A/N: Okay, so this is my second fanfic : )
I had this idea rolling around in my head for a while. And I'm excited to finally get it out there. It's a little different from my other one, if any of you have read that one. But I like it all the same. Totally different character traits than LFK.
I decided to write a bit of a better synopsis here, because the small amount of space they give you is retarded...
Edward and Bella are on-again off-again. Alice and Jasper are step-siblings who want to be more. Rosalie is a new student from France. Emmett is...Emmett. Drama ensues as they struggle through their senior year. Edward and Bella encounter even more problems in their already unstable relationship, causing a bigger rift between them. Will their relationship survive? And what is Edward's secret that he is unable to confess to the love of his life? Better yet, what will happen to make Edward realize he doesn't have all the time in the world?
Hope you enjoy!
"Not a million fights could make me hate you, you're invincible,
yeah, it's true; it's in your eyes where I find peace"
I thundered towards the school after slamming the door to the Jeep shut with an inhuman amount of force. My book bag was slung over my shoulder, my unused notebooks and abundance of pens were rolling around inside as I tried not to run out of the parking lot. I knew he would be here soon, and I didn't want to see him right now, or ever again. Pfft, yeah right. I took the steps two at a time that led up to the double doors that allowed me entrance to the school. I swiftly manoeuvred through the crowd, thankful that my coordinated self was alert today. I made my way to the main office; I had lost my dear schedule and couldn't recall a thing I had chosen to take this year. Just before I reached the doors that would cloak my whereabouts in darkness I heard someone call my name. It wasn't the smooth, velvety voice that I feared, which calmed me instantly. I turned around because I knew exactly who it was...I hadn't left his car very graciously.
"Coop, slow down," Emmett said to me, feigning breathlessness. He was the star runner of the Forks High track team three years in a row; like he could ever get out of breath. I rolled my eyes at him.
"Yeah Atwood, like you would ever need to take a breather. Give me a break," I told him, giving him his O.C nickname. I became literally obsessed with The O.C a few years back, watching the show religiously. Soon after a lot of shit went down in my life and Emmett nicknamed me Marissa Cooper's nickname Coop – because my life was possibly more dramatic than hers had ever been...okay maybe not. But it was close. Maybe my life was more like the Hill's because it was real life drama. I nicknamed him Atwood because in all honesty he did remind me of the Ryan Atwood character – throw punches now, ask questions later. Most times I praised him for being like that, he protected me when I needed it; he was my best friend. But there are just some things that he can't protect me from...him being one of them.
"Okay I give," Emmett said throwing his bear-claw sized hands up in defeat. "Just stop running away. You need to chill." I took a deep breath in, the school was steadily beginning to fill up with the hundreds of students that were returning to Fork's High yet again...for another year of drama. Why was my life so...not shitty...yeah shitty. I can't think of a better word to describe it. Not that I hated my life or myself. I'm not suicidal or anything. Sometimes though life just hurls shit your way that you can't control and that ends up hurting you more ways than you can count. And right now my fucking stupid heart was broken. But I hadn't cried yet, and it had been a week.
"Emmett I can't chill. I don't want to even look at him," I told him, hugging my sides to me. After everything that had happened I was now officially broken. Nothing could break me anymore than this had, and it sucked. Being my best friend Emmett knew that I wasn't okay, and he tried to help me as much as he could.
"Want me to kick his ass?" Emmett asked, joking around. I knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't lay a finger on him, no matter how much he had hurt me.
"You Atwood...hurt Cohen? I'd love to see that day. You'd never lay a hand on him. You're all talk Emmett," I said, quirking an eyebrow.
"Bitch," Emmett said. I laughed.
"Jerk," I replied. "You know I'm right." But then I froze. I saw him. He came strolling down the hall, wearing his stupid signature brown jacket that looked so good on him. I cursed myself inside my head. I darted into the office without another glance at him, Emmett remained outside. Upon my entrance several things happened at once. Chaos consumed the office. There were easily ten or eleven people crammed into the awfully small space. The secretaries were clearly flustered, speaking loudly and running behind their desks to fetch whatever it is they needed. I noticed at the front of the line there was a tall blond girl that I had never seen before – she must be new. After the girl was done talking the secretary stood up and looked around the office, she looked like she was about to give up her search for whoever it was she was looking for when she found me.
"Bella!" She called, motioning me to go to her. I pushed some people out of my way and made it up to Mrs. Cope's desk. She was my favourite person at Fork's High, she was such a sweetheart, and she was friends with my mom.
"Hey Sandy," I said. Her name was Sandra, but I always called her Sandy. I'd known her since I was five.
"Would you mind at all helping Miss Hale around today. She's new. She just moved here from France a few months ago." Sandy smiled at me, a pleasant, jovial smile. Like she usually did. Her black-rimmed glasses that were pushed up high on her nose made the glare from the light shine in my eyes. I nodded.
"Sure," I told her. "Oh I lost my schedule," I added sheepishly. She rolled her eyes at me and reached under some papers and produced me a new schedule. I thanked her and turned to the blond girl. My jaw nearly unhinged – she was gorgeous. I suppose with that European beauty and all.
"Hey. I'm Bella," I told her, holding my hand out. The girl smiled at me and it just made her more beautiful. Holy shit. I felt so small and ugly compared to her Xena like stature and her model like features.
"I'm Rosalie," she told me in a mild French accent. It added to her charm. I smiled back at her and released her hand.
