Disclaimer.. as always, nothing is mine- but I wish it was :)

First fic- no idea how long it's going to be, never tried it before ! Enjoy!

Am I really so selfish?

Edward's words had cut me like a knife to the heart- 'Bella for the love of God why can't what we have be enough?' His eyes were pleading and filled with anguish. 'We've discussed this….I love you Bella…I want you…but there is no way, not now or anytime before your changed that we can do what your asking… please Bella, don't ask again!' And with that he had left me alone in his room…shaking with frustration, disappointment and just a hint of fear. Had I pushed him too far?

I hadn't exactly asked in so many words, so much as tried to coerce him into giving me my own way. I had prepared with military precision for the evening alone at his parents house, with the help of Alice. We were certain that this time the care we had taken to attack his sexual defence system would finally bring it crashing to its knees.

Alice and I had thought of all of those things that usually weakened Edward's resolve and exploited them to the full. My scent, the strongest weapon in my armoury, freesia and strawberry, so easy……I had lain in bath of essential oil until the water was almost cold. My delicate skin wrinkled temporarily, but became so deeply infused with the scent, it was completely worth it. Alice had washed and conditioned my hair with my favourite strawberry scented products and then brushed, dried and curled it until it cascaded gently over my shoulders in glossy chestnut waves. God… I could imagine his strong fingers now running through my hair, then fisting into the nape of my neck to pull our lips clo…don't get distracted – Focus Bella. Alice had accentuated my eyes with dark mascara and a deep violet eye shadow; even to me they looked sexy and rather alluring.

'Just a lick of pink gloss on the lips and then nothing else, we don't want to distract Edward from the blush that is bound to stain your cheeks Bella.' Alice had giggled. She was right, next to my smell Edward loved to see the flush of blood rising and pooling in my skin, like a beacon reminding him of my human frailty.

'Now ,' Alice had sighed 'don't go freaking out at me Bella,… but I brought something just a bit special for you at the mall, please promise me that you'll just try it all on before you tell me that you're not going to wear it, Ok?'As Alice passed me the bag containing theunderwear I knew why she had given me the warning.

'Hell Alice… you have got to be kidding me.' I pulled from the bag a set of violet silk underwear, the bra couldn't have been designed to offer support as the silk was a sheer as a cobweb and the whole thing seemed to be held together with criss-crossing silky ribbons…there were no hooks only ties. The tiny panties were in the same style again tied at the side with ribbons.

'Is there something you are trying to tell me with all these ties Alice, is Edward into bondage?' I gasped.

Alice just shrugged her tiny shoulders

'Show me a man that hasn't thought about it and I'll show you a liar.' She beamed.

I have to admit that when I had put both items on I did think they were a great choice considering the eventual goal of the evening, they were sexy but still very feminine and the colour looked lovely against my skin.

'So if this goes under, what have you got for me to wear on the top?' Alice grinned, no it was more than a grin, she actually had an evil smirk on her face and you could almost see her wiggling her eyebrows like some villain from a silent movie.

'Just show me Alice, I know that it won't be something that I'm going to feel comfortable with!' I sighed.

'Some time soon Bella, you are going to learn to trust me,' Alice replied looking hurt 'You know that I love you and Edward, this is for both of you, we all want you to be happy. Do you have any idea what it's like for the rest of us being around you two, the sexual tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife…Jazz is in a constant state of exhaustion trying to keep the vibes you two give off under control-but it doesn't work…even Rosalie has had enough of Emmett's sexual innuendo comments to last an eternity… so suck it up, wear the dress and just get laid already!' Alice was almost squealing as she finished.

'Fine Alice, give me the dress and while you're at it you might as well give me the fuck me heels that you bought to go with it,' I smiled asking for forgiveness with my eyes.

'Yay, that's the Bella I want to see, come here let me help you this is going to look amazing.'

She was right…. When is Alice ever wrong about clothes? The dress was simple and in the same shade of violet as before, it was surprisingly modest covering my shoulders and ending just below mid thigh (I must admit I was expecting Alice to have made me wear a panty grazer this evening, and so I was rather relieved).

It was almost 7pm when Alice announced it was time for her to leave, the sun had almost set on what had been one of the coldest days of the summer so far. Edward, who had been out with his brothers hunting for the day, was due back any minute and Alice had no intention of being at home when he arrived.

'Now breath Bella, everything is ready, you look amazing and Edward is going to go crazy when he sees you.' There it was …Alice's prediction….except this time it didn't come true in the way she expected.

I heard the crunch of tyres on the drive as the yellow Porsche pulled away from the house and then only moments later a second crunching of gravel as Edward's Volvo pulled up outside. My heart took off bounding in my chest, breath..... breath… in… out, come on Bella it's only Edward, you want this, no you need this just hold it together. There was the sound of his footsteps on the stairs, then the soft thud of the door opening and closing.

