Oh lord, it's been a while since I've been addicted to a piece of writing... This was originally supposed to be a one-shot bit of fluff, but thanks to a certain author's girlfriend who wishes to remain anonymous, it has become something like an epic novel... well, compared to the dribble I usually write anyway. ;P

This chapters kind of... um... well... "soft" I suppose compared to the rest. And it's approximately the length of how I originally intended this. Just add an "OMG, I LUV YOU" then they all lived happily ever after with lots of happy magic love sex and cake and that was going to be it. So, for the moment, please bare with me. There WILL be angst. I think. I found it angsty. Reviews will be appreciated, especially genuinely constructive ones! Flames will... well, obviously, they won't be appreciated. So... yeah, please don't flame.

Title from the song "I Touch Myself" by the Divynls... but that didn't seem thoroughly appropriate for a title.

Aaaaaanyway... as should be obvious, all characters in this chapter belong to Capcom (except Edgeworth who's totally my imaginary sexbitch today)

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***

Miles Edgeworth stepped foot off the plane. He'd been travelling for several years, studying international judicial systems. He still had much to learn though, which was why he decided to return home so that he could find someone who always taught him about himself. His arch-rival in the court room and lover in secret, Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix... Miles couldn't shake off the memory of their last goodbye...
"Miles, why didn't you tell me about your plans? Don't I matter to you?"
"Wright, please don't be like this..."
"I'm not..." Phoenix mumbled, turning away and shuffling his feet.
"I couldn't bring myself to talk to you about it..." Miles confessed, fiddling nervously with his cravat, "I knew it would hurt you..."
Phoenix looked back over his shoulder. Miles looked quite hurt.
'You know that I..." Miles started. He moved in closer and nervously whispered into Phoenix's ear "I love you..." Then he stepped back and carried on at normal volume, "But I need to find myself."
Phoenix turned around and stepped right up close to his companion. Miles jumped in shock and looked around desperately, as they were currently in the court entrance lobby.
"Wright!" he hissed.
"You're Miles Edgeworth," he said softly, cupping Mile's face in his hands, "And I love you!"
He pulled him in and kissed him passionately. Initially, Miles tried to fight it but he quickly became enveloped in Phoenix's kissing. They were practically in a bubble.
"Awww, I'm so glad you kids finally got together!" their usual judge commented, walking past. Miles was disturbed for a moment but quickly returned to the bubble.
All too soon, the bubble was burst by a car horn.
"That's my cab, I've got to go," Miles mumbled, dashing out the door.
"When will you be back?" Phoenix shouted from the court steps as Edgeworth stepped into the cab.
'When I know where I am..." he replied, sitting down and closing the door.
As the car started moving, he was certain he could see tears rolling down his lovers cheeks.

Miles' "bachelor pad" was several train journeys away from the airport, so he decided that he'd stay in a hotel for a couple of days until he was suitabley unaffected by jet lag. Fortunately, he happened to know a rather pleasant one, the Gatewater Hotel, nearby. Coincidentally, or most likely not, the hotel happened to be right opposite the office building where Phoenix once held his business. He looked up to see where the "Wright and Co Law agency" office once stood proudly. Now, the window was obscured by loads of junk. The old sign that had once been rested on the window ledge had been defaced with black permanent marker. He couldn't quite make out what it said now.

He stood staring, for quite some time, until he noticed a hobo looking at him. After years of travelling, he was determined to stop being such an upper-class upstart but he still felt a little uneasy, so started walking away quite quickly. "Miles! Miles Edgeworth!" the hobo called.
Oh god, Miles thought, an escaped ex-defendant, hell-bent on revenge.
The hobo started following him. Terrified, Miles started running. The hobo started running too. His heart beating like a hummingbirds, Miles couldn't stop, not until his foot got caught on an abandoned skateboard and fell down on all fours. The hobo bent over him.
Oh god, Miles thought desperately, He's going to rape me!

The "hobo" pulled him up onto two feet.
"That's hardly the way to greet me after all these years!"
Edgeworth looked at the hobo's face.
"Wright?!?!"
"That's right!" Phoenix Wright laughed.
"What... what happened to you?" he gasped, grasping at Phoenix's hair from underneath his "hoboesque" hat.
"Surely you of all people should know," he chuckled darkly.
"What do you mean?" he asked, almost pouting.
"You really don't know?" he asked, with a curious expression that Miles couldn't help finding adorable.
After a slight girlish giggle, he shook his head.
'Well, uh..." he started, "Maybe we should go to my apartment. Nothing funny."
"You have an apartment? I thought..." he replied without thinking. He trailed off once he realised how stupid and ignorant he was starting to sound.