"So what do you have first?" I asked, noting the large stack of papers Rosalie had in her hands. She flipped through them and pulled out a schedule, looking at it with furrowed brows. I laughed.
"Um," she said, looking at the schedule now like she was reading Japanese. I took the schedule from her and read that her first period was History.
"You have History," I told her. "With Mr. Sienna." She looked at me like I had three heads. "You know what I'm saying right?" I asked, hoping to god she spoke well enough English.
"I'm sorry. I'm...how you say, nervous?" She asked, her accent flaring up at the word nervous. I smiled warmly at her. She was scared to be at a new school. I'm sure guys would be lined up by the end of the day wanting her phone number; she didn't need to be nervous.
"Don't be," I told her. She smiled back and took the schedule from me.
"You'll help me?" She asked, furrowing her perfectly sculpted brows at me again, hoping my answer would be a yes. I nodded.
"Of course I will." I led her out of the office and completely forgot about everything that had happened before I left the hall. He wasn't there thankfully, and Emmett still remained. Oh how he would be all over Rosalie. I turned to Emmett when Rosalie and I were out of the office and Emmett didn't even see me. He looked straight past me and into the face of the drop dead gorgeous French girl standing over my left shoulder. He elbowed me out of the way and stuck his large arm out in front of him. He was such a complete moron sometimes.
"I'm Emmett," he said, shaking Rosalie's hand with both of his hands. He had her small hand in his and had his other hand on the other side, trapping her. Rosalie blushed a deep scarlet, colouring her face perfectly, and she replied timidly.
"I'm Rosalie," she said, her French accent subdued slightly. Emmett's eyes widened. I stood before them, trying so hard not to laugh. Emmett was entranced.
"Where are you from?" Emmett asked, not letting her hand go. Oh Emmett you tool.
"France," Rosalie replied, her flashing green eyes staring into Emmett's. Emmett was staring at her like a complete moron. Breathe Emmett; come on you can do it.
"I'm going to class. Rosalie are you coming?" I asked loathing the love-at-first-sight exchange these two were having. It made me want to barf.
"Oh yes," she said, trying to let go of Emmett's hand. He wouldn't have this.
"What do you have?" Emmett asked, hope leaking into his voice like there was no tomorrow. He probably did have History with her because he did take it after all. Rosalie handed him her schedule and Emmett shouted a loud 'yes' and gave it back to her. "Okay sweetheart. You can come with me."
Rosalie looked at me, giving me a should-I-follow-this-weird-dude type of look. I waved my hand at her, telling her to go with Emmett and she smiled at me. Emmett took her hand and held it as they walked down the hall, to their History class. Emmett was a complete womanizer, just waiting to find his next victim. He had already fucked the whole female population of Forks so the prospect of a new student, and a European for that matter, was probably all too inviting for Emmett. I turned around and headed in the other direction, to my AP English class. I was too smart for my own fucking good. It's not like I really wanted to go to college or anything. But Sandy had insisted that taking AP classes were good for me anyways, in case I ever changed my mind...which was doubtful. With a resounding sigh I entered the classroom, to see a teacher behind the desk that I had never seen before. Written on the board behind her was a name that read Mrs. Bright. She was a slender woman with soft facial features; she was fairly pretty. Her light orange hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and she was making some notes down on a piece of paper. I made my way to the back of the class and took a seat against the wall. I rummaged through my bag and pulled out a pen and a clean, fresh notebook. When I came back up someone was sitting beside me; great.
"Hey Bella," a low but boyish voice said. Mike, my mind warned.
"Hey Mike," I said, knowing what the fuck he came over here for. You fucking prick.
"So, I uh...heard," he said. I looked at him with hard eyes and a tight jaw. "Is it true?" He asked, trying on that smouldering look. It didn't fit him.
"Yes," I said through heavily clenched teeth. Mike smiled at me.
"Can we hang out after school?"
"I'm single for a week and you're already hitting on me. Get another fixation you low life," I said to him, turning to face the front of the class in disgust.
"Well I would have been hitting on you sooner had I been able to find you," he said, leaning into me. His hand brushed my long, chestnut brown hair off my shoulder and let it hang down my back. I recoiled from his touch but hit the wall. Why the fuck did I choose to sit here? Mike moved with me and he brushed his nose against my cheek. His hand trailed down my side and rested against the side of my hip, my skirt had rode up when I sat down and he was close to the skin of my thigh.
"Fuck off," I said, pushing against his side. He gave me a dark chuckle and shook his head.
"Come on Bella. It's been a few years. I miss you," he told me, planting a soft kiss on my cheek. I elbowed him away from me; I needed his disgusting hands off of me. I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those.
"I don't miss you, screw off," I said, sneering every word. He really had to stop hitting on me. It had gotten his ass kicked numerous times but he still persisted like the dumb shit he was.
"Aw, don't be like that Bella," Mike said, playing with the ends of my hair. I pushed his hand away and dreaded my life right now. Here we go. The day hasn't even started yet and I'm already feeling the drama of this year weighing heavily on my too small shoulders.
"God. Just leave me alone," I told him, standing up. I took my book bag, my notebook and my pen with me and left him there. I found another empty seat next to Lauren and took that. She glared at me as I sat down. Why did every girl in this school hate my guts with a fiery passion? Hmm...I don't know. Maybe because you've been on-again-off-again with the hottest guy at the school for the past two years, and you're best friends with the second hottest guy. Could be.
