THE MEMOIRS OF DR. STRANGELOVE

AUTHOR'S NOTES: In the last few months of 2008 & the early months of 2009, I have developed an ever-growing obsession for the 1964 film classic Dr. Strangelove; in cultivating that obsession, I have come up with several doodles & fanarts, short stories, & even Great Mouse Detective fanfic characters based on the movie & its characters.

But now, you are about to witness my biggest contribution to the Dr. Strangelove fandom: a novel-length series of memoirs about the title character's life, from birth to death & afterwards. Much time, research, & effort have gone into this project, & I sincerely hope that the fruits of my proverbial labor will appeal to your tastes.

All characters, elements, & properties belonging to "Dr. Strangelove" © Stanley Kubrick & Columbia Pictures.
All original characters, elements, names, & properties © The Mouse Avenger (that's me). I would greatly appreciate it if you asked for my permission before using them in your stories or RPGs; thank you very much in advance.

When you're finished reading the story, feel free to leave a review. I'll take anything from simple comments to constructive criticism, as long as they're not flames or written in a mean, rude, or overly-harsh manner.


Prologue:

Journal Entry By President Merkin Muffley

June 12, 1947

I honestly don't know why I'm doing this. I just don't know.

I'm certain that God knows the answer, sure, but for whatever reason that suits His fancy, it's not being given to me. Though I really do wish He would provide at least a little effort to lighten the overwhelming burden that's been placed upon my confused & aching brain.

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to grasp the meaning (whatever that meaning could possibly be, I have no clue!) behind this "very significant" task I've been asked to perform—even after I've spent two whole years of interviewing the director of the Weapons Research & Development branch of the United States government.

And what confounds me even more is the all-too-obvious fact that the interviews are done, but not the writing project that I needed to conduct those interviews for in the first place, & I fear that work on the "project" (a massive one, indeed) will continue for the span of several years, if not decades; you see, Dr. Strangelove wants me—me, of all people!—to write his memoirs!

Usually, people wait till they start getting on in years before they begin writing their life stories, but Strangelove says he'd much rather get a head-start on them; we've already covered the basics of his life so far in our past interviews, but he says I can add things to the memoirs as time goes on. But just what kind of things does Dr. Strangelove want me to add? Does he want me to give just a general picture of what he went through each day, or describe everything in explicit detail? Would he want me to discuss personal experiences (like a birthday or a death in the family)? Would he want me to write about current events & how they relate to him? Honestly, I just don't know how I'm going to write these "memoirs" without getting a migraine every few seconds!

I don't want to be rude or anything. I'm really quite flattered that Dr. Strangelove trusts in me enough to let me write & publish periodicals about the intimate & most personal details of his life...but flattered though I am, I'm also really quite...well, I suppose the right word would be "puzzled". Puzzled about why he chose me to write these memoirs, when he could have chosen someone else. Puzzled about why he wants to start writing these memoirs so early, & at such a young point in his life (the man just reached his 27th birthday, for Gosh sakes!).

And I'm especially puzzled—no, not puzzled, bewildered why he neurotically insists on having his memoirs published in the first place—I mean, Dr. Strangelove makes it sound so...so darn important, like people are going to need to read his memoirs one day for a school assignment or something! As if he's actually going to become so famous that everybody in America will want to read about him! Does Strangelove really think he's destined to be some great hero? A historical icon? A living legend?!

Don't get me wrong; the last thing I want to do is undermine Dr. Strangelove or his talents; he is a very gifted, intelligent man, & a valued member of my Cabinet, but even I know that he's just a regular, ordinary person, no different from any of us (excluding his past in Germany & his brief stint with the Nazis—more on that later). Maybe I'm just being short-sighted, but it's hard for me to imagine how a guy like Strangelove could become one of America's heroes. Then again, life is full of surprises; maybe, Strangelove will have some kind of great answer or key to some terrible dilemma that may crop up in the future. Who knows, really? Who knows anything?

But at the time I write this entry, there is one thing I do know for certain...I'm going to have plenty of cramps in my right hand for the next several years. If not decades.

Like I said, the interviews with Dr. Strangelove didn't even begin to cover the ongoing process of writing his memoirs.