Of Love and Lies
A/N: Set after The Wrath of Con. Blair finds out about Chuck's little lie…
"I'm so glad you're here," Blair said as she hugged Serena.
Not wanting to go home, Serena had gone back to Blair's with her. Serena just didn't think she could face her mother right then without saying something she'd end up regretting. "So am I. But, B, there's something you need to know. Chuck lied to you."
Blair rolled her eyes as she sat on her bed. "What else is new? But this time he was actually honest. He admitted I was just a game to him."
"That's what he lied about. As soon as you left I talked to him. Made him tell me the truth. He said he loves you, but he couldn't make you happy. That's why he lied and said it was a game, B. He wants you to be happy, and doesn't think he can make you happy. He thinks Nate can, so he sent you back to Nate. That's how much he loves you, Blair. Enough to make himself even more miserable if it will make you happy."
"I… But he's Chuck Bass," Blair protested, as if it explained everything.
Serena smiled at how similar it was to times when Chuck would say 'I'm Chuck Bass' as if that explained everything. "Yeah. The new Chuck Bass. You've changed him, B. Two years ago he'd never have done this. You're good for him. And, as much as I hate to admit this, he's good for you."
"Good for me?" Blair asked in disbelief.
Serena gave a small nod. "Yes. He lets you be yourself. Not the perfect little princess you think everyone wants you to be. Yes, he's hurt you. Hurt you a lot. But he's also made you happier than you ever were with Nate. With Nate, it's never just about you two. It's about your families and your history and what's expected of you. With Chuck, it's just about the two of you. Blair and Chuck. Chuck and Blair."
Blair was silent for a minute. "You're right. Last time it was Nate needing my Mom's support because of the scandal with his dad. This time it's me needing his family to help rebuild my reputation. I mean, I really care about him and I think he cared about me…" She had to believe Nate cared about her. And she knew she cared about Nate.
"Of course you two care about each other," Serena reassured her. "Probably even love each other. But that isn't the same as being 'in love' and we both know it."
Blair nodded. She did know it. "After losing Yale I was so lost. I didn't know who I was anymore. Nate was my safety net."
"And that isn't fair to either of you," Serena said. She remembered telling Chuck that Blair needed to feel safe.
"No. It isn't," Blair agreed. "I need to go. Will you be okay here?"
"Yeah. I'm just going to take a very long, very hot, bath. Wash off the stench of jail," Serena said, making a face.
"Okay. See you later," Blair said. The two hugged each other before Blair hurried from the room.
Two hours later Blair knocked on the door of the Van der Bass home. "Hi, Blair," Eric greeted. "Serena isn't here."
"I know. She's at my house. She doesn't want to see your mom right now. You can go over and see her later if you want to. Dorota will let you in. I'm here to see Chuck."
"You know where his room is," Eric said, stepping out of the way so she could enter.
"You Bass- hole!"
Chuck looked up to see Blair, eyes flashing, standing in his doorway.
"Hello to you too," Chuck greeted as he stood to face her.
"For once, Chuck, just once, tell me the truth. I really need you to tell me the truth. What do you feel for me? And don't lie to me again," she warned.
"I want you to be happy. With Nate, you're happy. That's all that matters, Blair," Chuck said.
"No, it isn't."
"I've hurt you enough, Blair. If we're together I'll keep hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore," Chuck said in a tone that was sincere, but edged with self loathing.
"And Nate hasn't hurt me? You know better than that," she reminded him. She continued in a softer voice. "And I know I've hurt you."
"Yes, Nate hurt you. But you've forgiven him," Chuck said and turned away from her. He didn't' want to deal with the part about her hurting him.
It suddenly hit her. Chuck didn't think she'd forgive him. Didn't think he deserved forgiveness. She walked around him, and gently placed her hand on his cheek. She tilted his face until their eyes met. "Yes, I've forgiven Nate. I've also forgiven you."
"Why, Blair? Why would you forgive me?"
"You know why."
"Because you love me?" Chuck scoffed, stepping back and breaking physical contact. "You love Nate! You're moving in with him."
"I'm not moving in with Nate. But, yes, a part of me will always love Nate." Chuck went pale and pain flared in his eyes, though he tried to hide it. Blair saw his reaction and quickly continued. "I thought that would be enough. And maybe it would have been… if I wasn't in live with you. But I am. I love you. I'm in love with you. And I think you love me. At least, you told Serena you did."
"I do love you, Blair," Chuck admitted. "But I'm not the one who can make you happy. You deserve to be happy."
"So do you," Blair said almost against his lips before kissing him deeply. Neither was sure how they ended up on his bed, but they did. Their lips fused and their hands wandered as they both lost themselves in the passion that always sizzled between them.
After a few minutes Chuck pulled away. "We can't do this. You're with Nate."
"No. Not anymore. I went to see him before I came here. We had a long talk and broke up. Like I said; we love each other, but we aren't in love. Nate and I haven't been intimate since we got back together. We kissed, but nothing more. And I was fine with that. With you, I want to be intimate right now.
I was thinking of something else on the way over. I used to play 'Angel and Devil', to try and decide what to do. You were always the Devil. Nate, of course, was the Angel. And you know which one of you I always seemed to end up listening to? You. Not Nate. That should have told me something. Nate has a hard time accepting me, and will never understand me. You understand me without me even having to explain myself. You'd never expect me to change. To be something I'm not."
Chuck smirked. "I told Nate he was stupid for expecting you to be anything other than who you are."
"You just proved my point," she said, kissing him lightly. It was still enough to send desire pulsing through both of them.
"Blair, I meant what I said. I don't want to hurt you, but I will."
"And I'll hurt you. That's part of any real relationship, Chuck. What matters is if you love the other person enough to forgive them. If the good times and happiness outweigh the bad times and pain. We'll have our fights… but the making up afterwards will be amazing." She ran her hand slowly across his stomach to emphasize her point.
"Can't argue with that," Chuck smirked. Then he rolled their bodies so that she was under him and continued their make out session. And for the first time since he'd lost Blair he was happy again. Whole again.
Blair's last thought before she let herself get lost in the sensations Chuck was creating was that she wasn't lost anymore. She knew who she was gain. She was Blair. Half of Blair and Chuck. Chuck and Blair.