I was glad that this was the point that the final bell rang and the teacher was finally able to begin her lesson. She seemed really nice, explaining the course outline in full detail, telling us how many books we were to waste our time reading. They all seemed fairly easy. I paid next to no attention to her by the end of class. I was too focussed on trying to avoid him for the rest of the day. Which was probably going to be impossible? He had broke my heart...again...for the third time in two years. He was a fucking asshole.
"Care to move?" Lauren asked quite rudely, standing next to me with a hand on her hip. I pulled my chair in to allow her to pass and she hit me on the head with her book bag while passing me.
"Bitch," I muttered under my breath. I knew she heard it but she didn't respond. She didn't have the guts to respond...she knew what was good for her and fighting with me wasn't it. I stood up after packing my things away and headed to my next class – Biology. As I stood out front of the door I realized with a sudden ferocity that he probably had this class too. I had taken my time getting here so it was probably already full. I swung the door opened and my suspicions had been right. The class was full, with the exception of one lone open seat...next to...guess who? Who else would it fucking be? I grudgingly made my way over to him, slinging my bag down on the floor. He shifted his whole body towards me and stared at me. I hadn't seen him in a week, despite him trying to break down my bedroom door. I looked forward, like I didn't notice him piercing my soul with his entrancing gaze. He became irritated after a minute and grabbed my bare left knee. He roughly spun me...my whole body shifted towards him in a fraction of a second and he broke my heart all over again. Why was he so good looking? It wasn't fair.
"Hi." Was his grand opening.
"Wow. Don't overdo yourself," I said venomously, trying to keep my coherency. His hard, deep, vibrant, familiar green eyes studied my face.
"I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me," he said, his gorgeous lips pouting with every word. His tongue ran over his lips after he was done and he was making it so hard for me to hate him right now.
"I don't want to talk to you," I said, feeling my emotions creeping up into every word I spoke. I could feel myself losing it and I tried to keep my emotions in check. I hadn't cried yet, and I wasn't about to do it now, especially in front of him.
"But you are," he pointed out. Way to point out the obvious you asshole. I didn't disregard the fact that his hand was still grasping my knee tightly either.
"Only because you wouldn't let me ignore you like I had been," I said to him, trying my best to sound together. His bright eyes dulled ever so slightly and I took notice. He wasn't usually one to give up once he was in pursuit of something. He knew I was mad at him. I wanted to hate him...so bad; I knew it would never happen. No matter how much I had tried to hate him in the past I couldn't...I loved him. Like the stupid, naive girl that I was.
"Please stop ignoring me. I really think we should just talk," he said, softening his voice. It was velvety smooth, and I would recognize his voice even if I was dead. But wow...after everything, now he wants to talk...how ridiculous. I could feel myself dangerously close to crying...it was something about being with him again that was making me want to bawl like a baby. He took his hand off my knee and moved it to my face, caressing my cheek. My skin jumped at the mild electric current that always flowed through us when we had skin to skin contact. I began to tremble.
"Edward stop," I said, taking his hand away. My voice was quiet and almost shaky. He wouldn't make me cry...not here. When I peeled his last finger off my cheek he wouldn't let go of my hand.
"Would you believe me if I told you I was sorry?" He asked, squeezing my hand gently. He had said that word too many times for me to believe it anymore. He said that word as frequently as he said his fucking name. I studied his face, searching for something that told me he was genuinely sorry. Of course I found it...it was there. He was sorry. But it didn't mean that he wouldn't fuck up again like he always did.
"Would you believe you?" He contemplated my question. Take that you prick. See how you would feel in my shoes. I'm the one who has had to deal with his shit for the past two years. The lying, the fuck-ups, the disappearances, the fights...the cheating...all of it. And he had the nerve to ask me if I still trusted him.
"Yes. Only because I know how sorry I am," he said, his captivating eyes staring me down. He would make me believe him. He knew how to make me weak in the knees.
Before I could say anything Mr. Banner started the class, warranting our full attention. I pulled my hand out of Edward's and grabbed my stuff from my bag. I was glad for the distraction...I needed to gather my thoughts. Figure out a way to handle all this shit that he was putting me through. I still remember that night...fucking a week and a half ago...
Edward and I climbed the stairs to Alice and Jasper's monster of a house in the middle of fucking nowhere. It was literally monstrous, but deeply secluded within the confines of the Forks forest. The cops never showed up here when Alice and Jasper threw their ceremonious end of summer bash – it was too out of the way for them to care. When we reached the last step I could hear the loud, booming music through the door and smiled. I loved this party every year...well the two before this one had been pretty much amazing. Edward pushed the door open and the blaring music hit me like a brick wall, deafening me instantly. He smiled his perfect, crooked smile at me and pulled me inside, keeping his arm securely around my waist. He was so possessive of me...it was like he owned me or something. He had always been this way, and there was no way he was changing anytime soon – I lived with it. Sometimes it made me feel special because it reminded me of how much he loved me.
"Bella!" I heard Jasper call over the music. I scanned the crowd and saw him standing near the base of the staircase, Alice close by his side. The both of them made me want to laugh...and barf...all at the same time. This house that they lived in was Alice's moms and Jasper's dads...together. They had been step-siblings for almost six years and had – within the last month and a half – realized they were more than attracted to each other. Alice had told me how they had made out on several occasions and were thinking about finally sleeping together. How lovely. Step siblings screwing each other. I mean...I guess they weren't related, but their parents were married. It always sent a shiver through me. But I was really close to both of them and loved them, they were like the brother and sister I never had – and I could tell that they weren't just all of a sudden doing this for fun. They both knew each other better than I knew each of them, so they both knew that they wanted each other.
