A/N: I was having trouble describing the plots in my other stories so I thought of this. It's kind of stupid, really... a little worse than Moonrise and Twins, but worth a try.

Crazy Ideas

Edward POV

How did I get into this?

I looked to my left to see Emmett struggle futilely against Rosalie. He wouldn't hurt her. She had that mischievous gleam in her eye. We all knew that something horrible was about to happen to us.

Next in the line was Jasper. He was free of a captor.

I know what you're thinking. I received direct orders from Alice. If I move… there might only be a pile of ashes left, he thought, predicting my next question.

Do you know what Rose's planning? Emmett asked mentally.

I focused on Rose's thoughts, la-di-da-di-da… Emmett… I tried to tune her out, not wanting to hear her next thought.

I made eye contact with Em, then slowly moved my eyes from left to right, a crude way of shaking my head.

Alice was coming back, I tried to figure out what her plan was, shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes, Jasper! She was a master at hiding her true thoughts from me.

There was definitely something to fear right now. Although, I wasn't sure what.

In that moment, I thought of a perfect Shakespeare quote. One that fit Alice, or what she was currently planning. "A little more than kin, a little less than kind." Perfect.

Alice's tiny body slipped gracefully through the doorway.

"What are you planning?" I asked bluntly.

Nothing that will endanger Bella. Trust me, she'll find this… fun. I wasn't completely sure that I wanted to know what Alice meant by fun.

I finally noticed three rectangular boxes, balanced in one of her hands.

I have a bad feeling about this. Japer was very worried.

I felt the urge to bolt out of my seat, but Bella's strong arms held me in place. Her limbs enforced with the strength of a newborn vampire.

"Okay, boys," Alice's voice sounded like what you'd expect a Russian Mafia leader to sound like before torturing and unsuspecting captive.

Then it hit me. Alice had told me she was bored. I didn't think anything of it before.

It was unusual for me to swear about things related to… anything, really. But, oh shit!

Bella POV

I didn't know what Alice was planning. "No — physical — harm will come to Edward," Alice had assured me, "plus, you'll get a kick out of it!" Normally, believing Alice, was a good thing, but, right now, I wasn't so sure.

The door creaked open, causing me to jump, almost releasing my, temporary, captive.

Jake walked in, followed by my adorable daughter, Renesmee.

"Oh crap," he said once he saw all of the detained Cullen men.

Renesmee pulled on Jake's hand, he bent down to see what she wanted. A moment later he walked towards the only unoccupied chair.

"Okay, boys," Alice had a Cheshire cat smirk on her face. "We all know how much I love stilettos. So, I figured that I would conduct a little experiment." I didn't exactly love where this conversation was going.

Alice giggled. A moment of dramatic pause, "I got all of us some new heels!"

There was an eerie silence. Renesmee, Rose, and Alice all looked amused. I was astonished, and a little amused. This was payback for all of the things that Edward had bought for me against my will.

It was a good thing that Carlisle and Esme were on their anniversary trip. At least Carlisle was saved from the humiliation that the rest of the Cullen guys were about to suffer.

All of the males in the room had found a sudden interest in their current shoes.

"Wait. Heels? As in high-heeled-shoes?! On us, guys?!" Emmett asked fearfully. This was the first time, ever, that I heard genuine fear in his voice. He quickly calmed down, "and you expect to get them on me how?"

"Trust me," Alice said mischievously, "I have a few aces up my sleeve, Rosalie?"

Rose nodded, "Em…" she said seductively, "please? We just want you to try them on… for a few hours. Please?" she breathed the last word in his ear.

"Yeah, sure," Emmett said. He had undoubtedly forgotten what he was agreeing to.

"Okay," Alice turned to Jasper, "Jazz? Please? It'll be great fun!"

"Um…" after a moments hesitation he nodded, unable to say no to Alice.

She turned to Renesmee.

"Ness?" Ugh. It was Renesmee!

