Today was the most desolate day of my life. My baby was cradled in my arms, blue lipped and cold. The tears that were cascading down my face dripped from my chin to splatter and sprinkle the once animated child. He was gone, lifeless, yet I clung to him as if this would bring him back to life. Even when people came to pry the dead child from my arms I fought.
"Esme," whispered a woman's voice. "He's gone. God is taking care of him now." But it was because of this that made me question the very thought of there being a God. Why would He take away such an innocent being? Or someone so pure and wonderful, someone who never had the chance to live, to dance or to love?
As they took the body from the house, all became silent. I was alone. In those moments I contemplated God. If that was where my child was now, that is where I wanted to be. Heaven. It was easy to figure out what I needed to do now. Something unimaginable, but it was something I looked forward to. Something I began praying for: my own death.
Getting to my feet, I walked towards the front door. As the door flung open, I stepped outside to hear the noises of the area around me which were bursting with laughter, the clatter of businesses and the hum of life. Everyone was going on with their lives as if one was not lost; as if this death was not monumental compared to those continuing to live.
Instead of going back inside, to conceal myself from the world, I continued through the door frame, and then down the street. My feet were bare and being cut into little pieces, but that pain was negligible compared to the ripping in my heart. The street turned a corner, yet I continued to go straight through the woods ahead of me.
There was no trail to follow, no path to release. It was only the middle of the day but the grounds were darkening, like they were preparing for my fate. I was clueless on how I would end this life, but I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to walk. And that's what I did. The sky continued to darken as lightning lanced across the sky. The wind gradually began to pick up in pace as I strode forward, not caring where my bleeding feet would lead me.
My hair whipped around in the air, dancing in the twisty air of the great storm that was approaching. The white dress that fell down to my ankles billowed in the air, dirty and torn from my journey. It was then that I saw a great valley, a view so breathtakingly beautiful that it would be nice to have this be the last thing I see. There it was, the answer. I saw the precipitous cliff looming over this magnificence below me.
The wind was unrelenting. My brown hair continued to frolic around my face as if it had its own mind. My feet moved closer to the edge, slowly bringing myself to my death, to my child, to my love. Round tears began to descend my face as I continued to make each step towards the end. The ribbon that was tying the last of my hair fluttered away as I took another step. The sharp rocks were cutting deeply into my feet but that didn't stop me from taking another step, slowly reaching the outcrop.
The ground was far beneath, a distance acceptable to give me my ultimate demise. A large gust of wind came whistling through the air as my dress flew behind me, my hair swaying. I took another step. My toes finally reached the end of the land as they dangled dangerously over the edge. I took in a deep steadying breath and closed my eyes to send a prayer to my child.
I'll see you soon.
I spread my arms out like I were an eagle and took that one last step. The air rushing up around my dress as I tumbled through the air was the most freeing thing I had ever felt. It was only a second or two before the ground came rushing up to my feet. The end, it was here. It was then that I hit the ground, that I became one with the earth, that I left my body and was no longer feeling that pain.
Blackness, that was all there was. No pain, no memories…nothing. And then, as suddenly as the calm hit, so did the pain. My breath was robbed from my right lung as I had the feeling that all of my bones had melted and were dislocated from each other. Everything below my waist was non-existent. There was no ache there, there was just nothing at all. Complete numbness. I couldn't have asked for anything else. When I tried to open my eyes, it was useless. And then it was silent, wherever I was. There was no storm ahead.
I heard a door open and then it closed. There were no steps, no breath, not even the sound of wind against cloth. The only thing I could feel were the cool hands caressing my face, as if soothing a kitten. I wanted to reach out, to sigh, to ask him to continue the job I started. Just kill me. End it all. In my head I was begging for it.
It was in that moment that I thought he must have heard my thoughts because there was a sharp pain on the side of my neck. It was nothing compared to the pain I was already feeling.
I was wrong. Something flashed through my veins so fast I thought they would explode with heat. And that is when I had an out of body experience. It was dark. It was finally the end. Or so I thought. My eyes opened, after what felt like years of torture. Everything was…new.
Today was going to be a remarkable day. How did I know this? I saw it in the future. The clouds were heavy in the sky and the forests around the house were somehow creeping in, making me feel comfortable in this new city. It was like a large playground in my backyard. The forest, not the city. Well, maybe the city, too. And not just any city, either. New York City! The city with flare. Not only was my closet completely stocked but I had another vision. This time I found a clue. After a year of living in this opulent town, having men work for me in the business world, I had grown quite lonely. Today I was going to try and fix that.
My efforts were futile. Or they would be today. It was easier for me to push my mind out, trying to see the outcome of my future. Today would be somewhat fruitful, adventurous, yet still I will end up alone. It was utterly frustrating to know this in advance, but it made me feel secure all the same. Having these divinations had become so naturally a part of my life now that sometimes I didn't even realize I was doing it. Other times it was just only natural for me to check five minutes ahead for this or that.
There was a knock on the door, which I had anticipated, of course. Without haste I flung the door wide open, a huge grin spreading across my face.
"Mr. Olsen. So good to see you," I said amiably.
"You can just call me Jebadiah, Misses Cullen," he bowed diligently. He'd told me this many times before, I still call him Mr. Olsen more than he'd like.