"Hey Jazz," I said, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. I always did this. And like always, Edward pulled me away. Protective, sexy son of a bitch. Jasper was a close friend, and someone I never considered to be anything more with. I looked beside me and gave Edward that look he knew. His hard eyes stared at me with a raging passion. I knew he didn't like it when I kissed Jasper or Emmett on the cheek; it drove him mad.
"Hey Alice," I said, turning my attention now to her. She smiled a little, and narrowed her eyes at me. As of late Alice hadn't been taking too kind to my exchanges with Jasper either.
"Hey Bella," she replied in a chipper voice. "Hey Edward."
Edward pulled me closer and nodded his head at Alice. That was about the time Emmett came up from god knows where and practically jumped on Edward.
"Eddddwarrrdd!" Emmett yelled. Oh god, was he drunk already? It wasn't even eleven yet. Emmett and Edward were – I swear to god – separated at birth. They were cousins...but I swear they could have been twins. When Edward moved here in eighth grade to live with Emmett we all became very close friends. I already was close with Emmett. So Edward and I were always close friends, but then in the summer of freshman year something just...I don't know...clicked inside of me and I was attracted to Edward on a level other than friendship. And he felt the same way. And our relationship was more fucked up than I can even begin to explain, but I loved him. And when he wasn't doing something completely juvenile and heartbreaking he actually seemed to love me back. But so far he had broken my heart twice...and I still ran back into his arms like the idiot I am.
"Emmett man you weigh a ton," Edward said, shaking Emmett off his back. Emmett hiccupped and laughed – god he was so drunk. Emmett kept laughing when nothing was even funny and began ranting about some chick whose tongue he had in his mouth all of about five minutes ago. With which I had responded 'Sure, sure, Emmett'. He always boasted about his accomplishments...he was such a moron.
The next I remember Edward had got us both a drink and we were contentedly sitting against the back of the couch, Edward was taking in everything before him, frequently refilling his drink. I wanted to know why in the hell he was drinking so much. Sure we partied often but he never got completely hammered. I decided to push my luck and ask him. Lately he had been a short fuse and I didn't know why. He was curt with me a lot of the time and he never really talked about his feelings much; most of the time it drove me mad. In this case it drove me to drink.
"Are you okay?" I asked, finishing off my rum and coke? I think that's what it was.
"I'll get you another one," Edward said, clearly avoiding my question. He was pissing me off. He returned not a minute later with both our cups refilled. He was stumbling slightly on his way back. I tried to suppress my worry.
"Can you please answer my question?" I asked, pressing the matter. He never talked to me.
"Can you just drop it? I don't want to talk about it," he said coldly. He no longer even emitted anything that resembled happiness. His mood swings shifted like the wind blew.
"Edward you never want to talk about anything! I don't even feel like your girlfriend half the time. Except maybe when you snatch me away from Jasper like the possessive bastard you are!" I yelled in his face. His tight jaw was clenched and his eyes were hard...but sexy. I bit my lip, trying not to jump him right now. Yelling and screaming at each other always made us hot. He took my drink from my hand and set it down on the table. He came to stand in front of me and picked me up, setting my ass down on the back of the couch; now I was more level with him. He grabbed my face in between his hands and pressed his delicious lips on mine. You bastard. He was avoiding me again by not talking. And he knew that using his body would get me to shut the fuck up. He parted his lips and forced his tongue inside my mouth. I brushed my tongue against his, relishing in the left over rum and coke taste that his tongue had. He released me after a minute and left me there...panting. I hated when he did that! He passed me back my drink and continued to be silent.
"I still want you to talk to me," I said sadly, knowing he still wouldn't talk. He huffed loudly, annoyed with my persistence.
"Bella just...please. Leave it the fuck alone. I don't want to talk." He made me so upset I wanted to cry. This wasn't the way a normal relationship was meant to function. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this shit.
"Edward..." I said, trying to find the words to tell him that this relationship was a dysfunctional wreck. "I can't keep doing this. You never talk to me. You never let me know when something's bothering you. And it's driving me crazy." His shoulders tensed and he stared straight ahead, polishing off the last bit of his seventh rum and coke. "And why are you drinking so much."
"None of your business," he spat, venturing off to get another. Like hell it wasn't my business? He was my boyfriend. When he returned he was colder now, if it was possible. My heart was breaking and my insides were twisting. This relationship was killing me...if I could even call it a relationship anymore.
"How is what you're going through none of my business?" I asked, feeling my alcohol glazed eyes sting with tears.
"It just isn't Bella. I need to...I don't know. Figure shit out on my own."
Great so now he's breaking up with me...yet again.
"You know Edward...this time it'll be for good. Figure shit out on your own for the rest of your life. I can't deal with this non-relationship anymore," I said, walking away. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I hurried up the stairs. The half a cup of rum and coke was sloshing around, covering the steps as I reached the top. He always managed to hurt me, even if he did nothing. He never talked to me anymore and he always acted indifferent to me and my feelings – except when we were alone. When Edward and I were intimate and secluded from everyone else he was a completely different person. He was sweet and kind and caring. But in front of everyone else he had this stubborn, hard, bad-boy exterior that made him almost unapproachable and down right sexy. I darted into Alice's bedroom, flicking on the light and dropping lifelessly onto her bed. I couldn't believe I was here again...broken up with Edward because he was a fool. I wiped the few stupid tears that had fallen from my eyes and let a tearless sob erupt from my chest.
