Dreaming you, is so easy, yeah
If it was up to me, then you would cry tonight
If it was up to you
Take you, take me away
I can't go with you now
Don't you wish I'd try
Left just a trace, it's growing colder still
So kiss yourself goodbye
-Kiss Yourself Goodbye by The All American Rejects-
Tony was standing outside the interrogation room door when Ziva and Gibbs walked out, two officers followed behind with Gray in handcuffs, he glared at Tony, whose only response was to hiss.
"That was mature." Ziva commented as she passed him.
"I never claimed to be mature." He replied.
Ziva shook her head and continued to follow Gibbs. "Are you coming?"
Tony shook his head. "I will in a minute, I need to go find Bella."
Ziva nodded and Tony made his way to the elevator. On the ride down to Abby's lab, he considered everything he could possibly say to Bella when he saw her, but nothing seemed quite right.
When he got into the lab he was shocked to find the music off and neither Abby or Bella were anywhere in sight. "Abby?" He yelled, walking farther into the lab, he heard the familiar sound of Bart the hippo and followed it to find Abby sitting on the floor, curled up with him pulled to her chest. "Abby, are you okay? Where's Bella?"
She took a deep breath and hugged Bart closer. "By that question I'm guessing she didn't tell you." She shook her head, then looked up at him. "She's gone Tony."
"She said she had to go, had things she had to take care of back home, which is total shit if you ask me. I think she's afraid."
He sat down next to her, she scooted closer, leaning her head on his shoulder. "What would she be afraid of?"
"Courtrooms have bad memories for her. Understandably so, but I still wish she would have stayed." She took a deep breath. "Well, she does have dogs, maybe she's just worried about them, or her job, it could be her job…"
Tony shook his head. "Does she always leave to abruptly?"
"No, probably why it's bothering me so much, I barely got to spend anytime with her. She's done this before, but that was because my boyfriend gave her the creeps…" She shook her head. "I know what'll happen, she'll get home, wont call me for a few days, when she calms down, she'll call and everything will be back to normal."
"I guess that's what she meant by 'I'll see you later', I wish she would have told me."
Abby took a deep breath. "Bella is probably one of the bravest people I know, I believe if I had a childhood half as bad as she did I would have been much more fucked up than she is. Yet, at the same time she won't think twice about running from something that reminds her of her parents…"
Tony shook his head, he always wanted the ones he could never have.
When the plane landed at the Louis Armstrong airport, Bella took a sigh of relief, she was finally home, walking from the terminal she could feel the heat coming through the windows, causing her to smile.
By the time she got her luggage and was in a cab, she was beyond exhausted, she quickly called the girl, who'd been staying with her dogs, and informed her she was on her way home, the last thing she wanted to deal with was being bombarded by questions about her trip.
She relaxed into the seat of the cab, ignoring the song playing on the cabbies radio. She would be lying if she said she didn't regret leaving so quickly, she regretted leaving Abby so quickly, after everything she put on the line for her and she couldn't even stay long enough to see the case through.
Yes, it was true, she was chicken shit.
She shifted, suddenly uncomfortable with herself. She rolled down the window and was hit by the humid New Orleans air. Bumper to bumper traffic wasn't exactly new to her, but she suddenly felt very claustrophobic.
She kept listing the reasons she had for leaving over and over in her head, but they didn't stack up against the reasons for staying. Shaking her head she told herself it was to late, she'd made her bed, now she'll have to sleep in it.
"You know a first sign of insanity is when you argue with yourself."
Bella looked up to see the cabbies dark brown eyes looking at her in the rearview mirror, she could tell he was smiling. She couldn't help but smile back. "Okay, what does it mean when you lose said argument with yourself?"
He chuckled. "Oh well, that means you're fucked."
She laughed with him. "It seems to me you missed your calling, you would have really made it as a therapist."
"Nah, I'd piss my patients off too much."
The rest of her ride home was filled with sarcastic comments between the two, when he dropped her off at her house, she gave him a large tip just because for a second he had made her forget what a loser she felt like.
When she walked into her room, she was nearly attacked by her three dogs, all trying to give her kisses, normally it would have made her feel better, but not today.
She couldn't shake the feeling that she'd made such a big mistake.
When Tony got home, he ached, it was bad enough his stomach was still bothering him, but the rest of his body decided to join in on the fun apparently.
After locking the door he couldn't help but look around the rest of the apartment, it's tidiness was unnerving, it reminded him to much of the girl who cleaned it. In disgust he grabbed the neatly stacked magazines off the coffee table and threw them on the floor, their pages opened, subscription papers lying in disarray. He threw the mail on the couch, scattered letters and bills across the cushions.
Feeling slightly better with the situation, he made his way to his bed room, all he could think about doing was pulling the sheets over his head and sleeping for at least eight hours. Maybe when he woke up it'll be some crazy dream?
He sat at the edge of his bed, unclipped his gun and placed it on the bedside table, he quickly began unbuttoning his shirt, but stopped when he smelt it. Cigarette smoke clings to places, it takes time to air out, he would be smelling it for a while, and every time he smelt it he would think of her, sitting in his bathtub, curled up like a child trying to hide from someone.
As if the smell wasn't bad enough without that memory. He fell backwards into his bed, a single word escaping his mouth in anger. "Fuck."