Alright guys last chapter. I know a lot of you are unhappy with me but I suppose that's something I'll have to deal with. I want to thank Chotto-Zexy and Sammy-Dee for being awesome readers and not threatening me. I'm sorry I didn't respond to the reviews this time around but some of you guys really scare me sometimes. Please read the last note. Thank you!
Demyx emptied the bottle into his palm and stared at them, his other hand gripping the container. His eyes watered but a smile broke onto his face. He downed every one of them. It wasn't instant. He had hoped it would be. He didn't want this to last too long. He made time, he ran his hands over everything one last time, he opened his door and started to feel woozy in the hallway. Demyx fell onto Zexion's door and grinned as he opened it. The room, almost exactly like his, where he had touched Zexion and loved Zexion. He could barely stand to be in there. Suddenly exhausted, he sat in the desk chair and took a deep breath. His head got heavier with each passing minute, his stomach feeling more twisted. He rubbed his eyes lazily and let his head swivel around aimlessly until his eyes landed on the desk. The notebook. The pencil. It was a sign. He had to have final words. Without another hesitation, he snagged the pencil up with his empty hand and scratched down everything he could think of. He scribbled across the paper, simply praying he could get it out before his mind was gone. And finally, he finished. He took a heavy breath, straining his eyes to focus again on the words, but eventually gave up. He knew what he had written, for now anyways. He stood again and took one last look at the room and smiled as he put his final words right where they belonged. Demyx left the room again and held a firm death grip on the railing as he walked down the stairs. He wasn't sure how long Zexion had been gone but it must've been a while, the sky was brightening ever slowly. He looked down at the bottle still glued to his palm. He stood silently on the foyer, looking out the window, watching for Zexion, just in case, just in case. And then it happened.
The world around him swooned. The blonde who had feigned happiness with the aid of medication for too long fell to his knees in the presence of such an awesome occurrence. The entire world was overcome by feeling and suddenly he was too. All he could do was weep quietly, holding his stomach to try and stop the shaking from his core. It wasn't happiness, it wasn't sadness, it was simply what it was. This had been what being with Zexion was like, but that had merely been a taste of what was to come. What surrounded him now was love. Pure and beautiful, simple and wanted. Demyx never felt more loved. He looked up and saw a light and a figure emerging from it. He smiled as a hand reached out towards him. He lifted his clenched fist, confined around the bottle and let go. The plastic bounced off the carpet gently as Demyx's hand grasped the other, the only other hand he wanted.
"Come on Demyx." Zexion said softly with that smirk that seemed to burrow itself in Demyx's heart. The blonde nodded, smiled through tears as he stood up and followed his brother, his lover, his soul mate, his best friend into whatever was beyond.
And just as Demyx's body collapsed onto the carpet, Zexion bolted straight up, his heart racing, his face sweaty, his lungs desperate for air.
"Woah man. What's wrong?" Xion asked as she turned away from her computer screen. Zexion looked around the room, trying to gather where he was, what had happened. "Zex?"
"I--I gotta go home." He mumbled and jumped off the bed. "Why the hell did you let me fall asleep?"
"Chill man. It's only four." Xion said with a slightly nervous tone as she watched her best friend frantically pull on his hoodie and run from her room. "You're good at my cousins ok?" She whispered down the stairs and he only raised his hand in response. He had to go home. They had to leave. He sped all the way home, screeching into the driveway and noticing the light on in the kitchen, walked into the living room. He closed the door quietly behind him and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing slowly, trying to think of what to tell his parents who he could hear perfectly clear as they came closer.
"Laguna? What was that?"
"I'm going to check."
"You heard the thud too right? I'm not crazy."
"No Lulu, you're not--" He stopped as they enter the living room and Zexion knew he was busted. He turned slowly only to realize his parents weren't looking at him at all. They were both seemingly hypnotized by something in the living room. He took a step forward, suddenly curious as to what could distract his parents from him coming home at four in the morning. He looked at his father, his wide eyes and snapped mouth. His mother's horror stricken face. And then he saw it himself.
Zexion looked down at his brother's, his lover's, his soul mate's, his best friend's lifeless body, sprawled out, stomach down on the shag carpet. The empty bottle of pills laid by his face. The bottle he had only found out not long ago. Lulu wailed loudly and held her hand to her grief stricken face, seemingly trying to keep her mouth from stretching so wide in a sob that it ripped off.
"Demyx! My Demyx! My poor baby!" She weeped and gasped and shook and when she felt as if she were about to collapse, she latched onto her living child. "Zexion!" She cried out and buried her face in his shoulder, obviously Demyx had picked up this same habit. But it didn't matter. Demyx would never lovingly hide his face away in the hollow between Zexions neck and shoulder. Her hand roughly grabbed onto Zexion's neck, trying to keep him there, trying to make sure that this one wouldn't fleet away as well, as if if she held him tightly enough, this wouldn't happen to this one too.