He followed me back into the house where I walked straight to the bathroom. I leaned over the sink to fix my hair in the mirror.
"What's the news Mr. – Jebadiah? Are things going well for you and your wife?" I queried. Human life did always fascinate me, and Mr. Olsen had proven time and time again to be a great asset and trust worthy, though, I never told him what I was and he never asked. That never stopped me from prying into his life, though. I needed some form of entertainment. Sometimes I felt like I was having to learn all of these human instincts. Maybe I was never human to begin with.
"My family has finally settled into our new house," he blushed and the wave of heat hit me like a ton of bricks being smacked across my face. "T-thanks," he said shyly.
I held my breath and nodded, not wanting him to realize how whenever my eyes roamed over his flushed neck and face all I saw was the big vein throbbing beneath the skin – calling – beckoning me to feed. I over rode this desire, which was gradually becoming more manageable.
"No need to thank me Jebadiah," I said while gripping the granite counters in the bathroom. "You're house was falling down and I found a rat in there once. That is no way for you and your family to live, especially when I pay you enough for you to have your living conditions be more grandiose." The granite began to crack beneath of embrace so I continued pinning a stray hair to my head which then snapped under pressure.
I was so busy trying to fix the tangled mess on the top of my head and trying my best to distract myself from the allure of his scent that I didn't see what he was holding. "My wife," Mr. Olsen held out a plate, "she made you a pie, to show how much she appreciates everything you have done for our family."
Automatically I pulled the dish into my hands, trying my best to keep the grimace off my face. It smelled like baked apples, cinnamon, flour and butter. What an odd combination. "I'm sure it'll taste wonderful," I smiled as genuinely as I could.
He nodded approvingly and then stepped back from me. My reflection showed the hunger in my eyes and I swallowed the venom in my mouth. "Well, Mr. Olsen," I made my voice cheery. "I'm going to be gone for a few days. Please feel free to take a few days off."
He nodded again. "When will you be back, Misses Cullen?"
"In three days. I'll find you when I return," I told him.
After Mr. Olsen left my house I prepared for my journey. It was when I was stuffing as many changes of clothes I could into my suitcase that I was slammed into a vision. This one was more violent and brutal then any I had ever had before.
A woman with beautiful long brown hair was holding her dead child to her chest, screaming, crying out to whoever would be listening. My heart broke for this woman, for her heartache. There was no one there to hold her, to help her along her way and I knew that I felt the same. Someone finally came and took the child and then she was alone again. That was when the vision twisted into something more vicious. There was a storm overhead that made the clouds turn almost black. The wind was slowly picking up as this woman, who I just knew was named Esme, walked towards the edge of a great cliff.
My whole body tensed as I reflexively grabbed whatever was near for support. Her long white dress billowed in the stormy weather; her hair frolicking around her face like a tornado had caught it in its wind. Wet tears rolled down her face as she took each step towards the outcrop. A ribbon in her hair rippled with the wind until it untied and flew away as she took another step. Her feet were bare and were slowly being cut with each step on the rock.
Her toes reached the end of the land and curled over the edge. I screamed for her to stop, to step back. She didn't. She raised her arms if she were preparing to do a nose dive into the deep valley below. She took that one last step. I screamed as she hit the earth and then I was blasted back to my home.
My whole body shook with the vision. There was something important about this, something I hadn't seen yet. I stared at my hands as if they contained an oracle, as if it would lead the way. But it didn't help so I sat there, breathing evenly and trying to understand why I just saw what I saw. This was a horrible day to be blessed with this gift, and to prove my words right I was again knocked over by another divination so powerfully miraculous I almost wondered if it were my imagination.
The tall blonde vampire, Carlisle Cullen, which I see daily sometimes, was working diligently in a hospital. I admired his gift to work around blood. Sometimes I could barely handle being around Mr. Olsen, especially when he flushes, and he does that often. It was then that he heard something in a different direction than the steps he were taking as he swung a complete 180 and suddenly it was like I was inside his body, moving towards the doors that read: morgue.
As the door flung open to the crisply clean room, there she was, Esme. He walked towards her slowly, as if he were listening for something. Her heart, perhaps? His hand lightly ran down her cheek to her neck; where he slowly bent down to bite her.
I was shocked. This was the first time that I saw the gentle vampire bite a human. And, not just any human, one that should be dead. Who I thought was dead! Or maybe she was dead! I tried to shake the vision, to forget what I saw, to prevent the imagine from forming before me. It was too late; it was plainly displayed on my pupils for analysis later. And that is what I would do: study this.
But there was no need because shortly after returning to my body, I was again thrust so deeply into another mind numbing vision that I thought I would never make it out the door to find Jasper.
Esme. A vampire. I gasped in shock. I felt a jolt in my middle and I was back in my room, sprawled across the floor, clothes askew on the floor and bed, and the wood cracked on my bed frame from holding on too tightly.
It was time to get answers. It was time to find Carlisle Cullen. Then there was the question: which one first; Jasper or Carlisle?
Author's Note: I just had to add a little bit about Esme's journey to the cliff. It's not thoroughly detailed, but this is Alice and Jasper's story…she just happens to be a part of it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you are wondering what story(ies) I am currently working on, check out my profile. I will try to update it often.