Note: I'm not entirely sure about this one, but I had a really crappy day and writing seems to make me feel better (or maybe it's the reviews….). Just a short story on what I think is Castiel's view on humanity.
Summary: Despite the road of blood and gore mankind had paved through history, there was good there too. A certain angel wishes he could have a part of it.
Man was such a curious creature. He, with his silly pursuits and wild dreams, longing to be more than what he was, who would build an empire one day and tear it down to rubble the next. How carelessly he could wage wars over the most trivial of matters, wreaking havoc everywhere he treads, giving and taking life with great ease. That was the way of Man, burning a path through the ages, and leaving a bloody mess in his wake.
Deemed the greatest of all God's creations, Man tried to live up to that name, with various religions and ideals springing up, trying to follow his own interpretations of laws given by a higher force that he did not know, that he couldn't even begin to envision. What was it about Man that God could see so much potential, that he would give so much praise? Man, who declared himself God's child and deciding he should choose who lives and who dies. To protect the innocent and punish the wicked, once the decision of the Almighty, but somehow the choice ending up in the hands of this mortal creature. A being who was a destructive force of nature, now handing out judgment as he saw fit.
Mankind was a savage and brutal race, with a lust for blood that amazed both the heavens and below, slaughtering thousands of their own in a day. Bloodthirsty and arrogant--mankind was no stranger to the Seven Deadly Sins, which left its mark on each and every day of their lives. Death and decay, destruction and corruption--man was fueled by it, driven towards their goal of world domination, a course, that if continued, would lead them into purgatory.
So why did God care so much for these sinful, prideful creatures?
Because there was good there also, coexisting with evil. Man could feel compassion as well as contempt, love as much as hate, and a thousand emotions beside. It was what made him unique above all other creatures. He, with his powerful will to survive, yet self-sacrificing heart.
Castiel could not help but be intrigued by humanity for that very reason. Curiosity was rather something of an anomaly to him, but he felt it nonetheless, especially when he walked among mankind, unbeknownst to them, secretly studying them as he carried out his orders.
None spiked that curiosity more than Dean Winchester, a man whose name was known throughout both Heaven and Hell, a man who'd damned his soul to the Abyss in exchange for his brother's life. It was that act of righteousness that Castiel so admired, but was confused as to why Dean could not see that quality. He didn't understand why Dean insisted he was failing.
Then again, he didn't understand a great many things mankind did.
So he tried to study them, to learn more about what they did and why they did it. He should have picked someone less like his charge to study, though. Dean's reckless actions and low view on life only served to confuse him further. Even the hunter's choice of words left him speculating as to their meaning.
"And what visage are you now? Some holy tax-accountant?"
He would never really grasp that concept of humanity.
Even as he sat now on a park bench, watching the people walk by, he realized he would never really understand. Not Man's brutality, his hunger for power, or his opposing qualities of passion and want for peace. Castiel was an angel, a warrior of God, and he would never know what it was like to be human.
Perhaps his siblings were right. He had grown too close to his charge. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing; at least he didn't view it as such. Others in his garrison said that it was because of his youth (for an angel) that he didn't understand the consequences of his actions. That's where they were wrong; he understood fully well, even if he didn't quite grasp anything else. It was they who didn't understand. His siblings didn't know of the jovial laughter of mortal children ringing in the air and what it signified, or of the numerous aspirations and goals that made each person different from one another. They didn't even try to learn of its significance. But he did. He could at least comprehend that much.
Joy, love, fear, hate--there was so much to humanity, so much that he wanted to learn, to experience first-hand. They had so much to offer him.
Before he'd been sent to retrieve Dean Winchester's soul from perdition, he'd been a good angel, obeying without question, and never having any doubts about his purpose. But now…now he wasn't so sure. He couldn't tell if his fascination was acceptable to his Father or considered a blasphemy. Either way though, he was glad to have been given the opportunity. Dean Winchester might not have helped him further understand why man was so perplexing, but he believed he found the reason behind God's reasoning. They truly were His children, ever growing, and ever learning. They could learn from past mistakes and work to better themselves. God had given them the option to. To survive or fail was their choice alone, and no one else's. Their instincts and their emotions were their only guide. Such is what made them human.
Another feeling rose up inside Castiel.
To want that which he could not have was a great sin indeed.
And to understand that made him break a little inside.
Please review! Reviews will make my day a little less gloomy. :)