As his mother held onto him and mournfully weeped, Zexion could feel his heart slowly start to collapse. It was breaking, very slowly, very painfully, but his face showed no sign of this. His heart, an implosion in slow motion. He almost laughed and started to weep himself at the rhyme he had made that he knew would have made Demyx go off in a fit of giggles. Almost. But he didn't. He couldn't do anything. He could feel his mother's weight pressing down on him, weighing him down, keeping him steady and tied down to the earth. He could hear his father woefully call an ambulance though they all knew it was too late at this point; Demyx was gone. He could still smell Demyx's salty, wet scent, like the ocean, like the beach he spent so much time at, gently wafting off his breathless body. He could still taste Demyx on his lips, it was a strange sensation, the taste on his lips of the boy he had loved so deeply, knowing this was the last time he would taste it ever. And all he could see, all he could manage to look at was Demyx. Demyx's face pushed against the carpet. A very gentle smile was on his face, almost teasing Zexion, a smile you could only see if you were looking for it and Zexion was; deep blue eyes half open, already glassing over, but they no longer looked deep and sneaky, they no longer looked as if they were keeping a secret and holding something deep inside. There was nothing left for Demyx to hide at this point. Zexion's eyes were widened and his mouth was slightly agape as he tried to take in everything at once, trying to make it crash on him, like a wave, like a strong wave that would hit him and sweep him under the current and carry him away and put him out of his misery, his unfulfilled misery that lie in wait in his collapsing heart, waiting for the perfect moment to come to it's full potential. He's gone. A voice in Zexion's head reminded him. He's never coming back. The voice continued in a torturous manner and still, Zexion's face didn't change. Don't you realize what that means? The voice seemed to try and spread the pain from Zexion's heart all over his body but Zexion didn't give in. He didn't let the pain spread to his fingers, the fingers that had tenderly ran over Demyx's smooth skin, making him giggle; or his lips, the lips that had kissed Demyx's lips; or his stomach, the stomach that Demyx had once gingerly rubbed and tickled in response to a futile, stubborn argument from Zexion. Zexion didn't allow it to go anywhere. He kept it in his chest and tried to push it down even farther. He would not let it show just how much he had actually loved Demyx, not only in a brotherly way.
"Why would he do this?!" Lulu cried, interrupting his own mourning process, the process of attempting to butt out every spark in his heart, every memory trying to flicker back on. They heard an ambulance start to roar down the street and they all looked towards the window.
Zexion stood on the front porch and watched the ambulance drive away with Demyx's body in the back, covered up by a plastic tarp. He watched Laguna hold up Lulu and listened to her continue to cry as they walked into the house. Once the ambulance was out of view, Zexion walked back into the house, down the hall and into his room. He closed the door behind him and locked it. He still didn't cry. Instead, he looked around the room, absorbing every image and trying to cancel out any memory that popped up once he spotted it. Then his gaze led to his book shelf and the first book he saw made his heart burst into invisible flames within his chest. 'Wuthering Heights' stared boldly back at him and almost as if a hand reached out and pulled him closer, he couldn't help but walk towards it. He ran his finger along the binding and pulled it out.
"What's it about?"
"I-it's a love story."
"I love love stories! Is it good?"
"It is. Very good."
"What's it about Zex?"
"It's kind of...forbidden love."
"That's the most amazing kind."
Zexion remembered everything from that night. The night that he considered to be the kicking point of their intensely meaningful yet wildly inappropriate love affair. He stared down at the book in his hands and again, pushed everything down, deeper, deeper. But he ventured. He dared. He flipped the first page open and there it was. A note in the scrawling, connecting handwriting of Demyx. Zexion's hand shook as he picked it up, bringing it closer to his face so he could read it clearly.
How smart am I? I know you so well. I knew you'd pick this up Zexion and I was right. Unless this note is simply sitting in your lonesome book, remaining untouched for maybe years. Maybe it will never be touched, but I hope that it will. I hope that you pick up this book Zexion and see what I have to say to you. I love you. I love you in every way there is to possibly love a person. I love you so much it hurts. And I don't know how I'm supposed to tell you this. But I have to try, I have to try and make you understand. Understand that I do love you. But that I just can't. I want so badly everything you want, everything we planned but think about it. Please think about what it would have been like for the rest of our lives, living in secret and hiding from the people we know and love. No one would understand so we couldn't tell anyone, not a living soul. Not even a dead soul. They wouldn't understand either. And I wanna tell the world how much I love you! But no one would understand. No one will ever understand. And I sound like I'm rambling and being silly and you must hate me after this, after what I've done, or what I'm about to do actually. I'm scared Zexion. But I'm more scared of not being able to live my life out with you, of having to pretend you're just my brother and nothing else to me when actually you're everything to me. You are everything. I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you in every way. And I know that I will see you again some day. In heaven, we'll be together and no one will care. Everyone will understand that we love each other and that's all there is to it. That's my heaven Zexion, being with you forever. And I know you don't believe it but I do and I know that you are going to be with me in heaven because you have to. Otherwise it's not heaven. It won't be heaven until you get there Zexion, so I'll patiently wait up there, sitting on my cloud and watching you live your life for the both of us. And then you'll see me again so don't worry. Please forgive me, at least in time for us to meet again. Hate me for the rest of your life, but forgive me in time for us to be together happily forever and ever. I'll see you soon. I really do love you Zexion. I love you so much. I love you. I can't say it enough. I can't think of any other way to say it. I love you.