"Bella!" I heard Edward yell angrily. I cringed into the blanket. I did love him and he was a sweetheart sometimes, but when he got angry and drunk...he scared me. I was afraid one time that he was going to hit me, but he never had.
"Bella!" I heard again, his voice was closer. He swung the door open to Alice's bedroom and stood in its frame; his frantic green eyes glazed over in his intoxication – he was close to being drunk. "What the hell was that?" He asked, taking three strides into the room, coming to a stop at the edge of the bed. I scurried backwards but he grabbed my ankle, stopping my movements. "Downstairs. What was that?"
"You said you needed to figure stuff out on your own. So you're on your own. I won't drag you down any longer," I said in a small voice, keeping my eyes on his crazed ones. He narrowed his eyes at me.
"I didn't mean that I was breaking up with you. I need you," he said, pulling my ankle to him. His movements were rough and jagged; I could feel my ankle bruising. I bit my lip to stop from whimpering – he was hurting me. "I need you Bella," he repeated. His eyes were full of emotions I had never seen before, and they were scaring me.
"Edward I can't do this. You don't want me exactly. You just need someone. I can't be that someone anymore. You've hurt me too much." He knotted both of his hands in his hair and he closed his eyes, shaking his head from side to side.
"No!" He yelled loudly, making me jump. He opened his eyes and lunged at me. I laid flat down on the bed and he hovered above me, his hands pressing down hard on my shoulders; I couldn't move an inch. "I need you Bella. You are mine. And I'm not letting you go this time." His palms were digging into my collarbone now, pinching my skin and most likely bruising it as well. I squirmed beneath him.
"Ow. Edward...you're hurting me," I said, grasping at his forearm. He pulled back a tiny bit, only to push down on me so much harder. His fingertips dug ferociously into the tops of my shoulders. I couldn't help it; I let out a cry of pain, clenching my eyes shut. "Edward..." I said, trying to pry his hands away.
"Bella you can't do this to me." His tone was commanding, like he was giving me an order, not begging me to do something. He pushed down on my shoulders further. The pain increased and my shoulders were throbbing.
"Okay," I finally agreed. He was hurting me too much for me to say anything else. "Okay. Edward you win. I won't leave you," I said to him, opening my eyes. His inebriated gaze met mine and I convinced him with my pleading stare that I was being serious. His grip on me loosened and he pulled me up, crushing me into a hug.
"I love you. You know that right? I love you Bella," he said, rocking me back and forth. I knew that he loved me...but a lot of the time he didn't even act like it, and it made me want to die inside.
"You have an odd way of showing it," I said, pulling away from him a little bit. His lips were a thin, tight line and he didn't respond, like always. He kept me in this hug for another moment before he released me and took my hand, towing me out of the room. I suddenly realized that now I was still trapped in this joke of a relationship, madly in love with him when he wasn't madly in love with me back. He dragged me back downstairs and I knew that people took notice that we went temporarily missing. Jasper gave me a weary look and I bit my lip in response, trying not to cry from how messed up my life was right now. Edward handed me another drink and kissed me roughly on the lips.
"I'll see you in a bit I'm going to go...mingle." He took off without another word and I knew what 'mingle' meant. It meant 'I'm going to go get high'. Great. I dragged myself over to Jasper who was standing near the bar with Alice. I sat down on one of the six barstools they had and slammed my head down on the table top.
"Bella. Why don't you just leave him?" Alice asked me, taking up a seat next to me. I willed myself not to cry.
"Because I love him. And he won't let me anyways," I said, pulling the collar of my navy blue crew neck to the side, revealing my darkened skin. It was red and irritated right now, but I knew it would bruise later. Alice gasped, and Jasper choked on his drink.
"He did that to you?" Alice asked, her shocked fingers tracing a line over where Edward had forcibly dug his hands into my flesh. I nodded and let the fabric fall back into place.
"Where is he?" Jasper asked, his grey-blue eyes hardening. Jasper and Edward were about the same height and of the same build, but Edward was crazy, and Jasper would get ripped apart.
"Getting high," I said sadly. I hated that he still did that while I constantly asked him not to. "Jasper please just leave it alone."
"Bella you can't keep doing this! He is making you miserable! He doesn't deserve you," Jasper told me in a tone riddled in disbelief. "I can't believe you." He shook his head at me. I let Jasper's comments sink in and knew he was right. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I needed to break it off with him or force him to change...which would never happen.
"You're right," I whispered, lifting my head. I needed my confidence now if I was going to do this. "Can I have a shot?" Jasper reached beneath the surface of the bar and produced a bottle of vodka. He poured me a double shot of it and I sucked it back, welcoming the deep burn. I thanked him and headed for the door, determined to provide Edward with this ultimatum. I opened the door and searched the driveway for him. He wasn't there. He usually didn't get high alone, so he was probably with someone. I looked to my right, and walked over to the edge of the railing that surrounded the wide porch. I peered over and he wasn't there either. I turned back around, and looked to the left.
