A/N: For Sophie. Because I feel like it :P Thanks for listening to my lovely whining.
WARNING: This is based off of SPOILERS for the end of season four. If you haven't heard them and don't want to know, then stop reading now. Go get a chocolate bar...or Coke...or something else happy....Go stare at a picture of David Boreanaz. Wait! No. Why is everyone leaving? (sigh) Damn.
"I want a baby."
You'd heard her say those words in some of your fantasies before- the one's that you pretended never happened because they were so wildly inappropriate. The ones that made you draw that ridiculous line. Yeah. Like an imaginary line would really help. Brilliant, Seeley, you sarcastically compliment yourself. The line sure as hell didn't stop the dreams.
You always felt guilty afterwards, like you had committed some great sin. Had you told any of this to Bones, she would explain that you can't possibly control your dreams and that those dreams can be expected since you're both attractive people who spend so much time together. Bones and her logic. You can't help a sigh. Hey, maybe this isn't real. Maybe it's a dream…or another one of those hallucinations. It would make sense. Because Bones has never wanted kids. Never. You've spent years trying to convince her otherwise.
So, it's either a dream or God's way of punishing you. The irony of it is really sickening, if you think about it. She's finally decided on having a baby, she wants you to be the father, and you're STILL "just partners" because all she wants is your sperm. Bull. Bull shit.
You've never really been just partners. Even in the very beginning, when she hated your guts and she made you so mad you were torn between screaming at her and taking her against the wall, you were more than just partners. You were….rivals? Maybe. You really don't think there is a word to adequately describe your relationship in the beginning.
Now, four years later, you're so much more than partners. She's your best friend, for god's sake. Best friends don't have babies together. Well, a lot of couples say that they're best friends in addition to lovers, but that's different. You and Bones aren't together. God, this is screwed up.
It almost makes you…angry that she can just compartmentalize it away with her scientific terms. If you didn't know her better, you'd jump to the conclusion that she was just using you because you were attractive and fairly intelligent. All she wanted was to give these positive traits to her child; she didn't give a damn about how it might affect you. It would be so easy for you to believe that she was completely detached. Because then, you could hate her for it. No. Not hate. Strong dislike, but even if you believed this meant nothing to her, you couldn't hate her. You could never hate Bones.
You know that none of that is true, though. You know Bones, and you know that she does care. She cares about you and she picked you for more than your genes, whether she admits it or not. Bones obviously spent a lot of time thinking about this. Part of you is really touched that she chose you as the ideal father for her child, her legacy. She could've picked just about anyone, really. Like some genius professor who'd probably be all too eager to help her out. Then her kid could be a double genius. The professor probably wouldn't have any trouble compartmentalizing and agreeing to whatever terms Bones laid out.
You're being all dramatic about it, but if you're honest with yourself, you already know the answer: Yes. How could you ever say 'no' to Bones? And you know that if you did say 'no' she'd just find another suitable father. It'd be easy for her, most likely. She could probably have men lining up at her door ready to give her the stupid sperm. Saying no was never really an option. You couldn't stand the thought of your Bones pregnant with another man's baby. No effing way. It would just….hurt too bad.
Saying 'yes' would hurt too. It was a no-win situation. If you said no, she'd be having another man's baby. If you said yes, she'd be having your baby. She'd be having your baby. But you wouldn't get to be there for her like you wanted to be. Sure, you'd be there, driving her insane with your alpha male possessiveness and over protectiveness. But you wouldn't be with her- with her. You wouldn't be able to lay in bed with her and hold her in your arms until she fell asleep. She would protest even if you had the chance to do that, of course, but you have a feeling that she'd eventually give in. You wouldn't be able to randomly walk up and kiss her, tell her she was more beautiful than ever, tell her that you couldn't wait to see this miracle- this life that you made together. No matter what Bones said, you wouldn't really be involved the way you wanted to be.
Having a child together would be…amazing. And complicated. And challenging. Amazing because this little baby would be a perfect mix of you and Bones. You'd love that baby with all of your heart and try your best to raise him or her the right way. Parker was turning out pretty good, right? Not that you ever got to spend any time with him. Would things be any different this time around? Or would you be constantly counting down until the weekend you could spend with your second child? You weren't sure you could handle that. And the poor kid- what would you tell the kid? "Sorry, Daddy and Mommy can't live together and take care of you because we work together and Daddy doesn't think people who work together should be in romantic relationships. And plus, you know, Mommy doesn't believe in love or monogamy." Yeah. That'd go over well.
Did the FBI have some kind of rule against having a kid with your partner? That had to break some kind of rule didn't it? Even if it was against the rules, you know Bones would fight it. She'd say that it doesn't matter since she technically is only a liaison and doesn't work for the FBI. She'd spout off facts in squint speak so fast that those high ranking officials wouldn't know what hit them. She'd win. Of course. Because that's just how your Bones is. She never loses and she's never gotten a B.
