A very silly, crackish oneshot xD
"Oh God," groaned the aforementioned teenage genius, a true horror creeping into his voice that was rarely expressed in public. Yagami Light always attempted to keep calm and collected in the face of disaster – but this particular disaster was so terrifying even the God of the New World balked.
Standing there, in the middle of the room, was the one and only Amane Misa, dressed head to toe in black frills and lace. She looked remarkably like a cross between a Gothic Lolita and a wedding cake, actually, what with that multi-layered skirt.
And, of course, wherever Amane Misa went, happiness and rainbows followed.
Oh, what joy.
"Liigghttt, I've missed you sooo much, being locked up in that boring room with nothing to do! Ryuzaki doesn't even get, like, any good TV channels! It's all news, news, news, and old Love Hina reruns!"
At those words, Light couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. He turned on his swivel chair to face the stoic detective and said, with an amused grin, "You watch Love Hina?"
"That was a complete mistake," the insomniac detective said, absent-mindedly stirring his tea (if one could even call the brown mushy/sugary/gunky… gunk stuck to the inside of his cup 'tea', let alone 'edible') with a lollipop. However, the slight twitch under one eye seemed to disprove his words.
"But ANY~wayy, Light-chaaaann," Misa continued loudly, for fear of being ignored in favour of Ryuzaki's bizarre anime-watching habits, "aren't you, like, super-depressed? Don't you think Ryuzaki's super-depressing?!"
"Says the girl who likes having picnics in graveyards?" asked Light, a tad incredulously.
Misa blinked uncomprehendingly.
"You know. It was where you suggested we have our first date – 'because the graveyard is so, so romantic, Liigghtt! Think of all the dead people,'" said the brunet, his high-pitched, excitable squeal sounding uncannily like the pigtail'd fashion icon.
"You know, Light-kun," mumbled Ryuzaki, voice incoherent due to the lollipop jammed between his teeth, "you sounded just like Misa-san, it was quite eerie."
"Yes, Light-kun. One could almost say you were a born actor."
"Hey…" Light frowned, the true meaning of the words sliding into place like puzzle pieces on a board. "We've been trying to catch this new Kira for month, and yet you still don't trust me? That was uncalled for, Ryuzaki!"
"But Light-kun, you can't deny the facts. You're a talented actor, you're prone to lying, you have severe anger management issues, you hate to lose, and you're somewhat a crazed perfectionist. It all fits the description of the first Kira, which was created by compiling large amounts of data on the way he kills and his methods," Ryuzaki replied, eyes wide and innocent. Needless to say, it was a creepy look that most definitely did not suit the raccoon-eyed detective, not one bit. If Light and L were the main characters in a slash'em'and'hack'em horror film, L would definitely be the scary, child-murdering zombie – and Light would probably be the first, pathetic virgin victim (the virgin obviously couldn't be Misa, due to the miniscule, virtually non-existent minis and fishnet tights she was so fond of).
Double damn, considering L's thoughtful analysis and rational words.
Hell, the detective was so convincing Light was almost beginning to believe he was Kira, too.
Or at least, he would have done.
Had his life not been on the line.
Fighting back the urge to punch Ryuzaki in the face – that would, of course, only prove the fact that he had 'anger management issues'. Which, strangely enough, only surfaced whenever Light was around the infuriating detective – Light said, voice carefully controlled, "Ryuzaki. I am not a power mad, wannabe God. And I don't lie."
"You told Matsuda-san you liked that birthday cake he made for you."
There was a long pause.
"Okay. I don't lie all the time. Just sometimes."
"Which was demonstrated when you lied to me a few seconds ago."
"But he tried hard with that cake, even if he did put cheese on it instead of desiccated coconut. I could hardly say 'I hate it and the real reason I didn't eat all of it wasn't because I was full, it was because I had to dash to the bathroom to be sick.'"
"Yet Light-kun has no problem telling me how weird, strange, bizarre or any other word synonymous with weird, strange and bizarre, unattractive, creepy, irritating and generally disturbing I am," L frowned, taking the lollipop from his mouth and dropping it back in his teacup. "I feel so hurt."
"You're not even capable of human emotion."
"And Light-kun is not capable of telling the truth, unless it is to mock or belittle me – which I find incredibly insulting."
"I can tell the truth."
"Not about important things."
"Even about important things."
"Is Light-kun Kira?"
"I told you, I'm no-"
"IS LIGHT-KUN SLEEPING WITH RYUZAKI-SAN?!"
The two males' paused in their bickering (not that the two would refer to it as such. Instead, they would call it an 'intelligent discussion', despite the fact it often boiled down to a simple "oh yes you are!" "oh no I'm not!" routine), turning to look at an enraged Misa Amane with similar looks of confusion stamped across their faces.
"…What?" asked Light, after what seemed a millennia.
"I said," Misa enunciated, placing her hands on her hips a la an irritable mother who'd just caught her son with his fingers in the cookie jar. Or, alternatively, a pissed-off girlfriend who's other half had ditched her in the middle of a club for another guy – and an ugly one, at that, "are. You. Sleeping. With. Ryuzaki. San?"
"Yes, Light-kun. I must say, it's one thing lying to me – but quite another to lie to your girlfriend," said Ryuzaki cheerily, quite enjoying Light's embarrassment.
"Shut up, Ryuzaki."
"But Misa-san has to know the truth."
"There aren't any truths to tell."
"But we have been sleeping together for the past month-"
"Because you won't take off the stupid handcuffs-"
"Because you are Kira."
"Leave Kira out of this!"
"But there's an eighty-three percent chance-"
"Yesterday it was seventy-two."
"Yesterday you weren't annoying me."
"That's so childish!"
"But so are you!"
"I really hate you sometimes."
"But Light-kun!" Ryuzaki cried, holding his chest as though his (non-existent, Light was sure) heart had been shattered in two. "Y-You hate me? Doesn't our relationship mean anything to you?"
It was at that moment in time that Misa, enraged beyond belief at being ignored (again), let out a wail of distress and, with a single flick of the wrist, backhanded Light across the face with a shrill cry of "YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!" Then, with as much decorum as she could muster, the fashion model tripped and stumbled her way back to her room.
And all was quiet in her wake.
A little too quiet.
"Light-kun…" Ryuzaki murmered, leaning a little too close to the pissed off, in pain and generally displeased brunet than was safe – almost like tempting face, really. "Would you like me to kiss it better?"
"SCREW YOU! You've ruined my life!"
"Light-kun's impersonation of Misa-san is still incredibly believa-"
a.n: a really silly oneshot xD but i love torturing light, & writing for all three of them – misa & l & light. i think they're all rather hilarious. the perfect comedy trio xD ahh, i love misa~ i also like l/light, but there isn't rly any of that in here xD ahhh well. enjoy.