In the complete darkness, sitting on the antique porch swing to the left of the doorway was Edward, and Jessica Stanley. They didn't notice me at first, but I watched them intently, not moving an inch to even breathe. He took a hit and passed his joint to her. He watched her, almost like he was hypnotized as she followed his movements. I couldn't hear if they were talking because the music was too loud, but I could see everything. Jessica's free hand rested on Edward's knee and he didn't even have it in him to push it away. He rubbed his hand along her shoulder affectionately, and I wanted to die. Jessica kept the joint between her fingers and moved her other hand up on Edward's thigh, resting it right by his crotch. The fucking bitch. I still didn't move. I wanted to see what he would do. Jessica turned her head in the direction of Edward's face and leant up to him with certainty. She placed her lips on his for a brief moment before pulling away. She looked at him and he gazed back at her. He didn't look at her with any emotion in his eyes. He looked void of emotion at all. I felt my insides twisting like crazy; bile rising in my throat.
He grabbed her face and kissed her.
He actually kissed her.
Not just some plain, chaste kiss. A full out tongues and panting kiss. I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes, willing this all to be a dream. Sure Edward had been a jerk in the past, but never had he cheated on me. I opened my eyes to find the same scene in front of me, and it made me sick.
"Bella," Edward's voice said to me, snapping me out of my memory of that horrible night. I glanced sideways at him and tried to pay no attention to him. I noticed that the class was filing out and I had completely tuned out the last ten minutes of the lesson. I collected my things and went for my book bag; Edward was faster than me and snatched it away from me.
"Give it back," I said, feeling the heat of my anger creeping up on my cheeks.
"Not until you let me apologize," he said, holding the bag to his chest.
"You're apologies are no good. Why are you all of a sudden inclined to talk to me now? After everything's already fucked to hell." I turned in my seat now, staring at him with wondering eyes. He was so odd and frustrating.
"Please," he said, his eyes looked sincere. I had lunch now anyways. I may as well humour him.
"Fine. You get ten minutes." I grumbled at my crumbling exterior. He always was the one to penetrate my shields and right now I hated it. He put everything in my bag and took my hand, towing me out of the room. He pulled me outside and dragged me to the side of the building, pushing me roughly against the brick wall.
"Get your hands off of me," I told him, shoving his abusive hands off my shoulders, which were still slightly bruised. He looked at me with confusion. I unzipped my light jacket a little bit and pulled aside my T-shirt, exposing the purple skin underneath near my collarbone. Edward's jaw flexed as he stared at my skin with anger.
"I...did that?" He asked, raising his hand to my neck. I ducked away from his hand.
"Yes you did you fucking asshole. So don't touch me," I said, zipping my jacket back up and hugging my sides to me. This is how much he had broken me. I had to hold my sides together to ensure I didn't fall apart.
"Bella I'm sorry. I was upset and drunk! You know me," he said, furrowing his brows. He wanted me to believe him, but I just couldn't.
"I didn't think you'd hurt me," I told him in a strong voice. He knew he had never done anything like that before. "You scared the living shit out of me and I just agreed to stay with you so you wouldn't break my collarbone. But after your little PDA with Skank Stanley I was pretty sure you could survive without me." His face fell. I hadn't told him that I had seen that much. He had seen me afterwards and caught my eye just before I disappeared into the door. I had seen the groping and the touching. I shuddered.
"How...I mean what'd you see?" He asked, stuffing his fists in his pockets.
"Enough," I replied. "So how was she? Did you fuck her?" I asked, my pissed off gaze raking over Edward as he processed my question. When I had left him outside that night was the last time I had seen him, and I didn't know what he had done the rest of the night. His eyes narrowed at me and he took a step closer, leaning down to me. His eyes were level with mine and he was scaring me again, he had that look in his eyes.
"Stop being a bitch," he said in a harsh tone. I just glared back. "You know you're the only one I've ever fucked. How can you ask me that?" His jaw went back to being clenched when he finished his question.
"It didn't stop you from sticking your tongue down Jess's throat and raking your hand over her chest you asinine prick." I spat my words at him, moving my face closer to his; showing him I wasn't going to lose this argument. He backed away, astounded. "I was there for all of it," I told him. "So no I will not forgive you. I'm done with this Edward. You've made me miserable ever since we started dating. You've lied...you've just up and left, you've punched Mike in the face more times than I can count. And now you've cheated on me. You're the biggest dick I've ever met in my life." I made to walk away but he blocked me. I knew he wouldn't let me go this easily – nothing with him ever was easy.
"Do you still love me?" He asked, stabbing the knife right at my weak spot. Of course I still loved him. I turned and looked up at him, tightening my jaw.
"No," I said, biting on my lip. I wasn't going to cry.
"You're a rotten liar Bella," he said, moving a hand to my hip.
"Yeah well you're an asshole." He softly chuckled.
"Then why do you love me?" He asked, pulling my body tightly to his. I gulped loudly, allowing his intoxicating scent to fill my nostrils and his strong hands to move freely along my hip bone.
"I don't love you," I told him. I contemplated trying to free myself from his grasp, but he wouldn't let me go even if I tried. He laughed a tiny bit and lowered his head to mine. He brushed his lips along my jaw line and his cool breath made my skin tingle. I hadn't been with him in a week. This was torture. He kissed the spot just below my earlobe, making me tremble. He flicked my earlobe with his tongue and nibbled on it, taking it between his teeth. I shivered. He dragged his teeth all down my neck, sending a chill down my spine and heating my insides. My hands that had been hanging limply at my sides were itching to explore his shoulders and hair, like they usually did. His hand that had been cupping my face was roughly pushed away by my idle hand. It had a mind of its own. Edward pulled his face away from me, aggravated that I was apparently not taking to his seduction. It was the opposite though...sadly for me.