PS - Can you tell by my writing you and your books influenced me? It's poetic almost, morbidly poetic. Sorry to ruin it with a PS note, but I had to be in there somewhere. I love you. One more time. I love you.
Zexion finished reading it and looked at his door to make sure it was locked. He turned on his stereo, spun the volume to the maximum and sat down on his bed. He clenched the note tighter in his hands as he went over it again. Unwittingly, tears started to stream down his face. They flowed heavier and heavier as he read it again and he had to rapidly wipe them away so the words wouldn't blur in his eyesight. He read it again.
I love you.
He felt everything he had been trying to desperately to push down start to leak as if his heart cracked and now everything was escaping. His fingers hurt, his lips hurt, his stomach hurt. He could barely breathe at this point as he gasped for air between each broken sob. He read it again.
I love you so much.
He heard the voice in his head again and it finally clicked. The voice was Demyx. Zexion looked around the room, the voice being so loud and prominent that he thought Demyx was actually in the room. But he shook his head and looked down at his hands again. That was ridiculous. Demyx was gone. He read Demyx's last words again.
And then you'll see me again so don't worry.
Zexion couldn't help but smile and laugh lightly. He raised his hand to his face and wiped away tears that continued to spring from his eyes. Halfway between laughing loudly and sobbing dramatically, Zexion sat on his bed, rocking back and forth, holding his stomach and his sides; they hurt from whatever strange action he was doing. He couldn't stop laughing as the wonderful memories flooded into his brain, but he couldn't stop weeping as the realization started to crash upon him like he had wanted it to earlier. His whole body ached, his soul ached, his heart ached. All he wanted was to hold Demyx in his arms one last time, to kiss him once more, to whisper 'I love you' in his ear but he would never do it again. Demyx was gone.
Zexion cried louder and then he screamed. He stood and pounded his fists on the wall. All he was now was angry. Demyx abandoned him. Demyx had left him here on Earth alone. Demyx had never really loved him. But these thoughts were soon forgotten as Zexion knew none of them were true. Demyx was right. They never could have been together here on Earth. Zexion screamed out again but it broke off in another sob. Zexion's head slammed against the wall and he squeezed his eyes shut, making the tears well up and eventually spill out. He opened them and the first thing he saw was the bag of pills on his desk.
"They're sleeping pills."
"I didn't know you took sleeping pills."
"Since I was fifteen."
"There are so many things I never knew."
Another late night, secret memory rushed around in his head and he yelped loudly with pain, pain from the bottom of his heart that surged throughout his entire body. He gripped the note tighter and walked towards his desk, roughly snatched the bag and tore it open with eagerness. He threw back a handful of pills but didn't feel anything. It needed to work faster. He swallowed another, slightly emptier handful. And then everything stopped. Everything whirled together. Everything seemed fuzzy and unfocused but beautiful nonetheless. He stopped wailing, moaning, crying, weeping, sobbing, mourning. He smiled and felt happy for a moment. Zexion raised the note to his face and smiled wider as he read it one last time.
"I love you too." He said quietly, responding to the boy who wasn't there. He collapsed on his knees, still smiling and looked at Demyx sitting on his bed. The blonde smiled, leaned forward and offered his hand. Zexion grinned as he took the hand.
"Come on Zexy." Demyx giggled and Zexion nodded.
"I'm coming." Zexion words slurred together and his eyes started to flicker out. His eyelids fell and so did his body onto the carpet, face down. "I'll see you soon." He whispered his last words and a somber smile stained his face.
I'll see you soon.
*ahem* I realize that this was not the way a lot of you, more than likely all of you, wanted it to end. As I have said personally to some of you *coughRayencough* angst and sadness seem to be my specialty. I do not want you to NEVER read another Zemyx just because of me, I'd feel bad. I don't want people to get all dramatic or anything. I write the story the way it comes to me and that's really all I can say. This is the ending I chose because I feel like this ending was better than a fluffy run away together and drink pina coladas for the rest of our lives ending. Maybe you think I'm wrong and you're very entitled to your opinion. I would really appreciate not being killed or pelted with stones or booed or threatened or yelled at? But I guess I'll just wait to see how people review or if they even do. Sorry to get all serious on you and everything but these are things I feel need to be said. Emmy says don't threaten me because I know people and I will be protected! That needed to be said. I am planning at least two spin off type stories from this. The skanky AkuRoku *cheers from my remaining readers* and another one of how everyone else kind of deals with Demyx and Zexion being gone. I'll explain more when I start to actually write it. Anyways, this is the end of my speech. I do really hope you enjoyed my story despite the ending, and maybe even can see my point of view on why this ending is better. Thanks for reading guys.