You've never liked making big decisions. This one isn't any different. You still haven't given her a real answer, and it's been almost a week. Six days, actually. She reminds you of that every few minutes when she brings the topic back up again. It doesn't matter if it's an inappropriate time or place. Like, at the Diner getting pie? Bones got so frustrated with your muttering off excuses that she actually yelled at you. She screamed the words, "All I'm asking you to do is ejaculate into a cup, Booth, it isn't neurosurgery!" You hadn't bothered to correct her. Cindy had given you a sympathetic glance as she set down an extra large slice of apple pie.
Brain surgery. She had meant "brain surgery". Which was ironic given where you were right now. A strange noise interrupted your thoughts. You're really tired. Your head hurts and you don't want to open your eyes, let alone use the energy it requires to identify the noise. Then you remember that Bones is here. Or at least she was when you fell asleep. It's the desire to see if Bones is still here that actually gives you the strength to open your eyes.
The light hurts your eyes and you have to blink a few times before really seeing anything. You hate hospitals with a passion. They're too clean and…white. Why is everything white? Hmm? Your rant is stopped when you hear the noise again. Now that you're more focused on it, it seems easier to identify. It sounds like…crying? Who was crying? Bones was the only one in here when you closed your eyes earlier. Was she crying?
You sit up in a flash, then instantly regret it when your head starts throbbing even worse. Bones? You try to say it out loud, but nothing comes out of your mouth. You hear the noise a third time, louder than before, and there's no doubt that it's crying. Your eyes have adjusted to the light now, which means that if you turn your head you should see….Yep. There she is. Sitting in that chair in the corner of the room.
You found it odd at first. She always pulls her chair up right next to your bed and stays there until you're released, only leaving when it's necessary. Bones sits there and she holds your hand sometimes if she's tired or really worried or if she thinks that you need the comfort. It's easier to fall asleep when you know she's right there beside you. You joke with her that it's her presence that heals you, not some stupid doctor. Probably qualifies as pathetic that you have a "routine" for hospital stays, but still.
Bones didn't sit next to you this time. The chair was sitting right next to the bed when you arrived. She had sat down in it, as usual, and kept telling you that she was sorry. You tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault- that wasn't logical was it?- but she refused to listen. A nurse had come to take you for an MRI and when you got back, the chair was moved.
She hadn't said a word to you since then. Nothing at all. It scared you, and you had even told her that. You begged her to talk to you. Thirty minutes later, you gave up and fell asleep. You weren't surprised now to find that she was still in exactly the same position. She didn't seem to notice that you were awake. You felt guilty just staring at her while she cried; you had to do something. Anything.
"Bones?" Success this time. It came out as a whisper, but at least you managed to say it out loud.
All you want to do is give her a hug as you watch her sit up straighter and try to subtly dry her eyes with her sleeve. You hate the fact that you can't walk over to her right now and comfort her.
"Hey," you try to give her a smile, but you're not sure if you succeed or not. "Did I do something to make you want to get away from me?"
Bones' eyes widen and she gives you that look that resembles the one Parker gives you when you catch him misbehaving. "I just…I…" Her shoulders shake a little bit, sending a surge of pain right through your heart.
"Bones…it's okay." You're not sure exactly what to say. The morphine is obviously screwing with your mind. Stupid drug that you don't even need. You're a tough man.
When Bones answers, it's with a shaky voice. "I'm sorry, Booth. I'm sorry I pushed you about…about the…" she can't even finish. You open your mouth to tell her that it's not a big deal, that she doesn't need to apologize, but you can't get the words out before she starts full out sobbing. Your Bones is sobbing and you can't do anything about it because you're stuck in this stupid bed.
"Shh." You try to comfort, "Shh, don't cry. It's alright. There's nothing to cry about, Bones."
She starts to calm down a little bit, so you continue. "Everything will be fine, okay? I'm just trying to make your life more interesting. I don't want you to be bored."
Bones smiles at that. Then she stands up and drags her chair back to its rightful spot next to your bed. "I don't mind a boring life, Booth." She whispered as she sits down, "I just want you to be healthy."
You managed to wriggle your arm out from under the blankets and reach it towards her. Bones wordlessly places her hand inside of yours. She moves around in the chair some, trying to get comfortable, and ends up with most of her upper body leaning onto the bed. Her head rests on your shoulder. You take a deep breath in and can smell her shampoo.
"It's gonna be okay." You say calmly, knowing in your gut that it's the truth. Bones nods silently and closes her eyes. "It's gonna be okay." You whisper again before you close your own eyes. You fall asleep almost instantly, confident that everything really will be okay.
Want to know what happens when you review? You get magically transported through the screen so that you can dine and dash with Booth. C'mon. I know you want to! You don't want your frontal lobe to be the size of a raisin do you? Hmm? Go be bad. Click. Review.