I gripped the back of his neck violently, digging my fingernails into his skin. He growled at me and attacked my neck again, pulling my body flush against his. He kissed up to my cheek and kissed all along it, slowly making his way to my mouth. He pulled away first, his enticing green eyes studying my face. He put one of his hands on my ass and pressed my hips firmly against his. I whined.
"I hate you," I said, allowing for him to pick me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my skirt rode up to my hips as he forced my back against the cold brick wall. His hip bone dug into me and it added to my feelings of lust for him. Edward laughed when he heard me say that I hated him.
"If that's how you're saying it than I hate you too," he replied, gently placing his swollen, red lips on my mouth. He kissed me slowly, and deeply. I loved him like this, when we were alone. He was a whole other person when we were around everyone else. My lips parted in time with his and our tongues met in a slow synchronous motion. It was passionate and meaningful, and it made me cry because I hated to love him. I felt tears stinging my face as Edward tilted his head and deepened the kiss. My fingers made their way into his hair and I held his face close to mine. My back pressed hard against the wall but I couldn't find it in me to care. He pushed me against it, pinning me in between him and the wall. My tears were done flowing but my face was still stained with them. Edward pulled away after several minutes and kissed my wet cheeks. He kissed the side of my face and eventually made his way to my exposed throat. He removed a hand from underneath me and unzipped my jacket. He kissed further down my neck, licking along my bruised collarbone. He placed a soft kiss right where it was bruised and he rubbed the back of my head with affection.
"I'm sorry I did that to you," he said from my neck, still placing kisses wherever he could. "It's inexcusable."
"You weren't yourself," I said, delirious from the inebriated feeling he gave me. I knew that he had never hurt me before and that he was drunk when he did it. I knew that he was sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me.
"I was myself," he countered. He made his way back up my neck to my face and lightly pecked at my lips with several small kisses. "I was myself. And I hate me for doing that to you. I should never have done that. I just...couldn't control myself." He rested his forehead against mine and I knew he was sorry. But that didn't mean that he was any different or that he wouldn't do it again. "Can you ever forgive me?" His eyes opened and they were pleading. I rested my head against the wall and his head fell to my chest. He kissed me and licked at my exposed skin. "I can't...live...without, you," he said to me through his kissing. I would have scoffed at him hadn't I been so incoherent. He always said stuff like that to me, and then went and felt up the skank of Forks High.
"Or Jessica Stanley," I blurted. His lips froze in place and he let out a deep sigh.
"I'm sorry about that too. I can't even justify my actions. I don't even like her. She's actually repulsive," he said, kissing my cheek. "I just...I knew in the house you were lying to me Bella. I can tell...you're horrible at it. I could see how much I was hurting you but I couldn't stop. And then when I was leaving I stopped and saw that you went over to Jasper." He sneered Jasper's name. He is such a fucking moron.
"You need fucking help," I said to him, wriggling in his arms. He dropped me and I fell to the ground, my ass hitting the grass. "Gee thanks," I scowled, sitting there unmoving. He stood and said nothing. "You know you sure are one to talk Edward. Getting all pissed because I went over to Jasper and Alice after you left me to go get high." I stood up and put my finger against his chest. "You are the one who cheated on me. I've never, ever done anything wrong in this relationship and you use me and leave me like a dirty shirt. You," I said, poking my finger in between his pecks, "are an asshole. And you have no right getting pissed because I was hanging out with my friends." I dropped my hand to my side and fixed my skirt before I stalked off, taking my bag with me. His ten minutes was up. And nothing was changed. Except now he knew that I still fucking loved him like the idiot I was. I could hear him coming behind me and I sped up, disappearing into the double doors. I quickly made my way down the hall, Edward was definitely behind me. I could see people shooting me nervous glances from their lockers at Edward nearly chasing me down the hall.
I made my way to the cafeteria finally and swung the door open, hoping it would hit Edward in the face. I didn't hear it smash so my wishes were short-lived. I hurriedly walked over to the usual table that we occupied and found Emmett and Rosalie sitting next to each other, going over Rosalie's schedule. Alice and Jasper were each eating their meals in silence, watching Emmett and Rosalie. I took a chair and sat down, turning back around to see Edward just entering the cafeteria. I felt tears stinging my eyes again.
"Coop what's wrong?" Emmett said, his brows furrowing. Like he didn't know.
"Oh, Bella." Rosalie said, patting me on the back. "Don't cry." Her French accent made me smile despite the tears.
"Edward," I said to Emmett. The whole table – with the exception of Rosalie – tensed. I heard a low, barely audible hiss from Jasper.
"Bella will you stop running away from me and just let me speak god dammit?" Edward said as he approached the table. Edward's words weren't harsh, they were...pained. I turned to face him and his expression was almost heartbreaking. Tears streaked my face and he stepped closer to wipe them away. His hand grazed my face and he bent down, his knees touching the floor. He sat in front of me like an obedient dog. He grabbed both my hands in his and began kissing each of my knuckles slowly. My mouth hung open in shock. "Please let me explain," he begged, his soft lips pressing against my hands. I knew everyone behind me was watching us...and probably the rest of the cafeteria for that matter. Every girl at the school wanted Edward – simple as that. They all disgustingly vied for his attention and constantly threw themselves at him. He always brushed them off like they were nothing; until Stanley. It still made my skin fucking crawl. I realized as I sat there with a pleading Edward in front of me that he had been saying something about Jasper before he unceremoniously dropped me to the ground. So I nodded my head, clueless as to what Jasper or Alice had to do with this whole thing.