Renesmee replied with a nod. I assumed that Jake would agree if he was asked.

Edward and I were her next target. "Bella?" I giggled; this would be fun to watch.

"Edward, please? It sounds… interesting," I asked as if I were asking for a ride home.

It was unfair to him. He told me a million times that there was no way that he could say no to me, unless saying yes put me in danger.

"Of course, love," he said. Anyone who knew him less well would have missed the hint of uneasiness in his voice, but I caught it.

"Revenge," I whispered playfully, so only he could hear.

"Yay!" Alice squealed, "okay… so," she opened the first box, "yellow for Jazz." She tossed him the pair of… well, huge yellow stilettos. He caught them without trouble, but looked like he was about die of embarrassment when he saw how girlie they were.

"Emmett, you get red," Alice gave him his pair.

Emmett moaned the moment he touched them. They were a gigantic version of the shoes that Rose had worn a few days ago.

"Jacob," she said as she handed him his box, "Ness' favorite color is pink."

Jake looked like he was enduring physical pain when he saw the huge, bright pink shoes.

"And lastly, for Eddie," she used a pet name that I had never heard before, "blue."

Edward didn't make a sound when he was handed the enlarged women's shoes.

"Alice," Emmett started cautiously, "who or what planted this idea in you head?"

"Hm… not sure really. It just seemed like a good idea. I'm sure we'll all get a kick out of it."

"Wait," she sounded annoyed, "I can't put great shoes on you without proper clothes to match!"

The shock was evident on all of their faces. Edward quickly recovered. He started laughing quietly.

Alice's choice of shoe for Edward was blue, much better — for a guy — than Jasper's yellow or Emmett's red. Or worse, Jake's hot pink.

Edward POV

Edward, kill me. Emmett thought.

Oh shit! It was out of character for Jasper to swear, even in his thoughts. I doubt Alice is going to give us some brightly colored t-shirts.

I had never thought about that. But I had a trick up my sleeve. How cliché.

Bribery. After all, I was the one who bought her Porsche two years ago.

"Hm…" Should I go with skinny jeans and a tank top… or a dress for Emmett?

"He'd find a way to commit suicide if you put him in a dress. Rose wouldn't be too happy," I answered her question aloud.

What was that about? Emmett asked.

"You don't want to know." He took the hint.

Seth will never let me forget this… Jake kept repeating to himself.

Time to bargain. "Alice, you do remember who it is who purchased your Porsche? Don't you?" I said with my best poker face.

Yes… fine. You get normal jeans and a blue tank. Don't worry; it's a guy's tank. But you owe me.

"Thank you." I still hadn't gotten revenge for the pudding incident last month. Emmett deserved every second of torture he was about to face. He was going to pay for humiliating my Bella like that.

I chuckled again.

"What's so funny?" the love of my — life didn't fit… existence whispered in my ear.

"Alice is contemplating putting Emmett in a dress." Emmett obviously heard this, it was meant for him to hear. He stiffened. Rose laughed.

"The pudding incident?" she figured it out.

I nodded.

"I have been grudgingly spared by Alice. Porsches make great bargaining chips."

Bella giggled then pouted slightly, "so… you're not wearing something absurd today?"

"Nope."

"Darn. I wanted revenge for the Ferrari."

"Revenge?" It escaped me how she could find me giving her a car a bad thing.

"I love it but…" you spoil me too much. She had pushed her shield away and finished the answer in her mind.

"I'm sorry, Miss Cullen. I thought that pampering you was a good thing."

"It is… but you don't need to spend any money on me to pamper me."

"That wont stop me," I pointed out.

"Good point."

Hmm… if I can't make you guys wear something… cute, than what can I do… a moment of brainstorming, mostly, ridiculous ideas. Then she thought of something that could be done. On the verge of impossible, but could be done… with the right amount of persuasion, that is.

The next few hours were definitely going to be a living hell.

A/N: Please review! I need to know if it's worth continuing!