"This is... quite an apartment..." Miles mumbled, wrinkling his nose in disgust. The place was tiny and also a complete and utter mess.
'Yeah, not quite as classy as your old place, or my old place for that matter," Phoenix shrugged, "But it's home. So yeah, take a seat and I'll get you some grape juice."
"Tell me what happened!" he snapped, stopping Phoenix in his tracks.
He sighed. "Give me a minute, I'll see if I can find something." He left the room.

Miles sat down. He could've sworn that the couch was about to give way any second. It hurt him thinking that the man he had loved was living like this. Something dripped on his head from the next floor.
"Here it is," Phoenix called, returning to the room, "I haven't had to look at this thing in ages."
Miles snapped his gaze from the ceiling to his companion.
"Here," Phoenix yawned, handing him a newspaper clipping.

"Phoenix..." Miles gasped, having finished reading the article, "Did you really..."
"Present forged evidence?" Phoenix shrugged casually, "Not knowingly. But yeah... still kinda funny."
"Funny?" he asked meekly.
"You and von Karma both had reputations of regularly tampering with evidence."
Miles felt like he could cry.
"I'm so sorry..." he whispered.
"Uh? Don't worry about it," he laughed, "I think I'm about to make it big with my piano playing!"
"Phoenix... the last time you played the piano for me, it sounded like..." he sighed. He gave up, feeling endlessly guilty. He stood up and reached into his pocket for his wallet.
"What are you doing?"
"Here, take this," he said, holding out a wad of bank notes.
"What's that?"
"It's all the cash I have in my wallet right now. I had Gumshoe take my cases to my flat as him and Maggey live nearby and they've got a car now."
"So I heard. Good for them," he shrugged, "Doesn't answer the question though."
"I feel awful. Please take it, I'll write you a cheque or get more cash out at an ATM later..."
"Edgie, I don't want charity."

Miles started to feel so angry. He could almost feel his blood boil.
"Wright, you will take this money, even if I have to stick my dick in your mouth!!!" he screamed, throwing the money at him.
"Daddy?!?!" someone squeaked from the doorway.
Edgeworth froze.
"Daddy, are you being raped?" the strangely dressed girl asked.
"Trucy! This is Miles Edgeworth!" Phoenix laughed.
"Hi...?" Miles mumbled.
"Oh!" Trucy gasped, "That's okay then, Dad's old sugar daddy!"
"Sugar...?"
"But don't go thinking you can replace me!" she giggled.
"I... who are you?" he asked desperately.
"She's my daughter," Phoenix replied a little to matter-of-factly.
"Daughter?!?!" he spluttered, "You mean you... when... how... why... with a woman?!?!"
"Adopted daughter!" Trucy explained, greatly amused by Miles' reaction. "Don't worry, Daddy's all about the guys!"
"Trucy!" Phoenix laughed, not really shocked by anything she was saying.
"It's true!" she laughed, "Though, he hasn't gotten much lately."
Miles practically choked.
"In fact, there hasn't been anyone since Mr Gavin's brother, has there?" she carried on, "He had lovely hair and I liked his glasses. Criminally insane though. Didn't he get the chair recently, Dad?"
"Trucy, I think that's enough now," Phoenix said in a warning tone.
"I can just imagine that. He was the really loud one, wasn't he?"
"Oh god..." Miles muttered, absolutely mortified.

"Sit back down, Edgie," Phoenix sighed.
Miles practically collapsed onto the couch.
"Trucy, why don't you go to your room?"
"Okay Daddy," she huffed. She picked up some random objects, such as a pack of playing cards and some sellotape then left.
"So... you've been getting your end away then?" Miles asked bitterly.
"Hey baby," Phoenix replied calmly. Miles cringed at the pet name. "You did leave for, like, eight years without any warning. What did you expect me to do? A man has needs!"
"A man has hands," he mumbled.
"Yeah... but are you telling me you didn't bag any booty?" Phoenix asked, blushing slightly, "You were cruising the world! What did you get? A fit Frenchman? A hunky Hungarian? Beefy Brit? Maybe a suck of a German sausage?"
"For fuck's sake, Phoenix! The only dick I held all that time was my own because there's no one in this world I want to fuck but you!!!"

"..."

"..."
"That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard!" Trucy sobbed, standing in the doorway.