Everything he had done for me and to me today was shocking. He wiped my face dry of all the tears and affectionately held my face in his hands. His eyes looked full of...love? What the fuck is up with him. He never looked at me like this in public. He was acting very uncharacteristic for the Edward I knew. I inhaled sharply because he was actually being affectionate to me in public. He would usually just hold my hand and threaten any guy that wasn't Emmett or Jasper that came within ten feet of me – especially Mike Newton. But now he was being sweet, like when we were alone. When he was done drying my face he gently laced his fingers with mine and pulled me away from the table. I didn't even glance back at any of my friends who were most likely concerned as hell. Edward towed me along beside him and pulled me into an empty classroom around the corner from the cafeteria.
"Edward...what was all that?" I asked, pointing behind me. It most likely wasn't in the direction of the cafeteria but I didn't give a shit. Then he actually smiled at me. A genuine, heartfelt smile.
"You were upset. And I needed you to hear me explain myself." I waved my hand at him.
"Proceed," I said. He took up a spot on the teacher's desk and gestured for me to sit in front of him. I rested my ass on the edge of a desk and waited for him to begin.
"Okay. It's like I said before Bella. When I was leaving I saw you go over to Jasper...I didn't see Alice." I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to say something when he stopped me. "Please just let me explain. Okay. So I didn't see Alice and I was pissed that after what happened you would go to him. And I was hammered Bella. And I was mad. And I knew you lied upstairs. So I just lost it. I started smoking up and Jessica came outside and asked me if she could join me. And I thought why not? Because you clearly didn't want this anymore and I thought that you were trying to...I don't know, break up with me because you wanted to be with him instead."
He finished his explanation and I was stunned to silence. First of all that had been the most I had ever heard him speak...outside the bedroom of course. And second of all he was so fucking stupid!
"You can say something anytime now Bella," he prompted. He looked almost nervous.
"Look Edward," I began, unhitching myself from the desk's edge. I took a step towards him. "I understand that you feel you have some sort of possession of me and you hate when I even look at Jasper. But he's my friend. Friend." I emphasized this word heavily. "And it's rather unfortunate that you didn't see Alice there as well, but maybe this will help us. And just a little F.Y.I, if you had pulled your head out of your ass long enough to pay attention to someone other than me or yourself you would realize that Jasper is practically in love with Alice."
"What?" He instantly asked in a tone of utter shock. "That's sick. They're practically brother and sister." A shiver ran through him as he contemplated the thoughts of Alice and Jasper together.
"I know. But that's just the way it is. And I don't like Jasper any more than a friend Edward. You need to stop with all of this. You know that I..." I didn't want to tell him I loved him right now. Because with all of this going on we were still in a horribly fucked up place. But hopefully if I gave him my ultimatum now he would be able to choose the right thing and try to work on our relationship.
"You what?" He asked, jumping down off the desk and coming to a halt right in front of me. I looked up to his face and huffed. He would make me say it. What a prick.
"I love you!" I yelled in his face. "Okay, I love you. And you know that. And you still hurt me all the time Edward. Do you even love me back?"
I asked, wishing tears to come. Maybe it would show him how truly fucking upset I was. I felt the sting of the tears a minute later and closed my eyes, allowing for a few drops to fall down my cheeks. He took my cheek in his hand and I whimpered at his touch.
"Bella don't be ridiculous, of course I love you," Edward said to me assuredly. I bit on my lip, trying to figure out how to present him with this tough decision that he had to make. Hopefully it wouldn't be tough for him and he could just decide to work on this and be with me. I decided to just cut to the chase – no beating around the bush with us.
"How much do you love me? Would you do anything for me?" I asked; weary of the bleakness of my question. He cocked an eyebrow at me, taking his hand away from my wet cheek.
"What would anything entail?" He asked me sceptically. I straightened my shoulders and composed myself. Now or never. He wants you or he doesn't.
"Okay. What I told you at the party; about not being able to deal with this...Edward I'm serious. While I do love you, I'm so unhappy. We both know this relationship is beyond fucked up. I mean...the only time you ever let me see the real you is when we're alone."
"Bella that's because I don't like people. You know that, I don't like people getting on the inside." I gave him a hard look; I wanted to do this with no interruptions. "Sorry. Continue."
"I need more Edward. I'm sorry. I might be selfish here but I want more from this relationship, I want more from you. So I've just decided that it will be your choice. You have two options. A: we stop dating and try to be friends, because I can't continue being with you like this. Or B: you promise to change. Because I know that person somewhere inside of you is good. You're good Edward. You just let on that you're not. I know better; you can't fool me. I know you're not that guy at the party or that one that possessively holds my hand on a daily basis. And after what happened at the party it's either a change...or I can't be with you anymore."
A/N: So there's the first chapter. Kind of crazy and random, but I like it. Let me know what you think please!!! And if you have any questions about their relationship feel free to ask. But next chapter will probably be more insightful. And just a heads up...it's all e.p.o.v next chapter : )
And the song quoted at the beginning is a song called Broken by Secondhand Serenade