1.

Shit shit shit! Got to get out of here right now!

2.

Wait, there's no way it could be mine. We did it like a year ago.

3.

Then who the hell is the father?

4.

Man, she looked freaked. I shouldn't have bolted like that. She's gonna think I'm a jackass.

5.

Seriously, though. Who do I have to punch in the face?

6.

Is she sure? Has she gone to see a doctor yet? What is she gonna do about this?

7.

If it's Ted, I swear to God, I'm going to kill him!

8.

She doesn't want kids. She never has. This could really ruin her career. And she was just starting to get some recognition, too…

9.

Dammit, I wish it was mine.

10.

Whoa, whoa! Whoa! No! I just meant…! I don't want it to be some random dude's… I mean, then I could help her with whatever she wants to… No. No way.

11.

…A Scherbatsky-Stinson spawn would have, like, the awesomest DNA on the planet, though.

12.

I could be a pretty good dad. I mean, I'm no game show host, but at least I'd stick around.

13.

Damn, I need a drink.

14.

I should probably go back in there and talk to her.

15.

Fuck.