'Bella,' he called softly 'where are you hiding-I know you're here, I can hear you heart… it sounds…excited?'

Excited, that was an understatement, excited, anxious, nervous, desperate, these were just a few of the adjectives that began to describe how I was feeling. Edward was getting closer; he was following the sound of my traitorous heart.

'It's no good hiding from me,' he mocked gently. Find me….find me 'I'm coming to get you,' Oh if only he would… ' I know where you are.' He stopped outside of his bedroom chuckling. 'Silly Bella, you didn't think that you could hide from me did you?' The door to his room opened silently and Edward stepped in.

I had placed golden candles around the room, they too were scented-summer rain-they were called, Edward had always said I smelt even better in the rain. I had placed my self on the bed lying as seductively as I knew how. My head was resting on my palm supported on my elbow allowing my hair to flow over my shoulders and on to the pillows, my other arm lay against the side of my languishing body as my fingertips gently caressed my thigh. Gazing up at Edward from under my eyelashes my heart wild with anticipation, I saw him take an unnecessary breath and then as if he was a statue, he just stood there in the door way.

Where had the sparkle gone from his perfect eyes that usually gazed at me with love and adoration, where was my crooked grin…. the one he kept seemingly just for me…the one that could melt my heart and where was my hug….I needed to feel his frozen embrace surround me, telling me all is well….where were they all?

'Edward?' nothing not a flicker 'Edward you're scaring me say something please!' He didn't move, not one millimetre, for what seemed like a lifetime and then he was there enveloping me in all the goodness and beauty that was Edward. Strong icy arms held me to him in a velvet grip, our legs intertwining.

'God Bella, I am un done…..his nose brushed as gently as a butterflies wings along my neck, followed by the icy trail of his tongue …up ..up until his lips brushed against mine. This kiss was like snowflakes, ..soft and ice-cold laying gently on the surface of my lips.

'Mmm.. Edward,' I moaned softly, his lips became more desperate 'Mmmm more…. please.' My arms unclasped from around his neck, my hands tracing slowly down his back in ever decreasing circles as our hips began a dance like undulation. Finding their way to the top of his pants my fingers tugged on his soft shirt pulling it out from his jeans and freeing it. Don't you dare stop me Edward Cullen… I'm doing this. My fingers threaded their way under his shirt, feeling the granite musculature of his back, stroking his shoulders then tracing gently round and down towards his abdominal muscles. Oh God….he's perfect…this is that…. Edward… he's touching me. Edward's hands began to move to places they had never been. One slow hand caressed my thigh; the fingers wrapped around and began to snake slowly under my dress. In the pit of my abdomen a strange and unfamiliar tightening began and as his fingers gently brushed the skin just above my panties, the whole area began to flutter. It's so good but I need more, more Edward!

'Edward please.' I begged. His lips closed over mine to silence my pleas, but now thank you God both of his hands were under my dress…..I pulled hard on the fabric of his shirt and felt a button pop then another and another until his chest was exposed. Breaking the kiss I moved a little further down his body trailing tender kisses as I went. The movement of my body downwards had caused my dress to rise above my hips exposing much more of me than he had ever seen before.

Edward suddenly sat up and in one swift movement the dress was pulled swiftly over my head.

'Beautiful….beautiful,' He repeated over and over again as his fingers traced the path taken by his eyes. Slowly, I too sat up pulling the gaping shirt from his shoulders as I wriggled myself closer to him. Reaching up, I entwined my fingers into his hair and pulled gently. 'Love me Edward,' I begged lifting my chin towards him to place a kiss on his lips. I knelt up not taking my lips from his, pushing our bodies closer together. Edward let out a muffled groan as he cupped my ass through my barely there underwear 'Ungh Bella….'he gasped again louder as I wriggled closer still. Hell…I can't believe this is happening, don't mess it up. I let one hand graze down Edwards's body to the front of his pants and dipped one finger into the waistband. You can do this Bella, it's only a button for Gods sake…. Breath and take it real slow.

I could feel his arousal, that couldn't be faked, he wanted this too……..

'I love you Edward,' I gasped, my fingers unhooked the button and I slid my warm fingers down inside his jeans to cup him with my hand.

Just a fraction of a second later Edward's hands were on my shoulders and I was being held in the air, being shaken very gently like a rag doll.

'Jesus Bella, Just what do you think you are doing?' Edward's eyes were blacker than I had ever seen them. He didn't let go or put me down and I dangled there in the shreds of silky underwear that were now such a perfect metaphor for my shredded evening. Tears began to fall from my eyes, tears of anguish for my stupidity, tears of pain from the force of Edwards grip on my shoulders and tears of complete frustration.

'Bella for the love of God why can't what we have be enough?' His eyes were pleading and filled with anguish. 'We've discussed this….I love you Bella…I want you…but there is no way, not now or anytime before your changed that we can do what your asking… please Bella, don't ask again!