was thinking since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again." I couldn't do that. It would give everything away. She would know I was saying ood bye or at least going to, but it's her birthday.
"You're greedy tonight." Is what I answered with.
"Yes I am—but don't do anything you don't want to do." I wanted to kiss, but I knew she would notice the urgency in the kiss.
I laughed and then sighed. I'd kiss her if that's what she wanted. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do." I could hear the tone in my own voice so I know she could as I tilted her head up and began to kiss her. At first it was as usual but then I got carried away. As the kiss became more passionate I did to. I was beginning to see my caution lines being crossed as I became more urgent. If I didn't pull away soon I would lose all hope of not hurting her again tonight.
I pushed her away as gently as possible. It left her gasping and me for air. She seemed flushed from where I lay. I had to say something; I never got that carried away.
"Sorry," I began, "That was out of line." I had crossed my perfect lines tonight, but she seemed okay with it and I still knew when to stop though. I would only regret it if I hadn't stopped when I did.
"I don't mind." Of course she didn't she thought my rules were stupid.
I frowned and said, "Try to sleep, Bella."
"No, I want you to kiss me again."
"You're overestimating my self control."
"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she asked. She always spoke her mind.
"It's a tie." I grinned and then added, "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"
"Fine." She snuggled closer to me. She pressed her arm against my shoulder. I knew it was bothering her and maybe my cold body would help num some of the pain. Her breathing slowed into a peaceful rhythm as she drifted to sleep. Right before she was completely asleep she shuddered. Was it my cold body or was it a bad dream beginning?
I didn't want to think about it but I had to. When should I leave? Was the only question left in my head. As she slept I argued with myself multiple times if I should leave sooner or later.
Ok I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Now, why don't you do me a favor and review this story. It would only take, what two seconds to help me improve or tell me I did a good job? So hit that review. Thank you.